Indorks

So August is over. The next to last day proved to be full of drama. The two old rickety cats managed to fall themselves out of the house. My roommate looked for them and eventually brought them back inside. They're both indoor cats so they really had no idea how the outside works. In fact, the first thing they did was use the litter box, because they had no idea where to go pee outside. Yes, I'm rolling my eyes.

They also looked skanky. I don't get this. Almost every outdoor cat I see has beautiful fur. Not only could our cats not pee outside, they also couldn't remember to clean themselves.

Of course, I'm making fun of them because I know they're safe and everything is okay. If they weren't, well, you'd be getting a very different post tonight. In all seriousness, I am deeply grateful they're back . . . even if they have no common sense.

So Shines a Good Deed in a Weary World

Gene Wilder died. My god, this has been a rough year for losing people important to the shaping of my childhood. I loved Gene's work so much. Wonka is probably one of my favorite movies ever. I actually saw a revival of it in the theater in college and consider that one of my favorite college moments.

This is another death that makes me miss my mom. She loved his movies too. Young Frankenstein and Blazing Saddles were her favorites. I watched both of them way before I understood them. I would repeat parts because I knew it made my mom laugh. I was probably a bit obnoxious about it, but that's what happens when  you're a small child trying to be funny and not grasping what you're doing.

Goodbye, Gene. I loved you.  Thank you for everything you gave to me.

Last Weekend in August

This is the last weekend in August which means somehow I have survived another summer. Yes, I know summer isn't officially over, but things will begin to get better (until it gets to winter, when it will suck again) and this lifts my spirits so much.

I have to admit, it hasn't been a horrible summer. We actually made a lot of progress in terms of managing the heat. I cultivated some good habits and don't remember getting too many nasty burns. I even met some goals! However, there are some things about summer I will not miss.

I will not miss finding bugs in my drinks.

I will not miss my hair being full of sweat.

I will not miss loathing the thought of all food.

I will not miss waking up in the middle of the night and being too hot to go back to sleep.

I will not miss the sound of lawnmowers.

I will not miss the brain ripping sound the living room window makes whenever someone opens it.

YAY! Soon all that will go away! YAY!!!!!

Strange Loves

I had a rough night. I could never get my body to settle down in any kind of reasonable way. My stomach rebelled a couple of times and I had leg cramps. Honestly, it's 11 PM and I'm just finally starting to feel leveled out. Here's to not having another night of badness.

I do think the life style changes are paying off. When I feel bad now, I basically feel like how I did when I felt GOOD at the beginning of summer. I hobble around and it's awful, but when I think of how that's how I was feeling all the damned time in June, it's good to know some improvements have happened.

Things have been difficult recently because our oldest cats are showing a lot of signs that things are winding down for them. I've talked about this before, but it always felt like a far off thing. It's different now. I've done some research on the things one needs to watch out for. I'm trying to be as analytical about this as possible because things need to be done in the proper way. I don't want them to suffer, even though the idea of this is so awful that it's hard to even write about it.

I need to write about it though. These have been the primary pets (and loves) of my adult life and I can't come to terms with this if I bottle it all up.

The thing is, when it comes to cats, it's difficult to be constantly reverent about the situation. I was reading one article about monitoring your pet's quality of life and it talked about how you should assess the Five Good Things. As in, pick the five things you know your pet enjoys the most and assess on a daily basis if they're still enjoying them.

I mean, with cats, what can those things really be? Napping. Being an asshole to the other cats. Being an asshole to the humans. Napping in the sun. Napping on another cat/human you were just an asshole to . . . cats have strange loves.

I love them. I want them to be okay. This is hard.

Discomfort as Wisdom

It had gotten cooler for a while and I'd developed a taste for it. It's been hot the last few days and it really sucks. Weather shifts do awful things to people as they get older. It's one of those things you just don't GET until you reach the age where it's hitting you.

In a way, that's kind of how I feel about hot flashes. When someone explains to you what they're like, it's difficult to understand how intense it can be. Of course, this varies from person to person. In some people, the hot flashes never get that bad. In others, oh man. They can be really hellish.

