I haven't really been that inspired to make anything of late, but today, that changed. I found some crochet patterns that I liked quite a lot. In fact, they're rather beautiful. I'm thinking I'm skilled enough to do them. I may need to review a few things, but for the most part, I think these are things I can certainly do.
As you know, it's been a while since I've felt all that creative. However, I'm rather excited about this. If I can learn to make these well, I will have a pretty decent gift for people because these are awesome. It could really be a nice skill for me to have.
Of course, I am aware it may take me quite a few tries to really make it work. It will be fun to challenge myself with this.
Monday, March 16, 2015
Sunday, March 15, 2015
A Good Sunday
I had gotten to where I was avoiding most of the Game of Thrones Forums, because they'd mostly gotten stupid. It was complaints about characters (usually the female characters) and theories that only made sense in the minds of spoiled children Look at me not judgin!
Anyway, much to my delight, the last few weeks have been far better. People are posting very complex analysis of things that make a lot of sense and seem plausible. It's made me very happy to look at the books from this perspective. And we all know how much I loves me some book analysis. I've been a happy ball of joy about this for a few days now.
This has been good because the depression is trying to come back. Whenever it does, I've been pushing my thoughts back into the book analysis so I can think about that instead. I won't say it works EVERY TIME I try it, but it works some of the time. I'm in this place where I feel that SOME of nothing is better than nothing of nothing, so I'll take this.
Anyway, when I get finished with this post, I found a new article about it to read. HEE! This is so awesome.
Anyway, much to my delight, the last few weeks have been far better. People are posting very complex analysis of things that make a lot of sense and seem plausible. It's made me very happy to look at the books from this perspective. And we all know how much I loves me some book analysis. I've been a happy ball of joy about this for a few days now.
This has been good because the depression is trying to come back. Whenever it does, I've been pushing my thoughts back into the book analysis so I can think about that instead. I won't say it works EVERY TIME I try it, but it works some of the time. I'm in this place where I feel that SOME of nothing is better than nothing of nothing, so I'll take this.
Anyway, when I get finished with this post, I found a new article about it to read. HEE! This is so awesome.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Rule 19
Rule 19 of the Rules of the Internet states that the more you hate something, the stronger it gets. I think this is something most people need to know. I think it's something we need to always keep in mind when we find ourselves indulging in hours on hours of negativity directed towards others.
For instance, I saw the title of an article that someone posted today about how the atheists are fearful or mad or something about more people coming to religion. I was like, whatwhat? Really? As a rule, while atheists don't like religion and wish people would see the folly of joining them, I don't think they spend their time being butthurt over people joining them. What is the point of being free from religion if you're just going to obsess about it?
In terms of communicating about the things that you want to have other people listen to, I think it's important to remember what you're really empowering with your words, posts, and time. After all, the more you talk about something, the more people are aware of it. And if you come off as fearful, angry, or crazy, the less inclined they will be to see your side of things.
So when you post about things, especially if you post about them a lot, are you doing so in a reasonable manner? Are your arguments sound and logical? Or are they laden with emotion? Do they pit one side against the other, with one side CLEARLY being wrong and the other side CLEARLY being right?
Hatred is a strong emotion. It isn't one we should just fall into. Hating something takes a lot of time and whether we notice or not, it takes a lot of energy and commitment. These are finite aspects of us that could be used in better ways.
For instance, I saw the title of an article that someone posted today about how the atheists are fearful or mad or something about more people coming to religion. I was like, whatwhat? Really? As a rule, while atheists don't like religion and wish people would see the folly of joining them, I don't think they spend their time being butthurt over people joining them. What is the point of being free from religion if you're just going to obsess about it?
In terms of communicating about the things that you want to have other people listen to, I think it's important to remember what you're really empowering with your words, posts, and time. After all, the more you talk about something, the more people are aware of it. And if you come off as fearful, angry, or crazy, the less inclined they will be to see your side of things.
So when you post about things, especially if you post about them a lot, are you doing so in a reasonable manner? Are your arguments sound and logical? Or are they laden with emotion? Do they pit one side against the other, with one side CLEARLY being wrong and the other side CLEARLY being right?
Hatred is a strong emotion. It isn't one we should just fall into. Hating something takes a lot of time and whether we notice or not, it takes a lot of energy and commitment. These are finite aspects of us that could be used in better ways.
Friday, March 13, 2015
Grey Rage
So I spent the day actively trying not to judge myself, others, or situations. I tried to do the Radical Acceptance thing and just let things flow along. How well did I do? How well do you think?
I think the best example of how well I did DOT do happened when I was driving home. It was raining. The rain was grey and heavy. The streets were grey. The sky was grey. Needless to say, visibility wasn't that great. It wasn't raining so hard that I had to pull over or anything, but I did consider it a couple of times.
Anyway, there is this hill between here and small city. I can never remember the actual name of the hill, so I call it Whatthefuck Hill and tend to rather hate it. And yes, this is one of the first points of me failing at judging things. After all, the hill is just a hill. Whatthefuck Hill is not trying to go out of its way to cause me problems. It can't . . . because it's a hill.
