This won't be a very long post. Today I found out that someone I was close to once upon a time has passed away. It was sudden and shocking. I'm very saddened by this. He was a great guy and really funny. He has a young daughter and another child on the way. I always liked him a lot.
We hadn't seen each other in years. We'd shoot the shit on Facebook and make funny comments one each other's posts. It was nice that he was around again. It's good to have someone to match wits with. He seemed so excited about the new baby and very happy in his marriage. They'd only been married for a while. There were even FB pictures of the wedding.
It hurts that he is dead. I'm going to miss him.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
The Truth, Just so You Know
All of my life, I have been told of the benefits of physical activity. The benefits are very true. I'm not going to deny them at all. Working out is good for you. As our country gets heavier and more and more people are reaching high levels of obesity, we will hear more reports about the benefits of exercise. Again, I agree. There are many benefits.
But here is the other truth, just so you know . . .
If you are a heavy person, say, 200+ lbs overweight, and you haven't been doing anything much in the way of physical for a long time, there is something else you need to understand.
Exercise is going to cause you pain. A lot of pain.
I'm not just talking about how it will hurt while you are doing your activities. It will hurt then as well, but that is more of an exhausted kind of pain. This will come later, and the irony will be that it comes because the exercise is successful.
When you are several hundred pounds or more overweight, your body has made adjustments for this. Your bones are used to certain pressure, possibly splayed out in places to accommodate your bulk. Your back is set at a certain sway, your feet altered to keep you from stumbling all the time. Our bodies are amazingly adaptable. Your body has adapted to your size. It's usually had a long time to make these adjustments, so, for the most part, you probably didn't notice them.
When you begin to work out, you start changing your body. Fat leaves. Muscles become stronger. The power it takes to move you from place to place alters. All of these are good things, but they come at a price. These changes necessitate other changes, in your shape, in how you stand, in how your muscles react. And these changes? They hurt like a bitch.
One day, my outer right thigh was in so much pain I couldn't drive. One day, my back was so stiff I couldn't find a comfortable sitting position. Two days ago, my calves were cramping and hurting so much, walking was torture. Every step caused me so much pain I could have cried.
The reason I am telling you about this is because, if you are very obese, you need to understand that this is PART of the process. This pain will happen and it is hellish. It will make you want to cry and give up. Seriously, it's that bad.
Don't stop though. As much as it hurts, the adjustments do happen and the pain does stop. In the moment, it is horrible. In the moment, there is nothing you will want more than to just bury your head in a pillow and never try to walk again. The moment passes though, and it does get better. You can get stronger and remember, you already are strong.
So yes, there are benefits to exercising. There is also a lot of pain. Horrible, horrible pain. The pain goes away though. The benefits stay with you.
But here is the other truth, just so you know . . .
If you are a heavy person, say, 200+ lbs overweight, and you haven't been doing anything much in the way of physical for a long time, there is something else you need to understand.
Exercise is going to cause you pain. A lot of pain.
I'm not just talking about how it will hurt while you are doing your activities. It will hurt then as well, but that is more of an exhausted kind of pain. This will come later, and the irony will be that it comes because the exercise is successful.
When you are several hundred pounds or more overweight, your body has made adjustments for this. Your bones are used to certain pressure, possibly splayed out in places to accommodate your bulk. Your back is set at a certain sway, your feet altered to keep you from stumbling all the time. Our bodies are amazingly adaptable. Your body has adapted to your size. It's usually had a long time to make these adjustments, so, for the most part, you probably didn't notice them.
When you begin to work out, you start changing your body. Fat leaves. Muscles become stronger. The power it takes to move you from place to place alters. All of these are good things, but they come at a price. These changes necessitate other changes, in your shape, in how you stand, in how your muscles react. And these changes? They hurt like a bitch.
One day, my outer right thigh was in so much pain I couldn't drive. One day, my back was so stiff I couldn't find a comfortable sitting position. Two days ago, my calves were cramping and hurting so much, walking was torture. Every step caused me so much pain I could have cried.
