Stepping Out

I stepped out of my Tolkien fanfic writing and did a little story for VtM. It was significantly LESS successful than my JRRT stuff (and I'm not saying that is successful). I only have seven readers and only one kudos. The fandom isn't that big on AO3 or people just hated what I did. I liked it and I stand behind the work, but you never know how people are going to take something.

I published my usual stuff today. I wasn't 100% happy with this, but sometimes I'm not going to be. It's still doing okay though.

Duckers

So the cut grass got to everyone in the house. Even the cats were sneezing. I'm glad it's done though.

This is a picture I took at the park yesterday. I observed this very interesting bit of behavior from the darker ducks. All of them made this kind of strange little noise as they waited on the edge of the pond. Finally, the white duck (as seen in the pick) swam over to them and made its own series of sounds. They weren't typical quack sounds. After a minute or so, the white duck leads the other ducks into the pond. They stayed near it and when it got out of the water, so did they. 

First Mowing

Our lawn received its first mow of the year. I am very relieved. Our lawnmowing gent is pretty old and it's always iffy if this will be the year when he retires.

I tried my best to focus on anything but the sadness today. I need to write. I'm not sure if I will or if I'll just finish the various things I've selected to read and then try to write.

My roommate was petting the younger cat when he noticed she had a wasp on her. Thankfully no one was harmed. The cat remained freaked out for several hours.

No Light No Light

Normally during Spring, there is enough light going on that my anxiety is somewhat lifted. During some blissful years, it's lifted so much that I spend Spring feeling downright happy and mellow. All of that happy and mellow and lightness helps me to cope with the stress that Springs with it.

So far, that isn't the case this year. We have mostly overcast days and lots of grayness. Unfortunately, even if I don't get my light, I still get all the stressful bits. Having to arrange lawnmowing. Having to deal with bugs showing back up. Having to deal with the prospect of eventual summer and heat. All of it is ripping at my psyche in some very nasty ways. 

I'm having trouble coping. I'm having trouble even having the emotional strength to cope. I know it's irrational and I know it's just the brain weasels talking, but this year, so far, has been HARD on me emotionally. Really hard. 

I need light.

A Good Thing

One of the Kardashians came out as autosexual and people are freaking out about it. Why? First of all, it isn't your business? Second of all, autosexuals are the best people in the world.

Autosexuals just focus on themselves. They seek pleasurable experiences only with themselves. They do not depend on anyone else or rely on anyone else or demand of anyone else. If the world had more people in it who just relied on themselves for their own gratification, the world would be better, not to mention a safer place. 

It's smart for her to realize this is where her focus is. Most autosexuals get very drained when they have to deal with other people/relationships, especially when those people/relationships bring them no real fulfillment. The more aware someone is of what they really want, the less chance of someone being hurt.

April Second

My ankle is still seeping some fluid. Not a lot, but little bits here and there. I'm still keeping it clean and putting medicine on it. Hopefully, we'll start mending soon. I don't want a hole in my ankle forever.

I need to finish some writing projects but I just don't feel the passion for them right now. I wish I did. Then again, writing every day for a week kinda zapped me. 

Spring needs to be happier. 

Recovering

I'm healing, I think. I'm cold though. It's staying cold and I wish it would brighten up.

I worked on the blanket today and on the essay my therapist wanted me to write about it. Writing the essay is an interesting process.

This week was difficult and emotionally draining due to having to see the family. Hopefully the weekend will be quiet and peaceful.