Halloween 2022

When we were coming home from shopping, some man was in the middle of the street. I stayed behind him for a bit, but he never would move out of the way. He had unleashed dogs with him. 

Finally, I honked. He turned and started yelling at me, then yelling at his dogs to get out of the way. I wished him a Happy Halloween, but probably with more acid than I should have.

I feel bad. He should have gotten out of the way. He had to have known I was there. I don't know. It got out of hand. I'm not sure what his mental state was. Mine hasn't been good for weeks. It's probably like that for everyone.

The New Device

The van has An Issue with the battery running down when it gets cold. My roommate did some research and purchased a portable jump starter. 

It's pretty adorable. It's compact and not that heavy. It takes about three hours to charge it via USB but then it seems to hold the charge for quite a while. It started the van quickly and only took about a quarter of the power.

Besides jump-starting vehicles, it can also charge phones with USBs and has several high-powered flashlight options. Overall, I believe it to be a very practical device. 

I published a story yesterday and wrote on one tonight. I need to finish some side projects this week. 

Workbook Stuff

 I received my work for therapy. It's only a chapter from the workbook we'll be doing. Two weeks to read through twelve pages and do whatever is required of me seems more than reasonable. 

I liked doing the journal stuff, but we did notice that my mood is very unstable from day to day. Not sure what to make of that yet.

The New Journey

So I define myself as a failure. I wish that wasn't the case, but it is. I always expect myself to fail at everything and usually, that's what happens. I told my therapist that I wanted to work on this as our next project. 

Of course, I do not think this will work. Hah. I guess that's kind of the crux of defining myself as a failure. I assume there is no way to escape it. In my mind, this isn't pessimism as much as it's just me being realistic about the situation. Perhaps I'm wrong.

We'll see.

The Secret House

I dreamed my mother left me a house. In the dream, I was told she had a secret second house that she wanted me to have. The problem was, no one knew its location.

So I searched for the house and all the while, I just felt this intense level of acceptance and recognition. She'd me something. Something that was specifically mine.

When I finally found the house, it was small and cramped, full of rooms that made no sense, just strange angles, more like a collection of poorly thought-out hallways. Every room was full of boxed and trash, all set on 1970s carpet, thick and dirty and dark green.

I needed to use the bathroom and went to look for one. There wasn't a bath'room' so much as another hallway with two stalls against one wall. One stall housed a shower and the other a toilet. The problem was, the toilet was at the bottom of a steep four-foot incline. It was covered in red tiles and slick. I knew if I tried to get down there, it would be impossible for me to get back out.

“This is useless,” I said. “I can't use anything here at all.”

I woke up.

Dust Bunnies and Old Plastic

 I finished folding the towels. I've had some time to get used to the new chair and there are things I really like about it. For now, until this part screws up, it has great back support. It actually makes things like folding laundry a lot easier for me. 

I didn't write anything, but that's fine. I published yesterday. I worked on the scarf, but that was difficult because it was warmer. I vacuumed around my bed because my ancient fan lost its bottom last night and got old decrepit plastic and dust bunnies all over my floor. 

October has been annoying. I'm really hoping the last week of it is calm and drama free. 

All the Wind

 It was dusty and windy today. For some reason, that wore on me. Even though I only did some minimal household chores, the wind seemed to exhaust me and make everything harder.

I also edited and posted a chapter of a story. It felt good to accomplish something, even if I've only gotten one comment on it so far. I still have a lot of other writing to finish and edit. For tonight though, I think I'm going to not let that weigh on me and just knit and listen to a podcast. 

I did spend some time looking out the backdoor. I watched as all the wind pulled on the giant tree in my neighbor's backyard. The limbs were rocking back and forth as the leaves, dried out and preparing to fall, brushed against each other. It made me happy. I really do love that tree.

Yells at Cloud

This is going to be such an Old Lady Rant. Whatever. It's still how I feel. 

Today we were at the tag office and a FedEx truck blocked us in. He parked lengthwise behind us and several other cars.

We were all in designated parking spaces.  

He was parked in the driving area, basically blocking everyone's access. 

There were many free places where his truck would have fit and it honestly wouldn't have been that many more steps for him. 

Oh and also, my roommate was behind the car, putting the new little tag sticker on the licence. He saw him there and could deduce that we were about to leave. 

