Over It

It hasn't snowed yet but I'm already over it. 

We went shopping today so we wouldn't have to deal with it during the snow. Of course, everyone else had this idea as well and the stores were crowded and rather lacking in items to purchase. We got everything we could possibly need. Devices are charged in case the power goes out. 

I'm still sick and snotty. My roommate isn't doing a lot better. Hopefully the snow will melt quickly and we can go back to our normal (such as they are) lives.

Appointment

Talked to my medical provider today about how I was adjusting to the new depression med. She upped my dosage and then told me to take Vitamin D. We'll see if it helps. Hopefully, it will. I'm really tired of feeling horrible all of the time. 

It's possible we could get the new furniture in tomorrow, but probably not likely. I wish they would have just told us it was going to be 6-9 weeks or something instead of telling us two weeks and then edging us off into a month plus. That's really annoying.

Also annoying: I'm still sick. I'm to that place where my skin is irritated because I've blown my nose so many times. My chest and back hurt because of the coughing. I really dislike how sickness damages you.

Even more irritating: It's really cold. This means the constant dripping of water from the sinks and possibly snow later in the week. Ugghh. 

I would say I'm more of a summer person, but we all know I'm not.

I would say I'm more of a Fall/Spring person but I'm not that either. I'm just not designed for living, I think.

Winter Woes

This is going to be a lot of me complaining. I'm sick. My nose is a mess and my throat hurts. I'm also achy and I just generally feel awful. 

It's supposed to get really cold this week and it could snow. I won't be going out in the snow so we'll have to switch days on when we go to the store. Snow is always stressful because the water situation in my town gets a bit dire. I'm not looking forward to this.

I have a doctor's appointment on Monday. It's just a follow-up about my medication and if it's working. It isn't and hopefully, we'll be able to get it sorted out this time.  I'm worried that it'll take longer though. I'm not sure what the next step would be.

Anyway, I'm sick and not looking forward to this week. 

First Day 2025

I'm really tired and my feet hurt. I had a lot of pain the first day of the year. I really hope that isn't a sign this year will be full of pain. I need a good year. We all do.

I'm not making resolutions. I have plans of things I want to do, but we'll see how they go. Mostly I'm just going to try to continue to exist. One of my friends was talking about how grief isn't a straight line and that's very true. 

So anyway, yeah. The holidays are over. I'm tired. I really hope that things are okay this year. I really need them to be. 

Hello 2025

Why do I feel like crying?

Then again, there has been a lot of time this year I felt like crying.

I began 2024 with hope. I had a lot of good stuff going on. I talked to my father twice a week. Then my dad died and everything derailed. I feel like I lost months of my life when he left. Then the election happened. Now everything sucks.

I'm going into 2025 with one hand held in front of me like a shield. I'm scared. I'm timid. I'm just not in a good place at all. 

My December wasn't bad. I missed my father but my friends made sure my holidays were good. I'm grateful for that. 

Do I start this year with hope? Yeah. I guess I can't help that. I have hope, but I'm also scared and sad and unsure about what will happen. 

Happy New Year.

Christmas and Further 2024

Our holiday was nice and quiet. We had a nice meal and some cake. I talked to some people and wished them well. It was, quite honestly, about what I wanted.

We have plans for NYE and NYD. Overall, this has been a busy holiday season for us. I'm glad. It means I'm not just  dwelling on the loss of my dad.

I did think about him a lot on my birthday. I've spent almost every Christmas Eve with him with a few exceptions. Now I'll never get to do that again. My dad always made the holidays feel better. He would sing to me. We had fun things to do. He always made it feel special. 

I'm 51 now. I'm feeling that a lot these days. I don't feel well and I'm not sure why. Hopefully that will change.

Birthday 2024

The day itself was quiet and sedate. We got food and cookies. I had some birthday booze. I thought about my dad a lot. He used to sing "Happy Birthday" to me every year on this day. It's hard not to have him here.

I wish my dad was still here. I wish he was still alive. I miss him today more than probably any other day since he passed. 

I had some very good birthday surprises though. When we went to the movies, my roommate got us popcorn. We'd not had that in a long time. One of my very close friends made me a knitted cat. Both of these things really delighted me. 

We ended up at a different restaurant yesterday than we planned. The one we wanted was closed. Thankfully, we'd decided on a backup. I enjoyed it quite a lot.

Overall, aside from missing my dad, it was a great birthday. I'm thankful for everyone who helped to make it that way.