Thursday, February 4, 2021

FanGirl Moments

There should be a word for what it means to fall in love with a /ship. In my mind, it's actually more intense and real than falling in love with another person. I will acknowledge that I am strange, however. 

This happened last night. I was reading this Melkor/Sauron fanfic about the hours after the War of Wrath. Melkor is in chains in the middle of the encampment, waiting to be sent away forever. He knows it's over. Sauron knows it's over. He wants nothing more than to try and free Melkor but he's been told not to. Melkor wants him to live, to escape, to run away and cause later havoc. 

Sauron is despairing about this. Eonwe is keeping him captive and watching him closely. Sauron doesn't even care. He's close to just making a bid to free Melkor and die by his side.

Then when Eonwe is being challenged about Sauron even being kept around, the person talking makes a comment about Sauron's beautiful lips. Sauron picks up this stray thought from Eonwe about all the things he wishes those lips would be doing. 

Melkor, who still has an established mental link with Sauron, picks this thought up as well and is really amused by it. Even despite his chains and defeat, he laughs.....which basically shakes the whole camp and freaks people out. 

It's that moment of finding joy in defeat and being moved by it that makes Sauron realizes he has to continue on and live and get revenges and all of that. Not the commands of his lord and lover, but realizing that he's all that Melkor has left to find delight in. 

And that, oh my brothers and sisters, is a beautiful moment of fanfiction. It was, to my mind, deeply dramatic and romantic and I loved it so much. 

The thing is, you may read this and think it's frivolous. That's fine. I've been drained and sad and scared and just BEYOND being able to function that I needed that moment and I think it replenished a spoon. 

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