I appreciate the discomfort. This morning I noticed a harshness to my tone that I really don't want to be a part of who I am as a person. I was being harsh about a situation I will never be in, in fact, can not be in. I don't understand what it's like to be this kind of person so my ideas about it are limited by my experience and imagination. I can go pretty far with my imagination, but I would never be so arrogant to assume I can fully get it.

One of the things I've always talked about with this blog is how our greatest asset as humans is communication. Communication is more than talking, writing, or expressing ourselves. It also involves our willingness to really listen to the experiences of others. And yes, I'll be the first to admit that sometimes I really do not WANT to listen to other groups, especially if I assume they are against my interests. But if I don't make an effort, neither will they. We'll stay deaf to the needs of each other and that will get us nowhere as a culture.

Specifics

Why not just say you want equality?

Why not just say you are a humanist?

I hear this a lot when people find out I'm a feminist. I am sure other people who are promoting the needs of a specific group hear this as well. Why fight for one group and not everyone? Why keep your focus on  this one group instead of humanity?

I really hate these questions.

First of all, they are usually thrown at you to distract you from the point you're trying to make. It's a way to derail your motivation and make it look like you're the bad guy. Yes, in general terms, everyone should have a better life. Everyone. The stupidest element (and most childish) aspect of this question is that one would assume that wanting things to be great for women means you want things to suck for anyone who isn't one.

Second of all, while I support everyone having a good life in general, I see no reason to stop trying to help women to focus on everyone else. Women are coming into this fight from a certain place and that needs to be addressed. Women have issues related to their bodies being women's bodies that need to be addressed. Woman have certain economic issues that need to be addressed. Do men's' bodies and men's economic issues need to be addressed as well? Yes. Other people can do that while I focus on women.

Finally, and most importantly, equality isn't the issue. It never was. It isn't about everyone being handed the exact same thing and that being enough. If one person can't walk and the other person can, the rules of equality would state that you give both of them wheelchairs or neither of them wheelchairs.  One person has a need, the other person doesn't. We have to address the needs of the group and do what we can to meet those needs. That is far more complex than 'everyone gets the same stuff' because needs are more complex than that.

I feel like a lot of women are getting sucked into personal identity politics to the point where it is harmful to them. Instead of learning about themselves and living a life that is full of experience and personal meaning and true joy, they are being told they have to spend all their time and energy on everyone else. If that's what you enjoy, go for it. If not, take some steps back and find a new path. We're not obligated to help everyone.

100

I wish we could only communicate in 100 words a day. We hear less mindless chatter. We would hear less complaining. We wouldn't be trolled online because who would waste their precious words on something like that?

It would force us to become better communicators. We would carefully consider every word before we described our pain, our wishes, or our fears. Lack of outward communication would transform us into people who looked inward. We would know ourselves better. We would tell ourselves stories, devour books, have time to learn so many things.

It would make us better listeners. The words of others would be priceless. We would find joy in the shape of them, and feel them in all of our senses. We would savor voices the way we savor our favorite foods. We would remember every word said to us. It would all be important.

Gawker Gone

Gawker is gone.

I've been reading Gawker for years. I've always respected the site because I believed in what it was, a collectively written blog that didn't protect anyone. It exposed things and people that no one else would talk about. It did so in a mocking way, yes, and it wasn't fun to be on the receiving end of their stuff, but it never lied. It was always the truth.

Sometimes they took things to a shitty conclusion. They were assholes about Amanda Palmer, mostly because I don't think they really understood her, but what they said about her was stuff that was true. In fact, in most cases, it was stuff she said herself. I didn't always agree with them, but who ever always agrees with anyone.

I would be sad if Gawker died on its own. Websites die. News outlets die. Usually when they die it's because the lost their readers or vitality. Gawker was vital and it had great readership. It was doing fine.

Gawker died because of Peter Thiel. Thiel is a tech billionaire who hated Gawker for daring to treat him and his ilk with the same critical eye as they treated everyone. They never said anything about him that wasn't true, but it wasn't the way or in the time he wanted it said.

He secretly conspired with a sue-happy lawyer to bankroll any suits against the site. Anytime people wanted to take on Gawker, he would finance them. When Hulk Hogan decided to take them on, Thiel kept the moneybags open so that the man could sue and sue and sue, even after he kept losing. Eventually, he sued them in his hometown and won a massive judgement.

