The Self in Parts

 When people talk about dissociation, we often assume they just mean a separation between mind and body. I think for a lot of people, it's deeper than that. It certainly is for me.

I tend to view myself in four parts.

1. There is ME. The mind, the humor, the creativity. The weird stories, the love for my friends and obsessions. The favorites and the opinions and the theories. That's who I really am.

2. There is The Factory-Damaged Interactive Interfacing Unit.....my body. The thing I use to interface with the world that doesn't function the way it should. It often hurts. It grows weird stuff. It gets sick and snotty and it needs so much maintaining. It constantly makes demands for sleep or food or relief of some kind, and it annoys me because it keeps me from doing the stuff I actually want to do.

Now, understand, in my mind, these two aspects do not really connect. They're not the same thing. They're just unfortunately tied together.

3. There is Non-consensual Issued Labeling of The Factory-Damaged Interactive Interfacing Unit.....all the crap I have to deal with that I never asked for that is associated with bodies. Perceived gender, race, ethnic group, culture, where we're born, who we're born to, how much money we're born with, etc.

If I had my way, we could opt out of all of this because no one asked for any of it. It's all just dice rolls, and whatever you get, you suddenly have to deal with through no fault of your own. It's stupid.

It's also frustrating and rather exhausting that I have been harmed by others and almost killed by my body due to these arbitrary factors rather than anything I actually did.

4. Finally, there is the microbiome.....who can be difficult, but I like those guys. As much as my body annoys me in general, I do adore the other creatures that inhabit it. I do not see them as part of me either, but more like billions of neighbors.

IPSY Ultimate August 2026

 Weirdly, my package showed up on Sunday. That's kind of unusual, but here we are. This is my very last IPSY Ultimate until I run out of products.....and that's going to be a while.

Let's get into the haul.

MERIT

Shade Slick Gelée Tinted Lip Oil in Jeté (sheer natural)

Currently, this is sitting comfortably and smugly on my lips. It has a nice warm, soothing feel to it. It does everything a good lip oil should do....which is mostly just make your lips feel really decent. It's doing its job. It's sheer. I am content.

MAKEUP BY MARIO

Master Mascara® in Super Black

Currently unopened and will remain unopened and will be someone's gift more than likely because I just can't with another mascara. Even a good one. No offense to you, Mario, but I just can't do it. You will find a home. It will not be mine.

BEAUTY BIO

Swipe & Glow Peel Pads

After I tried on my actual makeup products, I took everything off and used these. They're pretty great. I'm currently in a situation where I'm at the dregs of a bottle of toner, so using these once a day (recommended not to use them more than that) should help the toner to last longer.

Be careful when you pull them out. I pulled out two by mistake. They're really thin.

ILIA BEAUTY

Skin Rewind Complexion Stick in Aspen 6N

The color works really well. I think it will layer nicely with whatever else I happened to have going on as far as complexion is concerned. It's probably too hot to try and use this right now, but it could be really great this fall.

MUTHA

Up All Night Eye Cream

It looks good, and it does what it's supposed to do. Having said that, be very careful when you pump some out. A very, very tiny amount goes a long way. I had this stupid line of it that I was having to try and use.

NARS COSMETICS

Afterglow Sensual Shine Lipstick in High Gear (Burnished Coral)

Basically? It's your lips but slightly brighter. That's never a bad thing. I'm always very happy with NARS packaging too because it feels very luxe and looks very luxe. Does that matter in the end? You know, usually I say no, but recently I've decided that we all need more beauty in our lives, so, yeah, yeah it matters.

KORRES

Kyma Eau de Toilette

Yeah okay. WOW. It's even better than I expected. It's heavenly really. I knew I was going to like this for the top notes of citrus, especially the lime. What I didn't expect was this stunning back kick of what almost feels like melon. Heart notes on this include marine and watery notes so my guess is that is where the melon suggestion is coming from. I have no idea. I just know I really love this.

INDIE LEE

Stem Cell Serum

This is one of those, well, we'll have to wait and see kind of products, so I'll just give you what first impressions I have. It is...surprisingly snot-like, which is rather unpleasant to rub onto the skin. It's also very difficult to get it into the pipette. You really have to work to make that happen. I'm not fond of this. However, if this does as it claims it does, I may change my mind and consider the process worth it.

So yeah, overall, this isn't a bad month to end on. I only refused one product, and everything else is very good. My favorite is the Kyma. I knew it would be, but I did not realize how MUCH it would be. It's stunning, though. I am a very happy person at the moment.

Lighting my Blunt off the Flames They Use To Burn My Witchy-Self

[Probably Spoilers in this. So yeah, avoid if you don't like them.]

As far back as I can remember, when it comes to femme characters, I always enjoyed the villains more. They had style and flair and a joie de vivre most often absent from other characters. If said production involved singing, they often had the funnest song. They usually had the most iconic costume. Were their motivations stupid? Often. But that was beside the point. Did they get punished? Oh. Almost always, but as Kiki Rockwell said in “Same Old Energy,” 'No matter what the good you did, you'll wind up at the stake.'

As I got older, this enjoyment expanded. Phyllis Dietrichson. Norma Desmond. Martha from “Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” pausing mid-stagger to announce herself a goddess. Amy Dunne.Villanelle. All those soap opera antagonists who married like 15 times. Maeve singing “20 Men from Dublin Town” as they lead her away in handcuffs. Cersei Lannister avenging herself on an entire religion by blowing up their holy temple.

As far as I am concerned, the rest of GoT doesn't exist. The show ended right then. Done. Won.

What the characters I love have in common, more than anything else, is audacity. They have the damned nerve to dress how they want, say what they want, do what they want, love (or not) who they want, do the damage they wish to do, and live as they wish . . . or fight as hard as they can to make that happen. Do they get punished for this? OH. Almost always. But for a while there, it was fun as hell.

Why is this the case for me? I mean, I'm Gen X. These are closer to the perspectives of the women I grew up around. This is Joan Jett singing “Bad Reputation,” Romeo Void singing “Never Say Never,” and the women who would smirk as they tilted their left legs just a little bit more to the left as the street preacher leaned on the fence and yelled at them for sunbathing in their own backyards.

Which is to say, I am so frustrated with the writing of House of the Dragon, specifically with the writing of Rhaenyra Targaryen. Not with the actor who plays the character, but with the writing.

Rhaenyra Targaryen is the only child of the king. That alone should have fused with her spine in such a way that anything she did, she did with confidence and zero apologies. She is also Blood of the Dragon, in a very real way, as she has a connection to a literal massive killy fire creature that can do massive damage. Her family keeps to their old traditions, clearly, meaning she should not be all that affected by the social-shame-conformity cycles that are inflicted on the general population. I mean, even with the characters who did grow up in that, we're seeing more audacity from some of them than we are from her.

Beyond that, this is not a child. This is a woman in her 30s. There is no reason for her to be this unsure about things, this incapable. In this time, as she knew she would have to fight to become queen, she would have established her own spy network, recruited her own propaganda expert, gotten three or four GOOD assassins who knew how to make things happen in such a way that no one even knew it as an assassination, had either alliances and/or blackmail on every lord in the realm, had someone train her to fight, educated herself about how to rule, and lived her life in such a way that showed she was above being questioned.

As for those questions.

Random lord: Who fathered that kid?

Rhaenyra Targaryen: Doesn't matter.

Random lord: Fathers--

Rhaenyra Targaryen: Yeah, okay, Lord Rando, you point out the family that has more status than mine.

Random lord: Uhhh.

Rhaenyra Targaryen: Exactly. My status. My last name. My bloodline. The baby came from my body. Legitimacy comes through me. Now shut up.

Other lord: Who is that man over there?

Rhaenyra Targaryen: My husband.

Other lord: No, that man there is your husband.

Rhaenyra Targaryen: I'm a Targaryen. If I want more than one husband, I have more than one husband. Now shut up, or I'll take your daddy as my third husband. Then I'll be your nightmare stepmama. And from my experience, that means I plot against you and have children to try and take your inheritance.

Eventually, they would have shut up. People can't use something against you if you own it.

Sigh.

Instead, we get an indecisive, whinging, more or less frozen, cringing, shamed, and more or less useless version of her. It's unworthy of the character. It's unworthy of the actor who plays her. And it's very annoying for the audience.

Okay, look, I'm going to talk about her death now, but if you watched GoT, you already heard how she dies, so this is not a spoiler.

My guess is that when they execute Rheanyra, she will be simpering and blubbering and broken. She may beg. She may try to make peace. Or, you know, maybe she will be defeated and just, as usual, do nothing. It will feel hollow and meaningless.

