Halloween Eve

Tomorrow is Halloween. I have plans to spend the night with my best friend. We're going to scare children as we give them candy. It's going to be so fun.

It's also supposed to rain, so it's possible we won't have any kids at all. If they don't, hey, more candy for us. YAY.

Past that, my favorite holiday is this weekend. Fall Back when I get my hour returned to me! This is also a very good thing.

I am in a good mood right now.

Rough Week

There was a lot of evil this week. People were shot for being something the shooters hated. Bombs were sent to people who the bombers disagreed with. Other people who agree with these terrorists laughed about it online. If they weren't laughing, they were denying or accusing or trying to derail things.

I think the thing that hurt me the most was that one of the women killed in the synagogue shooting was a Holocaust survivor. How horrible is that? You survive this nightmare of the darkest, lowest crap you think people can do to you only to end your life decades later because people still hate you, just because of your religion?

I don't even know how to process that.

Cat Love

Millie slept with me last night. She didn't sleep ON me, but she slept near. It was nice to have a cat with me again. I've missed that.

This time last year, I felt catless. I'd lost Salem, Rhiannon, and Rowan. Tink, the last cat in the house, didn't like me. She'd hiss at me when I walked in the room.

Now Tink will let me pet her and she'll purr. She'll sit with me for a while and look at me like she enjoys my existence. And of course, Millie has joined us. She's young and her energy can get on everyone's nerves, but at times she's sweet and loving.

I feel so very blessed to have them both.

Drained

I have no idea what's up with me but I have been super tired for days now. Like worse than usual. My roommate thinks we may have lowkey caught some bug and I think he may be right.

I'm just draggy and ick feeling. I wish I could get past this because I have stuff I need to do.

On a positive note, Christmas gifts are being bought and planned. I should be on top of that this year. Yay.

Metaphors

I was watching a documentary over horror movies yesterday and when they talked about Nightmare on Elm Street, an interesting point was brought up. A lot of people who are fans of that series saw the dynamic of Nancy/Freddy as a metaphor for what was happening in their own lives. 

Freddy attacked in dreams, using people desires, fears, even what made them feel safe against them. He was violent, but always with an edge of cruel humor, as if nothing in the world amused him more than what he was doing. Nancy's survival was more about a matter of will than of physical strength. She had to be emotionally and mentally better than he was. She couldn't let him overcome her spirit.

People began to talk about how a lot of fans who had been bullied or existed as outsiders used this dynamic as inspiration to handle their own oppression. In Nancy, they saw the spirit of someone willing to overcome even the nastiest and most evil of foes. It gave them strength to resist the people who were trying to destroy them.

The filmmakers talked about how this was unexpected. The idea of the Final Girl wasn't new by the time these movies started, but something about the way Freddy tried to grind down the spirit and Nancy's unwillingness to let him really spoke to people. How cool is that?

Damage

Today someone (or some group) terrorized two former presidents and a news media outlet. Everything was defused, but it's scary and it makes me angry. Though no one is for sure, more than likely this was domestic terrorism, caused by someone who disagreed with the politics of those sent the packages.

It's sad and more than a little disturbing that people who claim to love this country would do something so fundamentally against the nature of what the USA is supposed to stand for. We are not a nation where people should be settling things with violence and threats. We're a nation where reason, voting, and rationality are supposed to guide us. I realize I'm being idealistic about that, but still.

I'm tired, you know? I was hoping people who settle down and be less awful after they got their Donald elected, but they actually seem worse now.

Hat Results

The second hat worked! I'm very happy with it. It has some issues (because I made it) but they're not BAD issues and I can live with them.

My next project is going to be a toy. I'm a little nervous about this because my last toy turned out HORRIBLE. Like, it was so bad I haven't made one since. So....we'll see.

Hat Experiment 2

I'm very close to finishing the second attempt at the hat. I'm hoping this one works because I don't think I have the patience to do another one. Or the time. I have another project to complete after this.

Whatever the turnout, it's been good for me. The moments when I can just knitzone have been golden. I needed this. Plus, more yarn now has a purpose.

Movie Thoughts

We saw Halloween 2018 today. These are some of my thoughts.

• If you don't plan on putting a decent amount of money into your stairs and railings, it's probably best not to have stairs and railings as cheaply built ones are scary af.
  