The reason I am telling you about this is because, if you are very obese, you need to understand that this is PART of the process. This pain will happen and it is hellish. It will make you want to cry and give up. Seriously, it's that bad.
Don't stop though. As much as it hurts, the adjustments do happen and the pain does stop. In the moment, it is horrible. In the moment, there is nothing you will want more than to just bury your head in a pillow and never try to walk again. The moment passes though, and it does get better. You can get stronger and remember, you already are strong.
So yes, there are benefits to exercising. There is also a lot of pain. Horrible, horrible pain. The pain goes away though. The benefits stay with you.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
The Conflicts of Change
You know, I like change. I do. I enjoy the experience of life not being the fuckery it is now and becoming something nicer. However, what I really mean when I say this is that I like change . . . when I am in charge of it. I don't like change when it happens to me and I had no say. That sucks.
I found out today I would be losing the woman who does the "life skills" part of my therapy. I like her. She's kind and gentle and very encouraging. The job she's getting will be really good for her and hopefully help a lot of people in the process. However, it sucks for me. I mean, it really really sucks for me. I don't want to lose her. I like having her around. I like working with her.
I'm trying to be rational about this. I know it isn't something being done TO me. It's not like some committee of high ranking therapists sat down in some secluded war room and came up with some way to specifically fuck with me. They're not laughing diabolically at my current unhappiness. They're not doing some wicked, twisted victory dance as the picture of my face at the moment I was told I was going to lose her is projected over them. It feels like this is the case, but I know it's not.
This decision is just what the people in charge of the company think is best for the company. They feel this change will be helpful. Perhaps it even will be.
I think this kind of conflict is at the core of the frustration that many people feel these days. So much of what touches our daily lives is controlled by big things (large companies, the government, some combination of both), but when those big institutions make decisions, they usually aren't considering all the individuals who will be affected. We are affected though, sometimes in devastating ways. We feel like we're being attacked. The thing is, we're not being attacked. The agency of the Big isn't to harm us, just to do what it believes is best for the Big.
We still have to deal with the consequences though. If I own a diner that serves mainly people when they get off shift at a nearby factory and that factory closes down, it wasn't an attack on me personally, but my business is still going to suffer . . .and possibly fail. I can try and scramble to save my business, but no amount of hard work on my part will alter the fact that the majority of the people who used to be my customers now have no money to spend. Does the make the people who owned the factory evil? No. They weren't doing this to harm me. Yet, it still harms me.
And so, while I know the Powers that Be who run the therapy center didn't set out to cause me any type of agita, they still have. They didn't specifically target me and decide to cut someone out of my life . . . but it still happened. And I am still bitter about it. I know they're not evil . . .but they certainly feel that way.
Bastards.
I found out today I would be losing the woman who does the "life skills" part of my therapy. I like her. She's kind and gentle and very encouraging. The job she's getting will be really good for her and hopefully help a lot of people in the process. However, it sucks for me. I mean, it really really sucks for me. I don't want to lose her. I like having her around. I like working with her.
I'm trying to be rational about this. I know it isn't something being done TO me. It's not like some committee of high ranking therapists sat down in some secluded war room and came up with some way to specifically fuck with me. They're not laughing diabolically at my current unhappiness. They're not doing some wicked, twisted victory dance as the picture of my face at the moment I was told I was going to lose her is projected over them. It feels like this is the case, but I know it's not.
This decision is just what the people in charge of the company think is best for the company. They feel this change will be helpful. Perhaps it even will be.
I think this kind of conflict is at the core of the frustration that many people feel these days. So much of what touches our daily lives is controlled by big things (large companies, the government, some combination of both), but when those big institutions make decisions, they usually aren't considering all the individuals who will be affected. We are affected though, sometimes in devastating ways. We feel like we're being attacked. The thing is, we're not being attacked. The agency of the Big isn't to harm us, just to do what it believes is best for the Big.
We still have to deal with the consequences though. If I own a diner that serves mainly people when they get off shift at a nearby factory and that factory closes down, it wasn't an attack on me personally, but my business is still going to suffer . . .and possibly fail. I can try and scramble to save my business, but no amount of hard work on my part will alter the fact that the majority of the people who used to be my customers now have no money to spend. Does the make the people who owned the factory evil? No. They weren't doing this to harm me. Yet, it still harms me.
