And Then New Injuries

I was bringing my legs together and didn't realize my double-ended knitting needle was down there. I jabbed the back of my right calf and the back of my left ankle. The needle was stuck in my ankle and my roommate had to pull it out for me. It sucks that the bigger injury was in my bad leg.

Anyway, I'll tend to it. I feel shaky and it hurt a lot. I'm nervous because as you age as a fat woman, any leg injury feels kinda risky. This sucks.

Recovering

Yesterday was my dad's 70th birthday. We saw him late in the evening and ate kinda bad pizza. No one was in a good mood. He deserved better. I mean, not from me. I was charming as hell.

Anyway, it was A LOT and I basically had a panic attack before I went over there. I'm still recovering. I'm not GOOD at family. 

Same Old Energy

Two days out from the Will Smith/Chris Rock situation and a new narrative is shaping up. Well, not a NEW one. It's the oldest narrative in the world. 

Blame the woman.

I'm seeing a lot posts about Jada Pinkett Smith and how all of this is her fault or how the focus should be on what an awful person she is. 

She cheated on her husband with a younger man. As a couple, they addressed this publically. To me, this was a brave thing to do, a mature thing to do. One of us cheated and now we're going to work through it. 

People hated her for it. Mind you, if it had been Smith who cheated on her, people would have....still hated her for it. They would have wondered what she did to lead him to cheat or would have said she was stupid for staying with him or only staying with him for the money or whatever. 

Now people are trying to say that the pain she put Smith through is the reason he lashed out.

No. No, it is not.

A man told a joke that was out of bounds. 
Another man hit him for it.
In this situation, the woman who was the subject of the joke did nothing wrong.

And yet, certain subsets of society are so used to blaming women for things and certainly finding any way they can to keep men from being blamed that they're doing mental backflips to make this her fault.

She did nothing. She rolled her eyes at the joke. That was all. THAT WAS ALL. And yet, here it is, her fault.

This is so stupid. And so predictable. 

The List of Actions

My therapist gave me this plan of action to do this week. I was supposed to pick three traits and do things to promote those traits. I did it, but instead of just taking three strong points, I took two strong points and one I wanted to dabble with.

Creativity and curiosity were my obvious ones. I also took bravery.

Some of the goals were kind of cheats and maybe a little sketchy. I watched all of Bridgerton because I was curious about the second season.

The brave ones weren't set. The only goal was as follows: Contemplate doing a brave thing. This wasn't supposed to be abstract. It was supposed to be an actual thing that made me nervous. Even if I ended up not doing it, I needed to actively THINK about doing it.

Did I do brave things? I did. I struggled with answering comments on my writing, but I did it. I seriously SERIOUSLY struggled with promoting my writing on one of the JRRT fan pages on Facebook. I thought about this for days and only just did it today.

There are other things I considered and did not too, but I DID consider them. I actively TRIED to be brave, and I think even that is progress. 

Good Weekend

Aside from some issues with my stomach, I had a good weekend. I wrote quite a lot and read some great stuff. My blanket continues to grow.

The movie we watched wasn't super great, but it gave us a lot to discuss. All in all, good weekend.

Success

I finished my last story for Feanorian Week this morning. That means I have successfully written a story every day for seven days. Yay.

I wrote a lot of variety. Some funny, some horrific, some hurt/comfort stuff. One story is almost a fairytale. 
I'm very pleased with the results and got better responses than I have since I started writing. 

Day Four Down

My Caranthir story did well. I received some comments on it. I've written my Curufin story but it's going to sit overnight and I'll edit it in the morning. I think I want to change the pacing of it just a bit.

I used up another ball of yarn. It now has a purpose in the blanket. I'm so happy the yarn is being purposed. 

It was cold today and I took a nap full of weird dreams. Hopefully my dreams will be normal tonight.

Comments

I received a lot of comments today! Over seven, I think. This was so very nice.

I also did therapy today and got a week's worth of sidequests. 

Needless today, my brain chemicals are happy and lovely. Yay.

