Thursday, September 12, 2019

Not on Tonight

Two things were happening at once to me tonight that were taking my mind and heart in different directions. One was a kind of nasty truth about my physical situation. The other was an article about how the key to self-love is accepting even your most nasty truths and choosing to love yourself anyway. And yes, that is how unconditional love works. To be honest, probably the healthiest way to love yourself is unconditional. It's just hard.

Because in my case, that is a LOT of self-acceptance. That's saying 'well, okay' to a LOT of stuff. But what choice is there really? It's either accept your lot or spend all your days miserable and then die mad.

There is this rumor that once you really love yourself, you actually start to fix a lot of the issues you were struggling to love yourself about in the first place. That's the theory anyway. Any truth to it? Does anyone really know?

I guess I can give it a shot. I'm tired of this constant state of self-loathing I've been in. It's doing me no good and it's keeping me frightened, broken, and hopeless. I've made other changes in my life. Maybe I can make this one. 

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