I can't believe it's already a week into this month. As fast as October passed by, this month seems to be flying. That's so annoying after summer dragged on forever and September seemed to dig hooks in me for years. We're two weeks away from Thanksgiving.
I believe things will be lowkey for me this year. Most of my Christmas shopping is finished and as for what I want, it's mostly just online things. I have plans, but they're hard to explain in terms of someone buying me a gift about it.
Mostly I just want to stay safe, warm, and sane.
Thursday, November 8, 2018
Wednesday, November 7, 2018
First Holiday Meh Post of the Season
I am already sick of holiday commercials. Not the ones that talk about the holiday itself, but all the ones that are trying to get you to buy stuff. There seems to be this kind of expectation for people to buy, not a desperation, more like a kind of nagging entitlement that everyone should go out and spend all their money on gifts. If you don't, you're not showing your love. It's so annoying.
The gifts they're pushing seem to be more expensive this year too. Dyson put out a kit for hair. It's called the Dyson Airwrap and it does a lot of stuff. It dries your hair, straightens it, gives it amazing curls, and makes it look amazing, all with air instead of heat. It's supposed to be great. It's also like eight hundred dollars. New hair gadgets are a staple of holiday shopping but that is a LOT of money to spend on something to keep your hair looking cute when you can get a blowdryer and a flat iron for 40$.
This is nothing compared to the Brava Smart Oven. I saw a commercial for it and got curious about what it could do. I'm all for the concept of unconventional kitchens and it seemed to check a lot of boxes. From what I've read, it really does. The Brava uses light tech to cook food and is supposed to do it in a very perfected way to where the meals turn out amazing and you don't have to keep checking on them. The oven knows what to do.
It costs around a thousand for the oven and then another 250$ or so for the equipment to put in it. BUT that isn't even the kicker with this machine. While you can put anything you buy grocery-wise into it, it's recommended that you use their food delivery service. They'll send you products cut and curated especially for the oven at about 15-30$ per serving. In other words, you get the machine and then start a subscription to a food service. It's kind of like when VCRs first came out and all the tapes for them were really expensive.
Who has the money for this? Who has the money for this who isn't already employing someone to cook for them or is so into their own cooking that they have a great kitchen/food setup and would never do this kind of thing anyway? Who would buy this?
Uhhh. Anyway, I actually did the adult thing I talked about doing and bought dental insurance. It isn't horribly expensive but I'll need to make sure I keep some extra money back every month to pay for it. Darn, that means I won't be getting those two servings of a Brava meal.
The gifts they're pushing seem to be more expensive this year too. Dyson put out a kit for hair. It's called the Dyson Airwrap and it does a lot of stuff. It dries your hair, straightens it, gives it amazing curls, and makes it look amazing, all with air instead of heat. It's supposed to be great. It's also like eight hundred dollars. New hair gadgets are a staple of holiday shopping but that is a LOT of money to spend on something to keep your hair looking cute when you can get a blowdryer and a flat iron for 40$.
This is nothing compared to the Brava Smart Oven. I saw a commercial for it and got curious about what it could do. I'm all for the concept of unconventional kitchens and it seemed to check a lot of boxes. From what I've read, it really does. The Brava uses light tech to cook food and is supposed to do it in a very perfected way to where the meals turn out amazing and you don't have to keep checking on them. The oven knows what to do.
It costs around a thousand for the oven and then another 250$ or so for the equipment to put in it. BUT that isn't even the kicker with this machine. While you can put anything you buy grocery-wise into it, it's recommended that you use their food delivery service. They'll send you products cut and curated especially for the oven at about 15-30$ per serving. In other words, you get the machine and then start a subscription to a food service. It's kind of like when VCRs first came out and all the tapes for them were really expensive.
Who has the money for this? Who has the money for this who isn't already employing someone to cook for them or is so into their own cooking that they have a great kitchen/food setup and would never do this kind of thing anyway? Who would buy this?
Uhhh. Anyway, I actually did the adult thing I talked about doing and bought dental insurance. It isn't horribly expensive but I'll need to make sure I keep some extra money back every month to pay for it. Darn, that means I won't be getting those two servings of a Brava meal.
Tuesday, November 6, 2018
Overdue
So I'm going to get dental insurance. I've found a plan that is marginally affordable and might allow me to swing whatever hell they're going to have to do. I've not had dental insurance since I was probably 20. I know that sounds crazy, but it's just never been something I could easily manage.
