Craft Sharing

I belong to a lot of crafting groups and boards. I read a lot of crafting blogs and watch a lot of tutorials on Youtube. As I have mentioned before, I really value these things. There are so many crafters out there who are willing to generously give of their knowledge, time, and skills to help other people learn more about their hobbies. I would like to give a special shout out to the blogs of Mormon women. Ladies, we aren't on the same page religiously, but I love your blogs. You're awesome. Thank you.

Anyway, between all of the various boards, blogs, videos, and groups, one can find an abundance of projects and ideas for free. I could work on free projects for the rest of my life and never run out of them because there are really that many online. Even before I started working on this post, I read one over a crocheted clutch. It was there, totally for free. As long as you understood how to read the instructions, it was yours for the making.

If there is any price you have to pay for all of this free stuff, it is only in time. If you have a project in mind, it may take you a few hours (maybe even a few days) to find a free one to your liking. You may spend a lot of time searching through Google or YouTube or Ravelry to find what you need. There is a lot of stuff out there, and while narrowing your searches helps, it could still take you a while. However, if time is the only thing you are investing into this, it is still worth it.

That isn't to say there aren't patterns and projects you can buy. In fact, as many projects as there are out there for free, there are even more out there for purchase. The ones for sale usually have some characteristics to them over the free ones. They are cooler. They are more complex. They are very beautiful. Most of all, they often represent the kind of transcendent yarn craft work that most of us can only dream about.

I have absolutely no problem with people charging for their patterns. It often takes a of time, trial, and error to create a masterful pattern. Hell, the wonky hat I posted yesterday was a simple pattern, but it still took me quite a bit of time to figure it out. Some of the things that people can create with knitting needles or crochet hooks are breath-takingly beautiful. By all means, they deserve compensation for that.

It seems that not everyone sees it this way. Today on one of my crochet groups, the moderator had to call out some of the members for verbally abusing another member who sells her patterns. She had posted several shawls she'd recently made and put a link to the pattern. She wasn't charging a lot for it, really. In all honesty, it was a fair price, especially when you consider the advantage of the person who wrote the pattern being in the group, meaning you could ask her questions if need be. However, some people feel that any price is too high to pay. All patterns should be free of charge. From what the mod said, this woman came on Facebook today to over 20 messages of people bitching about what she was doing.

I'm glad the moderator called them out because it sends a message that people need to let sink in. People should be compensated for their skills. If someone works hard and creates something, and you want whatever this something is, you should compensate them for it. If someone edits your essay for you, pay them. If someone sets up your computer, pay them. If someone uses their skillsets to benefit your life, pay them. This payment doesn't always have to be money, but it should be something, even if that something is you using your skills in some way to make their lives better.

And if you do not want to pay them, just accept that you don't get to have what they are selling. Don't complain to them about how it isn't fair. Don't try to make them feel guilty. Certainly do not bully them. If you choose not to make a purchase, then don't make it. Accept the stuff out there that is free of charge and be happy with it.

The New Hat and Other Progress

I wanted a new, warm, winter hat. I wanted it to be mostly black. I also knew I didn't want it to be completely black. I tried to work with some blue yarn but this just wasn't giving me what I wanted. I wasn't even sure what it was that I wanted, but finally settled on something from Claire's. With that in mind, I pulled out my pink yarn and did a couple of lines of bobble. As you can see from the picture, it's a little wonky. I probably needed a couple of more defined lines above and below the bobble line. It would also look better with just one line of bobble and pink, nearer to the bottom, though not as low as the second line. Still, even though I'm not 100% happy with the results, I still like the hat and now have an ultra warm/Claire'sesque hat to wear in this bitterly cold weather.

And the weather has been so horribly cold. It snowed all day, which means all the snow, ice, and other dangerous crap that is lurking in my driveway didn't go anywhere. This wouldn't be so bad except I am lacking in every bit of grace and still face a lot of strength issues. Any trip outside has been an absolute nightmare. I'm breathless and shaking after even the littlest time out there. Tomorrow we're going shopping and past that, I plan on staying in the house all weekend and not going outside once. I hope my plan goes the way I want it to.

Despite the cold and the fatigue, I went to see my best friend today. We hung out at her house until the snow got too ambitious and my roommate came to get me. We had a good time and it was important for me to get out of the house for a while. It's good for me to get back to my normal activities, even if they exhaust me right now. The more I do them, the stronger I'll get. At least, this is my theory.

I'm hoping for better sleep tonight. Last night I was deliciously warm and woke up having a damned hot flash. Seriously? The main thing I need right now is sleep and my stupid body can't keep its stupid chemicals under control long enough for me to even get that? Bitch body. Leave me alone. Just finish menopausing already.

