2017 Faves: Various stuff

So this is just a big hodgepodge of stuff I enjoyed this year. Once you get past episodes, things get broad. Media has changed a lot so that also makes this a stranger list. For instance, when I was younger, I could have probably always told you a favorite album of the year. That's less likely these days, though I did I have a favorite album a few years ago. Two of them, in fact.

Favorite Thing I did with Music: I finally started making playlists on Youtube. At first, I just did some short ones. Then I did a fairly long one for my roommate's Halloween party. Sometime after that, I started one I called Obsessions and started throwing songs that I have adored from time to time on there. Whenever I remember another one, I add it to the list. It's long and meanders all over the place and I really enjoy having it in my life.

Favorite Comic: The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. This was recommended by my roommate and he was quite right to do so. Archie comics don't have a frequent publishing timeline, but when they do, man can they put out some good stuff. This isn't your Melissa Joan Hart Sabrina. These witches are cannibals and into dark magic and pacts with demons. It's glorious.


Favorite movie: The Martian. This actually surprises me because I wasn't that into the idea of this move when it first came out. I loved it though. Even though it focuses mostly on one man stranded by himself, it says a lot about humanity, our ability to unite, and how amazing we can be when we all try. It was very uplifting without being cheesy. I like it when movies can do that.


I think that's enough for now. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. I'll reflect more on the year itself then.

2017 Favs: Episodic Addition

It seems like I spent most of the year complaining about things. I'll be honest; 2017 has not been a good year for me. I lost two cats. I've been in a lot of pain.  I was really scared a couple of times. I cried a lot.

However, there have been a lot of good things too! I thought I would list some of my favorite things of the year, as a way to document them, but also as a way to remind everyone that I wasn't just a sour sassy all year long.

I'm starting with things that come in episodes. I said episodic stuff because I guess some of it can't be called television anymore because I don't watch it on television. This has been a mixed bag for the things I watch. Some shows really sucked and I didn't finish them, like Project Runway, Supergirl, and, worst of all, American Horror Story. Other shows I watched all the way through, but I wasn't that happy with them, like Game of Thrones and FaceOff. I'm hoping with most of these it's just a matter of them having an offseason. Anyway, on to the good things.

BEST OF 2017

Favorite Continuing TV show: RuPaul's Drag Race. I love RPDR so much. People talk about it being the best show on TV and it really is. Rupaul takes all the best elements of reality competitions and adds a kind of variety show element to it. It just makes me so happy. This season had drama and fan songs and one amazing finale. I adore this show.

Favorite New Show: Legion. Legion branched off in a different direction from the comics and became this astoundingly surreal masterpiece. I loved the first season so much. There are scenes from it that I watch over and over again because they're just SO well done.

Favorite Youtube show: Movie Bitches. When you get a sarcastic gay man and a sarcastic straight woman together, get them drunk off wine, and let them talk about movies, drag queens, and various other topics, how could it not be just grand?

Favorite season of a show: Bojack Horseman. I think this is always the case since this show started. Bojack is probably the best show out there where ideas about Depression, failure, making mistakes, figuring out how to live with yourself, and finding reasons to live are concerned. This season also tackled miscarriage and dementia and handled both is very realistic and insightful ways.

Favorite Netflix show: Again, this is Bojack, for all the reasons I listed above. And also for the music.

Biggest Pleasant Surprise Show: Riverdale. I guess this one could be on my guilty pleasure list too, but it's honestly too good for that. Riverdale, which is what happens when you take the Archie Gang and CandyWarp them, is really a great show. The mystery sustains well. The drama is dire. The town is full of secrets and darkness. And, best of all, Betty and Jughead. Betty and Jughead are really, really the best.

Favorite Guilty Pleasure: Hey Qween's sideshow called Hot T. I could technically say all of Hey Qween, but I think the main two shows, Hey Qween and Look at Huh, are actually pretty damned good shows. Hot T, however, is MEANT to be nothing more than tons of gossip. I don't even care about the people they gossip about, I just love the way they do it. After the cats died, I would watch episode after episode of Hot T and laugh my ass off. It helped me to cope and what better use is there for a guilty pleasure?

Anyway, those are my fav shows for the year. I'll talk more about other favs tomorrow.

