The house across the street is empty again. We've ran through quite a few sets of neighbors over the years. I have to say I'm happy to see this last set go. They were loud. They really didn't have a concept of not yelling. Every time they got out of their many vehicles, they had to yell to each other as they walked to the house. It's possible that one of them had a hearing problem, but I somewhat doubt that. Still, they weren't the worst ones we'd had. I know that the new set could be much worse.
I have some level of concern over this because, after all, I will have to deal with these people on occasion . . . hopefully rare occasions. It's important that they not suck. I actually thought about writing this post over all the ways neighbors could suck, but it honestly would have taken me weeks. There are just so, so many ways that neighbors can cause problems. Instead, I decided to write about what good neighbors are like.
The most important quality of the perfect neighbors is that they are quiet. They don't have screamy fights. They don't blast music. They don't have screeching children. They don't run machines for hours on end for what seems like no good reason. They don't stand outside on their porch and talk as loudly as they can on their phone. They don't have dogs that bark all night long. They do not buy fireworks three weeks before the Fourth of July and set them off every single night until a week after.
Good neighbors obey the law. They don't set up meth labs. They don't build bombs. They don't harm animals. They don't have shoot outs with each other at 2 AM. They don't peek in anyone else's windows or bother anyone sexually. If they have children, they have also taught their children to obey the law. No stealing, no trespassing, no vandalism.
Good neighbors are clean. They don't pile trash in their yard. They don't stink up the place. They don't let the grass get so high that the city has to come in and mow it down. Good neighbors keep their place respectable. I'm not saying they have to win the Best Lawn contest. I just don't want fleas, snakes, and roaches gathering in their dump of a yard and trying to invade mine.
In fact, I think it's best that I don't even notice they are there. A good neighbor keeps to themselves. They are private and keep their world from bothering the world around them. I don't want to have to know things about my neighbors. I don't want to know if they are religious after having found out because they keep showing up to my house to witness. I don't want to know if they have children after having to find out because their brats make so much noise. I don't want to know if they are having problems in their marriage. I don't want to know like to walk around outside naked.
See, the best neighbors in the world are people who never bother you. They may be weird. They may be strange. Hell, they may be completely boring and normal. If they keep to themselves though, if they never cause any problems, I really don't have to know about them or think about them. Their world can exist on the other side of the street.
My world can continue on my side.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
GoT Geekery: Some Quiz I found
I really didn't plan on doing more GoT stuff, but I was somewhat illish today and didn't really plan out anything else. But I promise the blog isn't turning into just GoT fandom. You know I go through these phases. Oh, and warning on spoilers.
1 ~ Favourite character from book/show. My favorite character in the books is Bran. I know a lot of people find his parts boring, but I will always have a special place in my heart for him because of his love for stories. Some of my favorite moments in the books are things that happen to and around Bran.
In the show, my favorite character is Cersei. This was surprising but Lena Headey does such an amazing job of portraying her that I just can't help myself.
02 ~ Favourite quote relating to GoT. As I said, Bran always has some of the most amazing stories and myths told in his chapters. My favorite quote, although there are many that I love, comes from the first book, when Bran is being kind of snippish to Old Nan.
“Oh, my sweet summer child," Old Nan said quietly, "what do you know of fear?
Fear is for the winter, my little lord, when the snows fall a hundred feet
deep and the ice wind comes howling out of the north. Fear is for the long
night, when the sun hides its face for years at a time, and little children
are born and live and die all in darkness while the direwolves grow gaunt and
hungry, and the white walkers move through the woods”
03 ~ Where would you want to live in the GoT world? I would want to live in the Reach. High Garden has so far stayed out of the war and there is always a bounty of food there.
04 ~ Favourite house? (ie. Stark, Lannister). My favorite house is the Targaryen because it has everything that appeals to me in my fantasy novels. It is a house drive by power and prophecy. There are beautiful, insane people who populate the very unbranched family tree and, to top it off, they've been kicked out of power and have to find a way back to it.
05 ~ Who do you ship? Of all the characters in the books, I think Jaime and Brienne have the most beautiful love story. Actually, a lot of people deny that it even is a love story. They can't believe someone as handsome as Jaime Lannister could love Brienne, but I don't think they see how complex and damaged Jaime really is. Brienne brings out the best in Jaime and he respects the best that is in her already. If any two people deserve a happy ending, it's these two.
06 ~ Favourite moment in book/movie. My favorite part in the books happens in the third novel when Bran, Hodor, and the Reeds stay at the Nightfort. Bran's retelling of Old Nan's stories concerning all the horrors of the Nightfort actually scared the hell out of me. Martin set the scene up so well because one is good and properly scared when Sam and Gilly show up seemingly from no where. Bran learns about some of the magic of the weirwoods here and they meet Coldhands. It's a very pivotal point in the book.
In the show, my favorite scene so far has been Dany tricking the slavemasters of Astapor. The scene was very well done and when she begins to kill everyone, I actually felt chills.
07 ~ Least favourite character. My least favorite is Jorah Mormont. It annoys me that people will defend him and cycle of poor choices and creepiness. The fact that people want him to end up with Dany just gives me the heebies.
08 ~ Three words that describe GoT. Current Favorite Obsession
09 ~ If there was a crossover … who would you ship? I would want Dany to conquer all worlds with Alexander the Great.
10 ~ Who do you think Jon Snow’s parents are? Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen
11 ~ Tyrion, Cersei, Jaime: Marry, fuck, throw off a cliff - what would you do? I would fuck Cersei because she likes to be the man. I would marry Jaime because he's the most loyal. I'd toss Tyrion off the cliff because he has stunning plot armor and I know he would survive.
12 ~ Who would you like to see battle it out? I want to see the battle between Littlefinger and who ever is going to finally kill Littlefinger because that is way overdue.
13 ~ What character’s death would you be okay with? I will be okay if Jaime dies, so long as he redeems himself and Brienne is preggers with his baby.
14 ~ What character's death would crush you? Even though Cersei has a prophecy about her kids all dying before she does, I really don't want her other kids to die. I hated Joff, but I adore the other two. They should get to live.
15 ~ Give some advice to one of the characters. Dany, you and Tyrion spent the last book fucking things up in order to learn from your mistakes. Learn from them and trust each other when you meet up.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
ASOIAF Geekery: Fav Stories Part two, Arya and the Twisted Fairy Tale
Again, I shall warn of spoilers and general fangirlness. I'm talking about George Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire books and discussing my favorite stories within the context of each book. Tonight we'll be talking about book two, A Clash of Kings. There are a lot of people who dislike the later books in the series, but I have to be honest, the second book is my least favorite. It's not that it was a bad book, it just doesn't have, in my mind, the same level of impact as the others. Having said that, and even despite that, it still has one of my favorite overall stories in the series.
In A Clash of Kings, Martin takes one of the traditional tropes, the fairy tale, and turns it on its head. Actually, to be fair, he chops it up into a million pieces, tosses it in a blender, and then pours it onto a dirty floor and sets it on fire. What he does is really, truly, a brutal story. It works though, so very, very well.
Fairy tales can contain a lot of different elements, but most of them usually stay true to the form. There is a child, quite often orphaned or at least separated from parents, who is in jeopardy (Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, Hansel and Gretel) . The child is often of royal blood, but may be assuming a disguise (Snow White, Sleeping Beauty). They will often perform tasks that are beneath someone of their station (Snow White, Cinderella, Hansel and Gretel). And many times, a magical being comes into their lives who aids them in their story, the fairy godmother if you will.
In the second book, this is very much the situation of Arya Stark. Arya is a princess who is disguised as a boy (then later as a commoner girl). She has recently escaped from King's Landing, after watching her father be publicly executed. Her mother is far from her and she is more or less on her own. She forms a bond with Yoren, but he is quickly killed. Soon she and her two companions find themselves with other unfortunates in the castle at Harrenhal.
Arya is forced to become a servant girl. She works hard for a very horrible little man who lords himself over the serving staff like a dictator. He has no idea who she is, of course, which is good, as the castle is under the control of people who want her family dead. Like many children in fairy tales, Arya is smart and capable, but quite far out of her wheelhouse. What she needs is a fairy godmother.....or godfather.
Or at least someone who is good at killing people.
When Arya was traveling with the Night's Watch, there was a cage with three men in it. Two were crazyfest brutes. The third was a beautiful man who spoke in a sing song kind of way who introduced himself to Arya as Jaqen H'ghar. When Yoren was killed, the cage containing the three men was set on fire. Arya saved them from burning to death (a decision that will have many, many consequences for a long time) and didn't think much about them past that.
But Jaqen thinks about her. He finds her again when she is working at Harrenhal and tells her that because she saved the three of them from death, he will kill any three people for her. All she has to do is tell him a name and the person will die. Suddenly, like the children in fairy tales, Arya has a bit of power on her side. And like many children, she doesn't use it as wisely as she could.
The first death was perhaps a test to see if Jaqen was serious...she asked him to kill Chiswyck, a man who bragged about being part of a gang rape. When he died, she suddenly realized Jaqen was true to his word, and true to his skill. Unfortunately, the second death was spoken out of rage She spoke the name of the abusive taskmaster who was making her life a living hell as she worked as a servant. Once he was dead, she realized she was wasting her 'deaths' and begged Jaqen to help her free the people loyal to her family who were being held prisoner in the castle.
Jaqen refused to do this, but then Arya named his own name as the third death. He struck a deal with her to help free the prisoners if she would 'unname' him as the last kill. She did and he devised a plan to do as she asked. Harrenhal was liberated and her people were free.
And while this liberation doesn't bring Arya the happy ending she wanted, it does end her time with Jaqen H'ghar. But before he goes, he gives her just a bit more magic. He changes the shape of his face in front of her and tells her that he will teach her these things if she ever wants to learn. He leaves her with a talisman, an iron coin of Bravos and tells her if she wants to find him again, to give that to the first Bravosi she finds and tells her what to say to them. And then, like a good fairy godparent, he is gone from her life.
Arya's story arch in the second book has been compared to The Killing Fields. It is a brutal, horrifying depiction of what war and chaos can do to an area. Arya witnesses gang rapes. She is beaten. She goes hungry and is forced on what is basically a death march. She sees people being tortured and sees murder after gruesome murder.
Yet, in the middle of all this harsh realism, all this brutality, Martin is able to weave a fairy tale, complete with many of the tropes of that genre. A young princess in hiding is given three wishes by a mysterious and magical being. She succeeds in her quest with him . . . it just isn't enough to save the day.
