Humid Day

This was one of those days when no one was happy. It was just too humid. We weren't fussing with each other, but it didn't take that. Honestly, I think the weather kept us all so tired, we didn't even feel like putting THAT much effort into it.

I'm not well and neither is my roommate. Our health is often affected by changes in the weather and unfortunately, our house is so open and old, we don't really have a lot of ways to keep control over the humidity levels. As for the cats, well, they are covered in fur. Fur and humidity are a bad combination.

On the plus side, I've been listening to Hamilton again. That soundtrack is amazing. Wish I could go see it.

Nightmares

I've been in a strange place lately. My sleep has been filled with nightmares. You know, I seriously miss nightmares about monsters. Those were easy. These are horrible.

One night I dreamed my grandparents were still alive and constantly accusing me of things I didn't do. No matter what I said, I couldn't convince them otherwise. The night after that, I dreamed I slipped and fell in a dirty public bathroom and had to walk around with other people's urine soaking my clothes.

Last night was the worst. I kept having post-trauma dreams about my hysterectomy. Because I was on pain meds at the time, the details of what happened to me tend to be blurry to me. My mind, for some awful reason, seems to have stored details I can't usually recall. Last night, it kept sending out memories of some of the more physically painful and terrifying moments. Thanks, brain.

Needless to say, I'm in a rather dark little place right now.

Reflective Friday

July continues to defy expectations and be a decent month. It's odd, but good. We got our favorite pizza today and I'm glad we did. It's been way too long. In related news, I love limes.

I think there is something to said for easy days. Often people think things need to be crazy when they really don't. A safe place to rest, a safe place to vent, a safe place to laugh . . . often life needs no more than this. I'm glad I have this.

Summer Blah

Actually, it's rather cool right now so I can't complain THAT much, however, as my roommate said in his post, summer is really getting the best of both of us. He was sick with some heat issues yesterday. I was sick with them this morning. After I napped and things cooled down, it wasn't so bad, but before that, I had a few hours of awful.

I hate summer. I didn't used to. I used to love it because of the no school thing. Now it's hellish. I'm not sure if it's because it's hotter or I'm fatter or if it's just because I have nothing fun to do and my house is unpleasant. Though, I'm not sure how it could be the last one because this is the same house I lived in back then. All I know is that summer is literally making me sick.

Rise Up

As usual, we stayed on the fringes of things today. I watched people's fireworks from the comfort of the living room and did my best to console the cats. We had soup for dinner. We took out the trash. In many ways, it was any other Wednesday.

I did post the article about Lola on my Facebook page and talked about how important freedom is. Freedom to have dignity. Freedom to have safety. Freedom to walk your own paths and plant your own gardens.

I'll leave the 4th with this quote from Hamilton, some of the last words Alexander says before he dies.

America, you great unfinished symphony, you sent for me
You let me make a difference
A place where even orphan immigrants
Can leave their fingerprints and rise up

Why Not?

Amanda Palmer wrote that Neil Gaiman once told her that you can't ask for something if you can't imagine that something. This is very true and I believe it's one of the reasons there always seems to be this effort to limit people's imaginations.

I think one of the most potent questions anyone can ask is "Why not?" I honestly believe that is what started this whole America thing. People believed they couldn't defy the king and some other people asked: "Why not?" People thought they couldn't win a war against the might of the English Empire and some other people asked: "Why not?"

This happens every day. People say fat people can't be beautiful, and suddenly you have fat people (and others) challenging that idea. People say men can't be amazing, sensitive stay at home parents but there are men who are challenging that. People say we're incapable of change and yet some people strive to alter their destructive behaviors. If there is a concept that people believe is finite, why not challenge it, just to see if you can?

I live in my head a lot. I'm many people in my mind, some of them even spill out into the real world because I opt to let them interact with others. Why limit me to one person? This has, many times, saved me, comforted me, and healed me. If there is something you want to do, do it. If there is something you want to imagine to be possible, let your mind explore that idea. Keep pushing.

July

Bah. It was hot, muggy, and sticky today. The humidity was horrible and I'm in an awful mood because of it. Bah! Anyway, that's all for today. Hello, July. You smell like wet dog.