Anyway, I need to be an adult about this and tend to my teeth. I'm terrified of dentists, but whatever. I'll just go on autopilot and disassociate while I'm there.
Anyway, I need to be an adult about this and tend to my teeth. I'm terrified of dentists, but whatever. I'll just go on autopilot and disassociate while I'm there.
Sunday, November 4, 2018
Fall Back
For the most part, my celebratory naps on the first day of Fall Back were just awesome. Glorious in fact.
I know the change isn't great for everyone. The darkness isn't easy and I know a lot of people are affected in bad ways by it. There are times when even I am. I guess the deal is that it makes me feel safe for a while. No idea why. I usually don't feel that way so I want to savor it for just a little while.
Hopefully the coming months will be peaceful and easy.
I know the change isn't great for everyone. The darkness isn't easy and I know a lot of people are affected in bad ways by it. There are times when even I am. I guess the deal is that it makes me feel safe for a while. No idea why. I usually don't feel that way so I want to savor it for just a little while.
Hopefully the coming months will be peaceful and easy.
Monkey Bars
In Sims 4, one of the aspirations for your child sim is Motor Skills. It's the foundation for all of their adult physical abilities. The hardest level of it involves completing the motor skill itself, beating a difficult typing game on the computer, and making it across the monkey bars 3 times. When I read that last requirement, I always feel a little internal twinge.
When I was in early elementary school, our social scene revolved around the monkey bars. In order to talk to people and be viewed as socially worthy, you stood in line at the bars, took your turn, and then repeated this process until the bell rang.
I entered kindergarten as a fat kid so there was never this instance where I was a normal size to my peers. I would stand in line with the others and watch as kids would sail across those bars, their hands confidently grasping each rung with a solid thunk. As my place in line crept closer to the ladder, I would feel my heart begin to race. My mouth would go dry and I'd pause in conversations as the dread began to take over. By the time I was climbing the ladder, I would hope, in a kind of frantic way, that this time might be different.
It was never different. I would grasp the first bar and hang there, trying to will my arm to reach for the second one and knowing in a growing panic that it wouldn't. I would freeze in place until either the pain was too much or my hands were so sweaty they would let go.
People would sigh. People would roll their eyes or shake their heads. I would feel this complete shame and then for some stupid reason take my place at the end of the line to repeat the whole process.
I would have failed my Motor Skill Aspiration as a sim child.
I failed it as a real child too. When it came to physical things, I was always The Worst. I was the worst tetherball player. I was the worst volleyball player. They aimed for me in dodgeball and I couldn't shoot a basket to save my life. I couldn't climb the rope in middle school. Hell, I had to be pulled off the field when I tried to run a lap in middle school because I almost fainted.
When I quit band the summer before my junior year, I told my mom about it when I saw her at Pizza Hut one day. She told me that was for the best considering everyone just made fun of me when I was on the field anyway. It's the kind of statement from your mother that sinks into your soul and never really leaves you.
And so here I am as an adult. I'm very fat. It hurts to stand up. It hurts to stand in place. Walking in a combination of pain and fright that I might fall and do more damage to myself. I'm a let down to my friends because I'm a hassle any time they want to do something. I'm frustrated and frustrating to others.
Is there a point to this? Actually, yes. The thing about the monkey bars is that it's something accomplished during playtime, but that doesn't mean adults can't contribute to the situation. Maybe if someone would have worked with me, helped me, encouraged me, taught me how to tackle the problem as something I could overcome (instead of just believing I was doomed to fail), then perhaps the results in my adult life would be different. I'm not blaming the totality of my current situation on what adults did or did not do. I made decisions here along the way.
HOWEVER, if you are an adult with influence on a child, think about what you can teach them and HOW you can teach them that might make an impact on their views about their shortcomings. Take time to work with them to overcome the obstacle. Maybe set up a system that IS achievable to them at their current level as a way to help them build strength toward the thing they can't do at the moment. Don't coddle them, but don't berate them either. Teach them that life is harsh, but we're stronger.
As for me, well.....I guess I'll have to find my own way to see if I can get across all the metaphorical monkey bars.