However, it's also a long hill and a bit on the steep side. It always makes the van unhappy when we go up it. It's also always a pain because it is at the end of a speed trap town, so no one is ever going very fast. And because everyone was going so slow, by the time you get to Whatthefuck Hill, there is always a huge line of cars in front of you.
So today, I'm headed home and it's grey. I'm annoyed because it won't quit raining (as if the rain was doing this to piss me off. It wasn't. It's rain) and I am smack in the middle of the big line of cars headed up Whatthefuck Hill. And suddenly, as I'm trying to gain speed, the whole line comes to a halt because someone has to turn. This annoys me because I know it's going to mess with my speed gaining ability. As soon as the whole line starts moving again, we suddenly stop AGAIN because someone else has to turn.
And what comes out of my mouth?
"I HATE EVERYONE WHO LIVES ON WHATTHEFUCK HILL!"
I hate them. Because they decided to go home.
Yes, this is my logical, rational, nonjudgmental response to people who are just trying to go home. Sigh.
Of course, I know that no one who lives on Whatthefuck Hill was trying to ruin my day. I know they weren't trying to slow me down or do anything to me personally. They were just humans, going about their business. It's me who has the problem.
This trying not to judge thing is both enlightening and frustrating.
I think the best example of how well I did DOT do happened when I was driving home. It was raining. The rain was grey and heavy. The streets were grey. The sky was grey. Needless to say, visibility wasn't that great. It wasn't raining so hard that I had to pull over or anything, but I did consider it a couple of times.
Anyway, there is this hill between here and small city. I can never remember the actual name of the hill, so I call it Whatthefuck Hill and tend to rather hate it. And yes, this is one of the first points of me failing at judging things. After all, the hill is just a hill. Whatthefuck Hill is not trying to go out of its way to cause me problems. It can't . . . because it's a hill.
However, it's also a long hill and a bit on the steep side. It always makes the van unhappy when we go up it. It's also always a pain because it is at the end of a speed trap town, so no one is ever going very fast. And because everyone was going so slow, by the time you get to Whatthefuck Hill, there is always a huge line of cars in front of you.
So today, I'm headed home and it's grey. I'm annoyed because it won't quit raining (as if the rain was doing this to piss me off. It wasn't. It's rain) and I am smack in the middle of the big line of cars headed up Whatthefuck Hill. And suddenly, as I'm trying to gain speed, the whole line comes to a halt because someone has to turn. This annoys me because I know it's going to mess with my speed gaining ability. As soon as the whole line starts moving again, we suddenly stop AGAIN because someone else has to turn.
And what comes out of my mouth?
"I HATE EVERYONE WHO LIVES ON WHATTHEFUCK HILL!"
I hate them. Because they decided to go home.
Yes, this is my logical, rational, nonjudgmental response to people who are just trying to go home. Sigh.
Of course, I know that no one who lives on Whatthefuck Hill was trying to ruin my day. I know they weren't trying to slow me down or do anything to me personally. They were just humans, going about their business. It's me who has the problem.
This trying not to judge thing is both enlightening and frustrating.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
The Road Less Traveled
I was mulling over the place where I wanted to start this whole thing. It hit me when I was reading my new chapter for therapy. One of the sentences in there was "Judgement is the royal road to misery." This is so absolutely true. In our society, we have become obsessed with judging people, addicted to it in a way we've never been before. It's like a poison.
The internet has brought us many wonderful things, but it's also added some new and sickening aspects to our society that we've not really had to face before. There are websites (such as People of Walmart) where the whole point is to take pictures of people who do not fit into the norm and make fun of them. There are sites where people do this about fat people, about people who lack the skill to dress themselves 'proper' or spell tattoos. Some people go there every day and laugh, all at the expense of someone else.
I think it's fairly clear how this would affect the people who are the subjects of the pictures, but what we often don't discuss is how it's affecting those who look at them. There is this massive amount of judging going on. A huge lot of feeling superior to people. That kind of emotion can become addictive. It is a state some people like to stay in, and it makes it pretty difficult for them to relate to others.
I am not going to say that being nonjudgmental is easy. It is not. In fact, part of my work for therapy right now is keeping a list of moments when I'm being judgmental and analyzing my emotional state during it. I was shocked at how often I'm doing this. I was also shocked at how much negativity I was building every time I would do it. The two seem to go hand in hand. The more negative things are, the harder it is to expend energy on anything besides just being negative.
So how do we approach a subject from a nonjudgmental perspective? To be honest, I'm not sure. I think maybe recognizing all the moments when this is taking over our lives is the first step. Try it sometime. Just for a day, right down every judgement you make. I think you'd be shocked.
The internet has brought us many wonderful things, but it's also added some new and sickening aspects to our society that we've not really had to face before. There are websites (such as People of Walmart) where the whole point is to take pictures of people who do not fit into the norm and make fun of them. There are sites where people do this about fat people, about people who lack the skill to dress themselves 'proper' or spell tattoos. Some people go there every day and laugh, all at the expense of someone else.
