I Swear this Always Happens

 So I entered a contest and ended up as one of the Honorable Mentions.

There were four overall winners for various categories, and then ten Honorable Mentions. I was pleased — there were a massive number of entries.

However, the very first thing I saw, even before noticing that I had won, was my name mentioned in a comment thread.

Curious, I opened it. And… it was someone complaining that I won my little Honorable Mention spot. Not just me — most of the winners, actually.

Here’s the deal.

The contest was for a body of work that told a story highlighting an emotion. The rules stated that you could not submit just one image; you had to submit a series that created a narrative.

You had two choices:

Option One: Submit your work as a collection. Option Two: Submit your work as a video. Video uploads were limited to 90 seconds.

Those were literally the options provided.

My interpretation was simple: I could create a single video that told one story — a story that fits within 90 seconds. To me, the point was to tell a complete narrative within that timeframe.

So that’s what I did.

What other people understood this to mean was: You could create multiple videos that together told a very long story.

And that’s what they did.

Neither approach was explicitly right or wrong. The rules didn’t forbid either method. No one on the judging panel, and no one monitoring the contest, sent out emails saying, “This isn’t what the rules meant — please change your submission.”

As a result, the people who submitted multiple videos are now complaining that those of us who submitted one video broke the rules because we only submitted one clip.

But the rules never said “not just one clip.” They said “not just one image.” There is a difference.

And while I absolutely understand their frustration — the rules should have been clearer about what was required, what wasn’t, and what might be overkill — it doesn’t change the fact that I didn’t do anything wrong.

I also empathize with the pain of submitting (in some cases) bodies of work with 100+ pieces and feeling like it was overlooked.

However:

My win is legit. My win was earned. My work was good.

I’m not going to say anything in that comment thread. I’m not going to defend my work, because I do not defend or justify what I make. I don’t believe any creator should.

I do, however, want to acknowledge how frustrating it is that a win I should have been thrilled about is now tinged by the fact that I found out about it through someone questioning its validity.

IPSY Ultimate Sneak Peek Three for August 2026

While not disappointing like Sneak Peek Two, the third round of Ultimate reveals was still kind of a dud.

They technically “revealed” only one new item: NARS Afterglow Sensual Shine Lipstick. Everything else was already shown in previous rounds. Were those items now featured? Yes. Was it an actual reveal? Not really.

So let’s talk about the NARS. It’s a good formula. If it ends up in my box, I won’t be upset the way I would be with certain other things. Am I yearning for it? No. And with lip products, there’s always the question of shade roulette. There’s also the repeat factor — IPSY is already forcing one lip product on everyone this month. Why send two?

It’s highly unlikely IPSY will do a fourth reveal round, so this is probably it. Based strictly on what has been shown, here’s my list.

PART ONE: WHAT I KNOW I WILL GET

• MERIT Shade Slick Gelée Tinted Lip Oil

• Makeup By Mario Master Mascara

PART TWO: WHAT I HOPE I GET

• Korres Kyma Eau de Toilette

• Patrick Ta Major Headlines Double‑Take Blush Duo

• Indie Lee Stem Cell Serum

• ILIA Skin Rewind Complexion Stick

• MUTHA Up All Night Eye Cream

• Skin&Co Summer on the Riviera

PART THREE: WHAT I WON’T BE MAD AT RECEIVING BUT HOPE I DON’T

• NARS Afterglow Sensual Shine Lipstick

PART FOUR: WHAT I DO NOT WANT

• SACHAJUAN Hair Repair Treatment

• ILIA The Base Face Milk

• REL BEAUTY The Essentials Brush Set

• AREY Goodnight Grey Serum

CONCLUSION

Given that this will be my last month with IPSY, I’m not unhappy with how Ultimate looks. Am I deeply pleased? No. But I’m not unhappy either. I’m at peace with how our relationship will end.

Spirals

 I've been in a weird creative space lately. 

Sometimes I work on my larger projects. 

Other times, I spiral and just work obsessively on other things for hours at a time.

This is literally what my brain does, of course, especially when there are other stressors.