When I was in early elementary school, our social scene revolved around the monkey bars. In order to talk to people and be viewed as socially worthy, you stood in line at the bars, took your turn, and then repeated this process until the bell rang.
I entered kindergarten as a fat kid so there was never this instance where I was a normal size to my peers. I would stand in line with the others and watch as kids would sail across those bars, their hands confidently grasping each rung with a solid thunk. As my place in line crept closer to the ladder, I would feel my heart begin to race. My mouth would go dry and I'd pause in conversations as the dread began to take over. By the time I was climbing the ladder, I would hope, in a kind of frantic way, that this time might be different.
It was never different. I would grasp the first bar and hang there, trying to will my arm to reach for the second one and knowing in a growing panic that it wouldn't. I would freeze in place until either the pain was too much or my hands were so sweaty they would let go.
People would sigh. People would roll their eyes or shake their heads. I would feel this complete shame and then for some stupid reason take my place at the end of the line to repeat the whole process.
I would have failed my Motor Skill Aspiration as a sim child.
I failed it as a real child too. When it came to physical things, I was always The Worst. I was the worst tetherball player. I was the worst volleyball player. They aimed for me in dodgeball and I couldn't shoot a basket to save my life. I couldn't climb the rope in middle school. Hell, I had to be pulled off the field when I tried to run a lap in middle school because I almost fainted.
When I quit band the summer before my junior year, I told my mom about it when I saw her at Pizza Hut one day. She told me that was for the best considering everyone just made fun of me when I was on the field anyway. It's the kind of statement from your mother that sinks into your soul and never really leaves you.
And so here I am as an adult. I'm very fat. It hurts to stand up. It hurts to stand in place. Walking in a combination of pain and fright that I might fall and do more damage to myself. I'm a let down to my friends because I'm a hassle any time they want to do something. I'm frustrated and frustrating to others.
Is there a point to this? Actually, yes. The thing about the monkey bars is that it's something accomplished during playtime, but that doesn't mean adults can't contribute to the situation. Maybe if someone would have worked with me, helped me, encouraged me, taught me how to tackle the problem as something I could overcome (instead of just believing I was doomed to fail), then perhaps the results in my adult life would be different. I'm not blaming the totality of my current situation on what adults did or did not do. I made decisions here along the way.
HOWEVER, if you are an adult with influence on a child, think about what you can teach them and HOW you can teach them that might make an impact on their views about their shortcomings. Take time to work with them to overcome the obstacle. Maybe set up a system that IS achievable to them at their current level as a way to help them build strength toward the thing they can't do at the moment. Don't coddle them, but don't berate them either. Teach them that life is harsh, but we're stronger.
As for me, well.....I guess I'll have to find my own way to see if I can get across all the metaphorical monkey bars.
Friday, November 2, 2018
2500
I've written over 2500 posts on this blog. I've covered several years of my life here, recording boring details, intense thoughts, insanity, disappointment, anger, discovery, joy, fear, cancer, recovery, and death. Well, not my death, clearly, but death.
Sometimes I think about quitting, but never for very long. Doing the blog is part of my nightly ritual now. It's now I wind down my day. It's also how I vaguely keep track of what's happening in my life. If for no other reason, I'll keep going for that.
Sometimes I think about quitting, but never for very long. Doing the blog is part of my nightly ritual now. It's now I wind down my day. It's also how I vaguely keep track of what's happening in my life. If for no other reason, I'll keep going for that.
Thursday, November 1, 2018
Rooms of Color
I'm not even sure how old I was when I first saw this series of rooms of color on tv. I just remembered seeing them, being mystified by them and perhaps a little scared.
When I was somewhat older, I realize it was from Vincent Price's version of The Masque of the Red Death. There were my rooms of color and a very clear understanding of why I found this sinister.
I kind of forgot about all of this until last night when I saw the movie again. AMC was showing a whole marathon of Vincent Price movies and Masque was one of them. Those rooms are so fascinating, as is the ending when all the various colored versions of death show up.
When I was somewhat older, I realize it was from Vincent Price's version of The Masque of the Red Death. There were my rooms of color and a very clear understanding of why I found this sinister.
I kind of forgot about all of this until last night when I saw the movie again. AMC was showing a whole marathon of Vincent Price movies and Masque was one of them. Those rooms are so fascinating, as is the ending when all the various colored versions of death show up.
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