And that sucks.

Because Rhaenyra Targaryen's death should be epic, she should march to the dragon with an arm full of minitarts, popping them in her mouth as quickly as she can. As she eats, she should be singing a song in High Valyrian and dancing. Her hair should be down. She should wear her most iconic outfit. As Aegon makes whatever speech we know he's gonna make, she should just stare him down and continue to pop sweets into her mouth, then give him whatever gesture passes for flipping someone off in Valyrian, give last-minute instructions to her son, and start singing again.

This isn't just satisfying for the character, it's also satisfying for the audience. It isn't rocks falling on your head when you could have moved a foot to the left and not been hit by rocks..........wait, that didn't happen. That season of GoT doesn't exist to me.

Lately there seems to be this tendency to make characters relatable and more like real people. But what are we saying is relatable here? Crying? Disorganization? Failure to plan? Insecurity?

I mean, okay, probably sure that's most people, but is that entertaining?

Characters should be entertaining, distracting, and iconic. I want people who know the rules enough to break the rules. I want people who dig their fingers as deeply into whatever advantages they have and use them as much as they possibly can. I want characters who refuse to be shamed, who create spectacle, who dance as they set the world on fire because they know it's only going to burn them.

I don't know. Maybe the showrunners felt that if they made Rhaenyra Targaryen like this, she'd be less hated by the audience. They should have realized that any femme character is always going to have a level of haters. That's the nature of it. There is, however, a deep and profound freedom in that. When you walk in with disapproval, you're not having to maintain anything. People will change their minds when they see your qualities... or they never would have accepted you in the first place. With the first group, it's a matter of their own personal growth. With the second group? They honestly don't matter. You might as well just find their pearl-clutching amusing as you tilt your left leg farther to the left.

Ideals and Reveals

 Every so often, a piece of internet images reveals more about its creator than its subject. The conservative “Ideal Woman” meme — the one that lists traits like “Only has female friends” “Has No Social Media” and “Hates Communists” — is one of those artifacts. It presents itself as a declaration of values, a bold statement of what a “real man” supposedly wants. But beneath the surface, the meme isn’t a manifesto. It’s a confession.

What struck me when I first saw it wasn’t the usual reaction these prescriptive gender memes provoke...or, you know, try to provoke. I didn’t feel annoyance or 'owned' (typed with an eyeroll), or shame...which I assume is the reaction they wanted, or the reflexive “wow, please announce yourself so I can avoid you.” I certainly didn’t feel the faint sting of comparison — that little internal audit of “am I like this?” or “should I be like this?” Instead, I felt something quieter and more revealing.

I felt the fragility.

Because the meme isn’t about women at all. It’s about fear.

The list reads like a set of constraints rather than qualities. “Only has female friends” isn’t a value; it’s a boundary. “Hates Communists” isn’t a personality trait; it’s ideological insulation. “Modest,” “traditional,” “avoids nightlife,” “loyal,” “predictable” — these aren’t descriptors of a partner. They’re descriptors of a world where the meme maker never has to feel insecure.

The “ideal woman” in this meme is less a person and more a controlled environment. She has no mixed gender friendships, no independent social networks, no exposure to ideas he finds threatening. She is a closed system. A terrarium.

This isn’t strength. It’s hypervigilance.

The meme frames its demands as moral clarity, but psychologically they’re avoidance strategies. A partner with her own life, her own friends, her own political opinions, her own unpredictable human complexity — that’s terrifying to someone who feels fundamentally unsafe in relationships.

So the meme-maker imagines a woman who cannot contradict him, outgrow him, outshine him, or leave him. A woman whose world is small enough that he never has to confront his own inadequacy.

This shows absolutely nothing outside of self-doubt.

The meme is saying: “I need a partner who cannot threaten me.”

That’s not an ideal. That’s a fear response.

What makes the meme fascinating is how confidently it presents itself. The tone is assertive, almost triumphant — as if listing these constraints is an act of masculine authority. But the bravado is paper-thin. Every line reveals a vulnerability the creator is trying desperately to hide.

He believes he’s signaling strength. He’s actually signaling fragility.

He believes he’s describing a woman. He’s actually describing his fears.

He believes he’s setting standards. He’s actually setting limits on what he can emotionally tolerate.

The meme is a fortress built by someone who cannot bear the weather.

If you zoom out, the meme fits into a much older archetype: the Sanctified Woman, the woman who exists not as a person but as a symbol of order. She is pure, loyal, unchanging, untouched by the world. She is a vessel for male anxieties about chaos, change, and vulnerability.

But mythic women like this are always made of glass. They shatter the moment they encounter reality.

Real women — real people — have complexity, contradiction, growth, autonomy, and unpredictability. They have opinions that don’t align perfectly with yours. They have friendships you don’t control. They have histories you didn’t author. They have futures you don’t get to script.

The meme-maker isn’t ready for that. So he imagines a woman who never forces him to grow.

The “Ideal Woman” meme isn’t a portrait of desire. It’s a portrait of fear.

It’s the emotional blueprint of someone who feels endangered by normal human behavior — someone who cannot tolerate disagreement, independence, or unpredictability. Someone who mistakes control for safety and rigidity for strength.

And once you see that, the meme stops being prescriptive or offensive or even annoying. It becomes transparent. You’re not looking at an ideal. You’re looking at a coping mechanism.

The meme-maker thinks he’s announcing what he wants. He’s actually announcing what he fears.

And that’s the most remarkable part of all.

Mind you, anyone who sets down a list of their ideals is revealing a great deal about themselves. It’s unavoidable. Ideals are autobiographical. They tell us what a person fears, what they crave, what they believe they lack, and what they think will finally make them feel safe.

Most people who genuinely desire relationships want things that are beautifully ordinary: stability, safety, harmony, comfort. There is nothing wrong with any of that. These are human desires, not political ones.

But harmony isn’t a constant. Stability isn’t a guarantee. Comfort isn’t a personality trait. These things are moments — goals to be worked toward, appreciated when they appear, and valued precisely because they are not permanent. They are weather patterns, not laws of nature.

And when we speak of ideals, we’re always speaking of something fundamentally unreal. Ideals are smooth. Humans are not. We are flawed, complicated creatures who get sick, get tired, get scared, get hurt, sneeze too loudly, breathe weirdly at night, and fail in ways both small and spectacular. We are not ideals. We are organisms.

The deepest, most meaningful relationships I’ve ever seen — the ones that actually endure — are built on a foundation of choosing someone after you’ve seen their flaws. Not in spite of them, not pretending they aren’t there, but with full awareness of the messy, human reality of who they are.

It’s looking at the person next to you, seeing the cracks, the contradictions, the vulnerabilities, the habits that drive you up the wall, the fears they don’t admit, the ways they fall short — and in that moment, choosing them anyway.

That’s strength. That’s intimacy. That’s adulthood.

And it’s the exact opposite of what the “Ideal Woman” meme is trying to do.

The meme-maker wants a partner who never forces him to confront the unpredictable, uncomfortable, deeply human truth of real relationships. He wants an ideal because he is afraid of a person. He wants purity because he is afraid of complexity. He wants control because he is afraid of choice.

But relationships aren’t built on control. They’re built on choosing someone who is real.

And real people are never ideal. They’re better.

So Rough

July is ending in a very rough way. 

It's really hot and very humid and I'm in a bad place. I went to bed early last night, but it didn't matter. I kept waking up sweaty, usually every two hours. I would give anything if we had an HVAC. Being able to sleep cool during the night would make such a difference.

I'd honestly just be happy with an AC that was programmable.  That would help more than what we have going on right now.

The next few weeks are going to be very intense. Labs and appointments and surgery and then more appointments. I'm not looking forward to it, but here we are.

I need to work on stuff. I don't feel like it. My horrible headache is back, and I'm nauseous. I suspect that an actual night's sleep would help me a lot, but that's kind of impossible right now. In the meantime, I endure.

Let's Talk about the Population

 Let's talk about a decreasing population, shall we?

Currently, we have like 8.3 billion people on the planet.

Honestly, how many more people do you want here? That's an insane amount of people. 

If all these people were having a decent, lovely, self-fulfilling life, that would be one thing. But that isn't the case. Most people's lives are scary and miserable. The rich and powerful are trying even harder to make everyone's life more scary and more miserable. 

Beyond that, most people who whine about people not having enough babies never seem to look at the benefits of what a smaller population can do for you.

Environmental Relief

Lower emissions. Fewer people mean reduced greenhouse‑gas production and a smaller overall carbon footprint. We even saw a version of this during COVID lockdowns, when reduced activity led to measurable drops in emissions.