In A Clash of Kings, Martin takes one of the traditional tropes, the fairy tale, and turns it on its head. Actually, to be fair, he chops it up into a million pieces, tosses it in a blender, and then pours it onto a dirty floor and sets it on fire. What he does is really, truly, a brutal story. It works though, so very, very well.
Fairy tales can contain a lot of different elements, but most of them usually stay true to the form. There is a child, quite often orphaned or at least separated from parents, who is in jeopardy (Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, Hansel and Gretel) . The child is often of royal blood, but may be assuming a disguise (Snow White, Sleeping Beauty). They will often perform tasks that are beneath someone of their station (Snow White, Cinderella, Hansel and Gretel). And many times, a magical being comes into their lives who aids them in their story, the fairy godmother if you will.
In the second book, this is very much the situation of Arya Stark. Arya is a princess who is disguised as a boy (then later as a commoner girl). She has recently escaped from King's Landing, after watching her father be publicly executed. Her mother is far from her and she is more or less on her own. She forms a bond with Yoren, but he is quickly killed. Soon she and her two companions find themselves with other unfortunates in the castle at Harrenhal.
Arya is forced to become a servant girl. She works hard for a very horrible little man who lords himself over the serving staff like a dictator. He has no idea who she is, of course, which is good, as the castle is under the control of people who want her family dead. Like many children in fairy tales, Arya is smart and capable, but quite far out of her wheelhouse. What she needs is a fairy godmother.....or godfather.
Or at least someone who is good at killing people.
When Arya was traveling with the Night's Watch, there was a cage with three men in it. Two were crazyfest brutes. The third was a beautiful man who spoke in a sing song kind of way who introduced himself to Arya as Jaqen H'ghar. When Yoren was killed, the cage containing the three men was set on fire. Arya saved them from burning to death (a decision that will have many, many consequences for a long time) and didn't think much about them past that.
But Jaqen thinks about her. He finds her again when she is working at Harrenhal and tells her that because she saved the three of them from death, he will kill any three people for her. All she has to do is tell him a name and the person will die. Suddenly, like the children in fairy tales, Arya has a bit of power on her side. And like many children, she doesn't use it as wisely as she could.
The first death was perhaps a test to see if Jaqen was serious...she asked him to kill Chiswyck, a man who bragged about being part of a gang rape. When he died, she suddenly realized Jaqen was true to his word, and true to his skill. Unfortunately, the second death was spoken out of rage She spoke the name of the abusive taskmaster who was making her life a living hell as she worked as a servant. Once he was dead, she realized she was wasting her 'deaths' and begged Jaqen to help her free the people loyal to her family who were being held prisoner in the castle.
Jaqen refused to do this, but then Arya named his own name as the third death. He struck a deal with her to help free the prisoners if she would 'unname' him as the last kill. She did and he devised a plan to do as she asked. Harrenhal was liberated and her people were free.
And while this liberation doesn't bring Arya the happy ending she wanted, it does end her time with Jaqen H'ghar. But before he goes, he gives her just a bit more magic. He changes the shape of his face in front of her and tells her that he will teach her these things if she ever wants to learn. He leaves her with a talisman, an iron coin of Bravos and tells her if she wants to find him again, to give that to the first Bravosi she finds and tells her what to say to them. And then, like a good fairy godparent, he is gone from her life.
Arya's story arch in the second book has been compared to The Killing Fields. It is a brutal, horrifying depiction of what war and chaos can do to an area. Arya witnesses gang rapes. She is beaten. She goes hungry and is forced on what is basically a death march. She sees people being tortured and sees murder after gruesome murder.
Yet, in the middle of all this harsh realism, all this brutality, Martin is able to weave a fairy tale, complete with many of the tropes of that genre. A young princess in hiding is given three wishes by a mysterious and magical being. She succeeds in her quest with him . . . it just isn't enough to save the day.
Friday, April 26, 2013
ASOIAF Geekery: Dany and the Faces of Woman in the First Book
Warning: Spoilers and fangirl indulgence.
The thing about GRRM's work is that while there are many POV characters, plots, and story lines, each book always contains at least two stand out story threads that could really work all on their own. Because I've had a bad day/week, I thought I would just allow myself to talk about what parts of each book are the best stories to me.
A Game of Thrones:
To me, the most stand out story in the first book is Daeneyrs as the faces of the Womanhood. In fact, even though she is a young teenager when the series begins, Dany weaves through the various aspects of the goddess as her first story arch. She begins as a virginal girl of 13, sold into a marriage to an older, scary man. She is young, innocent, and powerless. Slowly, she begins to claim power as her own. She does this first by taking charge of her sexuality and sexual education, thus gaining some control over her marriage. So, she goes from Maiden to Lover. By the time she has turned 14, she's pregnant, now moving into the phase of Mother. Because she is with child, she now has even more value in the culture she's been sold into, and thus gains more power.
In no moment does Daenerys hold back in taking power that is presented to her. She accepts her role as the female leader of her husband's people and the obligations that go along with it. She does not shy away from or dismiss his culture, making her truly become Queen. While she respects the culture, she still sees places where it can improve. When Drogo's men rape captured women, Dany champions them, standing up to her husband and telling him that the rape is wrong. She defies the men around her, showing that she has the same Warrior's spirit they have.
As the book is winding down, Dany reaches the Crone aspects of the cycle. Death is around her. Drogo's death is close. She strikes a bargain to save him, knowing that death will be involved, as only life can pay for life. The magic woman who 'helping' her betrays her, putting Drogo into a nasty state of existence and presumably killing Dany's unborn child. Dany seems to have lost everything. Her people are scattered, she will never hold her child, and she is forced to put an end to her husband's life herself.
After this, after moving from Maid to Lover to Mother to Queen to Warrior to Crone, it would seem that Daenerys has no where left to go. She builds a pyre for her husband, sets her dragon eggs on it, and makes sure that the magical woman who betrayed her will burn as well. Dany enters the flames and everyone thinks she'll die along side her husband. Of course she doesn't. When the fire dies down, the eggs have hatched out the first baby dragons the world has seen in centuries.
Her story slows down in the books that follow. Past the first book, Daenerys's story is a lot like that of Alexander the Great. There is a lot of conquering and travel and some misguided ruling. But in this first book, she goes from being a little girl, an orphaned and displayed princess, to being the Mother of Dragons. It is an amazing process and more than anything else that happened in the first book, it is the reason I fell in love with this series.
The thing about GRRM's work is that while there are many POV characters, plots, and story lines, each book always contains at least two stand out story threads that could really work all on their own. Because I've had a bad day/week, I thought I would just allow myself to talk about what parts of each book are the best stories to me.
A Game of Thrones:
To me, the most stand out story in the first book is Daeneyrs as the faces of the Womanhood. In fact, even though she is a young teenager when the series begins, Dany weaves through the various aspects of the goddess as her first story arch. She begins as a virginal girl of 13, sold into a marriage to an older, scary man. She is young, innocent, and powerless. Slowly, she begins to claim power as her own. She does this first by taking charge of her sexuality and sexual education, thus gaining some control over her marriage. So, she goes from Maiden to Lover. By the time she has turned 14, she's pregnant, now moving into the phase of Mother. Because she is with child, she now has even more value in the culture she's been sold into, and thus gains more power.
In no moment does Daenerys hold back in taking power that is presented to her. She accepts her role as the female leader of her husband's people and the obligations that go along with it. She does not shy away from or dismiss his culture, making her truly become Queen. While she respects the culture, she still sees places where it can improve. When Drogo's men rape captured women, Dany champions them, standing up to her husband and telling him that the rape is wrong. She defies the men around her, showing that she has the same Warrior's spirit they have.
As the book is winding down, Dany reaches the Crone aspects of the cycle. Death is around her. Drogo's death is close. She strikes a bargain to save him, knowing that death will be involved, as only life can pay for life. The magic woman who 'helping' her betrays her, putting Drogo into a nasty state of existence and presumably killing Dany's unborn child. Dany seems to have lost everything. Her people are scattered, she will never hold her child, and she is forced to put an end to her husband's life herself.
After this, after moving from Maid to Lover to Mother to Queen to Warrior to Crone, it would seem that Daenerys has no where left to go. She builds a pyre for her husband, sets her dragon eggs on it, and makes sure that the magical woman who betrayed her will burn as well. Dany enters the flames and everyone thinks she'll die along side her husband. Of course she doesn't. When the fire dies down, the eggs have hatched out the first baby dragons the world has seen in centuries.
Her story slows down in the books that follow. Past the first book, Daenerys's story is a lot like that of Alexander the Great. There is a lot of conquering and travel and some misguided ruling. But in this first book, she goes from being a little girl, an orphaned and displayed princess, to being the Mother of Dragons. It is an amazing process and more than anything else that happened in the first book, it is the reason I fell in love with this series.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
You Made Me Promises Promises
On Hannibal, a show I've decided I really won't be watching anymore, one of the characters said something about how dogs can keep promises when humans really can't. The statement was true enough. Humans aren't good at the promise thing. I know I'm not. I suck at them so badly that I honestly try my best NOT to make them to other people. It just usually doesn't work out. If you ask me to make you a promise, if I'm being responsible, I'm probably going to tell you no. It's just not a skill in my wheelhouse. I'm not sure it's in many people's.
There is, however, one person that I do try to make promises to and try my best to keep. Me. To me, this is the safest bet. After all, if I break the promise, no one gets hurt BUT me. When I keep them, life is awesome.
I kept all the promises I made to myself today. I did my 30 minutes of physical activity. I drank my vinegar. I didn't worry about crap I couldn't control. For the most part, I just let things go as they would, but made sure to do the little things I knew I needed to do. I managed to do them, so yay me.
Of course, that was only for today. I had other plans I wanted to happen this week that just did not happen. There are things that need to get finished and other things that need to get started. However, I'm not going to worry about that right now. It's the end of the day and I did what I could. And I'm not watching Hannibal again. That show had so much promise, but it seriously lacks in the logic department.
There is, however, one person that I do try to make promises to and try my best to keep. Me. To me, this is the safest bet. After all, if I break the promise, no one gets hurt BUT me. When I keep them, life is awesome.
I kept all the promises I made to myself today. I did my 30 minutes of physical activity. I drank my vinegar. I didn't worry about crap I couldn't control. For the most part, I just let things go as they would, but made sure to do the little things I knew I needed to do. I managed to do them, so yay me.