• People should not antagonize monsters. If they do, they will probably die.
• I liked this version of Laurie Strode a lot. She wasn't some successful whatever. She was a paranoid recluse who drove everyone out of her life because of PTSD. That seems realistic. 
• Laurie also reminded me a lot of my mom. Mom never survived a serial killer, but she had the same kind of manic energy.
• Most people in this movie die and aside from the babysitter, I really don't feel bad about it. 
• I bet Laurie makes money writing articles for survivalist mags. 
• Michael probably isn't dead, but it was a very good try. If they ended it with this, I'd feel fine about it. Besides, Michael is getting really old. Any more movies and he'll be chasing people while pushing a walker.

Hot Flashes

The new hat is finished. Well, I need to weave in tails but beyond that, it's finished. I wish it would have turned out how I wanted but I'm not too upset about it.

I've been having hot flashes the last few days. A few of them have been severe. It's throwing my emotions, body, and energy out of whack. Hot flashes are really draining.

I really hope this settles down soon.

Kind of Victory

My calculations weren't quite right. The hat ended up being bigger than it needed to be. I'm happy with the process and confident the next hat will be decent. This one will be used for sleeping, plus it does give purpose to some yarn I've been keeping around for a long while now.

It didn't turn out to be what I'd hoped it would be, but it's a good start. I have to keep in mind that while I enjoy yarn arts, I'm seriously not that good. My creations are often rather awkward. Maybe with practice, I can produce a hat decent enough to wear out of the house without looking like a crazy person.

Knit Distraction

I was supposed to finish a scarf last week and didn't. This week I'm distracted from that by working on a hat project. I think it's going well but I really won't be able to tell until I finally pull it off the needles.

Beyond that, I'm just in a truly grumptastic mood and wish the world would just be quiet and still and let me knit.

Sim Fame Update

Looks like the rep thing WILL be part of it. Then again, we already have social media as a profession, so maybe it will work more like that.

I'm curious about the fact that you can get stalkers. I wonder if 'death by stalker' will be a new sims death. I seriously hope so because that's just deeply awful. It's better than dying because you got too embarrassed (a harder to achieve death than one might think). So excited for this.

Everything else about November is up in the air. No idea when/where/if Thanksgiving is happening with my family. Honestly, I think it's maybe better if we just chill for the year and let everyone heal.

That could be me talking selfish because I'd rather be letting fandom kill off sims on that day.

Sims News

Weirdly, the new Sims Pack is going to be one about getting famous. No one was expecting this. All predictions leaned toward either university or farming. I was good with either of those, but I'm actually looking forward to the fame pack. I always like Fame packs.

I do hope it doesn't include a reputation mod in it. Those are usually awful. In Sims 3, I spent half my time suing people for libel after the rep mod was added. Plus,you get knocks on your rep for things like having kids without being married, and my sims almost always do that because I dislike managing a bunch of people at once.

In any case, the pack comes out next month. Yay!! We should also be getting some free content at some point before that as well.

The Chair Leaves

The old chair has been removed from the porch. My brother took it away this afternoon. I feel sad about it. As I said before, that chair has been part of my life for many years now. It comforted me and held me while I needed to heal. It meant a lot to me and I feel like I betrayed the chair somehow. I get way too attached to objects. I really hope someone finds that chair, decides it has potential and gives it a new life. I seriously feel awful about this.

Anyway, it cooled down a lot. The cats seem happier about that and I most certainly am. I spent a day dry and that is a wonderful thing.  Hopefully this weekend will be good.

Adjustments

As I write this, my mouse is sitting on the table, far away from me, while my keyboard bounces slightly while I type. It's perched on a lap desk on top of a pillow resting on my leg that is propped up on the ottoman. This is my best and still really awful solution to being able to write in a comfortable manner now that I have the new chair. It's awkward, but I know I'll eventually figure out something that works for me.

I talked to my dad today and again he sounded exhausted. He told me he's basically had to deal with several aspects of my grandfather's death every day since the man's death. "It just keeps coming," he said. "I dread the mail. There's always some new THING I have to handle."

I told him about the chair and about how I'm having to rethink my whole little work area. We get used to life being a certain way, but when things get added or subtracted from it, we suddenly find ourselves making adjustment after adjustment, trying to find some way to reorder things, re-achieve stability, sort out the situation.