And so, while I know the Powers that Be who run the therapy center didn't set out to cause me any type of agita, they still have. They didn't specifically target me and decide to cut someone out of my life . . . but it still happened. And I am still bitter about it. I know they're not evil . . .but they certainly feel that way.
Bastards.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Blue Monday
No post last night and no topic control tonight. I just wanted to do a quick update about things. It seems that Alice the Cat has a scar on her eye. It's going to take a long time to get it treated, lots of eye drops and whatnot, which won't be enjoyable for anyone involved. Still, it's better than her going blind. The sad thing is, this is happening in her GOOD eye.
I didn't sleep well last night and haven't been sleeping well since it started getting hot again. I'm not to the point of having to move all sleeping into the living room, but it's getting closer. Hopefully we can avoid that until July. Not being able to sleep is so goddamned frustrating though. I lay there, exhausted and hot, knowing that by the time I finally do sleep, I'll only get a few hours before I have to wake up again. It didn't help that this morning I had all kinds of hellish leg cramps. Stupid legs.
My arm is hurting too. Actually, I've been aching here or there ever since I started this damned working out stuff. When does the pain stop? I'm really getting sick of it.
I've also been really emotional all day, just deeply sad and depressed. It was pointed out to me that I didn't close a package of graham cracker bits and I almost wept over it. Yeah, that kind of fucked up depressed day. I saw an article talking about if it was ethical for depressed people to have child. Hah. NO. It's not. Let's keep our depression to ourselves and not fuck other people up in the process, k? I can just barely handle being around cats and other people, I don't need to bring children into the mix.
Anyway, that was my day. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Hell, hopefully tonight will be better. I need me some sleeps.
I didn't sleep well last night and haven't been sleeping well since it started getting hot again. I'm not to the point of having to move all sleeping into the living room, but it's getting closer. Hopefully we can avoid that until July. Not being able to sleep is so goddamned frustrating though. I lay there, exhausted and hot, knowing that by the time I finally do sleep, I'll only get a few hours before I have to wake up again. It didn't help that this morning I had all kinds of hellish leg cramps. Stupid legs.
My arm is hurting too. Actually, I've been aching here or there ever since I started this damned working out stuff. When does the pain stop? I'm really getting sick of it.
I've also been really emotional all day, just deeply sad and depressed. It was pointed out to me that I didn't close a package of graham cracker bits and I almost wept over it. Yeah, that kind of fucked up depressed day. I saw an article talking about if it was ethical for depressed people to have child. Hah. NO. It's not. Let's keep our depression to ourselves and not fuck other people up in the process, k? I can just barely handle being around cats and other people, I don't need to bring children into the mix.
Anyway, that was my day. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Hell, hopefully tonight will be better. I need me some sleeps.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
The Relationship Cycle of Facebook Games
I hear the teenagery ones are starting to view Facebook as uncool. Interesting. Soon it may be sitting in the unemployment line next to Myspace. In the meantime, there is always lots to bitch about. I was thinking about this earlier when I was clicking on a game request for a friend. I feel a certain loyalty to this person and want to help them out . . . even though I don't play the game anymore and find I view it with a certain level of, no, not a certain level, a TRUE deep passionate level of loathing. But that is the nature of Facebook games. There is, after all, a cycle.
Phase One: The Introduction
So you see a posting of what someone is doing on a FB game and, curious, you click on it. Or maybe a friend sends you an invitation. Perhaps they ask you to join. Maybe they just beg you because no one else is playing it. Whatever the case, you decide to take the plunge. You click on the game, allow it to molest your information, and start looking at how to play it. At this point, you level up quickly and you have basically nothing. If the game seems fun, you keep playing. If not, you walk away right then. You're probably better off if you do.
Phase Two: Advancements
Now that you're playing the game, it's time to start getting better at it. You do your little quests. You find out patterns on how to make it all better for you. You send out game requests to others. And while you may make some mistakes at first, very soon, you find you can handle the game pretty well. In fact, you starts seeing the path to mastery.
