Philosophy of Inner Drives: The Myth of the Weak Will

I love the anime and manga series Naruto, specifically because the characters is principled on the power of will.  Each ninja has their own "Ninja way" which is basically a phrase that keeps them going.  When things get rough, when they've been knocked down a million times, when it looks like they are just about to die, they find the force of will to get back up and continue to fight.  Quite often, the battle isn't decided by who has the better skills, but by who has the stronger will.

Our Will, our soul strength, is perhaps the most misunderstood aspect of our inner drives.  The drive can be completely broken, sometimes as the only means to keep us alive. It can be trained to the point where we can teach ourselves not to feel pain or cold. Will pushes us towards our goals, keeps out the negative, promotes  focus. Will helps us conquer fear and run into burning buildings to save people. It steadies our nerves as we perform surgeries. It keeps our heads held high in the face of public humiliation.

There are times when the safest thing we can do is surrender our Will and sense of Self.  For instance, I do this whenever I go to see a doctor. Going to the doctor freaks me out.  I become quite nervous at the idea and my mind fills with potential hurts and slights my person could suffer.  The only way I can usually get past this is to let to of my Will.  I tell myself that in the situation of going to the doctor, I am not viewed as ME. I am viewed as a patient, seen as many are seen by this doctor. Whatever happens, I will react as a patient should.

Our society despises those we perceive to be "weak willed." The overweight, the poor, those who stay in abusive relationships, drug addicts, people who give in too easily to the commands of others are all seed as examples of a weak will. However . . . . you will note in almost all of these cases, many of the people in these situations have very strong Wills. Obese people cling to their habits despite what amounts to ostracism.  Abused people find the strength to get up the next morning, despite their pain.

In truth, it would be closer to say that people such as those described above learned to strengthen their Will in ways that discordant with being centered and healthy.  Imagine, for instance, that you break your foot. Instead of getting it set and cast in a way that would allow it to heal properly, you just find a place that is causing you the least pain when you walk and start walking that way.  Your muscles will adjust to this new way, driven by the need for less pain.  The muscles strengthen and eventually your foot heals.  It just doesn't heal properly.  Now you walk with a limp that still causes you a certain amount of pain.

In this example, you had the Will to continue on, despite the pain and the break. You had the Will to adjust your walking and force your body to comply with the new state of things.  And, despite the continuing pain, you had the Will to keep going. So are you weak? No. Are your newly adjusted muscles weak? No.  They're just not working in a way to be healthy for you.

I think it's important to understand this distinction.  It's not that our Will is weak, it's just that it's been trained to function in a counterproductive manner. This isn't some PC white washing of the situation.  Telling people they're weak willed doesn't help them.  There is the implied idea of failure, the implied idea of this being an unchanging thing, and the implied idea that being strong willed is some horribly complicated process that some people grasp magically but seems to allude you.

Look at the difference.  Your Will has been trained in a counterproductive manner. This implies your Will can be taught and trained, therefore altered by you.  It implies that you have the capacity to train your will, but lacked the skills to train it as needed for it to function in a healthy way. You can change.  You are not a failure.

Whenever you find yourself in destructive patterns, don't fall into the trap of believing it's because you're not a strong willed person. Think about all the lying, all the scheming, all the plotting, and all the recovery you've accomplished for the sake of keeping your destructive behavior going.  This takes a lot of Will. The key to altering these behaviors has little to do with your Will and more to do with other drives. You'll see as we continue on.

The Philosophy of Inner Drives

Each of us is netted together by four basic drives.  The drive for creation, for destruction, for preservation, and the force of personal will.

Of course, very few of us allow all four to work within us at all times. Most of the time, we have one dominant drive that dictates our motives and actions.  If anything, we use the other three to further the directives of the first.

During the next several blogs, I will be exploring these various drives and the benefits and detriments of each.  I'll talk about the characteristics of each as a dominant trait.  I'll also explore what happens when the drive is lacking.

It is very important to keep these drives in harmony.  That isn't to say to strive for a perfect balance. Some might see that as important, but I think the goal of perfect balance is, at its core, faulty, as it becomes a matter of preservation. Given that, preservation will always be stronger when you work on perfect balance, meaning, of course, it is never possible.   Instead, I believe that we, as adaptive and intelligent creatures, should strive for, as I stated above, a harmony of forces, one where we can shift from drive to drive when the need calls for it.

However, even if you cannot harmonize your own drives, it's still helpful to understand them, as to be able to communicate better with those around you.  If you are predominantly a creatively driven person, your motivations may not make a lot of sense to someone who is mostly driven by a need for preservation.  If you have a strong will and a strong drive for destruction, your reasons for ending things (like marriages and jobs) may not be as understood by people who want to create solutions or avoid changes. If you can understand their motivations though, you can find ways to communicate with them.

As I said, this is going to be a several day event.  Enjoy.

Super Bluesday.