Weekly Plans

I'm trying to write a story every day for Feanorian Week. I've managed to write two of them and I'm about to start the third. I have no idea what I'm doing for Moryo or Curufin yet, but I'll figure it out.

After all, I had no idea what to do for Celegorm until just a few hours ago. 

In the meantime, it's cold and I'm weirdly emotional. That sucks because a few days ago my emotions were so even and smooth. Oh well. 

Anyway, that's my plan for the week.

Lovely Weekend

This weekend, I read a lot of good stuff. I mean, really good stuff. It made me happy. I also did a lot of knitting and listened to music I've not really listened to since I was in middle school. 

The Spring light is helping a lot as well. Yay Spring!  

Saturday Calm

I worked on the blanket today and read. The cat nestled on me most of the night and most of today. It's still kinda cold, but right now the cat, the blanket, and my oxygen machine are keeping me warm.

I have the fan on.

I watched a video tour of a neat prebuilt house. A lot of the log cabin builders are branching out into builds that are more cottage. They're not perfect, but they're deeply cute.

44 Thoughts on Duran Duran's Planet Earth Video

I write all of this with love. And snark.

1. Roger's neck and shoulders are so perfect right here. All of the video should have just been this view of him. He's so beautiful.

2. I guess Roger is in some kind of void or something. Or, as we can see Earth behind him, perhaps he's in space. Maybe he's the moon looking down on the planet? 

3. If so, what a HOT moon.

4. Whatever the case, the band, by the miracle of 1980's fx, is on a floating platform. 

5. Oop! We're all New Romantics!

6. For the children just joining us, New Romantics dress somewhat like if they bought all their clothes from a thrift store where donations were given only by pirates, clowns, 17th-century poets, and  1980s businesswomen.

7. Simon can somehow both be ON beat and also horribly off-kilter when he dances.

8. He dances like someone's drunk parent at a wedding.

9. There is a lot of loosey-goosey shoulder going on with his dancing.

10. Nick showed up late to the thrift store. Only clown and businesswoman clothes were available.

11. John has Chrissie Hynde's hair. I hope they slept together and it was so good, she ruined him for anyone else for months. 

12. Now we have to focus only on Simon's dancing. They slow it down just to make sure we see what he's doing, even if no one knows WHY he would do that.

13. He's putting his hands over his ears and shutting his eyes. Maybe he saw the playback footage on his dancing.

14. And now, through the miracle of 1980s fx, he is on fire.

15. Okay, so I think Simon being rather fae and shirtless while showing off his skinniness and armpit bush informs a lot about why I like the kind of men I do.

16. See they even put lines down his body to emphasize my kinks.

17. Bop bop-pa babopbop bop-pa.

18. How can a band play music together but be so off when trying to lipsync?

19. Oh my god, Simon's smile. He has such beautiful lips.

20. I love how Duran Duran videos always have these random moments of dread. Simon standing with a woman in a vintage hat as the miracle of 1980's fx brings us a storm is such a moment.

21. Clapping. 

22. Water in hands, more great fx, folks!

23. More Simon on fire. 

24. Given that we got wind, water, and fire, someone really should have tossed dirt on the clapping hands just to round out the elemental references. 

25. Both Nick and Andy need to give their hair a glass of water.

26. Is it too much to ask that if you show your people in diagonal lines they actually form proper diagonal lines?

27. Given that this keeps happening, I guess so.

28. Oh yay now we get to watch TWO Simons dance.

29. No one can clap in sequence.

30. Which is fine because more Shirtless Simon.

31. Okay so what's the deal with Roger and his sticks? Why does he look so small when he's holding them?

32. Bop bop-pa babopbop bop-pa.

33. Okay the interlude really shows off the dry hair issues. 

34. Now we start getting random facts, through the miracle of ….well, you know.

35. There is a shot around 2:35 or so where Roger is turned to the side and Nick is behind him. It looks like the cover of a book about a man being stalked by Blankness the Ennui Clown.

36. Simon looks so good from this angle. He and John look like the cover of a gay thriller romance.

37. No one is pictured with Andy, cept his dryass hair.

38. I do love the bass through this sequence and the way the drums build.

39. Okay, so, then they get two people who actually CAN dance. 

40. I love how Simon stands in front of the dancers and refuses to watch them as if he realizes having good dancers in the video makes his own dancing look so much worse.