Resource recovery. Pressure eases on vital resources like fresh water, arable land, and forests. Given how strained these are in many regions, this relief is significant.

Biodiversity growth. Reduced urban sprawl allows natural habitats to expand and wildlife populations to recover. This is not a small benefit — it’s foundational to ecological stability.

Less pollution. Waste generation, plastic use, and chemical runoff all decrease when fewer people are consuming and discarding materials.

As far as the planet itself goes, a lower human population has no environmental downside.

Economic and Workplace Gains

Higher wages. Labor shortages historically increase worker leverage, pushing employers to raise compensation. Whether today’s wealthy class would respond the same way is debatable, but in theory — and historically — this pattern holds.

Automation acceleration. Companies invest more in technology and innovation to compensate for labor gaps. This can counteract some wage gains, but it also drives efficiency and new industries.

Affordable housing. Lower demand reduces real‑estate prices and overall living costs. Again, historically, this is what we’ve seen.

Wealth inheritance. With fewer heirs, generational wealth becomes more concentrated. It’s basic math: my sibling and I split an inheritance 50/50; add more siblings and each person receives less.

Infrastructure and Quality of Life

Reduced congestion. Less traffic means shorter commute times and fewer daily bottlenecks.

Public service relief. Lower population density reduces crowding in public transit, parks, and recreational spaces. It also shortens hospital wait times and improves emergency response speed.

Smaller class sizes. Schools can offer more individualized attention. This is crucial — and it also means fewer students competing for placement in strong programs and for scholarships.

Lower crime potential. Statistically, a smaller youth demographic correlates with lower overall crime rates. And now let me ask you? What are the benefits to higher populations? .............I'll wait.

Finally Happening

 The heat is finally really getting to me. I had a really bad night last night, waking up soaked in sweat and not really able to find much relief from my fans. 

I'm not happy about this. 

I'm also nervous about it because I am having surgery in a few weeks and you're supposed to be very clean before surgery. I can't help the level of sweat I'm going to have going on.  

Overall, it's just exhausting. I'm at that point where the heat is making it difficult to focus on anything. 

Aloneness

 The discussion of the 'unmarried women will end up alone' threat has been going on again.

Ughh. This is so old. 

Anyway, let's get into it.

1. Women tend to outlive men. So it's quite possible that even if you get married, you would not end your life with that person.
2. Roommates exist. Friends exist. Extended family exists.
3. Being alone is actually very peaceful. 


Actually, I think that last one is the one that most people just really do not process. Being alone is peaceful. Your house isn't silent. Your house is full of your thoughts. Your house is full of your wishes. Your house is full of your projects, accomplishments, and favorite things. 

Does this mean you're going to have to figure out who takes you to the doctor? Yes. It does.

But let me ask you to consider this. How many people who have families still end up having to figure out who will take them to the doctor because everyone is busy or not around or is so used to that person being the one who provides that they never consider what it is that person may need?

And then, let me ask you to consider this. What exactly are you asking people to give up in order to live a life to where they might not end up alone? Is that cost really worth it?

A Week of Frustrations

 This honestly should have been one of the better weeks of my life. It was not. I was discussed by people who do not know me and assumed things that were not true.

Then, in a separate situation, I was lied to and made to look like an idiot.

I am, quite honestly, just ready for this week to be over. 

Outside of just trying to work on stuff, I have no weekend plans. Maybe catch up on a couple of shows. 

There is honestly some stuff I wanted to blog about tonight, but I'm just so soul-weary from the day that I can't.

I Swear this Always Happens

 So I entered a contest and ended up as one of the Honorable Mentions.

There were four overall winners for various categories, and then ten Honorable Mentions. I was pleased — there were a massive number of entries.

However, the very first thing I saw, even before noticing that I had won, was my name mentioned in a comment thread.

Curious, I opened it. And… it was someone complaining that I won my little Honorable Mention spot. Not just me — most of the winners, actually.

Here’s the deal.

The contest was for a body of work that told a story highlighting an emotion. The rules stated that you could not submit just one image; you had to submit a series that created a narrative.

You had two choices:

Option One: Submit your work as a collection. Option Two: Submit your work as a video. Video uploads were limited to 90 seconds.

Those were literally the options provided.

My interpretation was simple: I could create a single video that told one story — a story that fits within 90 seconds. To me, the point was to tell a complete narrative within that timeframe.

So that’s what I did.

What other people understood this to mean was: You could create multiple videos that together told a very long story.

And that’s what they did.

Neither approach was explicitly right or wrong. The rules didn’t forbid either method. No one on the judging panel, and no one monitoring the contest, sent out emails saying, “This isn’t what the rules meant — please change your submission.”

As a result, the people who submitted multiple videos are now complaining that those of us who submitted one video broke the rules because we only submitted one clip.

But the rules never said “not just one clip.” They said “not just one image.” There is a difference.

And while I absolutely understand their frustration — the rules should have been clearer about what was required, what wasn’t, and what might be overkill — it doesn’t change the fact that I didn’t do anything wrong.

I also empathize with the pain of submitting (in some cases) bodies of work with 100+ pieces and feeling like it was overlooked.

However:

My win is legit. My win was earned. My work was good.

I’m not going to say anything in that comment thread. I’m not going to defend my work, because I do not defend or justify what I make. I don’t believe any creator should.

I do, however, want to acknowledge how frustrating it is that a win I should have been thrilled about is now tinged by the fact that I found out about it through someone questioning its validity.

IPSY Ultimate Sneak Peek Three for August 2026

While not disappointing like Sneak Peek Two, the third round of Ultimate reveals was still kind of a dud.

They technically “revealed” only one new item: NARS Afterglow Sensual Shine Lipstick. Everything else was already shown in previous rounds. Were those items now featured? Yes. Was it an actual reveal? Not really.

So let’s talk about the NARS. It’s a good formula. If it ends up in my box, I won’t be upset the way I would be with certain other things. Am I yearning for it? No. And with lip products, there’s always the question of shade roulette. There’s also the repeat factor — IPSY is already forcing one lip product on everyone this month. Why send two?

It’s highly unlikely IPSY will do a fourth reveal round, so this is probably it. Based strictly on what has been shown, here’s my list.

PART ONE: WHAT I KNOW I WILL GET

• MERIT Shade Slick Gelée Tinted Lip Oil

• Makeup By Mario Master Mascara

PART TWO: WHAT I HOPE I GET

• Korres Kyma Eau de Toilette

• Patrick Ta Major Headlines Double‑Take Blush Duo

• Indie Lee Stem Cell Serum

• ILIA Skin Rewind Complexion Stick

• MUTHA Up All Night Eye Cream

• Skin&Co Summer on the Riviera

PART THREE: WHAT I WON’T BE MAD AT RECEIVING BUT HOPE I DON’T

• NARS Afterglow Sensual Shine Lipstick

PART FOUR: WHAT I DO NOT WANT

• SACHAJUAN Hair Repair Treatment

• ILIA The Base Face Milk

• REL BEAUTY The Essentials Brush Set

• AREY Goodnight Grey Serum

CONCLUSION

Given that this will be my last month with IPSY, I’m not unhappy with how Ultimate looks. Am I deeply pleased? No. But I’m not unhappy either. I’m at peace with how our relationship will end.

Spirals

 I've been in a weird creative space lately. 

Sometimes I work on my larger projects. 

Other times, I spiral and just work obsessively on other things for hours at a time.

This is literally what my brain does, of course, especially when there are other stressors.

And let's face it, that is a constant these days.

My surgery is about 4 weeks away.

You know what's odd? I don't remember a lot from my last surgery. 

I remember sitting in the pre-op area with my roommate and then the next thing I remember is waking up in post-op. 

No idea what happened between those times. 

Meanwhile, a contest I entered was supposed to announce winners yesterday and did not. I don't think I won, but I would still like to know. It's frustrating. 

IPSY's third spoiler reveal comes out tomorrow. We shall have thoughts.

Motherline: A History in Reclamation

You learn a lot about yourself when you look at your ancestors. You learn a lot about them as well, but given that you are the result of what they lived through, that their DNA shaped who you are, well, yeah. You learn a lot about you. 

You also learn a lot about what people want you to give up, return to, and lose.

I can trace my motherline back ten generations. This is what we get.

10. She actually married at 23 — unusually late for her time — and to a man three years younger. She had two children. I imagine she had a spark, a bit of spunk, a sense of her own mind.

9.  Married at 16 to a husband eight years older. She had at least thirteen children. Thirteen. A life of constant labor, constant pregnancy, constant survival.

