Freedom versus Failure

I've been seeing a lot of articles about how people who now have the freedom to do things are failing at those things. Marriages between gay couples ending in divorce. Women unable to hold marriages or careers together at the same time. Women who fail to become president. Ariel Levy just wrote a book about how she blames her miscarriage on herself and her ambition. People are overworked, stressed out, and feeling like they haven't accomplished what they needed to accomplish.

Okay, fine. You failed. It's also possible you may not get the chance to correct or change it. There are some things that are beyond our ability to fix. We get too old. We lose our uterus. We are too tired to try again. We're too tired to handle another marriage. It's over and it didn't work. You did fail.

The problem is, some people are taking these failures to mean that the whole idea of people being allowed to do these things is failing. Oh look, gays can't stay married. Clearly, that whole thing was a bad idea. Oh look, some women are failing at their jobs or failing their marriages or failing to be parents or failing all of it. Oh look, some of them are failing to amount to anything. Clearly, feminism has failed.

No, feminism has not failed. Gay rights have not failed.

This has never been about success. This is about freedom. This is about having the opportunity to make your own decisions and take your own risks. Or not take risks. if that is what you want. Having rights means having the chance to decide what moves you will make in your life. Not all of those moves will work. Many of them won't, honestly, because that's just how things go.

The point is, you get to be the one who decides. You get to be the one who makes the decision. Ariel Levy lost her baby when she was 38. She delivered him prematurely in a hotel room in Mongolia. She was by herself and there was nothing she or a doctor could have done to make him live.  I know that is painful for her and I know it sucks.

You know what would have sucked more? If she had not been allowed to make any of those decisions. If a husband had decided she would wait until she was 38 before having a baby and would have taken her with him to Mongolia when she was 5 months pregnant without even asking her how she felt about the idea. It would have sucked more if she had to deliver that baby and watch it die all on her own while he drank in a bar with 'the boys' and then looked at her in disgust when he returned to the room, commenting that she made a mess, that women were weak, and that she had failed HIM.

She may have lost her child and I know she feels horrible and alone, but I doubt there is anything as awful as the loneliness one feels when one is subject to someone else's decisions.

Folks, we are going to fail here. Even with feminism, there will be women in poverty. There will be women who make shitty choices. There will be women who make what others would see as the best possible choices who still end up with nothing because our choices are not the only thing that determines our success. There wil be gay couples who wound each other and harm each other and fail each other. There will be people who end up alone and who end up unhappy and who end up broken. We will fail.

Always, always, always, however, it is better that we find failure in freedom than even complete success while subject to someone else's rule. These are OUR lives and OUR experiences and OUR moments. We're not here to play a secondary role to someone else.

More Storms

The massively scary aspects of the storm didn't last long. We have a few moments of disturbingly rough winds, but they died down. It's been steadily raining since then, which means a lot of the bridges are starting to flood out. We have a lot of waterways around here and some of the bridges over them are shoddy. My usual route to the store will not be happening tomorrow. As for any trips into the city, I'm just not sure how that will go. It depends on how bad this gets.

The humidity was nasty. We had to open all the windows and keep fans going all day. I was hoping the rain would keep us cooler, but that doesn't seem to be happening. It wasn't an unpleasant day though. In fact, it was rather peaceful and nice.

I've had this urge to do my makeup all day. I might just mess with that for a while. It's not so much doing it as just wanting to see if I can get some techniques to work for me. I've been watching tutorials by heavier drag queens and I'm picking up some tips on handling my fat face. We'll see what I can do.

Storm

About the time the sirens started, my best friend, half an hour or so away, said hers were going off as well. With lots of storms, sirens, tornados, and weather nastiness, I think this is about all the updating I'll be doing. Stay safe.

I Need a Weekend

My attention span must have been pretty good today because I managed to watch two movies. That is so rare for me lately. I'm shocked when I can get through just one half an hour episode of something. I know it's the medication, but knowing that doesn't make it any less frustrating. Having said that, while I liked the setting in one of the movies, anything with Hiddles and Jax fighting over the main character should be a lot more fun than it was.

It's gloomy and cold right now. I'm not really that upset about this and I won't be unless the power/internet goes out. The longer we keep the hot weather at bay, the better. I would rather not sweat and be miserable, besides, the rain makes my allergies less tweaky. I need that. I also need sleep.

Broken Roots

It seems that a lot of younger people are opting out of the normal trappings of society completely. Instead of going to college (or even finishing high school in some cases), they are leaving home, opting to have no home, and just wandering from city to city, squatting where they can and taking what jobs they can.  They don't plan on ever buying houses, or even owning more than what they can carry in a backpack. They don't plan on having kids or back accounts or any kind of roots. They just want to explore the world until they die.

It's a dangerous way to live. Homeless people are high targets for violent crimes. In some ways, it helps that the people who are in this group are younger and often not mentally ill, but sleeping out in the open is never easy. When one is living illegally in a house, it's difficult to go to the police if you get raped or have your stuff stolen. If you can't find a place to stay, you're at the mercy of the elements.

Even still, to some people, this seems like a better deal than living a life of debt and financial uncertainty. They've watched their parents lose jobs, homes, cars, and everything else. They've watched careers that seemed stable and secure disappear into nothingness. They've watched people work their whole lives and nothing to show for it.

For the longest time, there was this basic belief in the US that people would grow up to be more financially stable and successful than their parents. I never thought I would live in a time where that wasn't the case, but that's where we are now. It's sad and it's really scary. I wish those on the road safe journies.

Wind Switching

The new therapy room has no window, so while the weather permits it, we will be keeping the door open. Today while we were talking, the wind began to switch from blowing from the South to blowing from the North.  It was a pretty neat thing.

In a weird way, I think it also improved my mood. I'd been so depressed the last few days, but now I am feeling oddly hopeful. Then again, there are things to look forward to. I'm seeing my best friend on Thursday and American Gods starts this weekend. Yay for the wind.

Early Post

I'm writing this early because I plan on going to bed early.  I've been oddly sad all day and I think I need some extra rest to try and muddle through the week. Spring weather can really get to me, with all the allergens in the air.  I'm about to face summer. This is a rough time of year for me because I know very little good will happen until Fall. I know that isn't the case for other people and I wish it wasn't the case for me, but I just don't see a way around it right now.

With that in mind, I have kind of forced myself to start crocheting again. The meditative side of working with yarn was enough to get me through this last year. Maybe it can do it again. Maybe the depression will lift.