A Good Day

My back hurt today. It hurt a lot today, but outside of that,  the day was pretty good. I published a fic and wrote another one. I watched a video over a book I wanted to read. I talked to my friends.

 I've been in this pretty dark headspace for a while now. And there are things going on that are leading to that. I'm scared, honestly, most of the time I'm just really scared. I try to talk myself out of that, but it's difficult. 

So when I have days when the fear and the depression aren't too bad, I like to point it out to myself. Today was that kind of day. I was in pain, but otherwise, it was good.

Slowly Coming Back

I'm starting to get a little more inspiration to write. It's been slow but it's returning. I only wrote two things last month (though one of them just came out yesterday) and this month I'm working on my third fic already. 

I don't know. Maybe it's the dreary days that have been getting to me. Perhaps now that I'm getting more sunlight my inspiration is coming back. Maybe I just needed some direction in terms of what to do next. Either way, it's good that I'm spending a little time working on stuff. I needed it. 

Valentine's Day Eve

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I don't know that we'll be doing anything for it. We might pick up something fun for lunch, but I'm not sure. It seems there should be some acknowledgment. We deserve to celebrate holidays just like everyone else.

Today was nice. It was sunny and that was such a change from the darkness and cold of the last few days. I'm very much ready for Spring even though I admittedly am not looking forward to Summer. 

Blocked Still

Okay my writer's block is back. I'm even having trouble writing anything, even my daily journal. My brain is just stuck so hard and I don't know how to unstick it. I hope this goes away as it starts to warm up. Spring can be a good time for me. 

Well, sometimes Spring can be a good time for me. Other years it's stressful and full of storms and fear. Hopefully this year it won't be stressful. I would love to have a Spring that's just mellow and lovely and full of creativity. 

This Time of Year

My roommate talked about how he feels scattered this time of year. I completely agree with that. It feels like I can't focus and like I can't keep things going. I mostly just want to sleep and find sleep difficult. I'm scared but then again I've been scared for a while now.

Things are frustrating. I'm not meeting my goals. I don't have any energy. I'm taking lots of meds for my mental health and none of them seem to be working. Or worse, maybe they are working but this is just as good as it's going to get right now.

Several years ago when Spring arrived I felt all mellow and wonderful. I wish that would happen again. I need that.

Bills Paid

My bills are paid for the month. This is a little earlier than usual but we needed to be out today so everything got handled. I'm happy about it. I always feel better when the bills are paid and I don't have to think about it for the rest of the month.

Outside of that, I'm dealing with some damage to my face from the mask I have to wear at night. I'm trying my best to deal with it, but it isn't easy given that I put the mask on every night. Oh well, if it doesn't get better maybe my doctor can help me with it.

101

I recently wrote my 101st fanfic and it's doing rather well. I think people were pleased with the direction I took it. I rarely write something strictly romance but this time I felt that I should. It turned out to be enjoyable. It's a one shot. I don't think I would even need to expand on it. And in its own way, that makes it even better. I like the idea of writing something that is complete in and of itself.