8. Married at 16, husband six years older, at least nine children. Another girl turned mother before she was grown.

7. Married at 20, husband five years older, at least seven children. A life spent raising and burying, loving and losing.

6. Married at 16, husband four years older, at least five children. A childhood traded for domestic duty.

5. Married at 16, husband eight years older, at least three children. He remarried after her, had more children, and died at 42. She died young. Her story feels like a whisper.

4. Married at 16, eight children. Her husband was sixteen years older — and the son of her employer. She was a housemaid. Her life was shaped by power she didn’t have. She had a nervous breakdown when my grandmother was 16. When they put her in the rest home, she was deeply grateful because she no longer had to sweep for herself.

3. Married at 20, two children. A small shift toward choice, toward breathing room. However, I knew this woman. I know for a fact that she never wanted to marry and did not love her husband. She did not want to have children. She just had very little choice given that it was the time period and location of where she was.

2. Married at 19, two children. A generation beginning to loosen the grip of expectation. Mind you, Mom was a very broken person. She married like 5 times to progressively worse men. 

Me. Child-free. Husband free. Free.

Now understand, I am not dismissing these women. I honor these women for their struggles and sacrifices, but dammit! I should not HAVE TO honor them for struggles and sacrifices. Their lives should have been more than struggle and sacrifice. What could they have done? What could they have achieved? What could they have accomplished if left to their own devices? 

And maybe the answer to that is 'not a goddamned thing,' but even that is valid because we do not HAVE TO accomplish anything. That's not the purpose of living.

I will never accept anyone's argument that men shaped society and should be treated somehow better for that. You can't argue that your gender shaped society when the other gender was being offered no to very few actual paths outside of having 13 children. 

You can't oppress people and then brag about what you achieved while you stood on their backs. 

So yeah. 

Two.
Thirteen.
Nine.
Seven.
Five
Three
Eight
Two
Two.
It ends. 

And when I had cancer, they cut out all of my internal reproductive bits, so there is absolutely no way it will ever start again. 

IT. ENDS.

And that is a beautiful thing.

More Thoughts on Creation

 If the world/humans actually do have a creator, I am certainly more convinced than ever that we could not be the only creation. 

I'm not going to make an argument for a creator one way or the other, only to point out that the nature of creativity is very often copious. Most creative minds do not make The Thing. Most creative minds make the many, many things. Most creative minds get an idea that sparks another idea that sparks another idea. 

They add variations and layers and new color palettes and different shading and alter the level of contrast and then jot down a bunch of notes because their minds are working so fast that they can't keep up with it all.

Creatives are usually only limited by their own physical capacity for creation and by resources. One would assume that a divinity would have neither of those limitations. 

Given that? Oh yeah. If we were created, there is not only life on other planets but life in other realities and life in other dimensions and life in ways in which we can't conceptualize at this point. That is the only thing that really makes sense given the way creativity flows. 

Surgery Again

I have to have surgery again.

I did not think I would have to.

I assumed this was over.

It's not. 

I have to go through all the pain and fear and healing again.

I am tired. 

I do not wish to do this/

YET.......here we are.

IPSY JULY 2026: Lazy Face Summer: A Haul Blessed by Fortune and Vitamin C

 Lazy Face Summer: A Haul Blessed by Fortune and Vitamin C

Every once in a while, the universe looks at me, sighs, and says, “Fine. You may have nice things.”

This month’s beauty haul is exactly that — a collection of products that practically beg me to stop fussing, stop layering, stop melting, and embrace the swipe, drip, blend, spritz, done philosophy of summer.

And honestly? I’m delighted.

Let’s walk through the lineup.

Purlisse Beauty Sheer Glow Strawberry Vitamin C Tinted Moisturizer (Fair)

People adore this thing. They speak of it like it’s a tiny miracle in a tube — the kind of product that blends seamlessly even on complicated skin tones. Mine is a whole situation: pale, neutral, and reddish, like a Victorian spinster who occasionally goes outside. Which is....basically what I am.

No one reported burning, stinging, or sudden regret. The biggest complaint was that it keeps going out of stock, which is the beauty world’s version of a standing ovation.

I’m expecting a soft, bright, “I drink water and have hobbies” kind of finish.

bareMinerals Original Mineral Veil® 24HR Natural Matte Setting Spray

This arrives just in time, because my current toner is on its last heroic wheeze.

Let’s be honest: nothing lasts 24 hours. If I get three solid hours in Oklahoma summer, I will consider it a personal victory. It’s matte, which would normally be a concern for me, but I am currently drowning in glow products. A little matte is practically a public service.

This is the seatbelt for the convertible.

Huda Beauty Easy Blur Natural Airbrush Foundation (Milkshake)

I'll pause as we all sing “Milkshake” We good? Okay. Moving right along then.

Ah yes, the commitment product. The one that could either match me perfectly or betray me utterly.

Milkshake sounds right on paper — pale, neutral, not too yellow, not too pink. Reviewers swear the shade matching is excellent, and the before and afters look like someone applied a soft focus filter in real life.

Will it blur me properly?
Will it make me look like a smooth little dumpling?
We shall see.

E.L.F. No Budge Matte Shadow Sticks (Vintage Suede & Cool Beans)

Of course E.L.F. is here. It’s not a haul without at least one E.L.F. item sneaking in like a raccoon at a picnic.

Shadow sticks are the ultimate lazy face tool. Swipe, smudge, done. No palette, no fallout, no thinking. Vintage Suede might barely show up on me, but that’s fine — subtle is perfect for summer. Cool Beans will give me just enough shimmer to look awake without trying.

Honestly though? I'm not mad about this. We all own E.L.F. We shouldn't pretend we don't.

Drunk Elephant O Bloos™ Rosi Drops
Two Drunk Elephant products in one month?
Is this my birthday?
Should I move my birthday to summer permanently?

O Bloos is universally flattering, and the formula is one of those “a few drops does the work of three products” situations. Blush, glow, warmth, dimension — all in one tiny bottle.

My expectations are sky high.
Drunk Elephant usually delivers.

Also: It should be noted that in context of cosmetics the only time when experiencing two drunk elephants in a month WOULD be a good thing.

Elemis Superfood Matcha Eye Dew

I love Elemis. I trust Elemis. I have no idea where this will fit into my routine, but I’m intrigued.

This is supposed to perk up tired eyes — and my eyes get tired. I have a face cream that makes my skin feel awake and alive, and the idea of something doing that specifically for my eyes? That might be exactly what I didn’t know I needed.

This may become a desk side staple.

Conclusion:

This entire haul is a summer blessing.
It’s effortless.
It’s melt resistant.
It’s fast.
It’s practical.
It’s pretty.

This is a lazy face routine in the best possible way — the kind of lineup that lets me look polished without spending more time in front of a mirror than the weather allows. In July, the goal is simple: look good before the heat decides otherwise.

And fortune, for once, seems to be assisting me.

IPSY Ultimate Spoilers Round Two for Fall 2026

 Yeah. They posted the second tier of spoilers. 

It was less than great. 

This is the letter I sent to IPSY:

Hello, IPSY.

Let me start with kindness: my July Extra was fantastic. Truly. And your first round of Ultimate spoilers had me hopeful.

Then… the second round arrived.

MAKEUP BY MARIO – Master Mascara® in Super Black Apparently this is non‑negotiable. IPSY has decided I need Mascara #6. I can only assume you’re trying to help me open a small mascara museum.

SACHAJUAN – Hair Repair Treatment My hair is fine. My hair is thriving. My hair is practically smug. Please do not send me more hair repair.

ILIA BEAUTY – The Base Face Milk Beautiful product. But I already have enough primers, essences, and hybrid concoctions to run a small skincare speakeasy. I do not need this.

REL BEAUTY – The Essentials Brush Set Again, no. You gave everyone a brush last time with zero choice. Now you want to give us a whole set? IPSY, be serious. No one asked for a sequel to the Forced Brush Saga. I do not need more brushes. No one I know needs more brushes. These would sit in a drawer and contemplate their existence.

AREY – Goodnight Grey Serum I see what you’re doing. “She’s over a certain age—surely she’s panicking about aging!” Incorrect. I am not in crisis, despite your apparent confidence that I must be. I do not want this. Please do not send it.

Thank you for your time. I look forward to the day when spoilers feel exciting again. Will it do any good? At all? Probably not. I am emotionally resigned to those brushes being in my future.

IPSY EXTRA for JULY 2026

It felt like forever before this order got in. I was honestly getting annoyed. But it is here now, so I’m happy. Let’s discuss.

THE BAG

Not my favorite. It’s a rougher canvas with beachy white-and-pink stripes connected to white-and-orange stripes. But… it’s the middle of summer, so I get why they sent it. It’s not something I’d ever purchase for myself, but I can forgive it because the logic is sound.