So he goes in and I assume he's just picking up packages and will be out in a minute. He comes back out with no packages and gets in his truck only to get out of it again, with a package and go back inside. Then he stays and stays and stays. 

He comes back out and gets in his truck again. I think he's going to leave this time (finally) but instead he gets out to stroll back into the office. 

I look at him as he's walking by and offer out a cheerful yet firm, "Dude! I have groceries in the back." 

He looks at me and acts like it JUST OCCURRED TO HIM that people might want to leave and his big ass truck is in the way. He nodded to me and smiled and moved out of the way. 

Here's the rant part. That is the second time a delivery truck has done that to me. In both cases, they had plenty of other spaces to park, ones they could have gotten in and out of with no problems, even if their trucks were larger. In both cases, they blocked the driving area and stayed inside the buildings for quite a while. 

It's just so very inconsiderate. Don't do this. Don't block other people like that. It's rude and you have no idea what kind of time restraints that other person might be under. 

New Chair

The chair is together! It's sitting in the laundry room and will now serve several functions for me. It has a metal base. The wheels are plastic but they can always be replaced. In fact, though they are more expensive, I'll probably eventually invest in some heavy-duty chair wheels. Most of the people my size recommend them.

For the most part, the day was quiet. We needed that. Tomorrow we have to go out and pay bills, get flu shots, and other stuff. 

It's supposed to get very cold tonight. Many of the fans have been put away. I guess the seasonal change thing may actually finally happen.

Hopeful Progress

 We have an appointment on Thursday to have the yard handled. The man came by today and discussed terms with us. I really deeply hope that this works. Yard Drama needs to conclude. 

The person I helped with their knitting project sent me a pic of their work and thanked me for my help. That felt nice, even though I basically only told them what to look for on Youtube. 

The anxiety was pretty bad today, but I took a nap and that helped quite a lot. We watched Charlie Brown Halloween tonight, as is our ritual during October. It always makes me very happy. 

I didn't write anything today, but I did some planning. I knitted quite a lot. 

On Reflection

 Last night was bad. After the mircoburst, I'm still very fearful about storms. There was a lot of wind and some monstrous cracks of thunder. It woke me up several times. I hate being fearful. I want to be brave about this stuff but it seems impossible sometimes.

I wrote some and worked on the scarf. It's supposed to get cold this week so I need to adjust some stuff around in my room. I need to build the chair that will sit in my room now. It's cool enough to do that and it needs to happen.

The bush trimming guy is supposed to be by in the morning. I hope that works out well and we get the yard work happening and over with. On reflection, I think I started trying to get this settled too late in the year. Next year I'm going to try to sort out the October bushes during the summer. I won't have the actual deed done until October, but I want it lined up at least by July.

Hot Saturday

 It was annoyingly hot today. I have a deep, bitter resentment against the hot days past the start of October. I wasn't in a good mood. My mind was trying to swing me into anxiety and I did my best to fight it. This primarily involved knitting, reading, and listening to a horror podcast. 

On the subject of knitting, I was able to give someone advice. They had a problem with a vague pattern and its instructions. I was able to figure out what the pattern's author was trying to get at. Between the two of us, we found some Youtube tutorials for her. Youtube basically teaches us everything now.

I made some progress on the infinity scarf. I wrote nothing besides this entry, but with my nerves on edge, writing is almost impossible anyway.

First Fall Project

 After I wrote last night, I started on my first knitting project for the season. As I still need to stash bust, I'm taking some yarn and making an infinity scarf. I need a new one because the old ones are never quite big enough and never quite wide enough. This one will be. I'll make it as big as needed in order to suit my purposes. 

I also wrote a mock review of Rings of Power, using a character related to the work as my focus. It was the best way for me to handle my vast disappointment with the show. 

Another Week

The weather was glorious today. I wish it would have been less stressful. I spent the morning trying to contact the man who was supposed to handle the yard work. He finally confessed that he wouldn't have time. Had he said this on Monday, I would have just moved on to the next option. Basically, this is another week wasted.

Presumably, someone will be by on Monday to look over the yard and give us an estimate. I can't even begin to tell you how nervous this makes me. I have an upper end in my mind where I will feel fine about the whole thing. Past that....well, we'll still have to pay for it anyway so what does it even matter. Hopefully, it won't be more than what my mind views as acceptable. 