And let's face it, that is a constant these days.

My surgery is about 4 weeks away.

You know what's odd? I don't remember a lot from my last surgery. 

I remember sitting in the pre-op area with my roommate and then the next thing I remember is waking up in post-op. 

No idea what happened between those times. 

Meanwhile, a contest I entered was supposed to announce winners yesterday and did not. I don't think I won, but I would still like to know. It's frustrating. 

IPSY's third spoiler reveal comes out tomorrow. We shall have thoughts.

Motherline: A History in Reclamation

You learn a lot about yourself when you look at your ancestors. You learn a lot about them as well, but given that you are the result of what they lived through, that their DNA shaped who you are, well, yeah. You learn a lot about you. 

You also learn a lot about what people want you to give up, return to, and lose.

I can trace my motherline back ten generations. This is what we get.

10. She actually married at 23 — unusually late for her time — and to a man three years younger. She had two children. I imagine she had a spark, a bit of spunk, a sense of her own mind.

9.  Married at 16 to a husband eight years older. She had at least thirteen children. Thirteen. A life of constant labor, constant pregnancy, constant survival.

8. Married at 16, husband six years older, at least nine children. Another girl turned mother before she was grown.

7. Married at 20, husband five years older, at least seven children. A life spent raising and burying, loving and losing.

6. Married at 16, husband four years older, at least five children. A childhood traded for domestic duty.

5. Married at 16, husband eight years older, at least three children. He remarried after her, had more children, and died at 42. She died young. Her story feels like a whisper.

4. Married at 16, eight children. Her husband was sixteen years older — and the son of her employer. She was a housemaid. Her life was shaped by power she didn’t have. She had a nervous breakdown when my grandmother was 16. When they put her in the rest home, she was deeply grateful because she no longer had to sweep for herself.

3. Married at 20, two children. A small shift toward choice, toward breathing room. However, I knew this woman. I know for a fact that she never wanted to marry and did not love her husband. She did not want to have children. She just had very little choice given that it was the time period and location of where she was.

2. Married at 19, two children. A generation beginning to loosen the grip of expectation. Mind you, Mom was a very broken person. She married like 5 times to progressively worse men. 

Me. Child-free. Husband free. Free.

Now understand, I am not dismissing these women. I honor these women for their struggles and sacrifices, but dammit! I should not HAVE TO honor them for struggles and sacrifices. Their lives should have been more than struggle and sacrifice. What could they have done? What could they have achieved? What could they have accomplished if left to their own devices? 

And maybe the answer to that is 'not a goddamned thing,' but even that is valid because we do not HAVE TO accomplish anything. That's not the purpose of living.

I will never accept anyone's argument that men shaped society and should be treated somehow better for that. You can't argue that your gender shaped society when the other gender was being offered no to very few actual paths outside of having 13 children. 

You can't oppress people and then brag about what you achieved while you stood on their backs. 

So yeah. 

Two.
Thirteen.
Nine.
Seven.
Five
Three
Eight
Two
Two.
It ends. 

And when I had cancer, they cut out all of my internal reproductive bits, so there is absolutely no way it will ever start again. 

IT. ENDS.

And that is a beautiful thing.

More Thoughts on Creation

 If the world/humans actually do have a creator, I am certainly more convinced than ever that we could not be the only creation. 

I'm not going to make an argument for a creator one way or the other, only to point out that the nature of creativity is very often copious. Most creative minds do not make The Thing. Most creative minds make the many, many things. Most creative minds get an idea that sparks another idea that sparks another idea. 

They add variations and layers and new color palettes and different shading and alter the level of contrast and then jot down a bunch of notes because their minds are working so fast that they can't keep up with it all.

Creatives are usually only limited by their own physical capacity for creation and by resources. One would assume that a divinity would have neither of those limitations. 

Given that? Oh yeah. If we were created, there is not only life on other planets but life in other realities and life in other dimensions and life in ways in which we can't conceptualize at this point. That is the only thing that really makes sense given the way creativity flows. 

Surgery Again

I have to have surgery again.