WHAT I DID NOT CHOOSE

SKIN&CO ROMA – Umbrian Truffle Clay Detox Toning Formula

Aside from the fact that the little silver protective cover was a monster that did not want to come off, this is actually very nice. It smells great, it made my skin feel wonderful, and it’s a generous size.

The warnings say to be careful around your eyes/eyelids, but that’s normal for any toner.

I am pleased.

LOVE+CRAFT+BEAUTY – Tubular Lip Tint

It was not dried out — grateful for that.

The color, however… not wonderful. It’s dark in a way that makes me look dead, but not dead in the “old lady goth” way that I enjoy.

Just dead.

Despite being a lip stain, it didn’t survive dinner before fading.

Though honestly, given the color, maybe that’s a blessing.

Not pleased.

TOO FACED – Sunset Stripped Palette

Yeah, okay. WOW.

This is stunning.

It was pretty in the pictures, but in real life? STUNNING. I really love it.

It’s a very practical size, too. For having so many pans, it manages to be both generous and not bulky. I appreciate that.

The shades look beautiful with my coloring.

Deeply pleased.

WHAT I DID CHOOSE

TOWER 28 – SOS FaceGuard™ SPF 30 Sunscreen PA+++

I somehow missed that this is tinted. It has a very subtle, universal tint that looks amazing on my skin. It’s a little glowy — a bonus for someone my age — and has surprisingly good coverage.

As I said before, SPF 30 is kind of nothing for someone as pale as me, but a gentle tinted product that still offers coverage? That’s a whole different story.

Deeply pleased.

DRUNK ELEPHANT – D‑Bronzi™ Anti‑Pollution Sunshine Drops

Literally beautiful on my skin.

It melts in and just looks — as the phrase goes — like my skin but so, so much better. Between this and the Tower 28, my face should look great for the rest of the summer.

The only thing that threw me was how small it is.

Then again, you use very little at a time, and it has an expiration date, so maybe that makes sense.

Bonuses: The packaging was amazing. Opening it was its own little moment of joy. Also, a free sample of one of their creams inside.

As pleased as I assumed I would be, which was a lot.

SATURDAY SKIN – Yuzu Vitamin C + Water Blossom Serum

The reviews were not wrong. It’s great.

It smells lovely. It feels lovely. The container is lovely.

I’m about to run out of one of my serums, and I know this one is going to take its place.

It somehow made me feel both more alert and cooler at the same time.

I really love it.

Far more pleased than I anticipated with a third-tier choice.

CONCLUSION

One dud. One dud out of six. That’s not bad. And hey — it’s possible I can mess with that lip stain and make it work. This was just my first try. We’ll see what I can manage.

Other than that? I’m quite happy. Much happier than I was after last month’s package.

This is my second-to-last month before I end my subscription, and so far? I’m good with what this month has to offer.

The next round of spoilers drops tomorrow.

Will they be as good as the ones they’ve shown so far?

We shall see. And you KNOW I will have opinions.

IPSY EXTRA July 2026 Spoilers

 After my Really Bad Experience with IPSY Extra in June, I was hoping July would be a lot better.

And honestly, it is. Let's get into it.

WHAT I DID NOT CHOOSE

SKIN&CO ROMA – Umbrian Truffle Clay Detox Toning Formula

Okay, I snarled at this. At first. I saw “clay” and “detox” and immediately assumed it was a clay mask — and I do not want a clay mask. I do not like clay masks. They are messy, uncomfortable, and often do more harm to my skin than good.

However, this is a toner. I noticed the word “toner” later when I looked at it again. I did some research, and yes, it functions just like a toner.

And I’m happy with it now. I’m about halfway through my current toner, so I’ll need a new one sooner rather than later.

LOVE+CRAFT+BEAUTY – Tubular Lip Tint

First of all, I was so amused by the name. I realize they probably did not have cosmic‑horror writer H.P. Lovecraft in mind, but I cannot get “Lovecraft Beauty” out of my head. I’m seeing cosmic tentacle monsters with fake lashes and worshipers slathering their indescribable forms in Sunday Riley Good Genes while they dream in ways we cannot fathom.

But all of that aside, this has mixed reviews. Some people adore it. Other people say it dries out too fast.

Lip tints are… odd beauties. Temperamental. You get a good shade and you’re set for hours. You get a weird shade and suddenly your lips are the color of bruised plums for longer than anyone would wish.

TOO FACED – Sunset Stripped Palette

I did not need another palette. I have plenty, and I mostly use the same one right now — though, admittedly, since it’s summer, my makeup routine is pretty minimal.

Having said that, this is a beautiful palette. The shades have a lot of potential.

It also has an interesting distribution: the matte shades are larger than the shimmers. That’s actually practical, since most people use mattes more often than shimmers.

WHAT I DID CHOOSE

TOWER 28 – SOS FaceGuard™ SPF 30 Sunscreen PA+++

Ahh, Tower 28, the hope of my future. This company specializes in items that make skin that is weepy, sticky, choosy, angry, scaly, oily, picky, and twitchy behave perfectly fine.

Normally I would not get anything that is SPF 30 because I just laugh in VERY PALE PERSON at the concept of SPF 30. But it was Tower 28, and I really couldn’t say no.

DRUNK ELEPHANT – D‑Bronzi™ Anti‑Pollution Sunshine Drops

Did I even look at the other items offered with this?

NOPE.

Drunk Elephant is a stunning line. I’m actually a little shocked they’re working with IPSY.

Sunshine Drops are supposed to be so good you can use a small bit and not even worry about other complexion products. And for summer? That’s pretty perfect.

SATURDAY SKIN – Yuzu Vitamin C + Water Blossom Serum

Ahh, the tier‑three pick. The tier that usually consists of “yeah? I guess?” stuff.

And honestly, that’s how I felt when I picked this. I had never heard of it. I really did not need another serum.

I have a serum in every room where I dwell, just in case I need to slather some more on my own indescribable form.

Having said that, I do love a good serum and I use them completely. The reviews on this have been very positive, and since it’s brightening, I’m looking forward to it. My indescribable form also needs all the brightening it can get.

CONCLUSION

Maybe the emotional bar was really low for me after last month’s issues, but I have to admit I’m somewhat pleased with this lineup.

Did I need all of this? No, not really. But I also have to keep in mind that August will be the end of my subscriptions for a while, so I need to think in terms of sustainability. With that in mind, getting another serum when I won’t be buying any for a while isn’t a bad thing at all.

Right now the only concern I have is the Love+Craft+Beauty lip tint, but maybe I’ll get lucky and not receive one of the dried‑out pens.

Yes, please, glamour gods — do not give me a dried‑out pen.

Dear Eloise: About your Goddess Palette

 

Hello, Eloise. We need to have a talk.

In fact, the truth of the matter is: I need to apologize to you.

I received the Goddess Palette as a free gift from IPSY. I opened it. I snorted.

Look.

I know you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but the shades were… intense. Out there. They had names someone would give a show poodle. Majestic. Empress Elegance. Divine Aura.

I snorted again.

And then I tossed you into my makeup drawer without a second thought.

Here’s the thing, Eloise.

A few days later, I was headed out. I looked good — I always look good — but I wanted something… more. I wanted brightness. I needed an eyeshadow topper.

There you sat, in your demure pink‑and‑gold glory. I sighed. I opened you up. I selected Regal Radiance and tapped it onto the center of my lid.

Just a tiny bit. A little wiggle of the brush. A soft blend.

I looked at it.

Stunning.

Just stunning.

I did the other eye.

And I fell in love.

Eloise, your Goddess Palette is my topper now. The colors are amazing. They blend beautifully. They last beautifully (a miracle on my skin), and they do exactly what I need them to do. They are the perfect accent to the symphony my makeup creates.

I am a woman of harmonies. My makeup is usually built on a common undertone that winds its way through bronzers and blushes and bases and lippies. There is always a unifying connective thread that allows the whole look to make sense.

But toppers? Toppers are the counternote. The pause. The sparkle that rises above the harmony and makes the entire composition sing.

And you, Eloise — you and your Goddess Palette — this is where you shine. This is where you are in your glory. And for that, I adore you.

So please, Eloise, accept my humble forgiveness.

I will never doubt you again.

IPSY ULTIMATE Spoilers for August 2026

 IPSY usually trails out spoilers like Hanzel leaving breadcrumbs in the forest, dropping only a few at a time until the month ends. This time, they put up an image that had a lot of stuff in it. I had to take a screenshot and enlarge it so I could see some of the labels, but I found them. I searched websites to find the exact shapes of some of the other items, and I found them. Now I have a pretty comprehensive list of what we're in for as summer winds down.

