Validation

I think I'm beautiful.

I fully well realize I'm also massively overweight with tons of extra chins and boobs that sag to another country and lots of bulging this and thats. I also know my hair is thin and whispy. I sweat a lot. I have a weird nose. My eyebrows are disappearing. Honestly, it doesn't matter. I still think I'm beautiful. It's just one of those things I've always believed.

I also don't think YOU have to think I'm beautiful. That's completely fine. It didn't use to be. I used to be mad when people rejected the truth of my beauty. Now I realize that beauty is rather subjective and what I see in the mirror or from the perspective of my eyes or feel with my hands isn't what other people will experience. I can lounge naked on my bed and feel beautiful. Possibly no one else would see it that way. That's fine.

I will never force acceptance of my beauty on anyone else either. To me, body acceptance means YOU accept YOU. It doesn't mean everyone else has to. Now I don't think this gives them the right to kill you over it, but at the same time, they don't have to date you either. People have the right to decide who they love and who they have sex with. We've fought too hard and too long for those rights for someone to run over them with 'I'm forcing you to love me.' That just isn't how things work.

Do I believe that if you love yourself then you will find someone who also loves you and get married and live happily ever after? No. That's magical thinking at its worst. The thing is, if you really love yourself, you don't have to have the marriage and someone else. You have the validation you need already. I don't have that every second of the day, but tonight I do and it feels amazing.

Grumpy Again

I need to start writing posts earlier. This waiting until it's late, humid, and the AC is off . . . this is a bad idea. I'm always in a crappy mood by now. Earlier I was in a pretty decent mood (because the AC was on and my temp was in a better place). Now I'm just crabby.

Anyway, on a positive note, I found a beauty blogger with a face about the size of mine. It was interesting to see her do makeup from a larger perspective. I learned quite a few things. I got my hair cut again. It's super, super short and I'm completely okay with this as it's also the least hot my head has felt in a while. I would say I was sacrificing comfort for beauty, but to be honest, my hair always looks like crap when it's long anyway, so this is probably my best option.

I'll try to write earlier tomorrow.

Humid

I had positive fun stuff to write tonight, but I can't do that. It's just too damned hot. The humidity is insane. I hate this and I hate being here right now. Ughh.

Stupid summer.

Dumb Shipping

I needed a new massager (not that kind, you pervs!) and my roommate found one at Walmart online for a decent price. The problem was, the price was just good enough to slide under the free shipping option. He searched around for something to make up the difference and got a 2 dollar thing of chapstick.

This is where things get really stupid. The free shipping for a minimum order implies that it's a way for the store to make sure they get money enough to compensate for the free shipment. The next thing we know, the massager and the chapstick will be sent separately, so already, they're spending more money than they would make on the shipping.

Then I get the boxes in. Both boxes are far larger than the products sent. I get that you need to make the box somewhat larger to add padding, but these boxes were massive compared to what was inside them. When you consider that the shipping fee was based partially on box size, this gets even more expensive.

I mean, I didn't have to pay for it, but still. If you're going to ship two products so people meet your minimum price, Walmart, make sure you put them in the same box.

Freak Storm

When my roommate was cooking dinner, there was a weird, sharp crack of thunder. With little to no rain chances in the forecast, this was odd, but at first, we assumed it was just random. It was soon followed by another equally strange thundering and soon the rain was falling with a fury.

It didn't last very long, so I just blew it off as a small, freak storm, but apparently, things were easy on us. Downtown, roofs blew off buildings, trees were downed, a lot of limbs broke. The crazy thing is, this storm only lasted a few minutes. Such a strange day.

Ugggh

I'm angry right now, so keep that in mind when you read this post.

In the game I play, there are a couple of cross-server aspects that have to be done as daily goals. One involves several tasks with the Capture the Flag game as its basis. You get rewards for accomplishing certain set tasks and for only those tasks, with one exception . . . you still get points even after you reach your daily limit on rewards. The purpose of this is to encourage people to help others to reach their goals.

Unfortunately, there are some people who are assholes and they spend their time racking up points at the expense of everyone else getting their rewards. Not only do they continue to do this throughout the day, but they will ridicule anyone who tries to protest what they're doing. It's basically like an angry child screaming at everyone when they're eating all the donuts and no one else gets one.

Their justifications are so lame. One of them was quoting The Matrix (BECAUSE OF COURSE HE WAS!!!) and acting like he and his fellow dickbags were enlightened by loopholing the rules and being greedy instead of just doing their daily tasks and leaving. No. You're not enlightened. You're just a bastard.

At the end of the day, King of the Dickbags had raked up just under 100,000 pts. The thing is, he got no more rewards for this than he would had he been a decent person and played the game as such. I suppose that is impossible for some people.

The Yard

My roommate pays a lot more attention to the animals outside than I do. It's a gift of his, to notice all the birds and squirrels and dragonflies. I'm rather uncomfortable with nature and try my best to just get out of it as soon as possible. He, however, allows it to be part of his life.

He noted that lately, animals have been avoiding our yard. We used to have quite a few birds living around us, some squirrels, porch cats, and the like. He's noticed they don't come here as much as they used to. In some cases, like the squirrels, they will avoid our yard to go to others.

It's weird. See, this is after several years of plants dying. We've lost bushes my grandmother had kept alive for years. This used to be a yard of prosperity. My grandparents would plant two gardens every year. There would be snap peas and corn and potatoes and watermelons (and squash, so much squash). She would have flowerbeds full of color and planter boxes with so many things in them. I would see fireflies at night and dragonflies during the day.

There are some places where things still thrive. One front flower bed has a mass of tiger lilies and our little elephant ears. In the Fall, we still get a mass of mums that fall over drunkenly at the other end of the house. Our back flowerbed is full of mint and it serves as an oasis for butterflies, bees, and wasps. There is still color and there is still life.

I'm so strange about this. I don't want to BE outside or near any of this stuff, but at the same time, I want it to still be there. I want it to live and thrive and carry on its little dramas. I guess it's because it makes people I care about very happy.