Years of Connection

On the way to shopping today, we passed our old mechanic's shop. My roommate noted that it seemed like they had no customers. This didn't surprise us. They've been going downhill for years now. I walked away from them a few years ago and my roommate has done the same. They just aren't as good as they used to be.

It's difficult though, to leave businesses you've used for years. When we were at the mailbox place, I thought about how I'd had that mailbox since I was in my 20s. I've used my bank and my insurance since I was in my teens. It's so odd to think about how I have decades of connection to these places. 

One of the odder things about getting older is the strange vertigo of knowing you have so many years behind you, so many years spent interacting with people. And yet, at least in my case, I don't feel truly connected to them in the way that, say, my grandparents did. My grandparents both served on the board of the insurance company we use. They went on trips with them and went to their functions. I just don't feel that's my place.

My grandparents were so much more social than I am, so much more politically connected. My grandmother knew most of the state politicians for a long time and even some of the national ones. I can't even imagine doing that kind of thing.

I think for me, as always, even with years of established relationships, I'm always going to feel on the fringe of things. It's just who I am.