Quiet Sunday

Things were quiet and peaceful today. I'm thankful for that.

I wrote a little, but it was very little. I'm just not inspired right now. Perhaps in a day or two.

Meanwhile, I hope this week is also quiet and peaceful because I need to get some things accomplished. 

Day Three on the Meds

I was sick to my stomach some today. It was pretty uncomfortable for a few hours. I hope that doesn't continue. The thing is, I can't even really say that's a side effect given that my stomach screws up pretty often as well.

I limited some stuff today but did get some extra protein because I felt like I needed it. Even with the extras, it was still far less than I usually eat.

I need to write,  but I'm just not feeling it at the moment. I have some ideas floating around in my head, but nothing that inspires me. Maybe when my body is more settled. 

First Bills of the Month Paid

All of my bills are paid for the month. I'm always happy when I get that accomplished. Today was good, really. The sun was shining and I read some really good fics.

I need to write. I've just not been in the mindset to do so. Perhaps tomorrow. 

Shot in the Dark

The shot was pretty easy to take. This is probably because it actually is easy and also because I'd watched How To videos like 100 times. I did my thigh because I'd heard that led to milder side effects. 

I had some trouble sleeping but I always kind of do.  I also experienced a headache, mild fever, and some backache issues, but that could be from various other things. It's hard to establish a baseline when I tend to do all of the symptoms anyway.

I certainly didn't eat as much as I normally do. At the same time, I don't feel deprived or hungry or resentful. 

I'm not going to update about this every day, but I will weekly at least.

Jan 4

 I start the Mounjaro tonight.

I'm scared out of my mind.

I'm scared of side effects. I'm scared of failing. I'm scared that I won't be able to handle it. I'm scared it won't make a difference. I'm scared it will kill me. I'm scared it will cause me deep discomfort. I'm scared I'll lose myself. I'm scared I'll fail.

I know I said the fail one twice but that's legit what scares me more.

I've been fat all my life. 

It's like I was handled this puzzle box and told to solve it and I can't solve it and everyone else has solved it and mine keeps getting worse and worse and worse. 

I've tried so many things, I've given up so many things, I've worked hard and failed and suffered and tried.

And none of it has ever been enough. None of it has ever been something that worked. None of it has ever led to weight lose I could maintain. 

I am buried in my weight problem. I hate it. It affects me every day in so many ways. I have to adjust for so many things because of it.

And yet.....

And yet food has been the one consistent thing I had that gave me pleasure and comfort. It was reliable. 

And now I'm basically going to give that up. And it could fail.

I hate this. 

Jan Third

Okay so...I THINK? the mailbox thing is settled? I talked to the Postmistress and she said I was cool for a year with my box being on the porch. So...we'll see?

Anyway, I want this to be over with. We'll see. We have other plans we need to set into motion so we can make our lives a little easier.

The BEST Day of the Year

Look I'm not saying the year goes downhill from here (although sometimes it does), but New Year's Day is the best day of the year.  

This is because it's the day all the crafters reveal their year-long projects. Their blankets, their temperature blankets, their christening gowns, their quilts. All of it is glorious and beautiful and I spend the day just marveling at other people's work.

So look. If you create something and you want to share it online, don't feel like people are going to think you're vain or bragging. Sure, there are always some sour assholes who will feel that way, but for most of us, we find joy in the beauty you've created. Please, please show the pics.