PART ONE: WHAT I KNOW I’M GETTING

MERIT Shade Slick Gelée Tinted Lip Oil

MERIT lip oils and I have a long, happy history. They’re beautiful on my lips, they feel good, and they give that soft, plush shine that makes me feel like I’m starring in my own summer montage. Do they last a long time on me? Absolutely not. But honestly, that’s part of the charm. A lip oil that disappears quickly is a lip oil I’ll actually finish, and finishing a product in this economy is practically a spiritual achievement.

I already own one of these—yes, technically this will be a duplicate—but I’m not even pretending to be upset. Depending on the shade they send, this could easily end up being one of my favorites for the entire month. MERIT rarely misses, and this formula is one of their best.

Makeup By Mario Master Mascara

I feel like I say this every single time IPSY tries to hand me a mascara:

I do not need another mascara.

Universe? Are you listening? Hello? Bueller? I do not need another mascara.

But here we are again.

Having said that, this is an excellent mascara. Mario knows how to make lashes look good, and this formula is one of the few that consistently gets rave reviews. My hope—my dream, really—is that they send me the brown shade. It’s supposed to be the brown mascara. The one everyone loves. The one that makes people say, “Oh, you’re wearing brown? It looks incredible.”

If they send me brown, at least it’ll be different from the army of black mascaras already living rent‑free in my drawer. And if they don’t… well, I’ll still use it. I’ll just sigh dramatically first.

PART TWO: WHAT I HOPE I GET

Korres Kyma Eau de Toilette

With the exception of one night cream that tried to set my face on fire, I have loved everything I’ve ever gotten from Korres. Their scents are bright, clean, and always have that interesting twist that makes them feel like a story instead of just a smell. They tend to bloom beautifully on my skin—Korres and I have a very stable relationship.

Top Notes: Lime, Mandarin, Orange

Heart Notes: Marine, Watery, Pepper

Base Notes: Cedar, Vetiver, Nutmeg

I respond extremely well to citrus and pepper. Vetiver and nutmeg? Two of my favorite base notes. Cedar surprised me—I didn’t think I’d like it, but in perfume it adds this crisp, clean backbone that I really enjoy. The marine and watery notes will be new territory for me, but that actually makes me more curious than nervous. If anything, it feels like Korres is handing me a little adventure.

This is easily one of my top hopes for the month.

Patrick Ta Major Headlines Double-Take Blush Duo

This is supposed to be one of the best blush formulas on the market. And as a self‑proclaimed blush slut, this is basically a soulmate situation. Cream + powder? Long-lasting? Celebrity cheekbones in a compact? Yes, hello, sign me up.

Now, will it be long-lasting on me? My skin absorbs makeup like it’s trying to win a competition, so we’ll see. As always with shade-based items, you pray IPSY actually reads your profile instead of letting some giant pink glamourbot’s robotic arm randomly select a shade based on pure chaos energy.

But if they get it right? This will be a home run.

Indie Lee Stem Cell Serum

When I first saw this, I twitched a little. “Stem cell serum” sounds gimmicky at best and unethical at worst. But the stem cells in question are plant-derived, not animal-derived, which immediately made me feel better.

As for the viability? Surprisingly good ratings. Shockingly good, actually. It’s the most luxury item in the entire spoiler list this month, so if it shows up in my box, I’ll be very curious to see how it performs.

ILIA Skin Rewind Complexion Stick

This is a natural-matte formula with medium coverage that claims to last up to 12 hours. Again, with my skin? We shall see. Longevity claims often crumble the moment they meet my face.

But ILIA builds skincare into their complexion products, and that tends to work better for me. Anything with a smoother glide is a blessing when your skin is nearing 53 years and has decided it prefers hydration, kindness, and a little structural support.

Shade, of course, is the gamble. IPSY runs out of “does not go out in sunlight” shades very quickly. Hopefully the robot arm will snatch something appropriate for me instead of tossing me a shade meant for a beach volleyball champion.

MUTHA Up All Night Eye Cream

I have a lot of eye creams. IPSY loves giving women over a certain age eye cream. At the moment, I’m staring at three of them—two still sealed like tiny, expensive secrets.

But this one? This is a fabulous eye cream. A luxury eye cream. It has pearl powder and caffeine in it. Pearls and caffeine are two of my favorite things, and frankly, two of the only things that can convince my under-eyes to behave.

If I get the $90 eye cream? Yeah. I will be just fine.

Skin&Co Summer on the Riviera

Sometimes I browse IPSY’s shop.

And when I do, I always pause on this product and give it a little consideration.

Top Notes: Bright fruit, coconut, lemon

Middle Notes: White florals, green pistachio

Base Notes: Vanilla musk, golden amber

This is such an interesting blend. I do very well with whites, greens, and ambers. Lemon is always a fun addition to whatever scent stack I’m wearing. And I can already think of several things I own that would pair beautifully with this—layering possibilities galore.

If this lands in my box, I’ll be delighted.

PART THREE: WHAT I’M PRAYING THEY DON’T SEND ME

AREY Goodnight Grey Serum

This… does not have great ratings. It does not work for most people. And I’m still stuck on the existential question of its very existence. Why are we doing scalp serums for grey hair when hair dye exists? Why are we pretending this is a thing?

WILL they send it to me?

Sigh.

Probably.

I am a woman over 50. IPSY will likely bank on me having some kind of aging‑panic meltdown that renders me submissive to their offering of the anti‑grey potion. They imagine me clutching it in my humbly withered hands, feeling a faint rush of grateful acceptance.

Let me be extremely clear:

1. I am not.

2. I will not.

3. My hands look great.

Do not send me this stuff. I do not want it.

CONCLUSION

Ya know? This lineup is actually great. There is only one thing I truly do not want. The mascara they’re forcing on me is at least a stunning one, so I can’t even be mad about that. In fact, this lineup is so good that I’m a little apprehensive about the round two spoilers. What if they give us all this great potential and then follow it up with off‑brand palettes in avocado and matte gold? Palettes with reviews like, “Do not purchase! Burned my skin before it even touched it.”

We shall see.

As for now?

Yeah. I’m excited for August.

The Multiplicity of the Creative Spirit

I will always, on a very visceral level, have a problem with traditional religious restrictions. All of them. I'm not singling anyone out here. This is a problem I have with them universally. Traditional religions all follow the same kind of ideas. There is a Creator or maybe more than one. Stuff was made. This is how you should behave. Yes, exactly like this.

I'm not talking about the general idea of decent behavior. A Creator asking people not to be a pack of assholes to each other is fine. It's all the limited paths part that sets my teeth on edge.

The idea that a Creator would create something and then only want one very narrow version of it is the antithesis of my being. Creation, to me, is not about a perfect thing; it's about the possibilities of what something can become. 

 You give me five filters on GIMP and I'm going to make thousands of variations. Adjusting this and that, tweaking any buttons it has, running the same filter over what I just filtered to see the next level of what will happen.

 If your nature is Creator, then that is your basic drive. You don't settle. You don't pick 'on these two paths will do, but you can only follow one, and only the one your birth gender says is okay.' You delight in the change, in the unexpected, in the unpredictable, and often the best part of that is finding the flaws and seeing how they yield a kind of unexpected newness and beauty to your original design. One you never would have considered on your own.

 Creativity can be very lonely. You long for feedback. You long for engagement. You long for the things that push you in new directions. Even in order, even in structure, you still look for how that can be altered. You still look for the changes. You learn to honor the mistakes. Often, you save them because you know they can be used in some other creative piece later on.

 Because otherwise? You're just playing an unglitched version of Sims. And Sims gets boring after a while, because it's just the same thing over and over again. That isn't life. That isn't creativity. That isn't exploration. That's just very simple programming that will eventually frustrate you because you've seen it before. 

Meet the Fans

 These are the darlings that will keep me alive during the summer.

BEDROOM CREW OF DOOM

1. Grizzled, Ye Elder Fan
Alignment: Lawful Stubborn
Age: Older than the Berlin Wall coming down
Aesthetic: Beige Industrial Despair (the color of Reagan‑era hopelessness)
Traits:
•  Metal cage bent like it survived a bar fight
•  Duct tape scars that tell a story
•  Four speeds, each with a personality
•  Emits the energy of a Vietnam vet who listens to classic rock and doesn’t talk about the war
•  Will outlive you, me, and the concept of summer itself
This fan is not a machine.
This is a survivor.