Now Gawker is gone and I'm not sad so much as I am really disturbed by this. This person silenced a media voice because he had the money to do so. I guess in a way I should be grateful for this. So often we allow ourselves to be fooled into thinking that there is some kind of justice that can keep the rich from doing whatever spiteful thing they want. Thiel just reminded us all that so long as people are allowed unlimited funds, they have unlimited power.

Scary thought.

Goodbye, Gawker,  you magnificent bastard. You will be missed.

Easy Weekend

I've been actively working on a skin routine for about two months now. I've been drinking lots of water, tending to my face, and keeping it softened. So far, for like the first time in years, I'm pretty happy with what's going on.  I usually don't do a lot to improve my appearance, but having soft skin is always fun.

As the weather gets cooler, I'll have to be more aggressive about it. My skin tends to dry out badly in the winter and it would be so nice to avoid that. This is kind of difficult because of my CPAP, but I'm going to work on it as much as I can.

The weekend was pretty good. It was cool and, for the most part, quiet. We even helped a neighbor find someone to do yardwork (not us). The cats were pills, but they're old, so I guess being pills is a hobby now.

Creative Energy

Last year at this time I wrote about my grandmother's creative pursuits. I talked about how she loved gardening, pickling, quilting (and other sewing activities). I also remarked that my grandmother was usually an unhappy person, but she was quite happy and enjoyable when she was busy with her hobbies.

I tied this to the fact that many people these days don't have creative outlets, at least, not ones that produce actual art. Often that energy is tied up in politics or arguing with people on the internet, if not outright threatening them.

A few days ago, Kevin Smith addressed a troll who was insulting his daughter. He advised said troll that the best revenge isn't threatening teenagers, it's living well and producing amazing things. He encouraged this person to go make art and stop wasting energy on being an asshole. I have no idea if this advice will be taken, but it's damned good advice.

I mean, what would the world look like if people stopped focusing so much energy on being awful to each other and channeled that into being creative? Sure, some of that creativity would still be mean spirited, but over time, perhaps less of it would be.

As I noted before, one of the reasons why this summer has been less depressing for me is because I kept myself creatively occupied. I felt accomplished. I learned new skills and improved on them. Progress is a great medicine. It's one I hope more people find.

Breathing Room

I think I'm finally recovering my rest. I didn't feel nearly as zombified today. I was still tired,  but I did manage to work out and do so without feeling like I would die at the end of it. I need to fold my clothes tomorrow and get them in order for the week. This week won't be as busy as last week was, so hopefully I'll have some breathing room.

I've been in kind of a weird mood. I've been watching videos of adorable animals. I need the cuteness right now. No idea why. I guess it's just my brain doing its best to fight off summer depression.

Small Accomplishments

I think one of the interesting things about getting older is how much your perspective can change on things. When I got home this afternoon, I was tired and hurting, but I still needed to help take trash out to the curb. I did it because I've made a commitment to do so and because I knew this was nowhere near as tired or as in pain I could be.

If 2014 taught me anything, it is that I now know what real exhaustion feels like. I know what unforgiving pain feels like. I know how hard it is to walk through both, but I know I can. Now, during the darkest days of that year, no, I couldn't have taken the trash to the curb. Hell, during the darkest days of that year, I couldn't even clean the cat box.

The thing is, at my level of physical limitation, cleaning the cat box is still tiring. Walking the trash out to the curb is something I dread. These aren't pleasant things for me, but I know I can manage to do them. And yes, I realize for many people, these are small and minor tasks, but they aren't for me. In fact, my roommate still bagged up my trash for me and this was after he'd already taken the majority of it out.

So yes, I am bragging about forcing myself to do a pretty small task. The thing is, I still did it. I fought the pain and the tiredness and the fear of being outside and did it. That may not seem like much to many people, but for me, it's a big deal.

I'm on a lot of FB groups for people who are disabled and ill. One of the things I've learned from these groups is that the day to day tasks can often be too much for one ill person to accomplish. Hell, often they're too much for two ill people to accomplish. Celebrate what you can manage to do, accept what you can't handle that day, and do the best you can with your limited energy. When you're disabled, life is often slower and more complicated. Be happy when  you can manage to push through.

Set in my Ways

Ugh.