To console myself, I did research on the results of heavier people who have top surgery to remove their breasts. It's unlikely I'll ever be able to do this, but it's nice to dream. 

In both cases, with the plants in the yard and with my breasts, these are situations where I have to deal with things I never would have wanted or asked for. If I had my way, both would be simplified and flat. Flat chest. Flat yard. Both would be clean, organized,  and free of potential problems.  

Half Out of Purgatory

Today was beautiful. I was able to get out and go to the park. The sun shimmered on the water like diamonds. The birds were basking in its light and so was I. I might be so immobile I have to experience Nature from inside my car, but it's still worth it.

When I got home, the handyman had installed the heater. It's bigger than the last one and I feel it has a better personality. I didn't get to say goodbye to the last one and I regret that. 

Thank you, last heater, for your service. 

As I said, the new one has a lot of personality. While he is a Mr. Heater, I think his name is Barnabas. Welcome, Barnabas, to our home.

Home Repair Purgatory

We had two people who were supposed to come and do things to the house today. They were supposed to arrive during the morning hours. One came at 4:30 in the afternoon. The other one wouldn't even answer phonecalls. 

Look, I get it. Things get in the way. That's fine. Please let me know. Let me know that you will be three, five, all of the hours late. Please let me know when you just can't do the thing. It's fine. Please tell me so I can make other arrangements. 

Anyway, we need to replace the heater. Now we have to wait for someone to come over and do that.

Busy Week

This week has a lot of uncertainty to it. We have two handymen on call, one for the yard, and one for the heating stove. I hope things get handled. I hope it doesn't cost a lot of money. I really hope they don't show up at the same time and do some kind of battle.

The stove not working was basically the last straw on my already fraying nerves. I had a nasty little panic attack about the whole thing, finally calming myself down enough to focus on plans. I'm so bad at this.

On the plus side, House of the Dragon was magnificent. 

Sigh

Been trying to take care of some things that need to happen on a timely schedule and they're not working. It's annoying. I'm not annoyed that it has to happen. Well, I'm a little annoyed because it isn't something I ever wanted to begin with and now I have to deal with it, but aside from just having all of it removed, what can I do? 

It's going to cost money and that's fine, so long as it isn't TOO much money. There's no way I can control that part though. I just want it over with. Fuck the yard. If I ever get to move and I have any say on what kind of yard I have, it's all concrete paths and raised beds for plants. And there probably won't be plants.

Swinging Reality

One of my favorite aspects of Hellraiser is how swiftly reality alters when the puzzle box is activated. Walls will just swing open, revealing horrors behind them. Chains shoot out. Things happen very quickly.

I love this so much because it shows how, in this version of reality, OUR ideas about reality are very limited. They are also simply a veneer, one easily ripped away to reveal the dark truths underneath.

It's possible that the veneer only exists in our minds. It could just be a way for our brains to cope with all the weird nastiness going on around us. When you start messing with the Lament Configuration, it could be that your brain just stops being able to shield you from what's really happening all around you all the time. 

In Clive Barker's worlds, knowledge is a very grave thing.

I Spoke Too Soon

After I wrote my post last night, the sinks in the bathroom and kitchen clogged. So at midnight plumbing panic was happening. I guess I spoke too soon.

Today was lowkey. I got some writing done.I tried not to be too down. 

A Good Day

Despite stomach issues, I managed to accomplish the things I needed to do today. I needed some witnesses and signatures for things. Everything is signed. Rent is paid. I even found out some information about a phone company and made a decent suggestion to a friend.

Oh. I also sent my gift list to my stepmom. 

Beyond that, I may have figured out a reasonable docking station for the stuff I need charged that won't fall on the floor. SO yay. 

Productive Tuesday

I finished a fic today. It's edited and posted. I'm pleased. I worked on another fic as well. If I'm so inclined, I might do some more writing in a bit.

Tinkerbell needed a lot of attention today. She's mostly been on my shoulder. Right now she's sleeping against my chest. She made it through another summer and I'm so happy about that.

Loretta Lynn died. I loved that woman. I can't remember a time when she wasn't part of the cultural landscape. She came from nothing and did very, very well for herself. The world is a lonelier place with her gone. 