Of course, that was only for today. I had other plans I wanted to happen this week that just did not happen. There are things that need to get finished and other things that need to get started. However, I'm not going to worry about that right now. It's the end of the day and I did what I could. And I'm not watching Hannibal again. That show had so much promise, but it seriously lacks in the logic department.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Little Specks of Light
When I was a really little kid, my grandparents had this camper that hooked to the back of their truck. They would take it to blue grass shows about twice a year. When it wasn't doing duty as their temporary home, it served as one of my playhouses. I remember laying on the bed in the back of the camper with all of my dolls around me. The windows were covered with these thick, scratchy, 1970s orange curtains that were held down on both ends and more or less block all the light from the outside.
At least, that was what they were supposed to do. Despite their thickness, the curtains were still cheap and light would flood through them in little square shapes. One of my favorite things involved holding my hand out in front of the curtain and watching as the little specks of light hit my hand. I remember it being both beautiful and warm.
My blog posts of late have been full of depressing and stressful stuff. I think sometimes one might assume my life is just this perpetual free fall of suck. Actually, sometimes I think that's what it is as well. It's really not though. As much as the bad things can happen, I know I'm very blessed with all these little specks of light that shine through on me.
For instance, on Monday, in the midst of the car hell and some stupid crap happening with the house, I drove my roommate to Atwoods so he could pick up some supplies. He was stressed. I was stressed. The day was dreary and cold. I waited for him in the car and my thoughts were rather dismal. I knew the van was going to cost a lot of money and we're pretty close to running out.
When we hot home, he unpacked the supplies and I noticed he bought a bag of taffy. I couldn't help but smile.
My roommate is very, very good about the little specks of light. Even in the middle of everything falling apart, he's always been able to find the ways to make it better. He also understands that quite often the best way to make something better is just to add small bits of good to the situation. You don't have to stage a revolution and change everything about a situation. You can just alter one small thing, add one bit of good, one bit of the positive, and suddenly the world looks level again.
There are many moments embedded in my memory as the Moments Where I Felt True Happiness. Some of these moments have been the big things, yes. The majority of them, however, have consisted of those small specks of light flickering on my hand. Watching the wind farm in the way back from Colorado. Drunkenly singing Lou Reed's Transformer with my best friend. Sitting on the floor in the trailer watching TV with my roommate in a reprieve from moving. And yes, seeing that bag of candy.
Some people might think I'm making too big a deal of that. They might mention that I'm in the process of losing weight and shouldn't be spending money/calories on things that don't serve to promote my health. Those people are missing the point. The candy, which we stretched out over several days, in all of its bright and colorful little bits, helped me to remember that no matter how bad things get, there is always something to look forward to, even if it's just a small thing. It also reminded me that I'm not alone in my situation. Someone is there to share it with me, someone who cares.
I've had many bad days, but even still, the light still dances on my fingers.
At least, that was what they were supposed to do. Despite their thickness, the curtains were still cheap and light would flood through them in little square shapes. One of my favorite things involved holding my hand out in front of the curtain and watching as the little specks of light hit my hand. I remember it being both beautiful and warm.
My blog posts of late have been full of depressing and stressful stuff. I think sometimes one might assume my life is just this perpetual free fall of suck. Actually, sometimes I think that's what it is as well. It's really not though. As much as the bad things can happen, I know I'm very blessed with all these little specks of light that shine through on me.
For instance, on Monday, in the midst of the car hell and some stupid crap happening with the house, I drove my roommate to Atwoods so he could pick up some supplies. He was stressed. I was stressed. The day was dreary and cold. I waited for him in the car and my thoughts were rather dismal. I knew the van was going to cost a lot of money and we're pretty close to running out.
When we hot home, he unpacked the supplies and I noticed he bought a bag of taffy. I couldn't help but smile.
My roommate is very, very good about the little specks of light. Even in the middle of everything falling apart, he's always been able to find the ways to make it better. He also understands that quite often the best way to make something better is just to add small bits of good to the situation. You don't have to stage a revolution and change everything about a situation. You can just alter one small thing, add one bit of good, one bit of the positive, and suddenly the world looks level again.
There are many moments embedded in my memory as the Moments Where I Felt True Happiness. Some of these moments have been the big things, yes. The majority of them, however, have consisted of those small specks of light flickering on my hand. Watching the wind farm in the way back from Colorado. Drunkenly singing Lou Reed's Transformer with my best friend. Sitting on the floor in the trailer watching TV with my roommate in a reprieve from moving. And yes, seeing that bag of candy.
Some people might think I'm making too big a deal of that. They might mention that I'm in the process of losing weight and shouldn't be spending money/calories on things that don't serve to promote my health. Those people are missing the point. The candy, which we stretched out over several days, in all of its bright and colorful little bits, helped me to remember that no matter how bad things get, there is always something to look forward to, even if it's just a small thing. It also reminded me that I'm not alone in my situation. Someone is there to share it with me, someone who cares.
I've had many bad days, but even still, the light still dances on my fingers.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Curse of a Liquid Nature
Yesterday was difficult. We found out that the already high price on our van was going to be even higher, due to it needing another part. We'd also realized that Old Man Cat had decided that under my bed was a good litter box for him. W found solutions for this stuff, as much as we could, but we both knew that things were going to be even more difficult for a while. The fix on the van basically tapped out the very last bit of emergency money we had. Any other repairs are out of the question. I also won't be getting new glasses for a while. Make due or do without. That kind of thing.
If you're wondering why I didn't blog yesterday, all of that stuff is why. At the time, I just couldn't wrap my brain around all of it. I wasn't having a panic attack, but there is a low and constant level of anxiety going on. It's kind of like having a sea monster just swimming around right beneath you. You know it's there and you know that at any moment, it could grab your foot and pull you under the waves.
And I use 'sea monster' deliberately here. Most of my problems have to do with liquids. The car issues have usually been related to water stuff. There have been storms. Our plumbing is screwing up for some reason. Liquid just isn't being my friend. I'm starting to wonder if someone cursed me with some liquid curse or something. Not sure why they would. I know I can be offensive, but I'm usually too lazy to warrant too much bother.
Speaking of liquids, a storm has started. I should probably cut this short before I lose power in the house. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
If you're wondering why I didn't blog yesterday, all of that stuff is why. At the time, I just couldn't wrap my brain around all of it. I wasn't having a panic attack, but there is a low and constant level of anxiety going on. It's kind of like having a sea monster just swimming around right beneath you. You know it's there and you know that at any moment, it could grab your foot and pull you under the waves.
And I use 'sea monster' deliberately here. Most of my problems have to do with liquids. The car issues have usually been related to water stuff. There have been storms. Our plumbing is screwing up for some reason. Liquid just isn't being my friend. I'm starting to wonder if someone cursed me with some liquid curse or something. Not sure why they would. I know I can be offensive, but I'm usually too lazy to warrant too much bother.
Speaking of liquids, a storm has started. I should probably cut this short before I lose power in the house. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Getting Older: Part Two
I was reading over my post from last night and I started thinking about how the white hairs are just a small part of how the 'getting older' thing has really caught me off guard. There is like a whole series of stuff that has been put off or neglected or just ignored for so long that it's kind of become a bit crazy.
For instance, I've not gone to the dentist in over 18 years. I brush my teeth, of course. I swig on the nasty mouth wash for the required time. I do all the tooth health stuff, but . . . no dentist. In the beginning, I didn't go because I didn't have the insurance to do it. I was in college and my dad's insurance plan decided that dental wasn't a priority. After I aged off of his insurance, there was really no way I could swing it at all because I was still in school.
Once I was working, I just kept putting it off. I was never making all THAT much money and I still didn't have any insurance. As you know, eventually, I've had to go on disability. I'm very grateful for the medical insurance I have now, but they don't cover dental. To do dental insurance would require me to go on a private plan which would take up money I really don't have. Even then, any work done on my teeth would cause a lot of out of pocket expenses.
I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me. This situation is what it is, all based on decisions that I made that really didn't put 'go to dentist' as a priority. I kept thinking that it would happen eventually, but now that it's been this long . . . well, now I'm almost scared to go. My guess is that I won't show up at a dentist again until my mouth is in deep and horrible pain. And yes, I know how stupid that is.
It's one of the consequences of being poor and irresponsible for years, for thinking I had plenty of time to get things sorted. At one point, I did have that time. Now, things like dentist appointments and retirement funds are so neglected I might as well just assume they won't happen for me. Well, okay, the dentist thing will happen. Eventually.
Eventually.
For instance, I've not gone to the dentist in over 18 years. I brush my teeth, of course. I swig on the nasty mouth wash for the required time. I do all the tooth health stuff, but . . . no dentist. In the beginning, I didn't go because I didn't have the insurance to do it. I was in college and my dad's insurance plan decided that dental wasn't a priority. After I aged off of his insurance, there was really no way I could swing it at all because I was still in school.
Once I was working, I just kept putting it off. I was never making all THAT much money and I still didn't have any insurance. As you know, eventually, I've had to go on disability. I'm very grateful for the medical insurance I have now, but they don't cover dental. To do dental insurance would require me to go on a private plan which would take up money I really don't have. Even then, any work done on my teeth would cause a lot of out of pocket expenses.
I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me. This situation is what it is, all based on decisions that I made that really didn't put 'go to dentist' as a priority. I kept thinking that it would happen eventually, but now that it's been this long . . . well, now I'm almost scared to go. My guess is that I won't show up at a dentist again until my mouth is in deep and horrible pain. And yes, I know how stupid that is.
It's one of the consequences of being poor and irresponsible for years, for thinking I had plenty of time to get things sorted. At one point, I did have that time. Now, things like dentist appointments and retirement funds are so neglected I might as well just assume they won't happen for me. Well, okay, the dentist thing will happen. Eventually.
Eventually.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
White Blight
Getting older is weird. It's strange because getting older is this THING you know is going to happen (unless you die), but you can't really process it until it's happening. When you're a kid, getting older is weird because you transition from that state of Kid to an ever-increasing maturity. You have expectations and others have expectations for you. It can be crappy, but for the most part, the benefits seem to outweigh the crap.
Once you're an adult, you kind of stabilize on the aging thing. You're still doing it, but it's not as obvious as it was when you were a kid. At least, it's not for a while. On the surface, that seems great. It's almost like you get some kind of reprieve from the process. I'm not sure it's such a good thing though. The problem is that at some point, the aging kicks back in again, and it catches you when you least expect it.