Master Debating and the Bigger Dialogue

So Bill Nye, of Science Guy fame publicly debated a dude named Ken Ham who claims he believes the world is only 6,000 years old. I say claims because I doubt he really believes this, because it would make him a giant idiot. More than likely, he talks about this belief because it gets him money and power from idiots who actually DO believe it.  I could be wrong. He could actually believe that. I'm not sure if that's worse than him being a con man about it, honestly.

Anyway, they debated and people have talked a lot about it. The whole issue annoyed me and I couldn't quite put my finger on why until today someone posted something about it and I decided to comment back. My comment was something along the lines of how shocked Ken Ham will be whenever Cthulhu eats him. People thought it was funny. I thought it was funny, but on further reflection, I realized that comment actually has a lot to do with what annoys me SO MUCH about this whole debate.

The creation of the world debate is something that science people get a lot of press on and something that Christians get a lot of press on. Both sides debate and argue. Science types show up with facts and data, the religious people show up with lit torches and angry mobs and stuff they think they understand from the Bible. Past that, the whole topic rarely gets any discussion.

No one invites pagans to the debate. No one who believes the world was created by a goddess is ever asked to give their opinions. No one who believes aliens are responsible for our origins are ever invited. No one who thinks we traveled from another world are invited. And certainly, people who honestly think it's stupid to discuss this at all are invited. No, as usual, everyone who isn't the Christian or the Scientist is ignored. In a lot of cases, even Christians who have no problem with evolution or an old earth are ignored.

The Intelligent Design/Creationist crowd is always talking about how they JUST WANT to be able to have an open dialogue about things that aren't believed by the scientific community. But that isn't what they want. They want to feel like they're being martyred because people see them are idiots because they believe the world is younger than some of the trees on the planet and some of the artifacts from old civilizations. They certainly do not want any kind of open dialogue that would involve beliefs of a scientific nature that still do not line up with theirs.

Personally, I think the idea of the world only being 6,000 years old is not only idiotic, but horribly boring. How could we possibly want that? How could we not savor the idea of ancient, dark relics lurking under layers of ice? How could we not want there to be secrets so old and so profound that they would drive us insane if not for us understanding the truth of them in our marrow? Boring. Boring. Boring.

I continue to hope that Cthulhu eats them.

Wrists Wiggles

Today I was supposed to go to therapy, but that didn't happen. It's still snowy, wet, and nasty outside. Plus, the cold I have kept me up all night with coughing and sick-pees. I hate that I missed again, but these things happen. Today wasn't just about therapy though. My roommate had a dentist appointment and we needed to pay some bills. As much as I wanted to just lounge around in yesterday's clothes and do nothing, that wasn't going to happen.

Around noon, I managed to get a shower. It was not easy. I know I have talked a lot about my recent fatigue, but it is such a huge obstacle to my life now. I don't sit and blow dry my hair these days. I lay down and move the dryer around my head as needed. And even with that, I take some breaks.

This is the major problem with the showering while fatigued. Showering isn't just one task. It is a series of a lot of tasks, all of which have to happen in order for the shower to be successful. If you feel great, none of these things are a big deal. When you feel like hell, ALL of them become a big deal. When you are exhausted, you find yourself doing things like resting during the hair drying process and hoping you have enough strength left to put on clothes.

To combat the physical weakness, I decided to start trying to add some minimal exercise to my morning. At this moment, I am in such a sad state that all I could manage to do was move my wrists 40 times and my ankles 25 times. Seriously, that was all I could do before feeling exhausted. Maybe I can do more tomorrow.

Sunday night's bleeding hasn't repeated itself again (yet), but with all the jolting my body is doing from the cough, I won't be surprised if more breakthrough bleeding happens. If it doesn't, I will be thrilled. My hopes aren't up about it. 

The Chain

I bled again last night. On a scale from no blood to volcano blood, it was only about a 3, but it still worried me. Clearly this isn't over. I won't be completely free of unpredictable breakthrough bleeding. My chain may be longer now, but I'm still on it. I am tired of that chain.  I'm tired of the constant need for tampons. I'm tired of the constant war with pads . . . and for some reason, with me, that always IS a war. I'm tired of worrying if and when things are going to go back to being a bloodbath. I am tired of being captive to my body like this.

The worst part is that I'd told myself that if I went a full week without bleeding, I could safely stop having to deal with the constant tampon and pad thing. After all, it's not natural to have this stuff in and around you all the time. I used to live my life without them and I'd like to do that again. It's expensive to do this all the time, somewhat dangerous, and, most of all, just another part of that chain.