41. Special shout-out to John's scarf/belt that drapes down one hip and really sells his New Romantic lerk.

42. Bop bop-pa babopbop bop-pa. Bop bop-pa babopbop bop-pa.

43. Oh noes! It looks like Simon's going to jump!

44. Spoilers. He lives to dance again.

Glorious Chaos

The newest update for Sims 4 included a free feature for everyone that creates new scenarios for the population of Sims you're not playing with. They can now retire, adopt pets/children, have new babies, move out of their houses, move into other neighborhoods, change jobs, and die of various accidents. I'm probably forgetting a couple of them.

Anyway, this is SO good. Instead of the usual static stuff, now the head vampire in my game owns a cat. A friend told me that in someone else's game, said head vampire is now working as a nanny. 

The meanest sim who used to be the head of the mafia retired and then got a job in customer service. Several people have adopted kids. Several have died from working on appliances. One woman died from anger. 

I've got it set on the shortest life span right now just to see how many new kids will be born and adopted. This is so much fun.

A Day of Defeats

Today just felt like losing. I was ill. I screwed up a game. I felt uncomfortable. I had bad dreams. I had to redo some work several times. It was a lot.

The world feels so off-kilter. Wars are happening that should never have happened. Covid is about to serge again. How many more people have to die before things are taken seriously?

I feel defeated and overwhelmed.

Some Comments on Empathy and Female Leads

I saw this discussion on Facebook about how people tend to end up hating any female lead of a show after the third or so season. Reasons varied, though most of it was just frustration over them not getting their shit together by then. Or not heading in the direction they should have logically gone. Or not hooking up with the person the audience liked. 

Have I felt this way in the past? Yes, but I'm honestly trying not to these days. I think people are way too hard on female leads or honestly, just female characters in general. We don't want them to have problems because we tend not to have empathy for women when they have problems. 

I mean, unless the woman is being abused. We can usually handle her being abused SO LONG AS she is trying really hard to get away from her abuser.

Think, Daenerys Targaryen the first season of Game of Thrones. People rooted for her when she was trying to stand up to her abusive brother. When she started wanting to reclaim her throne and slept with whatever man she wanted (but not the man some people wanted her to be with) and made some decisions that were violent but within reason of the world she was on, people started to hate her. By the time the creators ruined her character and made her go insane for handwave reasons, people were happy to see her die. Not me, but other people. 

It seems that we don't really want complexity from our female characters. They can have problems, but those need to be solved and handled so the show can go in other directions. We don't want them to have breakdowns and setbacks they created on their own. We certainly don't want them to be flawed. Though, at the same time, we don't want them to be perfect because that would just be unrealistic. 

Diane Nguyen is a good example of this. On Bojack, she's set up as a foil/eventual love interest. Had the show gone the way shows like this typically go, by the end of the series, Bojack and Diane would be together. 

But that doesn't happen. Diane not only marries someone else early into the show, but by the time the show ends, she is with someone else completely. She and Bojack never really happen. 

A lot of people hated Diane. There really is no GOOD reason for it. She can be hypocritical and judgy at times, though when she is, the show usually walked into the issues, showing how complicated they really were. She can be selfish and frustrating. However, she's arguably less immoral and destructive to others than Bojack is. Sure she hurts some people she's involved with but said people are usually equally guilty in the matter. 

To me, Diane is a very realistic person. She's talented but has a lot of mental and emotional damage. Despite that, she mostly holds a job and works on things throughout the whole show. She has a time when she doesn't really accomplish a lot, but it's when she's the most broken. Even then, she still manages to salvage herself and write another book. 

But the thing is, Diane is given a lot of room for the audience to see her faltering. There is a lot of time for the audience to have empathy for her. The problem is, some people just didn't. They are so unused to having to spend time dealing with a woman's headspace and personal struggle that they just decided it was a waste of time for the show and resented her for it.  

