Finished

The blanket ended up being more of a decent-sized throw, but given the weight of it, I'm okay with that. Tomorrow I'll mess with weaving ends and patches. Then it will be washed and made ready for its new owner.

I am very proud of this piece. I put so much work into it and managed to bust quite a lot of my stash yarn. It is a very unique-looking creation. Oh, I'm proud of myself too. So yay.

Last Story Results

The last story didn't do as well. It didn't get as many kudos or even hits. I was somewhat expecting that, but it's a little annoying. It's fine though. It is a story that I needed to tell.

I'll be finishing the blanket either tonight or tomorrow morning. Then I need to do the weaving bits and some fixes. That is the second blanket I've finished in the last several months and it put a significant dent in my stash. 

A New Thing

I'd sent some art to my therapist, stuff I did on Paintbrush as part of an assignment for my last therapist. She printed them out and as we talked on Zoom, she showed them to me. 

It was really cool to see my art printed out. It really changed the perspective of it. I asked her to bring them to me when we next meet in person. 

That was the highlight of the day, though admittedly the day was pretty good. The lowlight was getting a papercut on my thumb. Ironically, it was from a packet containing life insurance stuff. Hah! 

Last Band

I'm on my last band of the blanket. Then I'll need to do the weaving in of the stray bits of yarn and fix up any issues that happened in the making of this. I'm glad I'm on the last band because this is probably my last week of weather cool enough to allow me to keep a blanket on my lap. 

After that, I'm going to work on smaller projects. 

I published my latest DD Silm fic today. Not a lot of traction on it, but that's fine. I enjoyed it. I'm doing my next to last vampire fic next.

Dark Sunday

It was rainy, cloudy, and wet all day. We've had to keep most of the lights on just to combat the gloom. I should have knitted more than I did, but instead, once I finished my latest fic, I just mindlessly watched videos. Maybe I needed to zone out. Maybe the weather wouldn't allow anything beyond that.

The video watching ended up being all of my favorite fanmade Tolkien videos. It was fun. The "Me and the Devil" Silvergifting video will always have a place in my heart. I even found a new one.

I should probably edit tonight, but I'm probably going to just knit instead. 
 

Allergies

Everyone's allergies were bad again. We thought the lawn would be mowed, but that didn't happen. I'm okay with it, honestly, because that would have been one more thing driving our sinuses into a frenzy.

Tinkerbell has been in a mood all day. We're fighting right now, I guess. It's hard to tell when you don't speak the same language. She's avoiding me though. Cats are odd little creatures.

Drag Race Season 14 ended after what felt like 14 months. I am happy Willow Pill won. I was very pleased with this cast.

Last Two Rows

I am on the next-to-the-last row of my blanket. I may do trim around it. I've not decided yet. It's probably going to depend on how much green I have left.

Today was okay. We did our shopping. My roommate found a slice of a very good cake that we shared. I wrote some comments on people's fics and wrote some insanity for my own enjoyment. 

Here's hoping the weekend is nice.

Finding Comfort

I've seen a lot of criticism over the stuff people watch/read/love lately. This isn't new. It's always happened. For whatever reason, people have always seen fit to criticize the things that bring other people joy.

When I was younger, I did this as well. It's a habit I've tried to break because I now realize how shitty it is. 

The world sucks. It's painful and confusing and scary for most of us. Whatever brings someone joy, let it bring them joy. If you think it's shallow, fine. Think it's shallow. But don't tell them that. Don't try to dim someone else's light just to show everyone how grand you are. 

You never look grand when you're smashing someone else's happiness. This also goes for being angry at the fact that someone approaches fandom differently than you do. If someone sees characters as beautiful or worthy or fun when you don't, let that go. If someone is finding joy, let them find it.

Joy is so rare these days.

New VtM Fic

I posted my newest vampire fic today. As with the rest of them, it isn't getting much traffic, but honestly, that's just how VtM fics are for the most part. I'm okay with it. The story needed to be told. 

I'll probably start back on the Elf stuff tomorrow. I need a night to just chill and knit and read. Therapy kind of wrung me out today. I have an emotionally complicated assignment to do.

State of the Blog

If you read this regularly, I'm sure you've noticed my posts aren't as interesting as they used to be. It's mostly just a recap of my day or an impression of something that happened that day.

The truth is, I've not felt like blogging in a while. I just don't have the drive to do it like I used to. My mind is in other places these days and my creativity certainly is. 

That doesn't mean I'm stopping the blog. Even if I don't feel the drive to make the blog what it once was, I still feel it is important to me. I still feel it's a good thing to set down my thoughts and keep a record of what's going on in my life. Honestly, this has helped me when I needed to remember the timeline of events happening in my life. I think keeping a blog or a journal is always a good idea.

So if you still read this, thank you. I'll keep doing the blog until I die probably. And even after that, I'll leave instructions for someone close to me to write one last post and shut the blog down. 

I don't plan on that being any time soon. 

Newest Fic Results

The new fic did fairly well for its first day. I got 13 kudos and around 50 reads. I also got a couple of very good comments. 

It's gloomy and dark out. It's messing with my mood. Plus I didn't sleep well last night and that kind of weighed on me all day.

Rough Weekend

This weekend was dark and dreary. I was on edge and trying very hard to keep my emotions in check. I published a story today. It's doing okay, I guess.

