I write all of this with love. And snark.
1. Roger's neck and shoulders are so perfect right here. All of the video should have just been this view of him. He's so beautiful.
2. I guess Roger is in some kind of void or something. Or, as we can see Earth behind him, perhaps he's in space. Maybe he's the moon looking down on the planet?
3. If so, what a HOT moon.
4. Whatever the case, the band, by the miracle of 1980's fx, is on a floating platform.
5. Oop! We're all New Romantics!
6. For the children just joining us, New Romantics dress somewhat like if they bought all their clothes from a thrift store where donations were given only by pirates, clowns, 17th-century poets, and 1980s businesswomen.
7. Simon can somehow both be ON beat and also horribly off-kilter when he dances.
8. He dances like someone's drunk parent at a wedding.
9. There is a lot of loosey-goosey shoulder going on with his dancing.
10. Nick showed up late to the thrift store. Only clown and businesswoman clothes were available.
11. John has Chrissie Hynde's hair. I hope they slept together and it was so good, she ruined him for anyone else for months.
12. Now we have to focus only on Simon's dancing. They slow it down just to make sure we see what he's doing, even if no one knows WHY he would do that.
13. He's putting his hands over his ears and shutting his eyes. Maybe he saw the playback footage on his dancing.
14. And now, through the miracle of 1980s fx, he is on fire.
15. Okay, so I think Simon being rather fae and shirtless while showing off his skinniness and armpit bush informs a lot about why I like the kind of men I do.
16. See they even put lines down his body to emphasize my kinks.
17. Bop bop-pa babopbop bop-pa.
18. How can a band play music together but be so off when trying to lipsync?
19. Oh my god, Simon's smile. He has such beautiful lips.
20. I love how Duran Duran videos always have these random moments of dread. Simon standing with a woman in a vintage hat as the miracle of 1980's fx brings us a storm is such a moment.
21. Clapping.
22. Water in hands, more great fx, folks!
23. More Simon on fire.
24. Given that we got wind, water, and fire, someone really should have tossed dirt on the clapping hands just to round out the elemental references.
25. Both Nick and Andy need to give their hair a glass of water.
26. Is it too much to ask that if you show your people in diagonal lines they actually form proper diagonal lines?
27. Given that this keeps happening, I guess so.
28. Oh yay now we get to watch TWO Simons dance.
29. No one can clap in sequence.
30. Which is fine because more Shirtless Simon.
31. Okay so what's the deal with Roger and his sticks? Why does he look so small when he's holding them?
32. Bop bop-pa babopbop bop-pa.
33. Okay the interlude really shows off the dry hair issues.
34. Now we start getting random facts, through the miracle of ….well, you know.
35. There is a shot around 2:35 or so where Roger is turned to the side and Nick is behind him. It looks like the cover of a book about a man being stalked by Blankness the Ennui Clown.
36. Simon looks so good from this angle. He and John look like the cover of a gay thriller romance.
37. No one is pictured with Andy, cept his dryass hair.
38. I do love the bass through this sequence and the way the drums build.
39. Okay, so, then they get two people who actually CAN dance.
40. I love how Simon stands in front of the dancers and refuses to watch them as if he realizes having good dancers in the video makes his own dancing look so much worse.
41. Special shout-out to John's scarf/belt that drapes down one hip and really sells his New Romantic lerk.
42. Bop bop-pa babopbop bop-pa. Bop bop-pa babopbop bop-pa.
43. Oh noes! It looks like Simon's going to jump!
44. Spoilers. He lives to dance again.
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