The Vow

I've been talking to a lot of people lately who are going through things where either they or the people around them are in a position of being very vulnerable. Someone was telling me tonight about how they're having to come to terms with the idea of the mortality of a loved one and it's hurting them. It isn't just the idea that this person may die soon, but that death won't come in a graceful way. Already dignity is being stripped away. To me, that has always been the hardest thing about dying.

I guess I noticed this first when I was in high school and I watched my grandfather's decline. When I was little, I think I defined him by his strength and ability to handle things. I know it's how he defined himself. No matter what, he could find a way survive. But as his health declined, he lost his strength. Disease stripped away who he saw himself as. I think that was harder than his death for me.

I believe when we choose the Forever People in our lives, we should do so with a vow that we will see them through the darkest days. We should choose them with the idea that we trust this person enough to see us on our darkest days. Even though it isn't easy to look perfect or act perfect, I think even that is easier than exposing our weakness and humanity. 

"This is me. This is the nastiness that comes from my body. This is how I look crumpled on the floor. These are my tears. I trust you with all of this."

It's a lot.

I write this as I hold an old, scared cat against my chest. I guess she's decided she trusts me with her vulnerabilities too. Occasionally she claws me to remind me of this.