I think it's fairly clear how this would affect the people who are the subjects of the pictures, but what we often don't discuss is how it's affecting those who look at them. There is this massive amount of judging going on. A huge lot of feeling superior to people. That kind of emotion can become addictive. It is a state some people like to stay in, and it makes it pretty difficult for them to relate to others.
I am not going to say that being nonjudgmental is easy. It is not. In fact, part of my work for therapy right now is keeping a list of moments when I'm being judgmental and analyzing my emotional state during it. I was shocked at how often I'm doing this. I was also shocked at how much negativity I was building every time I would do it. The two seem to go hand in hand. The more negative things are, the harder it is to expend energy on anything besides just being negative.
So how do we approach a subject from a nonjudgmental perspective? To be honest, I'm not sure. I think maybe recognizing all the moments when this is taking over our lives is the first step. Try it sometime. Just for a day, right down every judgement you make. I think you'd be shocked.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Filtering
There is a person on my FB list who is having a slow meltdown. She's someone I've known for a long time. She can't sleep right now due to being in a lot of pain. I don't think she realizes she's ranting on Facebook, but she is. It's really sad and kind of scary. I know she has people tending to her. I wish they'd take her phone away from her. I don't think she's going to be too happy about what she's posting when she's in a better state of mind.
If there is anything scary about being online so much, it's the fact that the things we write aren't erased. For people who have the where with all to understand how to THINK before they post things, this isn't such a problem. But for people who don't have that ability, things can get embarrassing.
I see people write stuff like "this is ME!" or "I'm being REAL" as a kind of defense about the stupid shit they wrote. And yes, perhaps it is you, but when did we stop discouraging people from having some kind of 'Crazy Filter?'
If you're balking at the idea of having a filter, please consider this. I would assume you're trying to communicate with other people? Right? Will you actually communicate with them if everything you say just annoys the hell out of them? Do you honestly think your points will seem sound or reasonable if you just keep barraging them with typing? Would that work for you?
Just because we mostly type at each other these days doesn't mean we should lose the art of conversation. In fact, I think it's something we should work on, even more, because communication so vital to our lives. We all come online and head to these social media places because we crave contact with each other. But often when we get there, things just fall apart.
Hmm. I think I've stumbled onto a longer topic here. I'm going to discuss some of this over the next few nights and see where we can go with it.
If there is anything scary about being online so much, it's the fact that the things we write aren't erased. For people who have the where with all to understand how to THINK before they post things, this isn't such a problem. But for people who don't have that ability, things can get embarrassing.
I see people write stuff like "this is ME!" or "I'm being REAL" as a kind of defense about the stupid shit they wrote. And yes, perhaps it is you, but when did we stop discouraging people from having some kind of 'Crazy Filter?'
If you're balking at the idea of having a filter, please consider this. I would assume you're trying to communicate with other people? Right? Will you actually communicate with them if everything you say just annoys the hell out of them? Do you honestly think your points will seem sound or reasonable if you just keep barraging them with typing? Would that work for you?
Just because we mostly type at each other these days doesn't mean we should lose the art of conversation. In fact, I think it's something we should work on, even more, because communication so vital to our lives. We all come online and head to these social media places because we crave contact with each other. But often when we get there, things just fall apart.
Hmm. I think I've stumbled onto a longer topic here. I'm going to discuss some of this over the next few nights and see where we can go with it.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Balances
I feel a lot more human than I did yesterday. I knew I would. At least, I hoped I would. There is always that lingering bit of doubt. This is how it's been with my depression. I knew it was just a temporary thing. I knew it would ease up after a while. Of course, in the depths of it, you're never certain. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if it never went away. I don't like the idea of having to find out.
My therapist and I addressed the depression. She reminded me that despite the Evening Primrose, I am still on the downhill swing of hormonal adjustment. Even when I'm being very good about taking my happy pills (which I have been), there will still be times when my emotional chaos overrides that. The chemicals are all on the floor of my brain right now, making a big ol' mess. Sometimes it's okay. Other times, well, other times you get to read blog posts of doubt and uncertainty.
On the plus side, my skin feels really great right now. I think I've finally found the right combo of stuff to slather on it to make it work like real skin and not like dried out leather that is still weirdly oily. Stupid skin.
My therapist and I addressed the depression. She reminded me that despite the Evening Primrose, I am still on the downhill swing of hormonal adjustment. Even when I'm being very good about taking my happy pills (which I have been), there will still be times when my emotional chaos overrides that. The chemicals are all on the floor of my brain right now, making a big ol' mess. Sometimes it's okay. Other times, well, other times you get to read blog posts of doubt and uncertainty.
On the plus side, my skin feels really great right now. I think I've finally found the right combo of stuff to slather on it to make it work like real skin and not like dried out leather that is still weirdly oily. Stupid skin.
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