I think it's a big step in the right direction that we're adding depth to the characters we see in our media. I know some people maybe aren't ready to handle those characters, but trust me, as someone who spent their childhood mostly seeing male characters and reading about male characters (with a smattering of love interests and secretaries, and villainous women tossed in for flavor), you can learn to relate to the human element in us all. 

I Survived, I Guess

It's the second day of Spring Forward and the first where I had to go somewhere. I guess I survived, though my body is protesting and unhappy about it. 

Posts may be kinda sketchy until I get used to this.

Time Change

I mean, just assume this is the stuff I usually say about Spring Forward. I loathe this timechange. It sucks. My back hurts. I'm grumpy.

Until I Find More

After years of having orange yarn in my stash, I think I'm finally through it. Unless I have another ball of it lurking somewhere (which is possible) all of the orange yarn gifted to me years ago is now part of a blanket. I thanked it for its participation in my life as I was knitting the last of it into the work. 

Now things are dark blue and light yellow. I don't like it, but as my roommate pointed out, I've not really liked any of the yarn in this thing at first. It takes some time for it to really become PART of the blanket before I accept it. 

And Speaking of Gas

Even though this current gas crunch is in its early days, I've noticed an interesting side effect. Several small communities in my area have opened, or in some cases, reopened, cafes. Said cafes are thriving.

It makes sense. In easier times, it's nothing to go to the city, have lunch, shop, etc, and come back home. But right now, a lot of people are carpooling their trips to the city and not wasting time on side quests. People have to be frugal, especially those who live an hour or so away. 

Folks still need distraction though. Having a little community cafe provides that. You add in good food and the occasional open mic night and things are even better. 

Gas

Gas prices are high right now and will get higher since we decided not to purchase Russian oil. The conservatives are blaming Biden for all of this because it's politically advantageous to them and trying to educate people on the multifaceted reasons for gas prices is too difficult. 

We're not having to drive anywhere too far right now, so hopefully, we'll be okay. However, gas prices impact all prices so things may get scary for a while. 

No one needed this stress. No one needed this world conflict right now on top of everything else. It's stupid and stressful and I really hope this ends quickly for everyone's sake.

Cold Again

It was in the 80s last week. Now it's cold as hell again. The cats are all cuddly and sweet again, which is nice. 

I feel better than I did yesterday. We went shopping and paid most of the household bills. My dad and I talked in the afternoon.

I hope this week is good. I need a good week.

Frantic Sunday

My emotions were bad today. I was scared and panicky and on the verge of crying almost all day. I tried to lean into any good emotions or good situations because I knew everything I was feeling wasn't real. 

I mean, it was real, but it wasn't due to anything. I'm fine. Things are fine. I don't need to be irrationally terrified of Spring or Summer. They'll have their issues but presumably, I'll survive them. Things are okay.

Hopefully the endorphin music will help me. 

Saturday

I did editing today and worked on the blanket. My stomach is wonky so I'm trying not to cause it too much issue. 

I've read some really good fics the last few days. Many of them show a lot of promise. I've also been listening to more White Wolf lore, which is fun as hell. 

I didn't organize anything else because we have quite a pile in the back already. Maybe next week.

Slightly More Cleaning

I organized some other stuff today. It looks better and I'm positive about it. I also tried to follow some patterns on my blanket. That was less successful. 

Some of the patterns have worked fine. Other times I keep messing them up until I just decided I'm tired of it and whatever incomprehensible madness I've just created is what stays. 

Pretty sure this is how eldritch gods make things.

Slight Cleaning

I reorganized the shelves next to me. Well, I reorganized them slightly. They feel better, lighter. It's good to have more open space. 

I somewhat feel like I'm not making any headway where the 'deal with the stash of yarn' is concerned. Then again, I've a lot of yarn to work through. 

State of the World

Sometimes I am shocked at how different my worldview is from that of others. Not the weird stuff. I know I think weird stuff. I'm talking about the good and decent stuff. 

Like, I thought we were OVER the idea that you could just go and invade other people's countries. I thought that if you DID try to do that, the decent countries of the world would stop you. I thought we were past this kind of bastardy imperialism. 

Guess I was wrong.