The other day, I was sitting in my best friend's car, as I have done, off and on, for over 20 years now. Like always, I was listening to post-punk music and staring at myself in the mirror as I sang (don't ask). I noticed the number of white hairs at my temple were starting to increase. Not so much that I needed to completely dye the mess, but quite a lot. And even though logic and reason would seem to show me the folly of my ways, I decided that the best thing to do was pull the offending whiteness out.
White hairs are tricksy. Keep in mind, I was looking in a mirror as I did this. Even still, every time I would begin to pull out one of those white hairs, I would come away with a dark one. Every single time. I think I pulled out a good 20 dark before I got to one white. And yes, I kept going, because clearly old age is making me loose my mind.
Why did I even do this? I honestly didn't think I would care if my hair went white. I was looking forward to it being easier to dye it purple or cotton candy pink or bright vivid blue. I thought I would have so much fun with this. And yet, there I was, sacrificing my perfectly innocent hair for the sake of some white ones. As I said, the aging thing is weird. I hope I get used to it soon.
Otherwise, I'm going to end up looking like a plucked chicken.
Once you're an adult, you kind of stabilize on the aging thing. You're still doing it, but it's not as obvious as it was when you were a kid. At least, it's not for a while. On the surface, that seems great. It's almost like you get some kind of reprieve from the process. I'm not sure it's such a good thing though. The problem is that at some point, the aging kicks back in again, and it catches you when you least expect it.
The other day, I was sitting in my best friend's car, as I have done, off and on, for over 20 years now. Like always, I was listening to post-punk music and staring at myself in the mirror as I sang (don't ask). I noticed the number of white hairs at my temple were starting to increase. Not so much that I needed to completely dye the mess, but quite a lot. And even though logic and reason would seem to show me the folly of my ways, I decided that the best thing to do was pull the offending whiteness out.
White hairs are tricksy. Keep in mind, I was looking in a mirror as I did this. Even still, every time I would begin to pull out one of those white hairs, I would come away with a dark one. Every single time. I think I pulled out a good 20 dark before I got to one white. And yes, I kept going, because clearly old age is making me loose my mind.
Why did I even do this? I honestly didn't think I would care if my hair went white. I was looking forward to it being easier to dye it purple or cotton candy pink or bright vivid blue. I thought I would have so much fun with this. And yet, there I was, sacrificing my perfectly innocent hair for the sake of some white ones. As I said, the aging thing is weird. I hope I get used to it soon.
Otherwise, I'm going to end up looking like a plucked chicken.
Friday, April 19, 2013
The Cost
In the last 24 hours, the two men believed responsible for the bombing in Boston have been identified and apprehended. Or rather, one of them was apprehended. The other one is dead. It's good that we have the other man in custody, though, I wonder, at what cost. In the process of this manhunt, we shut down Boston. We shut down the smaller town where he was found. We shut things down, ended daily activities, in order to find this man.
Now, did this make it easier to find him? I am sure it made it less confusing. Less people on the streets meant it he couldn't lose himself in the crowds. No people in businesses meant he couldn't as easily take hostages. There were practical reasons to do this, and I do understand that.
At the same time, it worries me how willingly we accepted that the government could order people to stay inside their homes. Our compliance is disquieting. The fact that this man could bring a major city to a standstill is disturbing. I don't like the implications of it. I don't like the terrorists thinking they have this much power. They should never think they have power.
I'm also rather disgusted by the media's handling of this whole thing. They turned it into a circus. Manhunts are rarely as entertaining as you'd think, so it actually became a deeply boring circus. You know, the kind where you just see the same clown juggling over and over again while another drunken clown rides around in a little car.
When 9/11 happened, it seemed that our media stepped outside of their usual bullshit and really tried to handle the situation with dignity and gravity. The problem is, our media has changed a lot since then. Because we now allow so many sensationalists, real news has been replaced with a kind of badgering faux entertainment. It's sickening and fairly unprofessional.
So yes, we caught the suspects. In the process, it seems like we showed some of the less savory sides of ourselves. It's something we need to think about and try to avoid in the future. We're better than this, folks. We're stronger.
Now, did this make it easier to find him? I am sure it made it less confusing. Less people on the streets meant it he couldn't lose himself in the crowds. No people in businesses meant he couldn't as easily take hostages. There were practical reasons to do this, and I do understand that.
At the same time, it worries me how willingly we accepted that the government could order people to stay inside their homes. Our compliance is disquieting. The fact that this man could bring a major city to a standstill is disturbing. I don't like the implications of it. I don't like the terrorists thinking they have this much power. They should never think they have power.
I'm also rather disgusted by the media's handling of this whole thing. They turned it into a circus. Manhunts are rarely as entertaining as you'd think, so it actually became a deeply boring circus. You know, the kind where you just see the same clown juggling over and over again while another drunken clown rides around in a little car.
When 9/11 happened, it seemed that our media stepped outside of their usual bullshit and really tried to handle the situation with dignity and gravity. The problem is, our media has changed a lot since then. Because we now allow so many sensationalists, real news has been replaced with a kind of badgering faux entertainment. It's sickening and fairly unprofessional.
So yes, we caught the suspects. In the process, it seems like we showed some of the less savory sides of ourselves. It's something we need to think about and try to avoid in the future. We're better than this, folks. We're stronger.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Heartsick
There has been a lot of death this week. I know there is always a lot of death, but in this case, it's been from explosions and gunmen and things that could have been avoided if people would just stop being assholes. It's unlikely that will ever happen though. In other news, Congress isn't interested in background checks for people buying guns at gun shows but is very interested in making sure they can look at your browsing history whenever they feel like it.
All of this leaves me very heartsick. It makes me worried for the future. It makes me horrified at what is to follow. It makes me happy that my life is half over and that I don't have to face sixty plus years of living in this downward spiral. Sometimes I feel like the America I knew and believed in is completely gone. I wonder if people understand that freedom and privacy are important. I wonder if people will be able to find jobs to support them, if we can find independence.
Maybe I'll feel differently in a few days, but right now, I feel like we're devolving as a society. I feel like everything is breaking apart and falling to pieces. Maybe soon we'll see some pathways out of this, but right now, they aren't there. It makes me want to just check out of reading the news or knowing what is happening in the world outside of my small little safe zone of home. I know that isn't very practical or sane, but at least it's safe.
All of this leaves me very heartsick. It makes me worried for the future. It makes me horrified at what is to follow. It makes me happy that my life is half over and that I don't have to face sixty plus years of living in this downward spiral. Sometimes I feel like the America I knew and believed in is completely gone. I wonder if people understand that freedom and privacy are important. I wonder if people will be able to find jobs to support them, if we can find independence.
Maybe I'll feel differently in a few days, but right now, I feel like we're devolving as a society. I feel like everything is breaking apart and falling to pieces. Maybe soon we'll see some pathways out of this, but right now, they aren't there. It makes me want to just check out of reading the news or knowing what is happening in the world outside of my small little safe zone of home. I know that isn't very practical or sane, but at least it's safe.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Quick Update
It's about to storm, so this won't be a very long post. Just an update on how things are going.
- Baby blanket is almost finished. I'm working on the border right now. It's cute as hell.
- I realized I have orange and yellow yarn left over, meaning I can make a certain hat that a certain man wore in a certain show named after a bug that a certain station is trying to be a real bitch about.
- It's hot and that's annoying.
- The medical stuff seems to be on hold for the moment. I'll try to call back on Friday to see if there is any progress.
- Jinkx Monsoon rocks my world.
- Despite everything, the world is a beautiful place.
Okay, that's all for right now. Hopefully the storm won't send me to Oz.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
The Frustrating Thing about Humans
I read today where religious leaders of a certain country were so upset by the handsomeness of men who were attending a function in said country, that they made them LEAVE the country in order to keep the women from having lustful thoughts about them. I just . . .wow. Talk about control issues.
You know, in the wake of something like what happened in Boston, I find myself remembering that the most frustrating thing about being human is that you have no control over the other humans. The other humans have their own ideas, their own methods of handling things, their own desires, and their own wishes. In some cases, the fact that they have all of this stuff on their own can become very dangerous to the rest of us. In other cases, the fact that we have our own can become dangerous to them.
The simple fact of the matter is, we can't control the other humans. Any of them. If you think you have control over another human, you don't. They, for whatever reason, are choosing to follow your lead. But it is their choice. There is always an option out of it, even if that option is drastic.
When I was a teenager . . . and a wee bit into my early 20s . . . there was someone that I thought I was in love with. He didn't love me back. I wasted a lot of time trying to alter this situation. And it was a waste of time. If someone doesn't love you, nothing you do or say is going to change that. There is no logic or reason or trickery that will alter the situation. They don't feel it and the best thing for you to do is move on. I'm glad I know that now, but it did take a while.
I also realize that the biggest problem with trying to control other humans is that it's pretty useless. We can set boundaries for ourselves. We can protect ourselves (as much as we can). We can say what we will and will not allow to be in OUR lives. Past that, the choices really belong to the other humans. If they want to respect our boundaries, we'll get along. If they don't . . . there will be trouble.
It's also a waste of energy to try and control others. There is so much we need to do to focus on ourselves. There are things we need to heal, things we need to learn, and moments of quiet we need to have in order to rest our souls. If we don't concentrate on this stuff, we'll wear ourselves out.
The people who bombed the marathon clearly wanted to control something. They wanted to change something or have us look at something or whatever. Unless their goal was just to hurt a bunch of people and piss other people off, they failed. Terror only gives you power if you have the upper hand to begin with. Otherwise, you're just setting yourself up to lose.
Right now, a lot of people, and admittedly, myself included, want to control all of those people who think it's okay to bomb places. We want them stopped so that their actions can no longer put us in the position of feeling so unsafe. The thing is, controlling those people won't make us feel safe. Even if we kill them, it won't make us feel safe. Safety is something we have to foster in ourselves. And as long as we obsess about the people who put us in danger, there is no way we can find that security.
You know, in the wake of something like what happened in Boston, I find myself remembering that the most frustrating thing about being human is that you have no control over the other humans. The other humans have their own ideas, their own methods of handling things, their own desires, and their own wishes. In some cases, the fact that they have all of this stuff on their own can become very dangerous to the rest of us. In other cases, the fact that we have our own can become dangerous to them.
The simple fact of the matter is, we can't control the other humans. Any of them. If you think you have control over another human, you don't. They, for whatever reason, are choosing to follow your lead. But it is their choice. There is always an option out of it, even if that option is drastic.
