I bled again last night. On a scale from no blood to volcano blood, it was only about a 3, but it still worried me. Clearly this isn't over. I won't be completely free of unpredictable breakthrough bleeding. My chain may be longer now, but I'm still on it. I am tired of that chain. I'm tired of the constant need for tampons. I'm tired of the constant war with pads . . . and for some reason, with me, that always IS a war. I'm tired of worrying if and when things are going to go back to being a bloodbath. I am tired of being captive to my body like this.
The worst part is that I'd told myself that if I went a full week without bleeding, I could safely stop having to deal with the constant tampon and pad thing. After all, it's not natural to have this stuff in and around you all the time. I used to live my life without them and I'd like to do that again. It's expensive to do this all the time, somewhat dangerous, and, most of all, just another part of that chain.
I've developed some nasty little hacking cough/cold thing too. I did not need this right now. My energy reserves are down to basically nothing and depleting them more with coughing and body aches just really aren't a good idea. I think I started the day with two spoons. They were gone before noon. I couldn't even summon up the energy to shower, which means I have to try and do that in the morning.
We did manage to get groceries and pay some bills. This was despite my need to sit and almost violently catch my breath every time I would move from the house to the van. So I accomplished something today, if only marginally. The chain may have me, but at least I can trudge along and do some stuff. A few things.
I will be so happy when this is over.
The worst part is that I'd told myself that if I went a full week without bleeding, I could safely stop having to deal with the constant tampon and pad thing. After all, it's not natural to have this stuff in and around you all the time. I used to live my life without them and I'd like to do that again. It's expensive to do this all the time, somewhat dangerous, and, most of all, just another part of that chain.
I've developed some nasty little hacking cough/cold thing too. I did not need this right now. My energy reserves are down to basically nothing and depleting them more with coughing and body aches just really aren't a good idea. I think I started the day with two spoons. They were gone before noon. I couldn't even summon up the energy to shower, which means I have to try and do that in the morning.
We did manage to get groceries and pay some bills. This was despite my need to sit and almost violently catch my breath every time I would move from the house to the van. So I accomplished something today, if only marginally. The chain may have me, but at least I can trudge along and do some stuff. A few things.
I will be so happy when this is over.
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