Holding Pattern

Ahh, 2020. What can we say about you? This year has lasted at least ten years and the last three days have been a full two of that. I suspect this will continue as things about the election get decided, considered, sued over, and accepted. Hopefully accepted. We'll see.

I had a good day today. We shopped and I folded some clothes. I'm working on a stash-busting project right now and watched a tutorial about putting beads on knitting work. It made sense, but I need to design a little tool for myself. And remember where I put my beads. 

Right now I'm watching season six of Drag Race for the billionth time while a cat sleeps on my shoulder. I'm grateful for all of this. 

Still Stalled

The election still has no clear winner. It looks like Trump will lose and he's screaming fraud about it. His people are screaming fraud about it. Then again, we knew he'd say that unless he was winning. Hell, he would have said that even if he wasn't winning by a large margin. 

I think everyone is kind of somewhat hopeful Biden will win, but we're still not sure yet. 

I finished my pillow sham yesterday and constructed a small video last night that I finished up this morning. I'm happier with the video than I am with the sham, but I think the sham will grow on me. 

Up in the Air

The step-father drama continues. No one is sure who will win yet. If Trump doesn't win, he's probably going to try and sue, scream, and cheat to get the election turned over to him. I'm sure he just can't fathom a world where he doesn't always get everything he wants. 

So right now, no one is sure what will happen. Things could be smooth. Things could turn into a horrifying hellscape. We just don't know.

However, what I do know is that we need to make some changes to the level of power that presidents have. The election of one person shouldn't cause this much emotional trauma in my country. Hell, no election should cause this much trauma. We need to limit the power of that office and also ensure that once people have rights those rights can't be taken away. 

Childhood Hell

 I've been trying to process this all evening, but then I remembered I stumbled on what my reaction to trump was a while back. He honestly does bring out all the PTSD I have about my abusive step-fathers and the pattern of insanity my mother kept putting us in. 

I hated those men. They were all awful. Trump really does have every characteristic of those men. He's stupid. He brags and talks about himself all the time. He insults other people. He's incompetent but somehow cons others into thinking he isn't. 

There would always be these moments when I would think my mom would finally FINALLY wise up and get rid of the step-fathers. Times when I would allow myself to be hopeful that they would be out of my life. And every single time, she disappointed me. She only saw the logic of getting rid of one of them once and probably only then because I scared her. 

Every other time, she only removed one step-father when she found a new asshole to be with, usually one worse than the last one. And that one time that she actually left without another man lined up, we had like two years of a really GOOD life. She went to college. My brother and I did well in school. She made friends. She had a decent shot at an amazing future. But of course, she screwed that all up as soon as she found some other loser to bring into the picture. 

So here I am, like 30 years later, going through the same emotional hell as my country keeps clinging to the absolute worst step-father ever. And we'll only get rid of him when they find some other, probably equally horrible bastard to make the next president. 

I'm not even sure what to do with this. I wasn't sure when I figured it out and I'm not sure what to do now that it's clear the asshole isn't going away. 

Congrats, America. He certainly doesn't love you, but you get to support him for another four years. 

Sigh

We don't know how the election will end, but it isn't looking hopeful. People, as always, are stupid and disappointing. Oh well. I did what I could. Nothing I can do about it now.

Also. I tried to arrange something to make things go easier in the yard work department. It fell completely apart because I'm no one's priority here. Lesson learned. It still sucks. 

I just feel like crying right now. This has been such a disappointing day. 

Goodbye

About twenty years ago, a friend got me a goth doll. She's adorable and she lives in a coffin. I love her, but I never really found a place for her. I feel like I never gave her enough of me. I regret that.

Today I gave her to my best friend's little girl. I want her to really have a home. A place. I want her to be loved. 

Goodbye, Tragedy. That is the doll's name. I hope you find comfort and love in your new home. Thank you for your time with me. Forgive me if I wasn't good enough to you. 

Extra Hour Sunday

The time change happened. I got my extra hour of sleep and I actually took that hour TO sleep instead of squandering it on looking at Youtube or whatever. The sleep helped.

We're two days until the election. I really seriously hope this is a very clear and evident victory because I really do not want to deal with ELECTION DRAMA for months to come. Just please let it be over with. 

We're also paying bills this week and handling some prep stuff for winter. Hopefully, all of that will happen without incident. 

The front panel of the pillow sham is finished. I just need to do the back, which honestly shouldn't take that long. I may have to switch needle size and that will throw things off, but it isn't that big of a deal. 

It's good to be back to productive knitting again.