Hopeless Causes

Fun fact: More heart attacks occur on the Monday after Daylight Savings Time than on any other Monday. Maybe that isn't such a fun fact. I actually signed a petition to end this madness. I doubt it will happen. After all, a few years ago, they actually shortened the time we get to Fall Back. I sighed anyway. It's a hopeless cause, but my activism was.........er, activated.

You know the thing is, I bet more Americans are actually interested and united on ending DST than they are on just about anything else. You know, one day a politician will come along who actually tries to unite people on the stuff we all agree on and it could change everything. Again, that probably won't happen, but a girl can dream.

Anyway, I have errands to run tomorrow. They're going to cause me to be up early, of course. Damn you, DST! I'll write more when I can think with more of my brain.

IWD

I spent most of International Woman's Day looking at Facebook posts about how unfair it is that we don't have a day for men. There IS an International Men's Day, of course. There is also that annual penis festival. Still though, every time we try to honor a group that isn't white men, people get into some kind of tizzy about it. So annoying.

For me, I think the biggest issue with women, on all fronts, is the idea that people (and I say people here because both men and other women do this) often view women as some kind of resource for them. What can we get from this woman? Sex? Is she a subject of gossip? Will she do work for us? Will she provide us with money or children or services?

People get it into their heads that women are supposed to be DOING something for THEM. They make plans on how they woman is supposed to do this. And when she doesn't comply, quite often, this is when the conflict begins. People get frustrated when they realize the woman has her own plans and goals.

This doesn't happen exclusively to women. Men have this happen to them as well. Gendered expectations always suck and they are never fair on anyone. If you find yourself in a situation where someone is EXPECTING you to do things just because you happen to be the ____ in the relationship, the person you are with isn't all that enlightened.

And if you are a person who finds yourself constantly frustrated because someone isn't going along with your plans, then walk away. You can only decide things or make plans for yourself. When you start doing that for other people, you're just stacking the deck for the end of the relationship anyway. You can only control and change you.

Obligatory Time Change Post

As happens every year, Daylight Savings Time is upon us. As also happens every year, I hate it. I hate losing my hour so much. Yes, I realize I've blogged about this for years now. Yes, I realize nothing will be done about it. It doesn't matter. I still hate it. It's still taking away my hour and messing with my life. Bastard hour-stealing menace.

Other than that, the day was okay. I didn't have to do anything and it's warmer than it has been in a while. This means that spring is on its way, and you know how much I hate that.

So I've been thinking about this depression I'm having. I believe that the dread and anxiety aspects of it may be due to all of the trauma I experienced last year. We're going to be heading into anniversaries of very scary times for me. It isn't going to be easy.

Last year changed me. In some ways, for the better. In other ways, for the worse. I'm more brave than I was, but I'm also lacking in memory. My body goes through weird phases. I have strange pain here and there and at different times. My sinuses even behave in a way they never really did before. I know I'm still ME, but it's a different me. I guess in the midst of trying to come to terms with that, there is this fear that I'll have to do it all over again. I don't want to do that.

I want that about as much as I want Daylight Savings Time.

Small Friday Post

The snow has mostly melted off. Of course, it was still icy on my stoop, but that's to be expected. WHY they decided to put the door one would go out of the most on the North side of the house is beyond me. We went shopping and I lived bringing the bags inside. No slipping. This is a good thing.

I had a dream that we adopted two more outdoor cats. I told my roommate and the cats about the dream. I don't think anyone approved. This is just one in a series of very vivid dreams I've been having lately. It's been odd. Still, I suppose it could be worse.

I'm still not all that good emotionally. I'm better than I was yesterday though.

Seasonal Loathing

Winter is winding down. Given the fact that I've had to drive (BY MYSELF) in the snow twice, you'd think I'd be happy about this. I'm not. Spring is always really stressful for me. Bad things happen. Actually, in some cases, traumatic things happen. I'm not looking forward to it. At the very least, Spring will bring allergies, bugs, and lawn mowing. At the worst, it will bring car problems and cancer, like it did the last two years. I just don't know that I have it in me to handle the stress of it.

Okay, yes. I do have it in me to handle it. I think. I'm really not sure. The PTSD from last year is still pretty strong. I have a doctor's appointment in Tulsa next month and I'm already dreading the possible panic attack this will cause. I'm trying not to obsess about it, but I am afraid I will.

My depression is really strong right now. I've been taking my meds, but sometimes it's more extreme that others. Right now, it's pretty rough. I'm in one of those places where I feel I'm just kind of enduring life. I'm not really enjoying it much. I don't see much hope in it. I'm just enduring and I know I need more than that. And I don't mean more responsibility or obligations. I need something to desire. I need something to inspire me. I need something to fill me instead of things that drain me.

As I said, it could just be the depression talking.

Crabby pants

I have noticed I don't seem to be aging gracefully. I do not mean as far as my looks go. I never had that. This is more about the mental process of aging. I'm not good at that part.

For one thing, I notice that I do a lot of comparing between 'kids these days' and me. While I try to be open minded about them, that usually only lasts until they start annoying me. Then I turn into Crabbyass Mcbitchalot. I wish I was 't like this, but quite often I seem to find my generation as the best one. I think my only saving grace here is that I don't make these observations to the young people. Then again, I rarely speak to anyone.

I also seem to have far less patience than I used to. Things that used to just roll off of me now seem to be hitting my last nerve. I'm trying not to be snappy about it, but you know how that goes. You can tolerate anything as long as you don't think about the fact that you're having to tolerate it. Once you become aware that you're forcing yourself to be nice, it's really hard to continue.

Anyway, at least I'm trying to be aware of my own crabbiness. I'll do what I can to try and subvert that. 

Bah

I should have written earlier today because I have to call it a night by ten. I wanted to write around 5, but got distracted. Sometime I think the distractions are the worst part of my day. There's nothing I can do about it though. Anyway, a lot of errands were accomplished. I'm pretty strung out. I'll write more tomorrow.