Kind of Shocked

 Today is my last day of physical therapy. I had twenty sessions and I completed them. I am so very proud of myself for this, for a number of reasons.

I drove myself to the appointments. Since Covid, I have hated driving. HATED IT. I hate it so much and I never want to do it. But when it came to these appointments, I drove myself to every one of them. I think this helped me a lot. I still don't like driving, but I'm somewhat more confident(ish) about it now, so much so that I've started going to my counseling sessions in person.

I did the homework. I didn't blow off the stuff they taught me. I worked on the printouts they sent home with me and did everything required. This was one of my promises to myself when starting this. I did my best to add things when they would add them into my routine. I know this helped me to excel while I was there.

I worked out in front of others. This was difficult. When I realized I had to move my body in front of other people, I was so uncomfortable. I almost panicked about it. I did not want to do it. But I had made myself a promise that I would in no way be difficult or troublesome about this process. So I did it. I worked out in front of others. I just told myself that no one was watching. As it turns out, people were. People saw me moving and told me they were impressed. Instead of freaking me out, this actually encouraged me.

I rode a bike for the first time in over 30 years. This one was huge. I rode a stationary bike! It was such an amazing moment for me the first time I did this. I was so emotional about it. And I think that's something I need to really get through to you. I am so rarely proud of myself. I am so rarely in a position to actually find accomplishments that involve my body and my ability to do something with my body. This moment for me was huge.

I graduated. I accomplished this! I did all of the sessions and did them very well. I got the t-shirt. I fit into the t-shirt! I didn't flake out. I didn't quit halfway through. I didn't make excuses. I didn't end up regretting the whole thing.

I mean, wow.