2. Philip, StandyUppy Fan
Alignment: Chaotic Useless
Age: Toddler
Aesthetic: “I was $19.99 at Walmart and I know it”
Traits:
•  Buttons that work only when the moon is in Pisces
•  Four speeds, all of which are lies
•  Moves air the way a depressed Victorian child blows out birthday candles
•  Will die in two years, but only after inconveniencing you deeply
Philip is the fan equivalent of a coworker who “tries their best” but should not be in charge of anything.

3. Magnolia the Fair
Alignment: Neutral Murderous
Age: 2008, but spiritually 1888
Aesthetic: Looming Gothic Ceiling Apparition
Traits:
•  Two speeds: High and Also High
•  Whirs like a genteel lady fanning herself on a porch
•  Occasionally makes a noise that suggests she is about to drop from the ceiling and slice your jugular
•  Will absolutely kill you one day, but politely
Magnolia is the Blanche DuBois of ceiling fans.
She depends on the kindness of strangers and the structural integrity of two screws.

4. Taz of Metal
Alignment: Chaotic Exhausted
Age: 5 years but has lived 50
Aesthetic: Industrial Wind Demon
Traits:
•  Three speeds: Wonderful, Not Bad, and Kinda Meh
•  Currently stuck on Kinda Meh like a washed‑up rockstar
•  Held together by paper clips like a middle school science project
•  Vibrates like it’s trying to escape this mortal coil
•  Will die this year, and everyone knows it
Taz is the fan equivalent of a biker with emphysema who still insists on doing one last road trip.


THE LIVING ROOM WIND COURT

1. Jazz from Amazon
Alignment: Chaotic Pretty
Age: 2020, but spiritually a 1920s lounge singer
Aesthetic: Dark bronze, seductive, unreliable
Traits:
•  Looks sturdy but is actually held together by hope and a loose blade
•  Three speeds, all of which blow your hair into your eyes like a dramatic music video
•  Requires constant tightening, like a diva needing her corset adjusted
•  Will die this year, but will do it glamorously
Jazz is the fan who says, “I may not work, but I will look stunning while failing.”

2. Roommate’s Box Fan
Alignment: Lawful Disposable
Age: 0–5 years, but emotionally already retired
Aesthetic: “I was made in a factory that does not believe in quality control”
Traits:
•  Light blue metal body, white plastic face
•  Three speeds, all of which are theoretical
•  Falls forward like a fainting goat
•  Cats treat it like a wrestling opponent
•  Will last two more years out of spite
Rommate doesn’t name things he knows will die, which makes this fan the equivalent of a doomed NPC.

3. Trudy
Alignment: Neutral Sturdy
Age: 2 years
Aesthetic: Walmart Gothic
Traits:
•  Black plastic, metal stand, takes up the space of a small refrigerator
•  Three speeds, all of which blow your hair into your eyes from across the room
•  Annoying, but keeps you alive-ish
•  Will last two more years because she’s too stubborn to quit
Trudy is the dependable but irritating aunt who always brings potato salad you didn’t ask for.

4. Unnamed Window Fan
Alignment: Chaotic Temporary
Age: Installed two nights ago
Aesthetic: “I am new, but I will disappoint you soon”
Traits:
•  White plastic, suspiciously clean
•  Two speeds: Mid and Also Mid
•  No reverse, which defeats the entire purpose of a window fan
•  Exists only because the previous window fan died dramatically
•  Will last two years, tops
This fan is the intern who was hired because the last intern quit mid-shift.

5. Ginevra the Beautiful
Alignment: Lawful Elegant
Age: 1 year
Aesthetic: Angel of Ceiling Breezes
Traits:
•  White metal, white wood blades, tulip shades
•  Gorgeous, refined, polite
•  Three speeds, none of which are allowed to be used
•  Wears long metal pull chains like chandelier earrings
•  Too polite to kill anyone
Ginevra is the debutante who was invited to the ball but told she must not dance because the floorboards are old.

Deep Betrayal Masked as Choices: My June 2026 IPSY EXTRA CHOICE DAY

June arrived with heat, humidity, and the faint hope that my IPSY bag might bring me a little joy. Instead, it delivered a full‑scale beauty betrayal. This month’s curation wasn’t just off; it felt like IPSY spun a wheel labeled “Chaos,” “Disregard,” and “Pink Lip Products She Will Hate,” and then proudly mailed me the results.

The no‑choice items alone were enough to make me sigh into the middle distance. First, they sent me a TYS Beauty Lip Butter in Passionfruit—a sheer vibrant pink, the exact kind of shade I consistently rate low and never request. Do you know what I look like in vibrant pink? A woman in her 50s with stupidly bright lips. This would have been annoying on any month, but this was the month they were offering Tower 28 lip products, which makes the choice feel almost spiteful.

Then, as if to double down, they sent a brow gel right after I literally got a brow tint last month. IPSY, my beloved nemesis, if you had looked at my recent products for even five seconds, you would have known I did not need another brow product. You keep a LIST of recent products. Use it.

The choice items didn’t improve things. The first selection forced me to choose between the Dieux Air Angel Peptide Gel Cream and the Glow Recipe Watermelon Dew Drops—two excellent products that should never have been pitted against each other. It felt like choosing between two kittens. I picked Dieux, but I resented having to choose at all.

Then came the true betrayal: the second choice group. IPSY lumped together the Rare Beauty blush, the Rodial drops, the Tower 28 Lip Jelly, and the Tower 28 LipSoftie. All in one group. This wasn’t a choice; it was psychological warfare. I knew they would put both Tower 28s together, but I didn’t expect them to also throw Rare Beauty into the same pit like a sacrificial lamb. My soul left my body. I ended up choosing the LipSoftie because my lips are a desert wasteland in summer and because I was already being punished with that Passionfruit Lip Butter. I wanted that blush too. I was looking forward to having that blush. 

By the time I reached the final choice group, I was too tired to be angry. My options were a Dew of the Gods cleanser, the Moonslice 1980s drag‑queen palette I refuse to let haunt my home, or face masks. FACE MASKS! REALLY? Really. I chose the cleanser because it was the only item that didn’t feel like a dare. At that point, I was simply trying to survive the experience.

And then, as the final insult, I tried to contact customer service. I normally do not do this. As a middle-aged woman, one is always very hesitant to contact customer services as to not appear a Karen. Ironically, the only ones who don't worry about this are the True Karens.

Once upon a time, IPSY had a simple “Contact Support” button.

Now they have GlamBot—a sparkly pink AI creature with long fake eyelashes who guards the gates like a glitter‑covered Cerberus. You ask for help, and GlamBot smiles, blinks slowly, and offers irrelevant articles. Then asks you for information that should be already accessed as you're doing this from your profile that you are logged into.

Eventually, after enough pleading, it tells you to “submit a ticket,” which is the modern equivalent of tossing a message in a bottle into the ocean. There is no email. There is no direct contact. There is only the Ticket Portal of Mild Desperation. I ended up sending my complaint to both Instagram and Facebook because IPSY has made contacting them a side quest.

So that was June IPSY: poorly curated, profile‑ignorant, choice‑group chaotic, and wrapped in a customer service maze guarded by a sparkly robot. I am tired. I am moisturized (thanks, Dieux). I am lip‑buttered against my will. And I sincerely hope July is kinder.

Though at this point, I'm considering just quitting completely. 

The Six Commandments of the Air Conditioner

 Hey! Welcome to June! As we are headed into the hell months, I thought I would share the hostage situation I happen to be in with my air conditioning. 

The Gospel of the Ancient Window Unit AC

1. “It shall not awaken until the land reaches 90 degrees.”

This is not a temperature threshold.
This is a summoning requirement.
At 89 degrees, you suffer.
At 90, the fridges begin to mutter ancient curses, and only then does the AC stir in its cave.
If it's 88 and the humidity is over 60, your life is basically hell.

2. “Its mercy is not for you.”

You are but a mortal.
Human suffering is a natural state. 
The AC serves only the Cold Boxes, the sacred guardians of milk and leftovers.
Machine suffering is not a good idea.
You are collateral.
Your suffering does not alter the House.

3. “You will feel the lack of mercy.”

This is the part of the scripture written in sweat.
And you do. You know, when it comes to the AC, you're just a dog getting crumbs.
The summer heat is there to humble you.

4. “It is old and may perish at any moment.”

This AC is a war veteran.
It has seen things.
It has fought summers that would break lesser machines.
Every time it turns on, it’s rolling a D20 for survival.
And you know this.

5. “The Cycle: 45 minutes on, 45 minutes off.”