Easter dinner was very good. We even had pie! Because I wasn't aware of the pie beforehand, I didn't have the Troubling Pie Anxiety that I tend to have concerning pie. That was nice.

Anyway, I hope this week goes well and is less rainy and dark. 

Weather Blah Blah

I'm so tired and it's because I have precious little sunlight happening during the days. We just get cloud cover and annoyance. It's putting everyone on edge, even the cats.

Not Posted for a Few Days

Last night I was finishing up a story. It's another VtM fanfic that maybe if I'm lucky ten people will read. That's fine though. I'm happy to write them anyway, even if no one much looks at them.

My last JRRT story is still getting some traffic and that's good. I need to finish the next of those stories. Hopefully, I can do that tomorrow.

SoTired of This

Future the OK GOP Wants

Oklahoma passed a bill that very seriously restricts abortion. Even though this has been decided over and over again, these people keep trying to ruin reproductive rights. 

Now understand, Oklahoma doesn't do anything else for children. They barely finance education and are so horrible to their teachers that most schools are populated by subs now. We're one of the lowest states in the nation for education.

There is no work toward a strong foster system. There is no work toward a strong adoption system. There is nothing except a plan for a lot of people to have a lot more unwanted children in our state, children with several strikes against them from the beginning, and children with very little expectation for a future.

Well, congrats. I hope all of you are looking forward to watching more people suffer.

Tired

I was up early this morning. It was completely worth it, but I was still up fuck early. I need to write but I don't feel like it. The weather is weird and my emotions are twitchy. Maybe in a few hours. We'll see.

I need to get a lot of sleep tonight and just try to function better tomorrow.

The Green Yarn

The newest yarn I've worked into the quilt is a light grayish-green. The color melds so well with everything around it and it knits so beautifully and flat. It's glorious.

The ball is pretty big so it's going to be the anchor color for a while. I'm happy with this because it will probably one of the colors I end on. 

Stepping Out

I stepped out of my Tolkien fanfic writing and did a little story for VtM. It was significantly LESS successful than my JRRT stuff (and I'm not saying that is successful). I only have seven readers and only one kudos. The fandom isn't that big on AO3 or people just hated what I did. I liked it and I stand behind the work, but you never know how people are going to take something.

I published my usual stuff today. I wasn't 100% happy with this, but sometimes I'm not going to be. It's still doing okay though.

Duckers

So the cut grass got to everyone in the house. Even the cats were sneezing. I'm glad it's done though.

This is a picture I took at the park yesterday. I observed this very interesting bit of behavior from the darker ducks. All of them made this kind of strange little noise as they waited on the edge of the pond. Finally, the white duck (as seen in the pick) swam over to them and made its own series of sounds. They weren't typical quack sounds. After a minute or so, the white duck leads the other ducks into the pond. They stayed near it and when it got out of the water, so did they. 

First Mowing

Our lawn received its first mow of the year. I am very relieved. Our lawnmowing gent is pretty old and it's always iffy if this will be the year when he retires.

I tried my best to focus on anything but the sadness today. I need to write. I'm not sure if I will or if I'll just finish the various things I've selected to read and then try to write.

My roommate was petting the younger cat when he noticed she had a wasp on her. Thankfully no one was harmed. The cat remained freaked out for several hours.

No Light No Light

Normally during Spring, there is enough light going on that my anxiety is somewhat lifted. During some blissful years, it's lifted so much that I spend Spring feeling downright happy and mellow. All of that happy and mellow and lightness helps me to cope with the stress that Springs with it.

So far, that isn't the case this year. We have mostly overcast days and lots of grayness. Unfortunately, even if I don't get my light, I still get all the stressful bits. Having to arrange lawnmowing. Having to deal with bugs showing back up. Having to deal with the prospect of eventual summer and heat. All of it is ripping at my psyche in some very nasty ways. 

I'm having trouble coping. I'm having trouble even having the emotional strength to cope. I know it's irrational and I know it's just the brain weasels talking, but this year, so far, has been HARD on me emotionally. Really hard. 

I need light.

A Good Thing

One of the Kardashians came out as autosexual and people are freaking out about it. Why? First of all, it isn't your business? Second of all, autosexuals are the best people in the world.

Autosexuals just focus on themselves. They seek pleasurable experiences only with themselves. They do not depend on anyone else or rely on anyone else or demand of anyone else. If the world had more people in it who just relied on themselves for their own gratification, the world would be better, not to mention a safer place. 

It's smart for her to realize this is where her focus is. Most autosexuals get very drained when they have to deal with other people/relationships, especially when those people/relationships bring them no real fulfillment. The more aware someone is of what they really want, the less chance of someone being hurt.

April Second

My ankle is still seeping some fluid. Not a lot, but little bits here and there. I'm still keeping it clean and putting medicine on it. Hopefully, we'll start mending soon. I don't want a hole in my ankle forever.

I need to finish some writing projects but I just don't feel the passion for them right now. I wish I did. Then again, writing every day for a week kinda zapped me. 

Spring needs to be happier. 

Recovering

I'm healing, I think. I'm cold though. It's staying cold and I wish it would brighten up.

I worked on the blanket today and on the essay my therapist wanted me to write about it. Writing the essay is an interesting process.

This week was difficult and emotionally draining due to having to see the family. Hopefully the weekend will be quiet and peaceful.