Grief

I'm still grieving my father. Even if I don't do it out loud, my body grieves him. I feel horrible all the time. I feel laggy, tired, and broken all the time. I know it's just going to take a while to learn to live with this. 

It's been this way with other important deaths in my life. When my grandfather died, I was lost and in a fog for months. When my mother died, I went through a horrible and heavy period, years before that became a major issue for me. When my grandmother died, I bled for days from my navel.  I react very strongly to these deaths and I know that losing my father is no different.

I miss him. I want this to not have happened. I miss him so much. Christmas is coming up and it was a holiday I spent with him. I'm not sure how this is going to go. I'm trying very hard to distract myself, but it isn't easy.