When I was a teenager . . . and a wee bit into my early 20s . . . there was someone that I thought I was in love with. He didn't love me back. I wasted a lot of time trying to alter this situation. And it was a waste of time. If someone doesn't love you, nothing you do or say is going to change that. There is no logic or reason or trickery that will alter the situation. They don't feel it and the best thing for you to do is move on. I'm glad I know that now, but it did take a while.
I also realize that the biggest problem with trying to control other humans is that it's pretty useless. We can set boundaries for ourselves. We can protect ourselves (as much as we can). We can say what we will and will not allow to be in OUR lives. Past that, the choices really belong to the other humans. If they want to respect our boundaries, we'll get along. If they don't . . . there will be trouble.
It's also a waste of energy to try and control others. There is so much we need to do to focus on ourselves. There are things we need to heal, things we need to learn, and moments of quiet we need to have in order to rest our souls. If we don't concentrate on this stuff, we'll wear ourselves out.
The people who bombed the marathon clearly wanted to control something. They wanted to change something or have us look at something or whatever. Unless their goal was just to hurt a bunch of people and piss other people off, they failed. Terror only gives you power if you have the upper hand to begin with. Otherwise, you're just setting yourself up to lose.
Right now, a lot of people, and admittedly, myself included, want to control all of those people who think it's okay to bomb places. We want them stopped so that their actions can no longer put us in the position of feeling so unsafe. The thing is, controlling those people won't make us feel safe. Even if we kill them, it won't make us feel safe. Safety is something we have to foster in ourselves. And as long as we obsess about the people who put us in danger, there is no way we can find that security.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Boston
The Boston Marathon was bombed today. So far, at least two people have died. One of them was an 8 year old kid. Many other people have been injured and a lot of them lost limbs. We don't know who is responsible yet, but we will. What we do know now is that the people responsible are horrible. I hope that however long their lives are, they remember that they killed a kid. They ruined an event that people trained for, worked for. This event was for charity. It takes a special kind of fucked up to destroy something like this.
I'm going to try to not be angry. I'm going to try and just remember what Mr. Fred Rogers said. Any time something horrible happens, there are people who help and who work really hard to make it better. People come together and try to fix the screwed up stuff. People, despite the worst of us, can still be good.
I'm going to try to not be angry. I'm going to try and just remember what Mr. Fred Rogers said. Any time something horrible happens, there are people who help and who work really hard to make it better. People come together and try to fix the screwed up stuff. People, despite the worst of us, can still be good.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
What the Baby Blanket Taught Me
I'm on the last section of the baby blanket I'll be sending to my cousin and I'm very much enjoying this process. I think I needed to do this project, really. It's helped me get past an issue I was having. Though, I find that quite often when I work on long projects, as cheesy as it sounds, I really do learn a lot in the process.
For quite a while now, I've been doing loom knitting. I've got various sized round looms and two knit boards. The majority of my projects have been done on those, so even though I learned to knit no needles, I'd not really messed with the needles in a couple of years. In a way, I think I'd almost gotten afraid of them. When I started thinking about doing the baby blanket, in fact, I really tried to find a way to make the blanket happen on the knit board. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that the yarn wasn't agreeable.
Reluctantly, I picked my needles back up and started the blanket. I managed to screw it up, of course, and I had to start over, but I kept on. This yarn had a purpose and I really wanted my cousin to have the blanket. My lack of skill wasn't going to stop me. Even now, the thing isn't perfect, but it looks a lot better than it did. By the time it's finished, I think it will be lovely.
In the meantime, I've regained my confidence in my skill with needles. The wonderful feeling of just being part of a knitting machine has returned to me. This is something I'd really missed. I've also improved on my tension and speed. Over all, I have to say I've fallen in love with knitting needles again and I'm quite happy about that.
Knitting is very compelling to me because I know don't possess this great talent for it. It took me a long while to actually even figure out how to do it and once I started, I created things that, while wearable, were mostly awkward and strange. I usually have to watch tutorial videos over and over again to even figure out what they're talking about. Most projects just turn out wonky.
And yet, I keep with it because I know that sticking to the hobby is proof of maturity for me. I was always one of those kids who lost interest in anything that I didn't pick up quickly and wasn't just adorably good at. I know I'm not great with my knitting. I also know that I'm better than I was last year.
Maybe when I'm about to turn 50, I'll find that I'm one of those knitters who can make ANYTHING and it turn out to be beautiful (and unsnagged and even and reasonably logical). If that is the case, I'll know that it's because I worked hard and practiced at this craft. I committed to learning it and improving my skills.
If I'm not there by 50, maybe I'll be there by 60. Here's hoping, anyway.
For quite a while now, I've been doing loom knitting. I've got various sized round looms and two knit boards. The majority of my projects have been done on those, so even though I learned to knit no needles, I'd not really messed with the needles in a couple of years. In a way, I think I'd almost gotten afraid of them. When I started thinking about doing the baby blanket, in fact, I really tried to find a way to make the blanket happen on the knit board. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that the yarn wasn't agreeable.
Reluctantly, I picked my needles back up and started the blanket. I managed to screw it up, of course, and I had to start over, but I kept on. This yarn had a purpose and I really wanted my cousin to have the blanket. My lack of skill wasn't going to stop me. Even now, the thing isn't perfect, but it looks a lot better than it did. By the time it's finished, I think it will be lovely.
In the meantime, I've regained my confidence in my skill with needles. The wonderful feeling of just being part of a knitting machine has returned to me. This is something I'd really missed. I've also improved on my tension and speed. Over all, I have to say I've fallen in love with knitting needles again and I'm quite happy about that.
Knitting is very compelling to me because I know don't possess this great talent for it. It took me a long while to actually even figure out how to do it and once I started, I created things that, while wearable, were mostly awkward and strange. I usually have to watch tutorial videos over and over again to even figure out what they're talking about. Most projects just turn out wonky.
And yet, I keep with it because I know that sticking to the hobby is proof of maturity for me. I was always one of those kids who lost interest in anything that I didn't pick up quickly and wasn't just adorably good at. I know I'm not great with my knitting. I also know that I'm better than I was last year.
Maybe when I'm about to turn 50, I'll find that I'm one of those knitters who can make ANYTHING and it turn out to be beautiful (and unsnagged and even and reasonably logical). If that is the case, I'll know that it's because I worked hard and practiced at this craft. I committed to learning it and improving my skills.
If I'm not there by 50, maybe I'll be there by 60. Here's hoping, anyway.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Logical Questions and People Parodying Themselves
My friends and I sometimes play this game where we'll jokingly come up with slogans that parody the stupidest things politicians could possibly say. "Vote for me because Rights are for Sissies." "Vote for me because you don't really need no independent thoughts." When I was younger, this game was fun because while I fundamentally disagreed with a lot of these people, in my heart of hearts, I didn't really believe they thought the stuff we would have them say.
Ohh, but clearly I was wrong. It seems that Texas Congressman Steve Stockman truly IS the real deal. This article talks about his new bumper sticker which reads: "If babies had guns they wouldn't be aborted." I had to force myself to write that the way it appears, because the slogan has no comma after guns. It actually defies logic in so many ways and brings up some interesting questions.
Ohh, but clearly I was wrong. It seems that Texas Congressman Steve Stockman truly IS the real deal. This article talks about his new bumper sticker which reads: "If babies had guns they wouldn't be aborted." I had to force myself to write that the way it appears, because the slogan has no comma after guns. It actually defies logic in so many ways and brings up some interesting questions.
- Are the babies in possession of the guns or are they 'having them' as in giving birth to them?
- Are the guns not being aborted or the babies?
- Does the baby just develop with the gun in his world, like some kind of twin? Or does Chuck Norris come along an father the gun after the baby has been fathered?
- How exactly would the fetus with the gun defend itself? It still can't really hear what's going on outside, so it's not like it would KNOW if it was being aborted? Does it have psychic abilities too?
- If you were pregnant and going through airport security, would you still be allowed on the plane because the gun belonged to your baby and not to you?
- Does this count as conceal and carry?
Now, I am sure Mr. Stockman has the answers to all of these questions and I'm sure the answers make absolutely no sense. He will say that his main point was something to do with Jesus, America, guns, and freedom and believe that to be enough to deflect from all the stupidity.
Even though it doesn't.
How do people like this get elected? Even if you don't want to elect people who are pro-choice and pro-gun regulation, why can't you find someone SMART to represent you? I can't believe that everyone out there who is against abortion and likes guns also lacks the common sense and tact to realize that "If babies had guns they wouldn't be aborted" as something associated with you is a very bad idea because it makes no damned sense.
I just honestly can not believe that. I still have SOME faith in humanity left.
Even though it doesn't.
How do people like this get elected? Even if you don't want to elect people who are pro-choice and pro-gun regulation, why can't you find someone SMART to represent you? I can't believe that everyone out there who is against abortion and likes guns also lacks the common sense and tact to realize that "If babies had guns they wouldn't be aborted" as something associated with you is a very bad idea because it makes no damned sense.
I just honestly can not believe that. I still have SOME faith in humanity left.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
The Next Step
Things went as I hoped at the doctor's today and the process has began about getting the lipoma removed. I'm happy that's started, but I have to admit that I'm scared. This is bringing in so many of my fears. I have to meet people. I have to deal with medical stuff. There will be shots and knives. I may face some rejection and danger. It could go badly.
On the other hand, if all goes well, I'll be rid of something that has made my life difficult for a long time now. The lipoma on my arm is something people notice. It can cause me a great deal of pain. It keeps me from doing certain things with as much ease as I would otherwise have. It needs to go.
The main thing I need to do now is just try to separate my ego from this process. I can't think about what others may be thinking of me. I can't obsess about how hard this process might be. I can't think about the pain or complications or anything like that. I just need to let go and allow myself to go through the motions, be as detached from it as possible and simply allow it to happen.
This isn't the normal way I would do something. I've struggled for years to try and attach back to the physical moment because I know I have a tendency to stay as detached as possible. It's different when it's something like this though. If I think about it too much, it's just going to drive me bonkers. It's best just to allow it to happen around me and not be IN the moment. I don't think most people want to be IN the moment of surgery anyway.
On the other hand, if all goes well, I'll be rid of something that has made my life difficult for a long time now. The lipoma on my arm is something people notice. It can cause me a great deal of pain. It keeps me from doing certain things with as much ease as I would otherwise have. It needs to go.
The main thing I need to do now is just try to separate my ego from this process. I can't think about what others may be thinking of me. I can't obsess about how hard this process might be. I can't think about the pain or complications or anything like that. I just need to let go and allow myself to go through the motions, be as detached from it as possible and simply allow it to happen.