I'm so set in my ways. I really don't like going out twice in one day.

I woke up early this morning and went to the doctor. Everything is fine, although she did change up one of my meds. I'm okay with this, which is to say, I'll be okay with it as long as it doesn't mess me up. We shall see.

I had to have blood drawn, and that sucked. Ol Boy is usually pretty good about taking my blood, but today he missed the vein and kept twisting the needle around to find it . . . while it was still inside my arm. It made me a little ill to watch.

I came home and ate breakfast. I was really hungry. I caught up with my computer stuff and talked to my roommate for a bit, then it was off to therapy. Therapy went well, but afterward, I had to run some errands that ended up eating another half hour. By the time I finally got back home, I was really tired.

So yeah, really not interested in lots of trips outside the house. Blah.

The Week to Come

I'm really tired today but that isn't surprising. Now that the weather is starting to be less hostile, my body is wanting to take advantage of the fact that I can sleep. It will get its way tonight. I have to go to the doctor in the morning and need to be in bed by 11.

I finally finished mending my t-shirts. This took far longer than it should have. I'm not that good at threading needles and the light in the house is awful. However, I'm not going to worry about that because at least the task is completed. Sure it, took me a while, but the project is out of the living room. Yay!

This is going to be a busy week. I basically have something to do every day and I'll end up being out of the house every day. I should probably see this as progress for my semi-shut-in self, but mostly it just makes me feel more tired.

Hopefully I'll have the energy to handle it all.

Better Weather

Yesterday was cool enough to where I couldn't justify turning on the AC but not cool enough to really make it comfortable. The day before was even more awful. Until I woke up this morning, I'd basically been a soggy mess for 48 hours.

It was cool enough to be mostly dry today. This is far better than it's been in  a while. This is supposed to hold for a while, which means I may actually get some decent sleep for the next week. At my age, that is certainly something to be happy about.

Left With Nothing

A few years ago, there was a cartoon I liked. It was a reboot of a cartoon that I'd liked during the '80s. It stopped and the official reason it stopped was due to toy sales not being that great. This annoyed me.

I was reading an article today about how an artist from a current cartoon was chased off Twitter by rabid fans. This was after reading an article about how awards contests are trying to deal with certain aspects of fandom attempting to rig the voting process. This also annoyed me.

What annoyed me the most was something mentioned in the comments section of this article (the one about the artist who had to leave Twitter). Come to find out, there was more to the story about the cartoon reboot cancellation that I knew. It seems that the toy line was selling fine, however, fans of the original cartoon were being so hostile and toxic to the creators of the reboot (and the toy line) that the company in charge decided that sales of said toys were not worth the agitation.

Now, this was just an offhand comment in the comments section with no proof to back it up. Other people responded like it was fairly common knowledge, but I still don't feel comfortable enough with that to actually say what cartoon it is.

I will say this, if it is true, it doesn't surprise me. Rabid aspects of fandom are becoming more frequent and much louder. They're half the reason why we can't have nice things and will probably eventually lead to us having nothing.

I don't get it. And look, this is from someone who is deeply invested in her fandoms. If you read the blog, you know how obsessed I can get. At the same time, I also comprehend that creators are people with feelings and their own ideas about how things should go. They tell the stories inside them. If we keep scaring them off, they'll stop telling stories and what will we have then?

Results

One of the cats as decided to nap on the table next to my chair. I'm okay with this, although it means I can't keep anything on the table because she'll just knock it off. The cats have been weird all summer, trying to find cool places and areas where they can feel the fans, but not be in direct line of the fans.

Speaking of being in direct line of the fans, one of them blew fuzz in my eye last night. I spent the first two hours I was awake with one eye constantly watering. It finally stopped, but there for a while, I was quite annoyed.

Aside from that,  today was a good day. Decisions I've been making are starting to pay off. That always feels good. It's kind of rare for me, because usually I'm more reactive and less proactive, but it's good to see the proactive stuff happening. YAY!

Retraining

The heat climbed back up today. I guess I should thank my lucky stars for getting a few nights of decent sleep. I am not sure that will happen tonight. Oh well. Ever since cancer, I've learned that you can't get too emotional about not sleeping. That just leads to less sleeping.