I did not think I would have to.

I assumed this was over.

It's not. 

I have to go through all the pain and fear and healing again.

I am tired. 

I do not wish to do this/

YET.......here we are.

IPSY JULY 2026: Lazy Face Summer: A Haul Blessed by Fortune and Vitamin C

 Lazy Face Summer: A Haul Blessed by Fortune and Vitamin C

Every once in a while, the universe looks at me, sighs, and says, “Fine. You may have nice things.”

This month’s beauty haul is exactly that — a collection of products that practically beg me to stop fussing, stop layering, stop melting, and embrace the swipe, drip, blend, spritz, done philosophy of summer.

And honestly? I’m delighted.

Let’s walk through the lineup.

Purlisse Beauty Sheer Glow Strawberry Vitamin C Tinted Moisturizer (Fair)

People adore this thing. They speak of it like it’s a tiny miracle in a tube — the kind of product that blends seamlessly even on complicated skin tones. Mine is a whole situation: pale, neutral, and reddish, like a Victorian spinster who occasionally goes outside. Which is....basically what I am.

No one reported burning, stinging, or sudden regret. The biggest complaint was that it keeps going out of stock, which is the beauty world’s version of a standing ovation.

I’m expecting a soft, bright, “I drink water and have hobbies” kind of finish.

bareMinerals Original Mineral Veil® 24HR Natural Matte Setting Spray

This arrives just in time, because my current toner is on its last heroic wheeze.

Let’s be honest: nothing lasts 24 hours. If I get three solid hours in Oklahoma summer, I will consider it a personal victory. It’s matte, which would normally be a concern for me, but I am currently drowning in glow products. A little matte is practically a public service.

This is the seatbelt for the convertible.

Huda Beauty Easy Blur Natural Airbrush Foundation (Milkshake)

I'll pause as we all sing “Milkshake” We good? Okay. Moving right along then.

Ah yes, the commitment product. The one that could either match me perfectly or betray me utterly.

Milkshake sounds right on paper — pale, neutral, not too yellow, not too pink. Reviewers swear the shade matching is excellent, and the before and afters look like someone applied a soft focus filter in real life.

Will it blur me properly?
Will it make me look like a smooth little dumpling?
We shall see.

E.L.F. No Budge Matte Shadow Sticks (Vintage Suede & Cool Beans)

Of course E.L.F. is here. It’s not a haul without at least one E.L.F. item sneaking in like a raccoon at a picnic.

Shadow sticks are the ultimate lazy face tool. Swipe, smudge, done. No palette, no fallout, no thinking. Vintage Suede might barely show up on me, but that’s fine — subtle is perfect for summer. Cool Beans will give me just enough shimmer to look awake without trying.

Honestly though? I'm not mad about this. We all own E.L.F. We shouldn't pretend we don't.

Drunk Elephant O Bloos™ Rosi Drops
Two Drunk Elephant products in one month?
Is this my birthday?
Should I move my birthday to summer permanently?

O Bloos is universally flattering, and the formula is one of those “a few drops does the work of three products” situations. Blush, glow, warmth, dimension — all in one tiny bottle.

My expectations are sky high.
Drunk Elephant usually delivers.

Also: It should be noted that in context of cosmetics the only time when experiencing two drunk elephants in a month WOULD be a good thing.

Elemis Superfood Matcha Eye Dew

I love Elemis. I trust Elemis. I have no idea where this will fit into my routine, but I’m intrigued.

This is supposed to perk up tired eyes — and my eyes get tired. I have a face cream that makes my skin feel awake and alive, and the idea of something doing that specifically for my eyes? That might be exactly what I didn’t know I needed.

This may become a desk side staple.

Conclusion:

This entire haul is a summer blessing.
It’s effortless.
It’s melt resistant.
It’s fast.
It’s practical.
It’s pretty.

This is a lazy face routine in the best possible way — the kind of lineup that lets me look polished without spending more time in front of a mirror than the weather allows. In July, the goal is simple: look good before the heat decides otherwise.

And fortune, for once, seems to be assisting me.