A Week of Frustrations

 This honestly should have been one of the better weeks of my life. It was not. I was discussed by people who do not know me and assumed things that were not true.

Then, in a separate situation, I was lied to and made to look like an idiot.

I am, quite honestly, just ready for this week to be over. 

Outside of just trying to work on stuff, I have no weekend plans. Maybe catch up on a couple of shows. 

There is honestly some stuff I wanted to blog about tonight, but I'm just so soul-weary from the day that I can't.

I Swear this Always Happens

 So I entered a contest and ended up as one of the Honorable Mentions.

There were four overall winners for various categories, and then ten Honorable Mentions. I was pleased — there were a massive number of entries.

However, the very first thing I saw, even before noticing that I had won, was my name mentioned in a comment thread.

Curious, I opened it. And… it was someone complaining that I won my little Honorable Mention spot. Not just me — most of the winners, actually.

Here’s the deal.

The contest was for a body of work that told a story highlighting an emotion. The rules stated that you could not submit just one image; you had to submit a series that created a narrative.

You had two choices:

Option One: Submit your work as a collection. Option Two: Submit your work as a video. Video uploads were limited to 90 seconds.

Those were literally the options provided.

My interpretation was simple: I could create a single video that told one story — a story that fits within 90 seconds. To me, the point was to tell a complete narrative within that timeframe.

So that’s what I did.

What other people understood this to mean was: You could create multiple videos that together told a very long story.

And that’s what they did.

Neither approach was explicitly right or wrong. The rules didn’t forbid either method. No one on the judging panel, and no one monitoring the contest, sent out emails saying, “This isn’t what the rules meant — please change your submission.”

As a result, the people who submitted multiple videos are now complaining that those of us who submitted one video broke the rules because we only submitted one clip.

But the rules never said “not just one clip.” They said “not just one image.” There is a difference.

And while I absolutely understand their frustration — the rules should have been clearer about what was required, what wasn’t, and what might be overkill — it doesn’t change the fact that I didn’t do anything wrong.

I also empathize with the pain of submitting (in some cases) bodies of work with 100+ pieces and feeling like it was overlooked.

However:

My win is legit. My win was earned. My work was good.

I’m not going to say anything in that comment thread. I’m not going to defend my work, because I do not defend or justify what I make. I don’t believe any creator should.

I do, however, want to acknowledge how frustrating it is that a win I should have been thrilled about is now tinged by the fact that I found out about it through someone questioning its validity.

IPSY Ultimate Sneak Peek Three for August 2026

While not disappointing like Sneak Peek Two, the third round of Ultimate reveals was still kind of a dud.

They technically “revealed” only one new item: NARS Afterglow Sensual Shine Lipstick. Everything else was already shown in previous rounds. Were those items now featured? Yes. Was it an actual reveal? Not really.

So let’s talk about the NARS. It’s a good formula. If it ends up in my box, I won’t be upset the way I would be with certain other things. Am I yearning for it? No. And with lip products, there’s always the question of shade roulette. There’s also the repeat factor — IPSY is already forcing one lip product on everyone this month. Why send two?

It’s highly unlikely IPSY will do a fourth reveal round, so this is probably it. Based strictly on what has been shown, here’s my list.

PART ONE: WHAT I KNOW I WILL GET

• MERIT Shade Slick Gelée Tinted Lip Oil

• Makeup By Mario Master Mascara

PART TWO: WHAT I HOPE I GET

• Korres Kyma Eau de Toilette

• Patrick Ta Major Headlines Double‑Take Blush Duo

• Indie Lee Stem Cell Serum

• ILIA Skin Rewind Complexion Stick

• MUTHA Up All Night Eye Cream

• Skin&Co Summer on the Riviera

PART THREE: WHAT I WON’T BE MAD AT RECEIVING BUT HOPE I DON’T

• NARS Afterglow Sensual Shine Lipstick

PART FOUR: WHAT I DO NOT WANT

• SACHAJUAN Hair Repair Treatment

• ILIA The Base Face Milk

• REL BEAUTY The Essentials Brush Set

• AREY Goodnight Grey Serum

CONCLUSION

Given that this will be my last month with IPSY, I’m not unhappy with how Ultimate looks. Am I deeply pleased? No. But I’m not unhappy either. I’m at peace with how our relationship will end.

Spirals

 I've been in a weird creative space lately. 