This isn't the normal way I would do something. I've struggled for years to try and attach back to the physical moment because I know I have a tendency to stay as detached as possible. It's different when it's something like this though. If I think about it too much, it's just going to drive me bonkers. It's best just to allow it to happen around me and not be IN the moment. I don't think most people want to be IN the moment of surgery anyway.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Wednesday Worries
I was supposed to go to the doctor last Monday, but she canceled. Now I'm going tomorrow and for some reason, the appointment is wigging me out. I know that part of it is because I may need to talk to her about starting the process to have a lipoma removed. It needs to go because honestly, the more weight I lose, the more restrictive it is. Still, the idea of surgery is scary.
I'm also worried because going to the doctor's office means being around sick people. That nasty stomach virus is still making rounds and I DO NOT want to catch it again. That thing was horrible and soul crushing and I don't think I can handle another bout of it. I'm worried I'm going to walk in there and some horrible little kid will puke on me. Blah.
Anyway, short post for tonight. Just me, worryin about stuff when I shouldn't be. I'll give you an update tomorrow.
I'm also worried because going to the doctor's office means being around sick people. That nasty stomach virus is still making rounds and I DO NOT want to catch it again. That thing was horrible and soul crushing and I don't think I can handle another bout of it. I'm worried I'm going to walk in there and some horrible little kid will puke on me. Blah.
Anyway, short post for tonight. Just me, worryin about stuff when I shouldn't be. I'll give you an update tomorrow.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
The Person I Am
Today in therapy, we talked about the concept of proactively altering your perspective of who you are as a means to alter how your life is going. In other words, how to stop living self-fulfilled prophecies in a bad way. You know, if you think you're a loser, you don't really try to do the things that cause success, so you keep on being a loser. It's not that simple, of course, but I figure it certainly can't hurt either.
When I started thinking about the person I want to be, I tried to work in more general terms, because I felt that would cover more ground. It's also somewhat more practical. "I am a skinny person" is just flat out untrue. "I am a person who makes choices that promote health" is not only less of a lie, but also covers more aspects of my life.
Once you have established your list, you are to think about it as often as possible. It is certainly helpful to think about it before you go to bed and when you wake up in the morning. I'm going to try to do it then and at least once during at alone time I have. We'll see how it goes. Anyway, my list:
When I started thinking about the person I want to be, I tried to work in more general terms, because I felt that would cover more ground. It's also somewhat more practical. "I am a skinny person" is just flat out untrue. "I am a person who makes choices that promote health" is not only less of a lie, but also covers more aspects of my life.
Once you have established your list, you are to think about it as often as possible. It is certainly helpful to think about it before you go to bed and when you wake up in the morning. I'm going to try to do it then and at least once during at alone time I have. We'll see how it goes. Anyway, my list:
- I am a person who stays calm in a crisis.
- I am a person who seeks solutions for problems.
- I am a person who is thankful.
- I am a person who is delighted by beauty and humor.
- I am a person who makes choices to promote health.
- I am a person who finds the positive side in things.
- I am a person who is organized.
- I am a person who seeks balance.
Anyway, that is my list. This is the person I want to be in my future. And yes, it's still me. It's just a less dour and losery me.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Using Your Words: Don't Hijack the Comments
Today on Facebook, one of my people posted about having an annoying household thing happen to them. An appliance broke and they were lamenting both the money spent and the fact that losing said appliance caused some other things to be destroyed in the process. It wasn't a tragic situation and it was certainly something they (although it would involve spending a lot of money) could fix. Still, it was one of those everyday pain in the ass kind of things that happens to all of us on occasion.
When you post something like that on Facebook, you're looking for a little bit of sympathy and letting off some steam. There is nothing wrong with that. It's one of the primary points of Facebook. People began to comment and relate similar tales. Other people gave her some suggestions about how to maybe get some monetary compensation for the situation.
About five comments in, there was an attempted hijacking. Instead of offering sympathy or advice, someone decided to use her post to rant about why all products are bad now because of environmental regulations and this is all the fault of liberals and hippies. This person offered no sympathy or advice of a useful nature. They just used the comments to complain about something political.
I see the kind of comment hijacking quite often on Facebook and I know I've talked about it here on the blog. Someone will post something innocent and free (or at least they assume) of political taint. Others will respond . . . until suddenly that ONE person has to come along and hijack the post over to something about politics or religion or whatever their agenda happens to be. "I had a great day at the park" suddenly becomes "That park won't be safe once Obama outlaws all the guns." More often than not, one of these politically charged statements will lure people who want to argue and suddenly the post about the day in the park is a mile long debate about gun rights.
Have I been guilty of this? Oh yes. I have. I committed many Facebook Sins when I first began to post. I still commit a lot of them even now, but I no longer allow myself to hijack someone's post to rant about issues. It's not polite and it certainly isn't effective communication.
One of the things we have to keep in mind when we're trying to sway people to our way of thinking is that establishing a rapport with someone requires them to be in a receptive mood. Very few people . . . to basically no one . . . is ever going to be in a good mood after a Facebook post gets hijacked. At best they'll be rolling their eyes in annoyance. At worst, they're completely angry. And as per the rules of the internet, all of your carefully considered arguments will be ignored.
People will also have a impression of you as being a certain kind of person. "Oh yeah, you're that chick who took Mary's comment about eating eggs for breakfast and hijacked the comments into an abortion debate." "I remember you. You're the person who just HAD to comment on Bill's picture of him eating a ham sandwich and turn it into some vegan flame war." If this person has never met you before, this is their first impression of you. It's highly unlikely they'll ever form a different one.
Moreover, when you constantly hijack comments so you can push an agenda, people start to think you have very low social skills and no hobbies. I know you think you sound intelligent and well-educated when you make these agenda comments, but that just really isn't the case. You come off as someone sitting in the corner of the room, body prone, eyes wide twitching just slightly as you wait in rapturous anticipation of that moment when someone says something, ANYTHING, that you can relate back to your issues. Kind of like Gollum with an ax to grind.
No, actually worse than that. Gollum was a crazed and sad little creature, but he at least had some joy in his life. He made up songs. He liked riddles. He joyed eating a variety of raw foods and seemed quite impressed with his teeth. He may have been obsessed with the ring and he did die for it, but at least he had SOMETHING else in his life.
So, really, people who hijack Facebook posts are more like Gollum in those few seconds before the end of his life. Sad, fixated, unaware of the big picture, and in dire need to make sure the Precious is his. . . . even if it means going down in flames.
When you post something like that on Facebook, you're looking for a little bit of sympathy and letting off some steam. There is nothing wrong with that. It's one of the primary points of Facebook. People began to comment and relate similar tales. Other people gave her some suggestions about how to maybe get some monetary compensation for the situation.
About five comments in, there was an attempted hijacking. Instead of offering sympathy or advice, someone decided to use her post to rant about why all products are bad now because of environmental regulations and this is all the fault of liberals and hippies. This person offered no sympathy or advice of a useful nature. They just used the comments to complain about something political.
I see the kind of comment hijacking quite often on Facebook and I know I've talked about it here on the blog. Someone will post something innocent and free (or at least they assume) of political taint. Others will respond . . . until suddenly that ONE person has to come along and hijack the post over to something about politics or religion or whatever their agenda happens to be. "I had a great day at the park" suddenly becomes "That park won't be safe once Obama outlaws all the guns." More often than not, one of these politically charged statements will lure people who want to argue and suddenly the post about the day in the park is a mile long debate about gun rights.
Have I been guilty of this? Oh yes. I have. I committed many Facebook Sins when I first began to post. I still commit a lot of them even now, but I no longer allow myself to hijack someone's post to rant about issues. It's not polite and it certainly isn't effective communication.
One of the things we have to keep in mind when we're trying to sway people to our way of thinking is that establishing a rapport with someone requires them to be in a receptive mood. Very few people . . . to basically no one . . . is ever going to be in a good mood after a Facebook post gets hijacked. At best they'll be rolling their eyes in annoyance. At worst, they're completely angry. And as per the rules of the internet, all of your carefully considered arguments will be ignored.
People will also have a impression of you as being a certain kind of person. "Oh yeah, you're that chick who took Mary's comment about eating eggs for breakfast and hijacked the comments into an abortion debate." "I remember you. You're the person who just HAD to comment on Bill's picture of him eating a ham sandwich and turn it into some vegan flame war." If this person has never met you before, this is their first impression of you. It's highly unlikely they'll ever form a different one.
Moreover, when you constantly hijack comments so you can push an agenda, people start to think you have very low social skills and no hobbies. I know you think you sound intelligent and well-educated when you make these agenda comments, but that just really isn't the case. You come off as someone sitting in the corner of the room, body prone, eyes wide twitching just slightly as you wait in rapturous anticipation of that moment when someone says something, ANYTHING, that you can relate back to your issues. Kind of like Gollum with an ax to grind.
No, actually worse than that. Gollum was a crazed and sad little creature, but he at least had some joy in his life. He made up songs. He liked riddles. He joyed eating a variety of raw foods and seemed quite impressed with his teeth. He may have been obsessed with the ring and he did die for it, but at least he had SOMETHING else in his life.
So, really, people who hijack Facebook posts are more like Gollum in those few seconds before the end of his life. Sad, fixated, unaware of the big picture, and in dire need to make sure the Precious is his. . . . even if it means going down in flames.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
What Would you Give for Your Kid Fears?
I just finished watching Sinister and managed to creep myself out. It's not the scariest movie I've ever seen, but it certainly has its twitchy scenes. Now I'm jumpy and seeing stuff in the shadows. It's all so stupid because the monster in the movie only kills families with kids. I have no kids, unless you count the cats. I mean, I count them, but I doubt that monster would. He strikes me as a bigot on that way.
In a strange sort of way though, being scared over a movie like this is strangely comforting. Hell, even BEING in a situation where you're terrorized by some monster who looks like a heavy metal singer/pro wrestler is and has magical powers is strangely comforting. Monsters like that are simple. Scary, but simple. Once you realize they're more powerful than you, you can reach a kind of comfort at how your situation is going to end.
Horror of this nature is appealing to adults because we can escape into it and pretend like it's the worst thing that could happen. Zombipocalypse? Vampires? Demon who eats children? Pissed off ghosts? Aliens? All of these things are simple and easy compared to the fear of real life. I'd rather deal with zombies all day than deal with worrying about paying my bills. Vampires want to drink your blood, but they're not going to get you drunk, rape you, and then put it on the internet. Demons aren't actively campaigning to take away your rights and getting rid of pissed off ghosts is probably less messy than most people's divorces.