Really Now

Today sucked. 

Everything went wrong. Every public machine I needed to use was screwed up. Everything took three times longer than it should have. Every plan I had for the week blew up.

I think I've made alternative plans to get some stuff handled. I need some things to happen this week. Hopefully the alternative plans will work out. 

IwtV First Impressions

Thoughts on AMC's Interview with the Vampire Episode 1

Old Daniel is giving Anthony Bourdain vibes.

I'm okay with the framing of the earlier version being some kind of drug-induced fever dream/no one wanted to talk about the truth. As my roommate pointed out, I usually hate that kind of thing, but it usually comes at the end and usually as a way to handwave not having any kind of strong ending/way to fix things.

I'm not sure how I feel about them setting it in 2022 though. In some ways, that's intriguing, but does that mean that everything happening before this in the timeline won't have happened? No Lestat waking up, reading Louis's book, and deciding to become a rockstar? 

Has he been sleeping this whole time then? Will he wake up now and decide to become? What? Still a musician? That won't feel very modern for him. Will he go on Tiktok? Youtube beauty influencer? 

Okay, that could mean we get some kind of big vampire battle between Lestat and Jeffree Star...lots of hissing and ten-inch pink fingernails. 

The winner gets the branding.

Anyway.

The dynamic between Daniel and Louis is very, very good. Daniel is clearly terrified, but he's also old and bitter, and sarcastic now. He's also amazingly good at it. 

The lighting on the show is very good. The camera work is very good. A lot of shows recently and I won't name them here, have been really bad about jarring their sets (and your ability to be drawn into them) with pretty shoddy lighting choices. The showrunners know what they're doing.

I like that we see Louis's family. That adds a nice level of depth to the story, as does his complicated relationship with his faith. Complicated relationships with faith have always been a Rice theme, so we should be seeing it already. 

Everything line of Lestat's dialogue is ridiculous. But don't blame that on bad script writing. Lestat talking that way is canon. 'Overwrought and dramatic' is his default state.

Ohh mentions of Nicki made my heart twinge. I caught at least three. One was outright, the other two more subtle. It always seemed to me that a lot of Lestat's last hold on humanity was tied to his love/mourning for Nicki. Establishing that early on is a good idea.

In every direction, even before Lestat shows up, Louis's situation is impossible. He's miserable. He won't be less miserable with Lestat in his life, but at least the focus of why he's miserable mostly narrows to 'has to be around Lestat' and that will make everything else seem easier.

They did the trope of 'happiest of days and we watched the sunrise before tragedy' but they did it well. It pulled all the right heartstrings, even if you can feel the moves as they happen.

Lestat intruding into someone's funeral march to bitch because he's being ignored is absolutely something Lestat would do.  See, that's the key to this character. The only thing you can do to characterize him improperly is to make him act well-adjusted and reasonable. This is someone who thinks about HIMSELF and maybe a few other people, but only the in context of how they should be thinking about him/watching him/reacting to him. “Ohhh! I hope my beloved mother is well! She needs to continue existence so she can witness all of my adventures!” 

“Gabrielle! Maman! Did you see my review of the new Smashbox lip glosses? I got so many views. Did you comment? Did you watch it? Watch it again. No, no. Turn on your camera so I can watch you watch it. But pretend as if it is the first time you are watching it!!”

The last act of the show was a bit clunky. They need to work on getting their vampirism to look seamless and right now it just really doesn't. The eroticism level wasn't quite there. Close. It's almost, but not QUITE. 

Having said that, the look on Lestat's face right before he bit him was PERFECT.

In conclusion, for the most part, I was pleased. 

Keep in mind that my bar for vampire content is very very low and I enjoy dramatic trashy things in general. 

But for what I wanted out of the show, and by that I mean I wanted a beautiful dramatic sexy vampire romp, the show delivered. I wasn't bored. I wasn't baffled at why everything was so bad. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next.

October

Ahh, my favorite month of the year is here. Thanks to Hulu, I can basically watch scary stuff every day and I plan on watching/seeing as much as I can. I want my October to be festive af this year.

We've already put up our decorations, all six of them. I'm very pleased to see them back on display. Some things are sitting in new positions this year and I like that as well.

The weather is lovely. I'm sleeping well at night. It was a good start to the month.