Not Alone

It seems that basically everyone is in a horrible place right now. Elmo asked people how they were doing on Twitter and it sparked an avalanche of responses. Everyone is doing awful. Things aren't good. People are scared. 

So it isn't just me. It isn't just my little bubble of hell that is acting up right now. It's everyone's. I don't exactly know how to feel about that. 

Levels of Anxiety

The car was still working today. Yay. I'm glad. I have to admit I didn't expect it to. I don't expect it to from now on, honestly, because that's just how my brain works now. I've gotten such horrible anxiety lately. Even though I have meds to help me with it, they just barely scrape the surface of all the hell that is going on inside my mind.

It leaves me so exhausted. I know I've been anxious before but this just seems so much worse. I'm so tired of it. 

Car Woes

My car has been acting up since the snow and today the battery finally died. I took it to the mechanic and they put a new one in. 

The car is working better now, but I'm nervous. I know that cold weather can drain batteries that are starting to get low anyway, but I still get nervous when I take things into the shop. Usually other trips have to be made. I hope that isn't the case here, but my nerves have been so shot I can't really calm myself down about it.

Foundation Season 2

Just finished Foundation Season 2. Overall I liked the season, even though I felt like certain plotlines were dragging through part of the season. In the end, I think things ended well. 

There were characters that I wanted to live who didn't and a few who lived that I would have rather they didn't, but for the most part, I can live with how things turned out. It was truly satisfying to see Day's fate. 

As always, the costume design was great. The scenes were beautifully done. Visually, the production was stunning. I will never fault the show on that side of things.

There is a certain backstory that they gave to a character that doesn't exactly run contrary with who this character is, but it certainly takes liberties. I can live with it, but only if the character still ends up being who they're supposed to be in the end. 

Despite some flaws and one very, very annoying character, I was more pleased than displeased with the season.

Water Issues

As if things weren't bad enough, our city is now experiencing issues with the water. Some areas of town have no water, while others have low pressure. They're asking people to conserve water, though I'm not sure how that works when everyone has to run drips to keep the pipes from freezing. If people don't have drips and their pipes freeze, we'll have a bigger water crisis on our hands, as all of that will need to be fixed.

This is just so stressful. And the worst part of it is that this is the 4th or 5th water shortage we've had in the last 12 months. It's getting old.

Snowing

The snow has arrived and brought freezing temps along with it. The kitten trilled at the snow and seemed excited about it. He's the only one pleased.

We went shopping early, hoping to miss the start of the snow. Unfortunately it started about halfway through the trip. My roommate drove us home, thankfully.

I do not like this.

No Muse

I have not been inspired to write anything for a while now. I wrote two things last month and one of them came out this month. Right now, the well is dry. I have no inspiration at all. Maybe this will change when I'm less stressed out. Right now I'm worried about the weather. 

Hopefully it will change in a week or so. I have an assignment for an event due by VD. I need to have it written soon so I can edit it and submit it. 

Avoided

Today was predicted to be our first day of snow and that didn't happen. It's possible it could be Friday. Right now it's just saying rain, but it was saying snow earlier so that could change. 

What is looking more likely is that it will snow on Sunday night and into Monday. Hopefully it will be Sunday evening because that way we can shop on Sunday morning without too much danger. Yes, I realize that lots of people drive around in the snow with no problems but I am not one of those people.

Anyway, it's supposed to get bitterly bitterly cold next week. I need to fold some clothes because all of my warmer stuff has recently been washed. Right now I'm wandering around in red leggings which are not the kind of thing I would wear out in public. Again, it's fine if other people do, but I only go out in black.

Bad Weather Ahead

We're expecting snow twice this week. We'll have to find ways to work around this as far as shopping is concerned because I am not driving in the snow. I will not. It's too hard on my nerves and quite frankly it's too hard on the car. 

This year things will be different. We can buy a whole week's worth of groceries or we can wait until the snow melts and just use up what we have in the house. I don't care which, I just know I am not driving in the snow. 

Issues Settled

Yesterday I had two issues settled that had been looming for a while. I wasn't sure how either of them would turn out and the potential for them turning out bad was certainly there. Thankfully, both of them turned out well for me. I feel a great sense of relief even though it made a good deal of yesterday stressful.

The story I wrote for the Secret Santa has been published so I officially have 100 pieces of published fanfiction. It's not as many as I wish I had published, but it isn't a bad number either. 

On an interesting note, the prompt that I had for the Secret Santa was taken by two different authors and I really loved what both of them did with it. That was a really neat experience. 

Still Apprehensive

I've been dealing with a lot of fear lately. A lot of panic. My therapist has some theories about it and I'm somewhat accepting of them and somewhat not. I wish I wasn't so scared. I'm going to try her techniques to calm myself down. Still, it would help if the fear wasn't there in the first place.

Even sitting here and writing this there are half a dozen things my mind is trying to make me panic about. I'm on medication for this! I shouldn't be dealing with so much mental torture.

First Day

People didn't post their blankets and other yarn projects like they usually do. Maybe no one finished theirs this year. 2023 was hard on a lot of people. Maybe no one had the spoons to really get through their projects. 

I entered the new year with a lot of trepidation. The first of the year always scares me. I've had a lot of bad things happen during the first few months of the year. Ten years ago, it was when my body decided to try to bleed to death and I found out I had cancer. Other years it was my roommate's health that fell apart. One year it was a tax issue. 

As I said, last year was rough in a lot of ways. I just don't have the spoons for big scary things right now. I don't have the courage to deal with a lot. I need things to be calm and quiet. I need some time to recover from all the things that have been stressing me out for so long. I need a quiet, easy year. I probably won't get that, but it's what I need.