I told him not to get discouraged. Adjustment periods are just that . . . periods. It's just this flux time where you have to eek out a new way. It can feel like it takes forever, but eventually, it's over and you find you have found the new way for things to work.

In the meantime, I've had to come back to this post three times because my mouse keeps killing the page.

Fury Road Analysis

I stumbled on this 8 part Youtube series over women in action films and how Fury Road moves beyond the tropes to create something new. The first part discusses how we meet the main characters of the film and how empathy is built (or not built) for them. Then it goes into the various types of roles for women one usually finds in action films. Finally, it discusses the over-reaching message that Fury Road gives.

To my mind, the conclusion is the most thought-provoking part.  It's a simple idea, but for some sad reason, radical at the same time. The idea is that humans should be treated like humans. All of us possess the aspects usually doled out by society as 'masculine' or 'feminine' when, in truth, we are ALL capable of violence, healing, caring, hating, defending, destroying, loving, manipulating, and everything else that runs the gambit of human action and emotion.

If you have some time, the series is certainly worth the watch.

Goodbye Chair

I'm one of those people who emotionally invests in objects. I don't know why. Things have meaning to me. This whole process of changing chairs was stressful. It cost money and it had to be handled by my roommate. I'm thankful he did it, but I also feel bad that he had to. I feel like a burden, though I guess that is something to unpack another time.

I've had this chair as my primary sitting chair since I moved into Gran's house. This chair has been with me through a lot of things. This chair held me when I was recovering from surgeries. This chair was my shelter when I would feel frightened. It witnessed my anger. It was part of my dancing (possibly helped lead to the chair's end).  This is where I ate my meals, laughed with friends, created things.

Now the chair is broken and will go away. Part of me feels horrible about that, like I'm betraying the chair. I could honestly cry about it, though I know there's no choice here. It's broken. It can't be kept.

So, goodbye chair. You held me faithfully for many years. Thank you for seeing me through so much. Thank you for all you gave to me. Thank you for helping me. You will be missed and remembered.

Rough Morning

The chair that my roommate fixed has broken again. It's broken in a place that will require extensive repair, assuming that even works.

The best option would be to get a new chair, but that will be expensive.

I feel very fat and very poor.

October So Far

Pros

• Plans have been made to celebrate Fall.
• I'm knitting.
• The Halloween decorations are up.

Cons

• It's hot and muggy.
• My allergies are a nightmare.
• When it isn't hot, it's pouring rain.
• We still have to have the yard mowed.

So far, cons are winning. Blah.

So Awful of a Night

Last night was really one for the books. We had this update that lasted almost three hours. Seriously, it was past 3 AM before I was in bed. My computer ran it faster than my roommate's did, but he started earlier so we ended about the same time.

Oh but even better? My chair broke. Normally I would feel internalized fat shame for this, but I won't. This chair is like from the 1980s. The fact that it's held together this long is astounding. Plus, my roommate, who is rather handy, managed to fix it. This meant we had hammering and drilling happening at past 1 in the morning but again I'm not feeling bad about it as our neighbors burn their leaves and try to kill us.

Just to be on the safe side I started looking for a new chair. I didn't find one but I found a purple loveseat I want to buy to replace the couch! That doesn't help my situation at the moment, but it made me happy. I needed that.

Self Correction

I'm not a super great knitter. People keep telling me it isn't a matter of talent, just a matter of practice and I know they're right. I think it's also a matter of me trying to jump ahead and do more complicated stuff than I should before I really master the basics of the craft.

So I'm trying to fix that. I'm going back to the basics because, honestly, I don't even do those right. There is a primary knit stitch and I do it wrong. I'm trying my best to correct this, but my hands are already trained to do it the other way. We'll see if I can make this work.

It's true of crochet as well. I do everything exactly backward of how I should. I'm not sure if I can correct that because I've been doing that wrong since I was like 20.

There may be hope for fixing the knitting though!

Disappointing October

I was hoping October would be nice, but it's supposed to be hot all week and then start raining. This means that it will be hot and humid. I like my Falls to be crisp and chill. Not this mess.

Because of this, both my roommate and I are having issues with our feet. Swelling, cramps, pain. His gout is threatening to act up and my.....whatever the hell is wrong with my foot is causing it problems. They're nowhere near as bad as they were, but still. Bad.

I sound like some old woman complaining. Probably because I am. Hah!