The Bitters

I've been having a lot of the bitters lately. Not biters. No one is biting me. No, this really is me just being in a generally bitter mood about everything. I almost talked myself out of seeing a movie by a director I love until I watched the trailer and realized I was being a bitter old bitch about it.

Then there was this convo with my best friend.

Me: I have to eat dinner with my family this weekend.
Her: Why?
Me: My dad is having his birthday. Hopefully it won't take too long. Thankfully it's in town.

Yes, I was seriously being this bitter about having dinner with my family. Dinner with my family. That isn't something to be bitter about. It isn't like it is dinner with my mom and grandma, which I never enjoyed, because, wait for it, they were both so bitter about everything.

Anyway, as I was explaining this to her, I scrolled past an FB meme that said, "A poem about me. I hate people. I wish I was drunk. The end."

If you notice me being bitter, realize I'm not meaning to be harmful. I'm probably not even aware I'm doing it. I'll certainly endeavor to be less bitter though I'm not sure how that will work out.

Maybe I'll just turn into a pickle.

State Stupidity

In Oklahoma's ever-expanding path of fuckery, they are cutting more and more out of the budget in places where people who truly need the money will be harmed. People who could actually handle losing a little money? Well, nothing is happening to them.

Every day, it's becoming more and more clear that the policies and ideals of the people who are in charge of this state don't work when applied to real life. They don't help. They only harm.

Creative Organization

I've probably mentioned this before but every time I see click bait about life hacks or organizational tips, I always look at them. Yes, I know we're supposed to resist click bait. I do not care. I love those things.

I don't use as many of them as I would like to, but the ones I do use are awesome. I try to keep large paperclips around my desk area for organizing chords. It really makes a big difference in  the level of clutter I have. Honestly, I need to get some more of them.

My shelving unit has lots of places for me to attach hooks. I did this for more hang storage. It was marginally successful. It probably needs some refinement. I would do more of the wall ones if my walls weren't made of ancient plaster and toothpaste.

I guess I love them because it's another place where you see so much human ingenuity. It makes me so hopeful for us when I see such creativity.

So if you have life hacks that you think no one would be interested in knowing, remember that some of us always love to see them. Post away!

Easter 2016

Wonky the Easter Bunny only got set out last night. Usually, we put out the holiday decoration before that, but this year, things have just been too weird. The weather feels all wrong. It's been colder this week than it has in a while. Cold with a side of pollen. No fun.

Our holiday meal was really good. My roommate, who shops better than anyone, found a great sale on the protein a while back. We had that, some sides, and great biscuits.  We also had a pie that was a bit questionable, but still a nice change.

I didn't knit that much today but I met the other personal goals. The next few days probably won't see much progress either, but I'll do what I can.  Most of the time, that's about as good as it gets.

Self Editing and Quandaries

I had to erase like half of my post last night because while I typed it out, it looked like the same kind of self-righteous stuff my grandmother used to say. Seriously, it was like she possessed me. I was shocked at how it sounded.

Not that I intended to sound self-righteous. I was trying to explain something about the realities of being poor. Seriously, that's all I was trying to do. But it did not come off that way. It came off as very, very snitty. Given that, I erased it and wrote what I hoped was a better version of the post.

It got me thinking. I wonder how often people who sound horribly self-righteous were just trying to explain something. Maybe they're not really trying to annoy the hell out of everyone. Maybe they don't really think they're grand and amazing. Maybe they're just trying to explain a certain standpoint and have no charm.

I think maybe I'll give people more of the benefit of the doubt on this. And I'll probably worry that this post is also sounding self-righteous.

The Bad Weather Gamble

It's Good Friday and for me, it actually was a pretty good Friday. I had some personal goals today and I accomplished them. I also napped really well and that was awesome. I've not been super great at that kind of thing for a while. One day of minor accomplishment is grand.

So our van has this issue on the passenger's side. It's really difficult to get it to switch over to hot air when winter comes. Once we finally get that side to blow hot air, we basically have to keep it that way until Spring. Any day when it's warm before that, you basically have to just tough it out. Well, last week we assumed we were in the clear for warmer weather and switched the stupid thing back to cool. Now I'm facing several days of 30s in  the morning. Sigh. This is going to suck.

I'm sure it's one of those things that could be fixed, but given that there is a solution to manage the problem (even if it isn't a great solution), I just can't justify spending money on it. When it breaks completely, sure, but for this? Nah.

So this means I'll spend some uncomfortable mornings in a cold ass van. Sometimes the gamble on the weather pays off. Other times, well this happens. But with weather as unpredictable as ours, you never know.

I Imagine Death so much It Feels Just like a Memory

Someone on FB posted this article today. I commented that I thought everyone felt this way. I wondered what it was like not to feel this way all the time.

I live in this grey area. I can distract myself from it, but it doesn't go away. I have music. I have my creative stuff. I have friends. All of that helps, but only so much as it keeps my mind off the darkness.

I seriously don't know what it's like not to feel this way. Do people honestly not feel this way? I'm being serious here. I always thought when people said they didn't feel at least marginally suicidal it was because they didn't want other people think they were being dramatic. I always assumed that deep down, they did want to die, they just didn't feel the need to admit it to others.

Maybe I was wrong. I don't know.