I've developed some nasty little hacking cough/cold thing too. I did not need this right now. My energy reserves are down to basically nothing and depleting them more with coughing and body aches just really aren't a good idea. I think I started the day with two spoons. They were gone before noon. I couldn't even summon up the energy to shower, which means I have to try and do that in the morning.

We did manage to get groceries and pay some bills. This was despite my need to sit and almost violently catch my breath every time I would move from the house to the van. So I accomplished something today, if only marginally. The chain may have me, but at least I can trudge along and do some stuff. A few things.

I will be so happy when this is over.

Groundhog Day

It seems that the groundhog went outside, laughed at everyone really hard, hacked up something, spit it out, and walked back inside. As he was doing this, he waved his hands and it started to snow again. We have winter for another six weeks.  I don't think anyone is surprised by this. I certainly wasn't. In fact, we're on our third batch of snow for the winter. That's pretty rare for us. I'm fine with the cold, so long as I don't have to go out in it. Unfortunately, that tends to happen more often than I would like. In fact, I may have to go out in the snow twice tomorrow, which is annoying, but unavoidable. I certainly have to go out twice on Tuesday. It's going to be a long week.

I finished the ugly wool hat. I'm not happy with it but my roommate likes it a lot. One of the nice things about being around a blunt and honest person is that you can trust them when they say they like something. They're not just saying it to please you or get you to shut up. Anyway, the ugly wool hat will get constructed into an ugly wool beard/hat tomorrow, assuming I have enough light.

I'm still feeling the effects of the dysfunctional uterine bleeding. My body has shifted shape and my roommate tells me my gait is different. Were I not still weak as a new kitten, I'd probably be enjoying both of these facts a lot. Unfortunately, I AM still as weak as a kitten.  It's getting better, but it is a slow damned process. I'm trying to push myself, but that isn't easy. I'm still using a lot of oxygen to get through the day and tasks are rough. Even crocheting would sometimes tire me while I was making ugly wool hat.

To amuse myself, I watched NYC Prep on Netflix and indulged in all of its awfulness. Then I read the archived Gawker summaries of it, which were so bitchfully excellent. It really helped me to get through the craziness that has been the last month.

1000

In the midst of all the weirdness I've been going through the last month, I have been keeping an eye on something. This is my 1000th blog post. I have been working on this thing long enough to actually do 1000 posts. This is probably the longest I have ever committed to anything besides eating. Holy. Hell. One thousand posts.

I love blogging. It keeps me sane. It keeps me focused. It helps me to actually keep an accounting of what is happening in my life. Sometimes this even proves to be practical when I can't quite remember the date something happened. I'm getting older so that happens more often than you would think. This blog holds my hopes, my dreams, my projects, my pain, my anger, my snark, and my day to day struggle just to stay alive.

Over the years, what I do with this blog has changed. I started out trying to have a theme with it but that didn't happen. Sometimes I talk about my various interests. Sometimes I blog about crafts. Lately I've been talking about the hell my body is going through and what these changes could mean. I don't always blog every day, but I try to. I don't always have valid or important content, but I at least try to speak about what is happening to me in the moment. I use this to let my voice be heard.

For most of the life of this blog, it's been written late at night as I sit by my computer. There is usually a cat at my feet and an oxygen tube in my nose. My roommate has usually gone to bed and I am most often about to head that way myself. Since I got my iPod, this has somewhat changed. I sometimes blog on it, either via Dragon Dictation or just Notes. This has added an element of "in the moment" to my blog, as I will write about what is happening during the day as it is happening, or at least well within an hour or so of it. I don't always do this, but I like to do it. I enjoy the energy of it.

When I was in the middle of the horrible bleeding and fairly certain I would probably die, I would sometimes lay there and think about what I'd not done with my life . . . which is a lot of things. I'm 40 and by most people's standards, I don't have a lot to my name. For a creative person, I've not created a lot. I have some unpublished works of fiction, some yarncraft, and painted zombie head. But whenever I would start to feel horrible about it, I would remind myself that I have the blog. This blog contains several years' worth of my thoughts and ramblings, all there for anyone who wishes to read them. I have this accomplishment, if nothing else.

Whenever I noticed I'd hit into the later 900s, I started thinking about where I wanted to take the blog after I reached the 1000 mark. The thing is, since the Uterine Rebellion, I don't think I should try to plan anything of that nature. I think for right now, the blog should just continue to be what it is, an organic summary of whatever I happen to be thinking about by the time I start writing it. This is what I need it to be at the moment and it may be what I need it to be until I can no longer form thoughts into sentences.

Yes, I plan to be blogging until then.