Reality is just so much more potentially horrifying than the movies. It just holds way too many pitfalls of broken down cars and lost love and being stuck in situations you don't know how to get out of. For adults, I think horror movies have become total wish fulfillment. "This problem is so simple that either I can defeat it using only my wits and basic skills OR it will kill me. Being dead will suck, but suck far less than a lot of the shit life is handing me right now."
And while I do know this is supremely depressing, I'm also not sure what can be done about it. Times are hard and we're a soul weary group. Give us some monsters to fight. It's a lot less stressful than figuring out tax code.
In a strange sort of way though, being scared over a movie like this is strangely comforting. Hell, even BEING in a situation where you're terrorized by some monster who looks like a heavy metal singer/pro wrestler is and has magical powers is strangely comforting. Monsters like that are simple. Scary, but simple. Once you realize they're more powerful than you, you can reach a kind of comfort at how your situation is going to end.
Horror of this nature is appealing to adults because we can escape into it and pretend like it's the worst thing that could happen. Zombipocalypse? Vampires? Demon who eats children? Pissed off ghosts? Aliens? All of these things are simple and easy compared to the fear of real life. I'd rather deal with zombies all day than deal with worrying about paying my bills. Vampires want to drink your blood, but they're not going to get you drunk, rape you, and then put it on the internet. Demons aren't actively campaigning to take away your rights and getting rid of pissed off ghosts is probably less messy than most people's divorces.
Reality is just so much more potentially horrifying than the movies. It just holds way too many pitfalls of broken down cars and lost love and being stuck in situations you don't know how to get out of. For adults, I think horror movies have become total wish fulfillment. "This problem is so simple that either I can defeat it using only my wits and basic skills OR it will kill me. Being dead will suck, but suck far less than a lot of the shit life is handing me right now."
And while I do know this is supremely depressing, I'm also not sure what can be done about it. Times are hard and we're a soul weary group. Give us some monsters to fight. It's a lot less stressful than figuring out tax code.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Communication and Compliments
In the wake of President Obama's misstep in referring to an attorney general by her attractiveness instead of her accomplishments, some men have been bemoaning the fact that it seems like they can't talk about a woman being pretty without it offending us. They want to know why women just can't take a compliment and be grateful that someone noticed them. After all, everyone likes to be told they're pretty, right?
Just like with any other situation, when we compliment people, we need to be aware of what this compliment communicates to the other person about us. What are we really saying? How will we be perceived?
Now before you go on the defensive with 'it doesn't MATTER what other people think of me,' remember that you are the one who began this communication exchange. You chose to address someone's physical appearance. No one forced you to say anything. Because you opened that door, it can be inferred that you wished to communicate with this person. But what you may actually communicate may not be what you hoped.
Work situations are one of the biggest area where this becomes a problem. It's really best to never give people comments of a sexual nature when you work with them and I think most people know this. They still do it, but they know better. However, this kind of thing doesn't just apply to your coworkers.
Let's say you're a police officer and you are called to investigate a robbery. The woman who was robbed begins to tell you about the crime. As she tells you about it, you suddenly say, "You know, you're one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen."
She frowns at you and gets angry. Now, before you get frustrated and think about the injustice of not being able to compliment anyone anymore, remember the situation you are in. You are there to do you job. You are there to focus on learning enough about the crime to solve it. You are there to reassure this person that justice will be served.
You're not there to tell her she's hot. In fact, you shouldn't even be paying attention to what she looks like. Your attention should be on crime solving things.
So, whenever you feel the need to pay someone a compliment, think about the reason you are near this person and if your attention should be focused on something else. If it should, do not say anything about this person's looks. An example of this is any time you are at work. Unless you're someone who is being paid to say things about someone's looks (such as, a stylist), then you shouldn't be commenting on people's looks.
As much as it isn't proper to comment on someone's looks while you're working, it's also not proper to comment on someone's looks when THEY are working. The waitress isn't interested in how cute you think she is. If you think she's cute and want to brighten her day, leave a bigger tip. The lawyer who is deposing you isn't there to hear about how great you think she looks in that suit, she wants you to answer her questions about the case at hand.
When people are doing their jobs, they are busy doing their jobs. They don't want to have to take time away from their jobs to pay attention to your compliments about how pretty they are.
If someone is working and you feel the need to pay them a compliment, remember that they're busy working. They're not there to flirt with you. Well, okay, unless their job IS to flirt with you, but that's different and you know the difference. The ER doctor who patched up your arm after you tried to do that thing you saw on YouTube isn't there to flirt with you. Stop making the situation awkward.
The same also applies when neither person is working, but it is their professions that have brought them to the same social setting. When you're at a party that is work related, always keep in mind that power dynamics are at play. Err on the side of 'no one wants to be hit on by their boss' as well as 'no one wants to be hit on by their underlings.' Both situations are bound to cause trouble.
Even if you don't work together, if the social event is work related for you or the person you wish to compliment, it's still not a good idea. The girl who makes a living creating costumes for people at cons isn't interested in you hitting on her. She's at the con to get potential clients. Even if you're there for fun, this is work related for her.
I think a good rule is just to remember that unless both you and the other person are there for casual reasons, hitting on them isn't a good idea. Focus should be elsewhere and it needs to stay in that place. Honestly, you'll find that if you stick to this, your compliments will be better received. When people aren't focusing on work or don't need you there to focus on work, they're more relaxed and receptive. In other words, the flirting would be easier.
Just like with any other situation, when we compliment people, we need to be aware of what this compliment communicates to the other person about us. What are we really saying? How will we be perceived?
Now before you go on the defensive with 'it doesn't MATTER what other people think of me,' remember that you are the one who began this communication exchange. You chose to address someone's physical appearance. No one forced you to say anything. Because you opened that door, it can be inferred that you wished to communicate with this person. But what you may actually communicate may not be what you hoped.
Work situations are one of the biggest area where this becomes a problem. It's really best to never give people comments of a sexual nature when you work with them and I think most people know this. They still do it, but they know better. However, this kind of thing doesn't just apply to your coworkers.
Let's say you're a police officer and you are called to investigate a robbery. The woman who was robbed begins to tell you about the crime. As she tells you about it, you suddenly say, "You know, you're one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen."
She frowns at you and gets angry. Now, before you get frustrated and think about the injustice of not being able to compliment anyone anymore, remember the situation you are in. You are there to do you job. You are there to focus on learning enough about the crime to solve it. You are there to reassure this person that justice will be served.
You're not there to tell her she's hot. In fact, you shouldn't even be paying attention to what she looks like. Your attention should be on crime solving things.
So, whenever you feel the need to pay someone a compliment, think about the reason you are near this person and if your attention should be focused on something else. If it should, do not say anything about this person's looks. An example of this is any time you are at work. Unless you're someone who is being paid to say things about someone's looks (such as, a stylist), then you shouldn't be commenting on people's looks.
As much as it isn't proper to comment on someone's looks while you're working, it's also not proper to comment on someone's looks when THEY are working. The waitress isn't interested in how cute you think she is. If you think she's cute and want to brighten her day, leave a bigger tip. The lawyer who is deposing you isn't there to hear about how great you think she looks in that suit, she wants you to answer her questions about the case at hand.
When people are doing their jobs, they are busy doing their jobs. They don't want to have to take time away from their jobs to pay attention to your compliments about how pretty they are.
If someone is working and you feel the need to pay them a compliment, remember that they're busy working. They're not there to flirt with you. Well, okay, unless their job IS to flirt with you, but that's different and you know the difference. The ER doctor who patched up your arm after you tried to do that thing you saw on YouTube isn't there to flirt with you. Stop making the situation awkward.
The same also applies when neither person is working, but it is their professions that have brought them to the same social setting. When you're at a party that is work related, always keep in mind that power dynamics are at play. Err on the side of 'no one wants to be hit on by their boss' as well as 'no one wants to be hit on by their underlings.' Both situations are bound to cause trouble.
Even if you don't work together, if the social event is work related for you or the person you wish to compliment, it's still not a good idea. The girl who makes a living creating costumes for people at cons isn't interested in you hitting on her. She's at the con to get potential clients. Even if you're there for fun, this is work related for her.
I think a good rule is just to remember that unless both you and the other person are there for casual reasons, hitting on them isn't a good idea. Focus should be elsewhere and it needs to stay in that place. Honestly, you'll find that if you stick to this, your compliments will be better received. When people aren't focusing on work or don't need you there to focus on work, they're more relaxed and receptive. In other words, the flirting would be easier.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Trial, Errors, and New Ways of Grieving
I know my post looked odd last night. I did it on the Kindle and for some reason, paragraphs just didn't exist. I should go back and try to fix that. It was a fun experiment, though I don't really like typing on the keypad thing. I keep knocking the wrong letters with my stylus (for those keeping track, YES, I had to Google how to spell that) and that caused me to take twice as long with what was really a very short post. Given that, it didn't seem worth the convenience of doing it in my room.
Roger Ebert died and I'm very saddened by this. He's one of those public figures who has been a fixture in my life as long as I can remember. One of my favorite things to do as a kid was to watch his movie review show on Saturday afternoons on PBS. I didn't always find myself in agreement with him, but I did like the dignified way he talked about movies. He respected the art form and conveyed the idea that everyone should respect the genre as well. I liked that about him. I'll miss the man.
I think one of the hardest things about getting older is how you have to watch as the world as you saw it begins to crumble away. You lose people. You lose the touchstones of your culture. You lose aspects of the world that helped to define your reality.
My best friend and I were watching The Hobbit today and she asked me if I thought my mom would have liked the movie. My mom loved Tolkien's work and part of my reality as a small child was her reading it to me. When Peter Jackson put out the first three movies, my roommate and I took Mom to see them. This latest movie was the first one I saw without her. I do think she would have liked it.
I told my best friend that one of the things I think about quite often is how much I wish my mom could have read GRRM's work. I think she really would have loved it. She and I could have had hours and hours of discussion about it and that would have been so fun. There should be a word in our language that describes the grief you feel when you discover something that a loved one would have adored. It's worse than regret and sharper than missing them. It's pretty damned awful.
But who knows? Maybe the after life is like that part in What Dreams May Come when they are in the vast library. Maybe my mom's soul, now stable and whole and healed, HAS read GRRM's books and is just waiting for the chance to talk to me about it. It's a nice thought.
I need more nice thoughts.