This is not a schedule.
This is a breathing pattern.
When the AC draws in its silent breath, you will suffer.
When the AC exhales, you will find relief.
But only then. And there will be no compromises.
If it runs longer, it screams.
If it rests longer, you scream.
But your screaming doesn't matter.

6. “At 10 PM, the AC sleeps.”

And so begins the Night of Suffering.
The air becomes thick.
The fans become your only allies.
You lie in bed like a Tennessee Williams tragic heroine, praying for a breeze.
You listen to the whining of the fans and pray they don't go out.

Lestat: Why Too Much Polish Does Not Work for Messy Characters

There are bad movies, and then there is Queen of the Damned, a film so spectacularly misguided that it loops back around into being wonderful. It’s a disaster, yes, but it’s a beautiful disaster — the kind that feels like it was made by a group of goth theater kids who were dared to adapt Anne Rice after drinking absinthe in a mall parking lot. The plot barely exists, the acting is chaotic, and the whole thing looks like it was shot through a fog machine someone forgot to turn off. And yet, somehow, it’s sexy. It’s hypnotic. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a glitter covered feral cat hissing at you from a velvet chaise. You know it’s wrong, but you can’t look away.

And the soundtrack? The soundtrack is the reason this movie still has a pulse. Jonathan Davis basically said, “What if Lestat fronted a nu metal band and it actually slapped,” and then delivered exactly that. “Slept So Long” remains one of the most vampirically perfect songs ever recorded — all swagger, menace, seduction, and that immortal boredom that only a centuries old narcissist can pull off. It takes all the love and hate one would have about the vampire that made them and pours it into a growl/snarl of a delivery. So hot. The soundtrack understood Lestat better than the script did. Better than the movie did. Better than the new show does. It captured the hunger, the ego, the theatricality. It captured the too much of him.

Which brings me to the show. The show is… fine. And that’s the problem. It’s beautifully shot, well acted, and emotionally grounded. It is prestige television doing what prestige television does. But Lestat is not prestige television. Lestat is not “fine.” Lestat is a cathedral sized ego in leather pants. He is glam rock arrogance and divine hunger and glittering narcissism wrapped in a French accent. He is a fallen angel with a microphone. He is not meant to be contained by tasteful lighting and careful pacing. He needs excess. He needs spectacle. He needs a medium that can handle a man who would absolutely ruin a band just to make it about him.

Louis, on the other hand, fits perfectly into the prestige TV mold. He is introspective, tortured, morally conflicted, and beautifully miserable. He is the patron saint of sad men staring out of windows. Cable loves that. Streaming loves that. Louis belongs in a slow burn drama where he can monologue about guilt for six episodes straight. He fits the format. Lestat does not. Lestat is bigger than cable, bigger than streaming, bigger than any platform that requires subtlety or restraint. He is a force of nature wearing eyeliner.

And honestly, when Anne Rice sat down to write him as a protagonist, she wasn’t thinking about television at all. She was thinking about glam rock. Spiritually, if not literally, she put on Ziggy Stardust, turned the volume up until the windows shook, and listened to it six hundred times. She wrote “making love to his ego” on a piece of paper, underlined it in red lipstick, and whispered, “Oh yes. This is him.” Because Lestat isn’t a vampire. He’s a glam rock god who happens to drink blood. He was born from glitter, ego, and theatrical excess — not from the quiet, tasteful suffering that prestige TV prefers.

So yes, Queen of the Damned is terrible. And yes, I love it. The soundtrack remains undefeated. The show is fine, which is the worst possible thing to be when dealing with a character who is constitutionally incapable of being fine. Louis belongs on cable. Lestat belongs on a stage made of starlight and bad decisions. Anne Rice summoned him with glam rock and lipstick magic, and no adaptation has ever fully recovered from that.

Anyway. That’s it. I’m tired now.

June Ipsy Extra: The Forced-Choice Hunger Games

June’s Ipsy Extra lineup dropped, and as always, I approached it with equal parts excitement and dread. You know, the emotional cocktail only a subscription box can deliver. It’s the familiar ritual: scroll, squint, whisper “don’t you dare,” and pray the algorithm doesn’t decide I need yet another mascara.

This month’s offerings are actually… good. Suspiciously good. Good enough that I’m already bracing for the two YOU HAVE NO CHOICE, YOU WILL TAKE THIS items Ipsy loves to assign like a chaotic fairy godmother.

But before we get to the predictions, here’s the lineup:

• Dew of the Gods Maui Glaze Oil Cleanser

• Moonslice Beauty eyeshadow & pigment palette

• Pinky B Beauty Hot Commodity bronzer palette

• Tower 28 ShineOn Lip Jelly

• Tower 28 LipSoftie tinted balm

• Lucky Chick eye brush trio

• Tarte Lights Camera Lashes Platinum

• Dieux Air Angel Gel Cream

• Rare Beauty Stay Vulnerable Melting Blush

A surprisingly solid mix of skincare, lips, and the usual “we found this in the warehouse” suspects.

My Ranking: The Joy-to-Utility Index

1. Dieux Air Angel Gel Cream

If Ipsy wants to force something on me, let it be this. Please, beauty gods, please.

It’s lightweight, elegant, and the kind of moisturizer that quietly earns its keep. I have plenty of skincare right now, but this is the kind of “future me will be smug” product I never regret.

2. Tower 28 ShineOn Lip Jelly

A no-brainer. A must-have. A “yes, I will take another” moment. I'm a little obsessed with Tower 28 anyway because they're supposed to be really good for people with sensitive skin. Mostly I've been eyeing their skin products, but Tower 28 lip products are joy in a tube, and this one was already on my mental wishlist.

3. Rare Beauty Melting Blush

Do I have a lot of blush? Yes.

Do I still want this? Also yes.

It’s soft, melty, and natural — the kind of blush that makes you look like you’re lit from within by a gentle secret.

4. Tower 28 LipSoftie Balm

I probably won’t be allowed both Tower 28 items, but if the stars align, this is the one I’ll snag. Getting both would be the score of the month, really. Even if I end up with brushes and mascara because I have no choice.

5. Moonslice Palette

Pretty, fun, and absolutely unnecessary for someone who already has more palettes than eyelids.

6. Tarte Lights Camera Lashes Platinum

NO.

No more mascara.

No more tubes.

No more “but this one is platinum.”

I refuse to build a mascara mausoleum in my drawer.

7. Dew of the Gods Oil Cleanser

Cute name, cute vibe, mid performance.

I don’t need novelty skincare right now.

8. Lucky Chick Brush Trio

Ipsy has been brush-happy lately, and I’m fully stocked.
And while the brush they sent out with Ultimate last month was really great and I love my Iconic London brushes they sent out a few months ago, yeah no. No more brushes. These aren’t special enough to break the streak.

9. Pinky B Bronzer Palette

I have a soft spot for her — I follow her on Instagram and I’m genuinely thrilled she made it into Ipsy Extras.

But I do not need more bronzer.

This is a “support from afar” moment.

The Forced-Choice Fear: What Ipsy Might Do

Every month, Ipsy assigns two items you cannot decline — the Dreaded Duo of Doom.

Worst-case scenario?

They saddle me with:

• the mascara

• the brushes

The Twin Horsemen of the Forced Choice Apocalypse.

But realistically, June’s lineup is too strong for them to waste both forced slots on pure filler. When they have Rare Beauty, Tower 28, Dieux, and a palette in the mix, they usually anchor at least one forced item with something mid-tier but respectable.

Most likely forced combos:

• Moonslice palette + Dieux which I will live with with a contented heart.

• Moonslice palette + Lucky Chick brushes Please no.

• Dieux + Lucky Chick brushes Sigh. Fiiiiine. At least I'd still get the one I want.

Least likely:

• Mascara + brushes Pleasenopleasenopleasenopleaseno.

• Mascara + anything, honestly

Mascara is too polarizing. Too many people have it marked “rarely.” Ipsy knows better than to start a riot.

The Best Possible Outcome

If Dieux is one of my forced items, I’m fine with that.

It’s the only product on the list where a forced slot feels like a gentle nudge instead of a punishment.

If Dieux is locked in, my choice slots become pure joy:

• Tower 28 ShineOn

• Rare Beauty Melting Blush

• maybe LipSoftie if the universe is kind

That’s a perfect June.

Final Prediction

June is shaping up to be one of those rare Ipsy Extra months where the math actually works out. Even if the algorithm wakes up and chooses mild violence (which is mascara, another mascara is violence), I’m still walking away with at least two items I genuinely want.

But if they force that mascara on me?

Just know I’ll be here, icing my foot from the Selena Gomez jar incident, muttering at the universe, and adding yet another tube to the Mascara Drawer of Shame.