Sometimes I work on my larger projects. 

Other times, I spiral and just work obsessively on other things for hours at a time.

This is literally what my brain does, of course, especially when there are other stressors.

And let's face it, that is a constant these days.

My surgery is about 4 weeks away.

You know what's odd? I don't remember a lot from my last surgery. 

I remember sitting in the pre-op area with my roommate and then the next thing I remember is waking up in post-op. 

No idea what happened between those times. 

Meanwhile, a contest I entered was supposed to announce winners yesterday and did not. I don't think I won, but I would still like to know. It's frustrating. 

IPSY's third spoiler reveal comes out tomorrow. We shall have thoughts.

Motherline: A History in Reclamation

You learn a lot about yourself when you look at your ancestors. You learn a lot about them as well, but given that you are the result of what they lived through, that their DNA shaped who you are, well, yeah. You learn a lot about you. 

You also learn a lot about what people want you to give up, return to, and lose.

I can trace my motherline back ten generations. This is what we get.

10. She actually married at 23 — unusually late for her time — and to a man three years younger. She had two children. I imagine she had a spark, a bit of spunk, a sense of her own mind.

9.  Married at 16 to a husband eight years older. She had at least thirteen children. Thirteen. A life of constant labor, constant pregnancy, constant survival.

8. Married at 16, husband six years older, at least nine children. Another girl turned mother before she was grown.

7. Married at 20, husband five years older, at least seven children. A life spent raising and burying, loving and losing.

6. Married at 16, husband four years older, at least five children. A childhood traded for domestic duty.

5. Married at 16, husband eight years older, at least three children. He remarried after her, had more children, and died at 42. She died young. Her story feels like a whisper.

4. Married at 16, eight children. Her husband was sixteen years older — and the son of her employer. She was a housemaid. Her life was shaped by power she didn’t have. She had a nervous breakdown when my grandmother was 16. When they put her in the rest home, she was deeply grateful because she no longer had to sweep for herself.

3. Married at 20, two children. A small shift toward choice, toward breathing room. However, I knew this woman. I know for a fact that she never wanted to marry and did not love her husband. She did not want to have children. She just had very little choice given that it was the time period and location of where she was.

2. Married at 19, two children. A generation beginning to loosen the grip of expectation. Mind you, Mom was a very broken person. She married like 5 times to progressively worse men. 

Me. Child-free. Husband free. Free.

Now understand, I am not dismissing these women. I honor these women for their struggles and sacrifices, but dammit! I should not HAVE TO honor them for struggles and sacrifices. Their lives should have been more than struggle and sacrifice. What could they have done? What could they have achieved? What could they have accomplished if left to their own devices? 

And maybe the answer to that is 'not a goddamned thing,' but even that is valid because we do not HAVE TO accomplish anything. That's not the purpose of living.

I will never accept anyone's argument that men shaped society and should be treated somehow better for that. You can't argue that your gender shaped society when the other gender was being offered no to very few actual paths outside of having 13 children. 

You can't oppress people and then brag about what you achieved while you stood on their backs. 

So yeah. 

Two.
Thirteen.
Nine.
Seven.
Five
Three
Eight
Two
Two.
It ends. 

And when I had cancer, they cut out all of my internal reproductive bits, so there is absolutely no way it will ever start again. 

IT. ENDS.

And that is a beautiful thing.

More Thoughts on Creation

 If the world/humans actually do have a creator, I am certainly more convinced than ever that we could not be the only creation. 

I'm not going to make an argument for a creator one way or the other, only to point out that the nature of creativity is very often copious. Most creative minds do not make The Thing. Most creative minds make the many, many things. Most creative minds get an idea that sparks another idea that sparks another idea. 

They add variations and layers and new color palettes and different shading and alter the level of contrast and then jot down a bunch of notes because their minds are working so fast that they can't keep up with it all.

Creatives are usually only limited by their own physical capacity for creation and by resources. One would assume that a divinity would have neither of those limitations. 

Given that? Oh yeah. If we were created, there is not only life on other planets but life in other realities and life in other dimensions and life in ways in which we can't conceptualize at this point. That is the only thing that really makes sense given the way creativity flows. 

Surgery Again

I have to have surgery again.

I did not think I would have to.

I assumed this was over.

It's not. 

I have to go through all the pain and fear and healing again.

I am tired. 

I do not wish to do this/

YET.......here we are.