Phase Three: Obsession
When you wake up in the morning, the game is the first thing you do. Before you go to bed, it is the last thing you do. You memorize hold long it takes you to recover your energy. You put up sticky notes to remind yourself when your crops will be ready. You spend hours and hours decorating, rearranging, plotting. Obsession phase is the most dangers part of a FB game. This is where you can really begin to lose real life things . . and I don't just mean hours. No, when you are in Obsession phase, you will be tempted to buy things for the game with real money. You will be temped to find ways to cheat if you can. You may stop your job so you can spend more time with the game. You may lose your family because the game was more important. And you do not care, because the game is EVERYTHING.
Phase Four: Disenchantment
This phase is where things can get dangerous for the GAME. After all, the game is dependent on how many people it has playing and how much they are willing to spend. FB games walk a fine line, trying to balance "keep the game interesting" on one side and "don't change too much shit" on the other. Most of them fail. Usually on both counts. One day, you wake up and the stuff you were obsessing about is suddenly boring. You don't WANT to keep clicking on that. You don't give a FUCK if the crops wither. You don't CARE if you didn't make any money today. Or maybe you do still care about all of this. . . but the game is making it harder and harder to play. They want you to send out MORE game requests or they add parts that require OTHER game requests or maybe they keep adding stuff that looks interesting . . . but you have to pay real money for all of it. The most tragic and stupid disenchantment happens when the game is fun and you still love it, but they don't put enough into making it stable, so it keeps freezing on you or otherwise messing up. This really screws with your obsession, and it gives you time to think . . .
Phase Five: Loathing
Finally, you wake up one day and you just cannot force yourself to give a shit about this game. You are so frustrated or so annoyed or so BORED with it that you just can't. The idea of playing the game makes your head hurt. It makes you hate the world. You tell yourself you just need a break. You stop playing for a few days, letting your game request numbers grow and grow. Maybe you log back into the game a few weeks later to see if you can stomach it again. Maybe you can . . . for a few days. Then you stop again, and the stops grow longer and longer until finally you just block that motherfucker and never play it again.
Interestingly enough, the same phases that govern the cycle of FB games basically apply to FB itselt. Most of the time, this is the pattern I see in people when they join Facebook. Some of them stay in phases longer than others. Eventually though, most end up in loathing. They don't leave though. Facebook is like Hotel California in that way.
Phase One: The Introduction
So you see a posting of what someone is doing on a FB game and, curious, you click on it. Or maybe a friend sends you an invitation. Perhaps they ask you to join. Maybe they just beg you because no one else is playing it. Whatever the case, you decide to take the plunge. You click on the game, allow it to molest your information, and start looking at how to play it. At this point, you level up quickly and you have basically nothing. If the game seems fun, you keep playing. If not, you walk away right then. You're probably better off if you do.
Phase Two: Advancements
Now that you're playing the game, it's time to start getting better at it. You do your little quests. You find out patterns on how to make it all better for you. You send out game requests to others. And while you may make some mistakes at first, very soon, you find you can handle the game pretty well. In fact, you starts seeing the path to mastery.
Phase Three: Obsession
When you wake up in the morning, the game is the first thing you do. Before you go to bed, it is the last thing you do. You memorize hold long it takes you to recover your energy. You put up sticky notes to remind yourself when your crops will be ready. You spend hours and hours decorating, rearranging, plotting. Obsession phase is the most dangers part of a FB game. This is where you can really begin to lose real life things . . and I don't just mean hours. No, when you are in Obsession phase, you will be tempted to buy things for the game with real money. You will be temped to find ways to cheat if you can. You may stop your job so you can spend more time with the game. You may lose your family because the game was more important. And you do not care, because the game is EVERYTHING.
