And Finished

The sleep study is on its way back to its company. Night 3 was easier than the first two nights. I think I was more or less used to the equipment and able to just deal with it. That allowed me to get better sleep, though still not great sleep. I still took a nap this afternoon, like I've had to do the last two days as well.

Outside of that, the day was a bit warmer than it has been, though still not as hot as it often is this time of year. It's possible we won't have a day in the 90s until past June tenth. 

So I'm lucky that I did the sleep study while it wasn't so hot. I'm sure I would have been miserable if I tried to do it with the room in the 80s at night. That would have been just awful. 

Sleep Study Night Two

For some reason, putting on all the equipment makes me feel lonely and sad. I'm not sure why. Just something about putting all of that on my body makes me just want to cry.

I didn't cry, but I wanted to.

Night two went better than the first night. Mostly because I was able to use my CPAP. My breathing was easier and I stayed asleep for longer bouts at a time, even though I still woke up quite a lot.

Tonight is the last night. I'm going to be happy this is overwith.

Sleep Study

 Last night was my first night with the sleep study stuff on. It was awkward as hell, but I managed. I'm not good with tangly wires so of course within seconds everything was tangled and a mess. I sorted it out, somewhat, but I had to be so careful. It's all very delicate. 

The worst part is the face monitor. The straps aren't quite as long as they need to be and it kept undoing on me. I'm not sure how that's gonna work tonight when I try to do it with my mask on. I guess we'll see. 

The finger monitor was fine but it kept putting my finger to sleep. I endured it as best I could. For the most part, it was the most straightforward bit because its wires are thicker and I didn't have to worry about it as much.

The part I was most concerned with was the chest monitor but it proved to not be a problem. I was worried it wouldn't fit but there was plenty of room, more room than I thought there would be, and certainly more than I needed. So the only issue I had with that was that my wire was a bit delicate. I just had to watch it.

The worst part was the bright ass green light. It is seriously bright! I had to do my best to just ignore it. I won't say that I slept WELL, but I did sleep some. Around 6AM, I went to the bathroom and pulled all the stuff off of me. That was enough for the reading so I just switched back to my pap and did my best to sleep for the next few hours. Overall, not as bad of a night as I anticipated.

Breakthrough

I was able to fit into a situation that I've not been able to fit into before. It's a pretty major accomplishment for me. It also scared me a little bit because I'm scared it will go back to being the way it was. I guess with weight loss, that fear is always there.

One of the vloggers that I watch is now down to a size Medium for the first time in her life. When she was trying outfits on, she cried. It was very heartwarming to see. I'm a long while away from that, but maybe eventually I'll get there as well.

Tonight, however, I'm going to try and enjoy the current victory. 

Annoying Night

It was an annoying evening. Not happy with how a show ended. I think it should have gone the opposite way of how it did. 

This was made all the more annoying by the fact that our cable box decided to be a brat and stop working.  It finally came back on but only after my roommate had been on the phone with the cable company for 45 minutes. 

Overall, not a great evening.

Rituals

Tomorrow is weigh-in for me. I don't feel apprehensive about it because I know I've done well this week. If it doesn't look like I've lost weight, there are some adjustments that can be made, but not as many as would be made if I were eating the way I used to eat. 

And I'll know what needs to change because I keep a diary of what I eat. That itself is a pretty notable and new thing for me. 

I guess it isn't NEW new. I've been doing it since January. Maybe the fact that I'm still doing it is the new and novel part.

Less Pain, More Anxiety

I'm still hurting but not as much as I was. This was a good thing as it allowed me to function better through the day. I'm taking it a little easy on my movement though. 

I made arrangements for a test to happen. I'm not so worried about the particulars of it as much as I am some of the outside details. But I've been told it's needed so I'm doing it. 

Aching

I was in a great deal of pain today. I even thought about napping but knew there was no point because I would just hurt too much. I really hope I can sleep tonight. This needs to settle itself down and stop.

Good Saturday

After a day of storms yesterday, it's been cool and very pleasant today. I kept my fan on and it kept me just on the edge of cold, but not quite TO being cold. I'm pleased by that. It seems that our weather will stay this way for a while. 

I did the stuff I needed to do today. It's amazing how much easier that is when I don't have a list to look at. I'm glad I didn't try to keep making myself do the list thing.  

All Day Storms

It's been storming all day and that makes me nervous because I'm worried the power will go out. Again. Again again. The power goes out way too often in this area. They need to do real maintenance on the lines or something. We deserve better than this.

I'm writing this early because the longer the rain goes on, the more likely we are that someone's stupid tree will fall on the line or someone's stupid car will hit a pole or just the stupid lines in general will fail. So annoying.

