Scheduling Panic

On Friday I tried to schedule a virtual appointment with my medical provider. They asked me the reason for the visit and I mentioned we needed to talk about my CPAP. Next thing I know, they're trying to get me to come in. On Tuesday the 2nd. So I tell them I don't think that is needed but they insist and say they'll call my CPAP provider to find out. So I wait all day and they don't call.

This means, of course, that I spent all weekend trying NOT to think about this. I tried my best to just work on my techniques to hold back panic and worry. It was no big deal. The problem is, it was a big deal. Emotionally I need a couple of weeks to really build up the spoons to face a doctor's visit. This was just too much too fast. 

And yes, I know that makes no sense. My brain gets so messed up about this stuff. Like I started having THE DARK THOUGHTS. No need to go to a doctor's appointment if you just die. No need to face anyone or have to deal with the chair or the walker of any of that or getting infected if maybe you justhaveaheartattackorabombkillsyoudeadpeoplearesolucky!!!

Yeah. That.

Anyway, today was a lot of frustrating phone tag. I fought my brain through the panic enough to remember I could just call the CPAP people (which I did) and speak directly with my case person (because I have her extension memorized) so I could explain to her what the issue was. 

The whole thing was soon handled and I don't have to deal with my doctor until March and even then it's just an evisit!!

So the panic is slowing. My brain is my best asset and sometimes my greatest foe.