Phase Four: Disenchantment
This phase is where things can get dangerous for the GAME. After all, the game is dependent on how many people it has playing and how much they are willing to spend. FB games walk a fine line, trying to balance "keep the game interesting" on one side and "don't change too much shit" on the other. Most of them fail. Usually on both counts. One day, you wake up and the stuff you were obsessing about is suddenly boring. You don't WANT to keep clicking on that. You don't give a FUCK if the crops wither. You don't CARE if you didn't make any money today. Or maybe you do still care about all of this. . . but the game is making it harder and harder to play. They want you to send out MORE game requests or they add parts that require OTHER game requests or maybe they keep adding stuff that looks interesting . . . but you have to pay real money for all of it. The most tragic and stupid disenchantment happens when the game is fun and you still love it, but they don't put enough into making it stable, so it keeps freezing on you or otherwise messing up. This really screws with your obsession, and it gives you time to think . . .
Phase Five: Loathing
Finally, you wake up one day and you just cannot force yourself to give a shit about this game. You are so frustrated or so annoyed or so BORED with it that you just can't. The idea of playing the game makes your head hurt. It makes you hate the world. You tell yourself you just need a break. You stop playing for a few days, letting your game request numbers grow and grow. Maybe you log back into the game a few weeks later to see if you can stomach it again. Maybe you can . . . for a few days. Then you stop again, and the stops grow longer and longer until finally you just block that motherfucker and never play it again.
Interestingly enough, the same phases that govern the cycle of FB games basically apply to FB itselt. Most of the time, this is the pattern I see in people when they join Facebook. Some of them stay in phases longer than others. Eventually though, most end up in loathing. They don't leave though. Facebook is like Hotel California in that way.
GoT Geekery
Game of Thrones Season Two ends tomorrow night. I must say I shall miss it. I'll miss the show, I'll miss the articles about the show, and I'll miss the long and involved discussions people have about the show. I love participatory fandom so much. Wait, I think that is the basic meaning of fandom . . . but anyway . . . I've not talked much about the season, but I thought I would do a list of the things I liked best and least about it. The last nine weeks have brought so much of both. Oh, and yes, spoilers.
GoT2: The Things I Least Enjoyed
GoT2: The Things I Least Enjoyed
- The Gratuitous Nakedry. Look, I have nothing against a well done, important sexytime scene. If they advance the story or truly give insight into a character or their motivations, they by all means, keep them in. However, just throwing in bouncy boobies and various sex acts for the hell of it is annoying. Normally, I wouldn't care, because I know this is HBO and they feel kind of obligated to show stuff like this, but, dammit, we only have ten episodes. Cut the bonking and give me more story.
- Margaery Tyrell's Clothing. I understand the motivation to show that women from different parts of Westeros dress in different ways. I also get that Margaery is supposed to be presented as very rich. However, her clothing was so damned weird, it was distracting. I honestly had to watch her scenes three times, because the first two times, I was so distracted by the whatthefuck she had on, I couldn't concentrate on what she was saying.
- The Stannis Baratheon Casting. Stephen Dillane is a fine enough actor. He did well with how he interpreted the character . . . it's just not how I interpret him. Stannis is so singularly humorless and unlikable. He's not evil, just stern and intensely uncharming. Dillane played Stannis as proper and dutybound, but not as, well, as bitchy as Stannis can be. Stannis bitches almost constantly about everything. He takes the smallest insult as a major slight. I never got Stannis's obsession with how cheated he is from Dillane, mostly because Dillage just naturally has more charisma than Stannis. Then again, everything does.
- The Pacing of Theon's Story. Oddly enough, one of the best moments in the series was a Theon moment, but overall, I think they fucked a lot of it up. They didn't make Asha as sexy and badass as she is. I like the actress, but she needs to put more charm in the character. They left out Damphair, which was a big mistake because he is so excellently crazy and fun to watch. They broadcast too much about the death of the boys and how it wasn't them. And finally, they left out Ramsay's first foray into headfucking Theon. I missed that.
- Worst of all, more than worst of all, actually, worst thing ever? THEY LET STANNIS HAVE A SEX SCENE. I think part of my soul died when I had to see this.