Roger Ebert died and I'm very saddened by this. He's one of those public figures who has been a fixture in my life as long as I can remember. One of my favorite things to do as a kid was to watch his movie review show on Saturday afternoons on PBS. I didn't always find myself in agreement with him, but I did like the dignified way he talked about movies. He respected the art form and conveyed the idea that everyone should respect the genre as well. I liked that about him. I'll miss the man.
I think one of the hardest things about getting older is how you have to watch as the world as you saw it begins to crumble away. You lose people. You lose the touchstones of your culture. You lose aspects of the world that helped to define your reality.
My best friend and I were watching The Hobbit today and she asked me if I thought my mom would have liked the movie. My mom loved Tolkien's work and part of my reality as a small child was her reading it to me. When Peter Jackson put out the first three movies, my roommate and I took Mom to see them. This latest movie was the first one I saw without her. I do think she would have liked it.
I told my best friend that one of the things I think about quite often is how much I wish my mom could have read GRRM's work. I think she really would have loved it. She and I could have had hours and hours of discussion about it and that would have been so fun. There should be a word in our language that describes the grief you feel when you discover something that a loved one would have adored. It's worse than regret and sharper than missing them. It's pretty damned awful.
But who knows? Maybe the after life is like that part in What Dreams May Come when they are in the vast library. Maybe my mom's soul, now stable and whole and healed, HAS read GRRM's books and is just waiting for the chance to talk to me about it. It's a nice thought.
I need more nice thoughts.
What You Pay For
So it seems that some airlines . . .well one is going to start charging passengers by the pound. At first, I was really offended by this. I felt threatened by the idea that my weight would cause me to have to fork over more money than the normal folks.
However, the more I read about it, the less it upset me. For one thing,this airlines only owns.very small planes, like 4 seats per plane. In this case, weight is very important. This isn't about punishing fat people. This is about making the plane as safe as possible. There are also perks to paying more. You will get a seat that is comfortable and more leg room. You will have the space you need.
A lot of the time, fat people on planes get treated with a lot of resentment. But if they pay more, maybe we can see that change.
However, the more I read about it, the less it upset me. For one thing,this airlines only owns.very small planes, like 4 seats per plane. In this case, weight is very important. This isn't about punishing fat people. This is about making the plane as safe as possible. There are also perks to paying more. You will get a seat that is comfortable and more leg room. You will have the space you need.
A lot of the time, fat people on planes get treated with a lot of resentment. But if they pay more, maybe we can see that change.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Stupid Week
Everything I wrote about on Sunday concerning the way my week would be going has proved to be untrue. My week has been unhinged and stressful. My doctor's appointment was canceled. Then my van broke down and we had to take it into the shop and pay for repairs we could just barely afford. Because the van was out of commission, I had to cancel my therapy session, which sucks because I really needed me some therapy today. On top of all of that, the renewal for some of my benefits is proving to be huge worry. Whatever small little plans I foresaw for this week have been completely smashed against some very jagged rocks.
I know all of this is just crappy life stuff that happens and that the universe isn't attacking me, but it really does feel that way sometimes. I've cried just enough about the whole mess to have caused a pretty nasty little headache. I really just need to crawl into bed and try to sleep for a while.
I know all of this is just crappy life stuff that happens and that the universe isn't attacking me, but it really does feel that way sometimes. I've cried just enough about the whole mess to have caused a pretty nasty little headache. I really just need to crawl into bed and try to sleep for a while.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Use Your Words, but Carefully
On occasion, all of us experience emotions of what many consider to be the negative variety. Pain. Frustration. Fear. Suffering. Loss. When we experience these emotions, we usually have need to express them in some manner or another. Those of us who aren't completely lacking in self control, find ways to restrain ourselves from doing things that lead to even more cause for negative emotions. In other words, we learn how to keep from lashing out at every little thing that happens. It doesn't always work, but with practice, it gets easier.
In recent years, people have opted for the phrase 'use your words' when trying to teach others not to act out physically when full of negative emotion. The idea behind it is that if you speak or write about something instead of hitting a wall or a poor innocent animal or someone else, you're doing less harm. Okay, it's true that you're doing less harm, but that doesn't mean you're doing no harm.
Lately, it seems that more and more people are taking to writing letters to publications to vent their frustrations. On the surface, this may seem like a good and civilized thing. You're not physically harming anyone. You're not yelling at anyone. You're just intelligently using your words to discuss the stuff that makes you angry.
The problem is, most of us, when angry, aren't really thinking that clearly. Our emotions are clouding our logic and, quite often, our judgment. We say or write things we would normally never let others know. When we yield to the emotion and do these things anyway, we most often just cause more trouble for ourselves.
Now I will admit that I can be quite guilty of this. I've written some blog posts that were nothing but emotion-fueled GRRR sessions. All I did was rant. Looking back on said posts, they made very little sense. It was just "I am mad about this and it was bad and if you like it, you are bad!" or something like that. I would just delete them, but I probably need the reminder that I can get this way.
I also used to have this problem on Facebook. Back before I made the personal rule NOT to argue with people on Facebook, I argued with them quite frequently. I'd get all emotional about whatever topic and write long and complex replies with much righteous anger and what I assumed was flawless logic. This was usually far from the truth. Making the rule that I don't argue with people on Facebook is probably one of the best decisions I've made. Now I just hide the posts that piss me off and ignore the rest.
I wrote last week about the woman who addressed the whole female population at Princeton with her open letter to the college newspaper. In her frustrations about her personal decisions, she decided to 'use her words' . . . not only failed in her communication but also succeeded in embarrassing herself. However, as bad as hers was, today I read about a high school student who sent an open letter 'to all the colleges that rejected me' as written as an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal. In print, for all the world to see, in a way that will never be erased, she made the decision to vent her frustrations and 'use her words' . . . to make herself look like an entitled resentful brat. Writing this did her no good. In fact, it may do her harm in terms of her chances for finding ANY college to accept her.
I do realize that quite often we feel moved to speak about our emotions. We want to rant. We want to scream. We want to write open letters and put them out there for the whole world to see. However, before we do these things, even before we 'use our words,' we should take a few moments and reflect on the consequences of our actions.
Will my action cause more harm?
Is my action something I would do were I calm?
Will my action create bigger problems?
I do know that it feels quite good to vent frustrations. I know it is helpful to yell. I know it is helpful to write long letters and to tell people why they are wrong on Facebook. I also know that expressions of emotion can be a lot like cat puke. The cat pukes because it can't help itself. Once it does, it usually feels better and just walks away and goes on about its business. But the cat puke is still there. Someone has to deal with it and clean it up. So, just because the cat feels better about the situation doesn't alter the fact that there are very real and very sucky consequences.
It's part of our nature as humans to feel emotions. Most of us feel the need to respond to these emotions in one way or another. However, as thinking and rational beings, HOW we choose to respond is something we can certainly seek to take control over. It's something we need to learn, otherwise we will more often than not, find ourselves in ever escalating cycle of things just getting more and more dramatic. If this is your goal, I suppose that is, while twisted, fine. But if your goal is to have LESS drama, it might be worth your while to consider the route that allows you to achieve that serenity as quickly as possible.
And for goodness sake, don't make your private issues a topic for public discussion.
In recent years, people have opted for the phrase 'use your words' when trying to teach others not to act out physically when full of negative emotion. The idea behind it is that if you speak or write about something instead of hitting a wall or a poor innocent animal or someone else, you're doing less harm. Okay, it's true that you're doing less harm, but that doesn't mean you're doing no harm.
Lately, it seems that more and more people are taking to writing letters to publications to vent their frustrations. On the surface, this may seem like a good and civilized thing. You're not physically harming anyone. You're not yelling at anyone. You're just intelligently using your words to discuss the stuff that makes you angry.
The problem is, most of us, when angry, aren't really thinking that clearly. Our emotions are clouding our logic and, quite often, our judgment. We say or write things we would normally never let others know. When we yield to the emotion and do these things anyway, we most often just cause more trouble for ourselves.
Now I will admit that I can be quite guilty of this. I've written some blog posts that were nothing but emotion-fueled GRRR sessions. All I did was rant. Looking back on said posts, they made very little sense. It was just "I am mad about this and it was bad and if you like it, you are bad!" or something like that. I would just delete them, but I probably need the reminder that I can get this way.
I also used to have this problem on Facebook. Back before I made the personal rule NOT to argue with people on Facebook, I argued with them quite frequently. I'd get all emotional about whatever topic and write long and complex replies with much righteous anger and what I assumed was flawless logic. This was usually far from the truth. Making the rule that I don't argue with people on Facebook is probably one of the best decisions I've made. Now I just hide the posts that piss me off and ignore the rest.
I wrote last week about the woman who addressed the whole female population at Princeton with her open letter to the college newspaper. In her frustrations about her personal decisions, she decided to 'use her words' . . . not only failed in her communication but also succeeded in embarrassing herself. However, as bad as hers was, today I read about a high school student who sent an open letter 'to all the colleges that rejected me' as written as an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal. In print, for all the world to see, in a way that will never be erased, she made the decision to vent her frustrations and 'use her words' . . . to make herself look like an entitled resentful brat. Writing this did her no good. In fact, it may do her harm in terms of her chances for finding ANY college to accept her.
I do realize that quite often we feel moved to speak about our emotions. We want to rant. We want to scream. We want to write open letters and put them out there for the whole world to see. However, before we do these things, even before we 'use our words,' we should take a few moments and reflect on the consequences of our actions.
Will my action cause more harm?
Is my action something I would do were I calm?
Will my action create bigger problems?
I do know that it feels quite good to vent frustrations. I know it is helpful to yell. I know it is helpful to write long letters and to tell people why they are wrong on Facebook. I also know that expressions of emotion can be a lot like cat puke. The cat pukes because it can't help itself. Once it does, it usually feels better and just walks away and goes on about its business. But the cat puke is still there. Someone has to deal with it and clean it up. So, just because the cat feels better about the situation doesn't alter the fact that there are very real and very sucky consequences.
It's part of our nature as humans to feel emotions. Most of us feel the need to respond to these emotions in one way or another. However, as thinking and rational beings, HOW we choose to respond is something we can certainly seek to take control over. It's something we need to learn, otherwise we will more often than not, find ourselves in ever escalating cycle of things just getting more and more dramatic. If this is your goal, I suppose that is, while twisted, fine. But if your goal is to have LESS drama, it might be worth your while to consider the route that allows you to achieve that serenity as quickly as possible.
And for goodness sake, don't make your private issues a topic for public discussion.
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