Friday List: Blessing Addition

Two years ago, I got on Facebook. It was a big step for me because I'd not been very social, even on a cyberspace basis, for a long time. When you first get on a social media thingymabob, you often find yourself at a loss with what to write.  I, fortunately, was in good headspace at that point, and decided I would not fill the Wall of others with angst and other stuff I should have been past by like 12.

 I decided I would do a Thankful Thursday post every week. Just type out one or two things I was grateful to have in my life.  I have to say, it's been good for me.  Talking about the places where you are blessed in your life gives you a nice re-centering. I think I've talked about that before.

I forgot to do my Thankful Thursday this week.  My mind was elsewhere because I wasn't at home and because of the stuff I blogged about on Wednesday. So for this list, I decided to blog about my blessings, the big ones I am so, so thankful to have.

1. As an adult, I have never been in a relationship that was physically violent.
   
   When I was a child, this was a different matter.  But as an adult, I've been very lucky to have avoided the people who feel it is their duty to abuse others.  Some people might say that being a fat girl who is rather mentally unstable might have something to do with that, but if I had been in an abusive relationship, they'd say being a fat girl who is mentally unstable was the reason for that as well. There's never any winning with that crap.
   
2. I share my life with someone I trust.
   
   My roommate and I were talking tonight about how so many people have to deal with others who will rifle through their belongings, read their emails, creep through their texts and files. I don't have to worry about that with him. He can use my computer all day and I know he'd never dig through my personal files.  He won't go through my purse and I never have to worry about finding him in my room looking for stuff to use against me.  I jokingly tell him it's because he knows he'd be freaked out by what he would find, but that isn't really the case. He respects my privacy.  Trust me, if the people around you don't respect your privacy, you need to get away from them.  They don't respect you.
   
3. I have a good therapist.
   
   A lot of people have to go through HELL to find a good therapist.  Bad therapists tend to either be lazy, useless, crazy, working some agenda, or dogmatic.  Mine is none of these things.   She is diligent in her work, she's sane, neutral, and works with me on ways to address my issues. Finding mental stability is like trying to carve up a glacier. There is the jagged part sticking out of the water that you have to bang out waaaay before you hit all the massive stuff under the surface.  She has been instrumental in helping me find my way into the murkier depths.
   
4. I know I am loved.
   
   For many years, I wasn't sure of this.  I felt like most people were just going through the motions of loving me . . . or in some cases, not even bothering to do that.  My life is so different now.  I know I am loved.  I have a nephew who, after being told I was coming over, spent the whole day drawing pictures for me and taping them to his living room wall so I could see them when I came over.  I have extended family who drove from Colorado to come get me just so I could spend Thanksgiving with them.  I have best friends I get to talk to every day.  I am not just loved, I am very loved.
   
5. I have rediscovered my Voice.
   
   Of course, I don't mean my speaking voice. I never lost that.  I did lose my writing voice though.  When I was younger, I wrote all the time. During the worst of my mental and emotional decline, I stopped writing. I lost my Voice and began to think it was gone for good.  I've been blogging over two months now. My Voice has returned and I'm so, so thankful for that. I had not realized how much I missed it.

It was a rough winter, a rough start to this year, but in all the craptasticness that has happened, I can't help but be happy right now.  I'm writing again and I really needed to be writing.

Even if it is a blog only two people read. Hi, guys! *waves*

Exercise in the Happies

I've been in a bad mood lately. I'm sure that's fairly clear from my blog.  Okay, bad mood isn't really quite right. At the risk of sounding emo, I've been in a soul-ache. So much bad stuff, so much uprising, so much violence and wrong-doing and smug people acting like they know so much more than everyone else is just draining me.

I'm tied of feeling drained though, so tonight's blog is going to be about happy things.  And not in some abstract way either. Just things right around me that make my life a great place to be.

The newest thing that makes me just giddy as all hell is a plastic toy wand I got as a party favor at my niece's birthday. It's pinkishpurpish and has a star shape at the top of it.  It is completely silly and will probably be broken within a week or so. In the meantime, I'm using it to "cast spells" on the cats. They think it's an exotic brush.

Then we have my Valentine's Day flowers. Both bouquets are still blooming and it's so beautiful to see them.  Having the flowers in the house has been such a delight. I loved getting them and find the vases both came in to be quite adorable.  They will be keepers.

Next to the flowers are two antique glass lamps. I love them for two reasons.  First of all, they belonged to my grandparents. When my uncle saw them, he said he remembered them from when he was a kid.  So there is a connection between them and the last two generations of my family.  The other reason I love them is because I rewired them myself.  My roommate found them in the barn and brought them inside.  We cleaned them up and bought some lamp kits for them. I did the wiring, even learned how to do an underwriter's knot. So when I look at them, I know there was a collective effort between my roommate and I to make them possible.

Speaking of my roomie, he's another reason I am happy in this space. He hung the curtains, sconces, and art.  None of this was easy, the walls are ancient and I suspect made of dried toothpaste and tend to break very easily. There was a lot of cussing involved, but he pushed through it. Now things look put together and decorated.  My roommate has this real gift for color and pattern.  Sometimes he will show me patterns and I will think he is insane. Then he puts them with everything else and it looks amazing. Love that.

OH! My roommate did this other great thing too. My grandmother had this old gaudy mirror on the mantle. Since we moved here, it sat horizontally, looking wide and old and kinda tacky. My roommate got this brilliant idea to turn it on its side.  Same mirror on the vertical? Awesome. Deeply awesome.  Every time I look at it, I am reminded of how sometimes just switching something around can make all the difference.

With that last idea in mind, I find that I'm in a far better mood now.  I know it sounds hokey, but honestly, if you feel down and rather horrible, looking at the stuff around you that makes you smile and remembering why it does can really alter your mood. Try it some time. Believe me, it's far better to be the vertical cool mirror than the horizontal tacky one.