I slept well last night but my mind isn't in a good place today. All the chemicals are off and I'm really really depressed. I keep trying to reset things and work through my various tactics for handling the darkness, but it isn't easy.
People tend to think that Depression is about your emotions. There is that side of it and I won't deny it. The absolute worst days for me, however, are the ones where emotions are hard to come by, where everything is hard to come by. It's like the only thing in my mind is just this continuing cycle of all the mistakes I've made, the ones that seemed small at the time but built up and up into massive piles of failure. Failure that I will never be able to climb out from under.
And to the side is always this tiny, tiny voice of me trying to remind myself of all the good things and all the right decisions. The Big Voice always looks over and drowns that one out. Oh, and then adds 'ungrateful' to the list of failures. I hate that voice.
No comments:
Post a Comment