I have this theory that at various points in life, we should have to report back to school for further retraining. Each session of retraining would focus on the skills you need for the phase you're about to enter. If you get married, you take some classes on how to be married. If you have kids, you take classes on parenting. Sure, you might have gotten a smidgen of this in high school (though most people don't these days), but that could have been decades ago. We forget things.

For middle age, I think we should learn lessons in how to manage our energy. We have to learn to prioritize things in order to have the ability to accomplish as much as possible without collapsing. For instance, if there is a crisis, it's important to stay calm. Being emotional will only drain your energy and you can't think of ways to handle it.

This would also be a good time to examine our habitual failings. Understand, I don't believe that failing at something makes YOU a failure. It just means you haven't found the right way to succeed at this goal. The problem is, many of us just keep trying the same thing over and over again. My mom married horrible people and never understood why her marriages kept failing. Instead of examining what lead her to jerks or why she felt she needed to be in relationships in  the first place, she just kept doing the same thing and expecting different results. That isn't how it works.

Of course, we don't have retraining programs. We're stuck just muddling through this on our own. To that end, I've started my own Midlife Failure Worksheet.

Midlife Failure Worksheet

1. What is your goal?
2. How long have you tried to reach this goal?
3. What actions have you taken to reach your goal?
4. For each action, spend a week seriously thinking about what you did and why it didn't work.
5. Research alternative methods of goal achievement.
6. Try one.
7. If this fails, go back to step 4 and repeat.

Who knows? Eventually, it may work.

August Daze

This time of year is really odd. In the past, August was our hottest month, but it was also a dryer month. We could see the grass dying and the humidity would be low. Some nights, it would even be cool because of the lack of humidity. This brought its own set of problems. This is is the time of year when we were most likely to get wildfires.

In recent years, August has been hot, but still humid. While our grass is dying, it's not dying as quickly as it used to. We're still having to use the AC earlier in the day because the humidity is making heat indexes spike. It's really not fun. I actually miss the hotter, dryer August weather.

As neither my roommate nor myself are all that healthy, this weather is really getting to us. We both look like the walking dead right now and the humidity is making our joints ache. It's making me really tired, and, as I wrote about last night, forgetful. I'm doing this post early so I know it will be accomplished. Working on Trixie was fine, but I like to keep things on a certain schedule.

I think I'm going to take a nap.

Trixie

I have been so forgetful tonight. I forgot to clean the litter box. I forgot to make an appointment. I think a lot of this has to do with the wonky weather. And it really has been wonky. I also forgot to do my blog post. That's okay though. This gave me a chance to post on Trixie.

Trixie is my new Viking Pro. She is bright Barbie pink and looks like a toy. I adore her. She is lighter than Prince and her keyboard interface is less awkward. I am very happy to have her.

Cats are Jerks

So a cat pooed on my computer bag this morning. I'm not sure if this was an accident or protest. I'm inclined to believe it was some kind of protest. On a related note, cats are assholes. I mean, I'm over it. Cats will be cats. It was still annoying. I've been working really . . . well, not HARD, but at least, paying a marginal bit of attention to keeping the contents of that bag organized and useful. The bag deserved better than to have a cat crap on it.

Other than this, my Monday wasn't so bad. I'm tired, but I feel accomplished. I was a bit sick to my stomach, but the weather's been weird and I've been doing doses of apple cider vinegar because it helps to curb my appetite. I'm not making claims for that being a universal for everyone. I'm sure it's not. It works for me. It works really well, actually. I would almost say that I don't know why I get out of the habit, but I do know.

For one thing, I'm me. I don't stick with any habit, no matter how beneficial it is. The only thing I've managed to keep up on a consistent basis is this blog. This still amazes me, really. Sometimes I drive myself into a lot of darkness thinking about where I could possibly be if I'd just STICK to things . . . but there is really no point in beating myself up about it.

The ACV is also unpleasant to take. It's very strong and nasty. I always make a horrified face when I take a dose. After a while, I think I start to smell like it. And, as I mentioned above, it can really do a number on your stomach. I'm laying off of it for a day or so just to give my body a rest. Hopefully I will get back to it when I've recovered.

