The System

One of the things you have to do when you have mobility issues is to plan things when you know you're going to have to deal with a lot of walking. It's important to have a system in place.

One vital element is to know as much about your route as you can. This isn't always possible, of course. For instance, today I went to the movies. I knew my route plans and when/where I could sit while in the lobby, but I did not know what theater bay I'd be in. Now in some cases, it's possible to call ahead and find out. Admittedly, I could have tried that. It used to be the theater only played a recording of what was playing, but I haven't checked in a while. Maybe now they have people who will talk to you.

It's good to know your limitations. I know about how far I can comfortably walk before I need to sit down. As long as I can break trips up to keep within those limits, I'm usually okay. However, this also means I need to plan extra time to make this happen and still get to the theater before the movie starts. My roommate and I always plan extra time to ensure we don't miss anything.

Speaking of my roommate, when you have mobility issues, it also helps if you have someone in your corner. My roommate is really my hero here. He gets my chair/walker out of vehicles for me and puts them back in. Today he was kind enough to check some alternate routes for me so I would know the best exit to take out of the building. This meant a lot to me. It saved me tons of mental and physical stress.

Finally, turn your ego off. Walking with equipment is unusual and people will stare. Sometimes they even make comments, whisper, or laugh at you. Should they do this? No, but you can't control what others do. Just focus on your own tasks and don't let their words or actions touch you. There are a lot of people out there who need mobility help but won't use it because they're worried about what people will say. The opinions of others should never outweigh your comfort, health, or safety.

I'm in pain now that I'm home, but not as much as I could be. I managed things well today thanks to planning, staying calm, and having someone willing to help me. I'm grateful for all of that.

The Bad Morning

As you know, in weather like this, I go to bed really late to try and ride out the high humidity/heat so I can sleep better. Normally this method works pretty well, but last night, the electricity snapped off close to 7AM. I'd fallen asleep around three.

Needless to say, I've been useless. I'm dizzy and my balance is off. I'm having to take everything very slowly. I have to shower tonight and I hope I can manage to do that without killing myself or breaking anything. I can really do without that kind of disruption to my life. 

The Good Dreams

I had some stuff in my dreams last night that made me very happy. It wasn't one of those things that made a lot of sense when I woke up, but the happiness lingered. That was nice.

I'm starting to look for Christmas gifts. I mean, for myself, not for other people. Well, I have some ideas for that too. My brother likes hot sauce a lot. He gets hot sauce this year.

Anyway, overall it was a good day. Sometimes the dreams really can set the tone.

All Ragweed

Ragweed season is here, along with 'too hot to keep the windows shut but not so hot you can justify turning on the AC" season. This means exposure to the nasty weed and all the ways my body reacts to it.

However, it has also cooled down enough that the cats are getting their appetites back. That is always a good sign.

We're heading out of summer and while I won't miss the heat, I will miss the light. We've had some overcast days but for the most part, the sunlight has been glorious.

All Rotten

On the way to my appointment yesterday, my best friend asked me to name something in media I suspected had darkness to it but I really didn't want to confirmation on. Before I could answer, she realized that had already happened to me, as I found out a few years ago that my favorite childhood author was a pedophile.

And yes, that was the worst one. I honestly still think about it more often than you would suspect and it still makes me feel a lot of type of ways. The irony is, when I got home, I read an article about a documentary that is coming out about Dungeons and Dragons and how a lot of stuff was stolen from people to make that happen.

I mean, I wasn't surprised, I guess. But it still sucks. The phrase 'nothing's sacred' used to mean that people didn't respect the sacred nature of things. These days? It just means everything is, at its core, really pretty rotten.

Which is fine, I guess. It's the human condition. We're all full of contradictions, goodness, evilness, greed, selflessness, the whole mess. No one is just ONE thing in either direction. I just wish people would be more open and honest about it when they teach us stuff.

Yeah, this woman wrote these books and they're really good. She nurtured a lot of other authors and really opened the field for women fantasy writers. She also married a pedophile and raped/gaslighted her own daughter.

This guy wrote up the start of what would become a fantasy roleplaying game that has, in many ways, been a part of most of the significant relationships in your life. He also stole the majority of his ideas from other people and manipulated a practically homeless kid into working for him.

It's rotten, yeah.....but then again, the good stuff grows from the rot, right?

Sigh.

The Conclusion

I passed my five year mark. I have been released from cancer purgatory. I am, as far as they know, free and clear. I could cry. I did cry, actually. It's such a relief.

It's also a little anticlimactic, but that's fine. This whole process has been way too climatic as it was. Too much blood. Too much mess. Too much fear. Too much cutting and recovery and meeting people and talking to people and appointments.

This chapter is over for now. I'm going to try and make the most of it. Maybe I'll ask for that podcast starter kit for Christmas. We'll see.

The Waiting

I survived my day of waiting. I've been lowkey nervous. There were things I should have been doing but I didn't. I just couldn't focus on them.

If all goes well tomorrow, I will be free of Tulsa Cancer Center. I need to be free of it, honestly. I need to put this part of my life behind me.