GoT2: Things I liked the Best
- The Casting of Brienne and Davos. I have to give them props for both. Brienne was a difficult cast due to her size, look, and personality. Davos was a difficult cast because he is subtly amazing . . . actually one of my favorite characters in the books. Both choices were excellent. Brienne is played with heroic awkwardness and her scenes with Jaime at the end are the promise of perfection. Davos is just damned perfect. I loved every scene he was in.
- Theon's Decision. Even though I don't think the rest of the Theon plotline was as good as it could have been, the scene where he decides to betray Robb is perfection. It shows him alone in a room, almost everything blacked out except for him burning the letter he was going to send. It is the moment of no return for him, and very well done.
- Arya's story. In the second book, Arya's story was my favorite. They had to cut a lot of it out and changed tons of it, but I found myself enjoying the changes. Her scenes with Tywin Lannister were riveting and the way her three death wishes played out made quite a lot of sense. It seemed things together well. It helps a lot that the actress who plays her has such good chemistry with her counterparts.
- Tyrion. Every scene that Tyrion does with everyone is perfection. I love him with Bronn. I love him fighting with his sister. I love him matching wits with the Small Council. I love his tenderness towards Sansa, Shae, and his younger nephew and niece. Oh, and I love him slapping Joffery. I love that the most.
- Blackwater. The ninth episode of the season, Blackwater, is probably the hour of television I enjoyed the most this year. I hope it wins every award ever. The battle scenes are great. The wildfire scene is great. Best of all, the character development and acting are great. Tyrion and drunk Cersei steal the show for me. And the ending is perfection. I've watched this episode like a dozen times already. Loved it.
But alas, tomorrow, the season will end. Another year before we get to see a lot of people making really bad decisions that screw up a whole realm. Until then, I'll enjoy what I got to see . . . cept for that Stannis sex scene. No one enjoyed that.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Hotness on Hold
When you consider that this time last year we were already revving up for the Summer from Hell, it makes the weather of the last couple of days all the more sweet. I know that entering June with cool temperatures used to be common, but that just isn't the case anymore. This is probably just a respite from what is to come, but I'll take it and be grateful. After all, there is so much to miss during the hot months.
For instance, I have a cat sitting right next to me. She's purring and demanding attention. She's also receiving this attention because I know when it gets hot again, she'll want nothing to do with me. I'm not sure how other people's cats are about this, but during the summer, when mine are hiding out and ignoring us, they go kind of crazy.
Seriously. They'll run strangely and walk through the house making random, unrecognizable noises. They give everyone odd looks. They jump at nothing. They even jump OVER nothing. All of this is entertaining, but they also stop eating as much. My cats never gain much weight and during the summer they start to look kind of scary, all hipbones and stuff.
Okay, I have to amend that. When the brown cat first started living with us, she took full advantage of regular meals. That winter, she looked like a sausage on legs. Once it warmed up again, she slimmed down. Since then, she's maintained a more healthy looking winter weight.
With this cooler weather though, I'm getting to look at my cuddly, cute kitties for longer. Maybe a few more days of chill in the air can help to stabilize some cat brain cells and keep them away from becoming the Town Council of Crazytown for a few more weeks.
For instance, I have a cat sitting right next to me. She's purring and demanding attention. She's also receiving this attention because I know when it gets hot again, she'll want nothing to do with me. I'm not sure how other people's cats are about this, but during the summer, when mine are hiding out and ignoring us, they go kind of crazy.
Seriously. They'll run strangely and walk through the house making random, unrecognizable noises. They give everyone odd looks. They jump at nothing. They even jump OVER nothing. All of this is entertaining, but they also stop eating as much. My cats never gain much weight and during the summer they start to look kind of scary, all hipbones and stuff.
Okay, I have to amend that. When the brown cat first started living with us, she took full advantage of regular meals. That winter, she looked like a sausage on legs. Once it warmed up again, she slimmed down. Since then, she's maintained a more healthy looking winter weight.
With this cooler weather though, I'm getting to look at my cuddly, cute kitties for longer. Maybe a few more days of chill in the air can help to stabilize some cat brain cells and keep them away from becoming the Town Council of Crazytown for a few more weeks.
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