Funny Ladies

Most of the women I know are really funny. My best friend and I have ongoing jokes that have lasted over 20 years. When we're together, there is constant laughter, from us and anyone within range of hearing us.

Needless to say, I just don't get these people who believe women aren't funny. It doesn't make me angry when they say this. It's more that it just baffles me and makes me distrust them. Humans are funny. Women are humans. When people say they don't think women are funny, I tend to assume they don't see us as human and are probably the same people who freak out when they find out women poop, fart, and sweat.

Apparently, with some people, even when they have proof that women are funny, they'll deny it. They'll call them ANYTHING, but funny . . . charming, quirky, magical. Magical? Really? Yes, I used my magical witchery to make you laugh. That wasn't a joke I just told you. IT WAS A SPELL!

At the end of the day, it doesn't really affect me personally. I wouldn't spend time around people who felt this way if I could help it, and I can usually help it. And honestly, if they want to deprive themselves of the reality of how funny women can be, it's their loss.

Purpose and Repurpose

I'm really bad about wearing clothes until they fall off my body. Clothes are expensive and I'm difficult to size. When I find an item of clothing I like, I'll keep it around until the bitter end. Then it usually goes through a series of various other lives.

When clothing gets too worn out to wear out in public, I usually turn it into casual 'around the house' clothes. This is never really a problem because nothing I buy is ever all that fancy in the first place. In fact, the only fancy shirt I have is one I asked for as a gift. And even it isn't THAT fancy (just fancy for me). Pants usually get cut down into shorts. Shirts often become sleeveless summer gear.

Recently some items became so worn out that they couldn't even be play clothes anymore. I found the ones that were the least functional and most full of holes and decided to give them a new purpose. From now on, they would be cleaning rags.

Cutting things into cleaning rags is about the limit of my scissoring skills. I learned to use scissors as a toddler and, as far as I can tell, have gotten no better with them since then. I watch people on Project Runway rip fabric apart and end up with this perfectly straight line. I can go slowly on RIBBED fabric that has a line for me to follow and STILL end up with jagged edges.

I did the best I could. Now we have more rags and I have fewer screwed up items of clothing. It's all for the good.

Painted Skin

I get really annoyed with makeup shamers. In fact, I honestly didn't even notice that was much of a thing until makeup skills became accessible and widely taught. It seems like the more control people can take over their appearance, in terms of using light and shadow to alter nose issues or hide wrinkles or plump lips, the more people rage against it.

People (men, mostly) believe that makeup is a way for women to lie about how they look. I'm kind of wicked in spirit, so when this protest is made, it kind of makes me cackle inside. It gives the makeup wearers power? Good. By the way, women aren't the only people who use makeup.

Other people believe that makeup is symptomatic of the things that hold women down. As a part of the massive beauty industry,  makeup is a way of feeding into an industry that exploits our insecurities.

Yes, the beauty industry loves the idea of insecure people. And that sucks a lot. I really wish they'd stop this as a selling point because, honestly, it doesn't have to be one. Maybe it's because I was a tween during the early 80s, but I never saw makeup as a way to hide flaws or keep people from seeing what I really look like.

With people like Siouxsie Sioux, Cindy Lauper, and Nick Rhodes running around, I saw makeup as a form of expression. This was art. Creams and colors that could be used on the canvas that was my face to show various things about me. I've never seen makeup as a way to cover things up. I see makeup as a way to reveal, as a way to play, and as a way to reimagine.

Of course, for other people, both of the above cases are reason enough to dislike makeup. They believe it to be vanity. They think people are paying too much attention to themselves instead of focusing on other things. Which..........whatever. There is no arguing with these people. They believe life should be lived one way and get frustrated when people see it differently. Thankfully, they don't get to make the rules.

I don't always wear makeup when I go out in public. I see no reason to do that. I know some people would never dream of doing that, and that's okay too. For the most part, I doubt most people pay that much attention. Well, some do, but some people are always looking for reasons to be critical. I suppose that is what makes them happy.

Summer Lessons

Cleaning the fan yesterday made me kind of ill. I'm better now that I've slept some, but last night wasn't pleasant. I ended up going to bed pretty early. Then again, I probably needed to do that.