I was actually productive today!  I went to therapy and paid rent, stopped by the mailbox place and then thought about having my hair cut.  I decided against the hair cuttage, because I'm somewhat in pain and wanted to just veg out and watch Drag Race. After that, the rest of the bills were paid, I cleaned the dishwasher and folded every towel in the universe.*

I tried my best to ignore the political stuff going on today.  Politics in this country have started to really annoy me, and with good reason. I think we're electing the wrong people and even letting the wrong people run. It seems like everyone is far more concerned about their agenda than they are the big picture. I find that disheartening.

I would love to say I wish better people would run, and, really, I do. However, the political machine and it's various parasites have made that a very unrewarding prospect.  Politicians get put through a grinder and transformed into something experts believe to be electable. I'm not even sure how much of them is left at the end of that. I'm not sure what the message is, but what most of them present is something of a caricature of some archetype of their specific party.

In other words, it's been a personally productive and successful day, tainted only by the apathy of politics. I'll be really happy when the election is over and the level of crazy in the air can die down.

*Possible exaggeration.

Top Control: Reading Foundations

One of the things I adore about my closest friends, the ones who are parents anyway, is how they bring texture and depth to their children's lives through books.  They read to their kids, make sure their kids get library time, listen to the children read to them, and promote reading and books as being a very important part of their children's lives.

My best friend is currently deciding on a reading list for her son, and we've been batting books back and forth to what should be included.  There are a lot of lists out there and recommendations, but it can get overwhelming.  I think the best thing to do instead of starting with specific books is to consider what you want out of a list and what you do not want from a list.  Now, I don't have children, but if I did have one, I think I'd try to formulate a reading list from the following.

• The books should have variation.  Don't pick ten books that have the same level of substance to them. If the books are all fluffy, the kid will breeze through them. If all the books are dense and difficult, the child may be discouraged. Select some more challenging texts, some that are nice and middle of the road, and some that are fun and easy. 
• Do NOT just choose books within your child's reading level. If your child reads at a 3rd grade level, choose 40% of the books at that level. Choose 10% that are just below it, and make the rest climb past the level. I'm not saying go from Dick and Jane to Faulkner, but you can certainly build past Dick and Jane into more serious texts.
• Engage your child in the process. Ask them what they'd like to learn about. If they like dinosaurs, choose some books about dinosaurs. If they like nature, choose some nature books. However, do not let the child decide all of the topics.  Give them about 25% of the choices, but make the rest yourself. However, given that you asked your child about their interests, you may very well be able to see places where you can take that interest and branch off from it. If the kid likes adventure books because s/he likes traveling, maybe the next book you choose can be about the history of trains. 
• Some book selections should be made as to enhance the child's frame of reference. Make sure your child reads the books that shape our collective culture. Have them read the books that are famous children's books.  Let them experience Wilbur and Pooh Bear and Encyclopedia Brown. If the book is common knowledge and will come up again and again, make sure the child reads it.
• Some of the books should be the books you love.  Most children truly want to form connections with their parents. Our loves, our music, our books, our comics.....they shape who we are and how we think. If we share what we love with our kids, they will have a better understanding of us.  Trust me, this one is important.  Of all the things I regret about my mom dying when she did, I am very happy to know I what she loved to read.

Other suggestions:

• If you work up a reading list for your kid, you will more than likely do this in advance of the reading time.  So, until it begins, read the books yourself. If you have read them already, refresh yourself on the details. That way you can talk to the kid about the books. And I don't mean quiz them, I mean talk to them about it, have them apply the knowledge in a way that they can discuss it with others.
• Have the kid write down unfamiliar words and look them up.  Don't tell them the meaning of the word, actually have the child look it up, read the definition, and then discuss the word with them. Ask them how the word is used in the story and why. Look, I get this was more difficult back in the day. Dictionaries are clunky and heavy. However, we have this thing now call the internet, and looking up the meaning of a word is easy.
• When the child is finished with the book, discuss it as a complete work.  Have the child share his/her feelings and thoughts, and then talk about your own.  Have the child do a project related to the book, geared to their own interests.  If the child is artistic, have them do something with their art about the book. If the child likes to organize things, have them write out a timeline of the book's events. It would probably help if you did a project over the book as well, something you gift to the child as a memory of the shared experience.

I realize all of this sounds like a lot of work . . . and it is. Then again, you had the kid, so you might as well take some time to really shape its influences.  What better reason to have a child than to groom it to take on the world?

Blahdeblah

I finished the third book of the Kencyrath series and was very, very happy about it. It was everything I had wanted it to be.  Here's hoping the next books are just as good.  I spent time reading the trope lists of everything, happy to see that while it follows many of the typical, the author does it in a way that feels fresh and new. I love that.

This won't be a long post because it's been a really really long day. At midnight my roommate realized the toilet was screwed up. However, because he's a BAMF, he was able to obtain the parts from Walmart and fix it. Hopefully.  I'd rather things be US fixed than "wow look how the plumber just took all our money" fixed. I need sleep now though. Seriously need sleep.

