Ten Years

People keep posting these decade difference photos. I'm not going to do it. I think it's a great thing for people who had a glow up or have some peace with themselves, but that SO isn't me right now.

I think there are things about the past decade that have changed for the better. Or at least, changed in profound ways. I am now a cancer survivor. I got to experience being around a baby. I've met some cool people and some amazing animals. I've done this blog. I've grown closer to my father.

This decade has also been the first I've experienced without my mother and grandmother. That's been strange. Our relationships were complicated. I miss them, but I am so happy I did not have to deal with the emotional labor of what they would have been like while I was going through the cancer stuff.

The world is a weirder, darker place now. Everything seems more disjointed and unforgiving. Everything seems more demanding and critical. People around me seem to be growing more conservative and angry. It seems like folks are less interested in finding common ground.

There are things I have let go of and made peace with. It used to sting that I would never be in a relationship with someone, but now I find deep comfort in the simplicity and quiet of my solo life. Other people's chaos is the last thing I want. The more chaos someone brings, the less I want to deal with them. That probably sounds like an old lady statement, but I'm okay with that.

Do I have goals for the next ten years? I don't want to be in pain. I don't want to be around negativity. I realize both of these things require active work on my part so I want to be willing to remember daily that I have these goals. I want to read more books and discuss these books. I don't want to gossip about people I know and I certainly don't want to gossip about people I don't know. I want to focus on what I can actually change and accomplish and not dwell on bullshit out of my control. I want to take my meds and I want those meds to keep my brain chemicals in the right balance. I want to make things.

If I can achieve that, it could be a good ten years to live through.