Summer's winding down. Like I said before, summer isn't officially over for a while, but when you see the kids going back to school, it's over as far as everyone is concerned. Yeah, there will still be some weeks of heat, but for the most part, we're headed toward Fall. Thank all the gods for that.

Did I learn anything this summer? See, my new book in therapy (which is over building resilience) talks a lot about looking at positive lessons even when a situation is dire. In the spirit of that, here we go.

1. I learned a lot about the exhaustive power of fans. This house is never really all that cool. This summer, my roommate did all this angling of fans so that some of them would be drawing heat out of places instead of just trying to blow air around hot rooms. Of all the various things we've tried over the years, this seems to have had the most impact. There are rooms in  the house that are the most tolerable they've ever been.

2. If all I can manage to do are small goals, that's okay. However, I have to make those small goals a priority. This didn't really start until later in the summer, but at least it started. There are several small things I decided I WOULD do and made sure to think about them every morning as I was waking up. Before I go to sleep, I review how well I handled them. I've always had a lot of problems with consistency, so perhaps this new method will work.

3. I'm happier when my hands are occupied. I stay busy with yarn projects this summer and it did wonders for my state of mind. By keeping my creativity up, I kept my spirits up. Sure, things still got bad sometimes, but seeing the progress I was making helped my mood a lot.

I think these are three good lessons for the season. They're valuable ones that I can use in years to come. Hell, maybe I'll even get to the point where I can enjoy summer again.

Unexpected Cleaning

My little fan that sits beside me in the living room wasn't working all that well. I took the screen off and cleaned it, as I usually do, but then noticed there was a lot of gunk on the inside. I couldn't reach it with my mascara brush (great cleaning too, by the way!) so I unscrewed the back so I could clean the gears.

This is something I should have done years ago. The inside of that fan was so horribly nasty. I'm really surprised the motor never caught on fire from all the grimy dustbunnies. It took quite a while, but I got most of the loose gunk out of there and cleaned up the gears a bit. It's running better now, but of course it would with less nastiness inside.

I'm going to have to make it a habit to clean the inside of the fan at least once a year. In this old house there is no way to avoid dust and cat fur. The best I can do is try to remove it as often as I can.

Throwing Tomatoes

My roommate and I talked about this tonight and later I found an article on it. It seems a group is trying to petition Rotten Tomatoes to, I guess, go away, because they are upset they give DC films worse reviews than Marvel films. This group believes Rotten Tomatoes is being paid by the people who own Marvel to help destroy DC.

There is so much to unpack here.

First of all, the people who write reviews at Rotten Tomatoes aren't really paid by anyone. Most of the reviewers are just people who enjoy reviewing movies. Second of all, Rotten Tomatoes is partially owned by Warner Brothers which also owns DC. I really don't think they would pay people to destroy their own movies.

Most importantly, along with the many, many other things we should teach people in school, we need to teach them that it is OKAY for others to like and/or dislike things in a way that disagrees how we feel about them. Just because you like a thing doesn't mean other people will. Just because you dislike a thing doesn't mean other people will also dislike it. Everyone having different tastes and ideas is part of life.

We also need to get past this idea that if something makes us mad, we have full right to destroy it. Whatever happened to 'live and let live?' There are plenty of websites out there that I don't like. I don't try to shut them down. I just don't go to them. Why is that so hard? Why can't people just walk away from the places that offend them and go do things that make them happy?

Uggghh.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good day.

August Blessings

August is here and with it, the school year is starting. Some schools closer to OKC actually started today, which I found to be just horrible. The first day of August? How mean! You should at least give the kids a couple of weeks before they go back. Then again, those weeks are usually just full of dread.

It's funny how the school year, even for people who no longer have anything to do with school, creates a fictional version of the seasons. When school starts, it feels officially Fall, even if it's hot as hell outside. Winter is something that happens at the end of the semester and lingers until around Spring Break. Spring is that time between that break and the end of the second semester. Summer is ONLY the time you're off for Summer Break.

And no, that isn't how seasons officially work, but it might as well be. Given that most people grew up in the school system that functioned this way, it's how we've come to feel about the seasons.

Anyway, for all of those going back to school and for everyone who will have changes in their schedule due to the semester starting, I bid you good fortune. May the days til Winter Break pass quickly. May you make wonderful memories. May you learn a lot of things that enrich your life.