I'll write a real post tomorrow.

Heal Heal Revolution

This is a really good article about the history of blood typing and some of the odd things that have happened to it over the years. Is it odd that I'm rather fascinated by the concept of blood types but can't remember what mine is? Actually, I think that's less "odd" than just "irresponsible." Okay, it's odd too.

Anyway, yes, I'm strangely fascinated by blood types. I think it's really cool that in some cases you can donate to everyone, but can only take blood from your own kind (O-), but if you're AB+, you can take blood from anyone . . . but only donate to other AB+ people. It creates its own drama, doesn't it? The generous O- people who must give to everyone, but so little can be given back.  The lucky, gifted AB+ who give so little to everyone else. I'm sure this doesn't work out to be the personality type, but I can see why people view it that way.

What is filling me with weird joy about the article though, is that recently, a girl's body did something that broke all the rules about blood types.  Blood typing is in our DNA. Like having blue eyes or black hair, it's something we're coded to have and we're stuck with it.

However, this girl, who had to have a liver transplant, managed to change all of this.  Her body was having a difficult time accepting the new organ.  They feared she would reject it and, at best, she was facing a lifetime of medications that would lessen the chances of rejection.  The problem is, how these meds work is by suppressing the immune system . . . meaning you're more vulnerable to any other type of illness.

This girl's body has changed all of that for her. Well, actually, the new liver did. It seems that stem cells from the liver got into her blood marrow and rewrote her blood type so that her body could accept the liver without a problem. Now, she has health and no anti-rejection meds. Her body won't reject the liver because it altered the system in order to accept it.

I'm overjoyed for this girl, and very interested in the implications of this. For instance, instead of suppressing the immune system (which makes the body weaker), is there a way we can encourage the system to actively seek ways to adapt to the new organ? This would be a strengthening of the system and a path towards independence.

I've always had a fundamental issue with medical treatments that weaken the body or push it into a deeper state of crisis than it already is. I get that in some cases we have no choice.  However, if anything, this case is proving their might be choices out there. People should play to their strengths, and as a species, we should collectively play to our strengths.

As far as I am concerned, the greatest strength that humans have is our ability to adapt to circumstances and solve the problems and puzzles to make the situation work for us. To me, this girl's altered state is proof of how amazing this strength is.

To Rush, with Love

Dear Mr. Limbaugh,

I try my best, as any rational person does, to ignore you.  However, on hearing of your recent request to have videos of all the womens who will receive assistance with their birth control bills having sex, I thought I should ask some questions.

I don't currently get birth control pills because of other health issues. When those issues are handled, I should get on the pill because I have PCOS. Birth control pills are used to help in managing the various issues caused by PCOS and are a standard treatment for it.  Like many women who suffer with this condition, it will probably improve my life a lot.

Of course, this means I will fall into your little group of the many women out there you are now paying to have sex, as you see it. And you'll be wanting a video. This is a completely reasonable and logical request, with no sexism or proof that you are a horrible bitter old sack of rat guts at all. In fact, like the millions of other women out there who are now to send you videos, I'm quite happy to do so.

The problem is, I don't have sex with other people. I don't care what others do, but it's not something I want to happen in my life. It's not for religious reasons. I'm not waiting until marriage, because I certainly don't want to get married. I guess I'm selfish and don't like to share my toy.

I'm sure you see my dilemma. You requested a video I just could, in no way, provide for you. So here is my question. Do you still want a video? I can send one. I even thought of some possible topics for it.

• I could send you a video of me brushing my teeth. I don't think that's very sexy, but it is a personal act that isn't anyone else's business, so maybe it would meet your requirement.
• I could send you a video of me doing something I enjoy, as I assume some people actually enjoy sex, and, as you imply, we slutty women enjoy it a lot. So, maybe a video of me eating or drinking coffee? I could send you a video of me playing Sims or listening to music. I could even sing along, which probably sounds as awkward and bad as most people do when they're having sex.
• I could send you a video of me reading to you about PCOS.  It's not sexy at all, but, as it IS the reason I'd be taking the pills.  
• I could make sock puppets of me and some imaginary man who doesn't annoy me but I still happen to find attractive and I could have the puppets have sex.  

See, I just don't know what you want here. For so many of us, birth control pills just aren't about sex. I know this sounds whacky, but the female reproductive system affects all kinds of aspects of our lives, from our skin to our pain levels to whether of not we can manage to make it through the day without horrible cramps.  I know all of that is a little bit more complex than just the idea of us being demandy things with hungry vaginae, but that is kind of the way things are.

I hope you respond soon so that we can get this handled. I know you, like Sally Brown, just want what is coming to you and your fair share of things. It's not like you're trying to punish women for wanting to have better access to birth control.

Of course not, because then you'd be sending us video of YOU having sex  .  . . and we'd all be forced to gouge out our eyes and set ourselves on fire to get the horror of that out of our minds.

Sincerely,
Blackhaired Barbie.