Uninspired

I wrote for a while tonight but I am really uninspired and I don't want to do anything else. I have this whole routine of stuff I do at night now and I just do not want to do any of it. I just want to sit here and listen to NIN and do nothing else.

So yeah, like a teenager. 

I'll probably do stuff in an hour or so. Right now. Nope.

Contrary

I'm restless and contrary right now. I think it's the weather. Or maybe the light levels. I'm not sure. I just know I feel discontented with my usual distractions and want....something. I don't even know what it is. 

I finished my other journal earlier. I'll try to write for a while, though I doubt I'll get far with it. 

Writing Stuff

So I've been trying to write a chapter for a while now. It was not working. I finally got through it because I switched character POV. 

I am finding that quite often writing is a matter of distance from the story at hand. Sometimes I need my characters to be up close and personal with the story. Other times, such as this one, I need some distance. Distance can help to keep the emotional gravity of the story where it needs to be. Sometimes having a character who is too close to the emotional epicenter of the story can ruin it. It's just blood all over the page.

But this worked and I'm happy it worked. I think I'm getting back into the swing of things with the AU.

Easier

Today was a discovery of easier things. First of all, I had therapy on Friday instead of Wednesday. In both cases, I have things to do on those days. But on Friday, I do the things BEFORE therapy instead of afterward. That really made a difference in terms of my level of relaxation and comfort. When my therapist gets back from her surgery, I may request we change things to Fridays.

Also, I loathe eating citrus fruit. My mouth is just a bit too sensitive for them. But today my roommate blended my clementines into a smoothie and it was so much easier for me to handle them. That made a huge difference in things for me.

So yeah, easier times. Yay.

Light Levels

The electricity went out last night and they had to fix something in one of the circuits. When it came back on, the light levels were pleasant and very nicely bright. 

It made us realize that whatever has been wrong with the electricity has been going on for a while. Nothing was bright in the house, nothing was working as well as it should have been. 

We had a lot of power blips and dimness. We assumed it was just our house. It's old and the wires probably have rats nibbling on them. But this whole time, it's possible it was the system. 

Conclusion? Never assume it was you. Always make sure the system isn't screwing up. This probably applies to all aspects of life.

Important Things

I got a smoothie maker today and I have plans for what we will do with it. Not just margaritas either! Although, yeah that too.

A personal trainer I know was talking about how planning your meals is a good idea because if you have a plan for what you'll eat, you're less likely to make bad choices. I'm not sure that works with people like me. I had plans today, but then changed them at the last minute because I was hot and just wanted to go home. I ended up eating stuff with more calories in it than I planned on doing, which probably didn't help me with being hot. In any sense of the word. 

Tomorrow is another day though, and I have plans. 

Still

I didn't sleep well again last night. This week has been really bad for the lack of sleep situation. I tried drinking a little before bed but that didn't help me any. No reason to keep that up. It's just my brain being too active.

Tomorrow I get my bullet blender and I'll start having more options for my midday meal. That's a good thing. That should be a good change of pace for me.

Lack of Sleep

I haven't slept well in several days and it's starting to catch up with me. I'm just really exhausted today and I'm in very serious need of better sleep tonight. Hopefully, that will happen.

Springy

This evening actually felt like a good Spring evening. It was cool but not cold. The sky was bright for a long time. Things were very nice. 


I posted what I believe to be one of the best stories I've written in a long while. I was very pleased with how it turned out. I wrote lines that I loved. 

Overall, a pretty good day.

New Starts

I published my 75th fic today. I'm pleased with that. It's been over a year and things have slowed down some, but some work is still coming out so that's good.

I did my first official weigh-in today. From now on, they'll be on Wednesday mornings. I'll keep track of them in the food journal. 

This isn't just a numbers game. There will be an actual analysis I do over in the VJ to consider what worked for me that week and what didn't. If I don't lose much or if I gain weight, I'm going to try to not panic or assume things are over. I'll look at what I ate for the week and decide what needs to go/change.

No Experiment

I did not make goal lists today and managed to do everything that I secretly would have put on the list if I had one. So yeah, the list thing doesn't work for me. 

I vacuumed the floors with the big, fancier vacuum. I had to stop in the middle of it and rest, but it DID mostly get cleaner. I'm happy about that. I think breaking chores up into manageable pieces will be the best way for me going forward. 

Experiment

I tried a thing to help me get organized. For the last two days, I wrote down three goals and three rules for my day.

And I hated it. OH! How I hated it. The whole mess weighed on my mind and made me crazy. I couldn't even follow them well. The rules were so simple, the goals were so simple and I couldn't manage them. 

Maybe I should try for fewer. Two goals and maybe one rule. Maybe to get used to the idea. I'm not sure though. My brain HATED this.