Monkey Bars

In Sims 4, one of the aspirations for your child sim is Motor Skills. It's the foundation for all of their adult physical abilities. The hardest level of it involves completing the motor skill itself, beating a difficult typing game on the computer, and making it across the monkey bars 3 times. When I read that last requirement, I always feel a little internal twinge.

When I was in early elementary school, our social scene revolved around the monkey bars. In order to talk to people and be viewed as socially worthy, you stood in line at the bars, took your turn, and then repeated this process until the bell rang.

I entered kindergarten as a fat kid so there was never this instance where I was a normal size to my peers. I would stand in line with the others and watch as kids would sail across those bars, their hands confidently grasping each rung with a solid thunk. As my place in line crept closer to the ladder, I would feel my heart begin to race. My mouth would go dry and I'd pause in conversations as the dread began to take over. By the time I was climbing the ladder, I would hope, in a kind of frantic way, that this time might be different.

It was never different. I would grasp the first bar and hang there, trying to will my arm to reach for the second one and knowing in a growing panic that it wouldn't. I would freeze in place until either the pain was too much or my hands were so sweaty they would let go.

People would sigh. People would roll their eyes or shake their heads. I would feel this complete shame and then for some stupid reason take my place at the end of the line to repeat the whole process.

I would have failed my Motor Skill Aspiration as a sim child.

I failed it as a real child too. When it came to physical things, I was always The Worst. I was the worst tetherball player. I was the worst volleyball player. They aimed for me in dodgeball and I couldn't shoot a basket to save my life. I couldn't climb the rope in middle school. Hell, I had to be pulled off the field when I tried to run a lap in middle school because I almost fainted.

When I quit band the summer before my junior year, I told my mom about it when I saw her at Pizza Hut one day. She told me that was for the best considering everyone just made fun of me when I was on the field anyway. It's the kind of statement from your mother that sinks into your soul and never really leaves you.

And so here I am as an adult. I'm very fat. It hurts to stand up. It hurts to stand in place. Walking in a combination of pain and fright that I might fall and do more damage to myself. I'm a let down to my friends because I'm a hassle any time they want to do something. I'm frustrated and frustrating to others.

Is there a point to this? Actually, yes. The thing about the monkey bars is that it's something accomplished during playtime, but that doesn't mean adults can't contribute to the situation. Maybe if someone would have worked with me, helped me, encouraged me, taught me how to tackle the problem as something I could overcome (instead of just believing I was doomed to fail), then perhaps the results in my adult life would be different. I'm not blaming the totality of my current situation on what adults did or did not do. I made decisions here along the way.

HOWEVER, if you are an adult with influence on a child, think about what you can teach them and HOW you can teach them that might make an impact on their views about their shortcomings. Take time to work with them to overcome the obstacle. Maybe set up a system that IS achievable to them at their current level as a way to help them build strength toward the thing they can't do at the moment. Don't coddle them, but don't berate them either. Teach them that life is harsh, but we're stronger.

As for me, well.....I guess I'll have to find my own way to see if I can get across all the metaphorical monkey bars.