Thank You for Participating

I am so sick of hearing people bitch about participation trophies. Nothing makes you sound like an old codger more than complaining about all of society's ills can be traced back to the decision to give children trophies for participating in things. Mind you, I used to be one of those people. I've stopped though, because I've started to realize the issue was never, and is not now, so black and white.

The game I play has contests about every two weeks. I've entered a couple of time and won minor things. The last two, I didn't enter because I didn't have time and/or wasn't in the mindset to even try and come up with something. A guildmate of mine did enter both of them. He got prizes from one because they decided to reward everyone the same. He got prizes from the second one for participating. He didn't win the major stuff on that one, but he did get a little bit of stuff thrown his way, just for the effort.

And, okay, so the game runners did not do this to help anyone self-esteem. They didn't do it to make anyone feel good. They did it because this is their way of keeping people interested in the game. They also did it to encourage more people to enter their contests. I'm sure this has something to do with being able to so said numbers to backers as proof of the game's popularity.

The truth of the matter is this: participation IS its own form of currency. In certain cases, hell, in a lot of cases, just the fact that you put in the effort to show up makes all the difference.

So I have to wonder, how many of these little t-ball games where kids got participation trophies wouldn't have happened at all if those kids had chosen to stay home? The great ball players may feel unhappy about the other kids getting something too, but how would they feel if there were so few kids interested in the sport that no teams existed at all?

End of the day, it always comes down to supply and demand. If you have 200 people trying out for your team of 10, then yes, you have the advantage. Be selective. Choose the best. Shout out in all glorious self-righteousness that you will not coddle anyone and that you will not lower your standards.

But remember, that only only ONLY works so long as you have the numbers advantage. The minute your team that requires ten only has three people show up, well.....that changes things. Now you're the beggar and the other side can make the demands. You might be surprised what you'll be willing to compromise under those circumstances.

Watching Ghosts

I watched the documentary over Party Monster. It was on Youtube and only about an hour. I'd always wanted to see it because I'm fascinated by the club kids scene, for all its color and glitter and creativity.....and for its desperation. Michael Alig is a rather charming sociopath, but a sociopath nonetheless.

It was sad to watch it. A lot of the people they talked to are dead now. It was strange to look at these sad, tortured people and know things never got better for them. Thankfully, it did for some. James St James has done well for himself and is now basically a gay culture curator.

Michael never really showed remorse. He was upset he got caught and upset he was in prison, but I don't think he's ever been upset that he ended a life.

The End of Christmas

Today started the Recover from Holidays process. We ate our leftover holiday food and were pretty quiet. The roommate is trying to get some business stuff sorted, but couldn't due to companies still taking off for the holidays. That can be very frustrating.

It was pretty fun to see everyone's post-holiday pictures. I oddly like the ones of people asleep on couches wearing whatever festive stuff they received as gifts. It's just nice to see people relaxed and happy after the holiday has ended.

For me, the best part of the holiday was that my roommate and I made up a new, ridiculous Christmas spirit and told jokes about him the whole time. We even made up some songs. My guess is that he'll be part of our holiday tradition from now on.

Christmas Day

As per tradition, the roommate and I went to see a movie for Christmas. We didn't find anywhere to eat, so we got stuff at a convenience store. I wasn't upset about that. Finding places to eat out on Christmas Day is always an adventure. Often the adventure is the best part.

It may be the meds talking, but now that the holiday is completed. I feel more cheerful and festive about it than I did before. I tried to talk to people and make the best of things. I got some really great gifts and had some really good meals. Overall, I would call this birthday/Christmas holiday a success.

Blood and Fire Continued

It's easy to get frustrated when you lose GB two nights in a row, especially when you're used to a switch off every day. If you let it, a lowgrade panic can set in. What if they keep winning? What if their buff just goes up and up? In moments like this, the best thing to do is remember you're playing a game.

I like games because its low-stakes challenges. I can solve problems, but if I don't solve them, no one is going to kill me or turn off my electricity. It isn't important, but at the same time, you can still solve the problems. Right now our problem was that Biggest Jerk in the Basket could stand back up after we killed him.

But not always......

I needed to rally people. They were down. I reminded them that any victory had by the Basket would always be pyrrhic. They'd spent so much money on this game that even winning a battle every day still meant they were losing the greater war. Most of us had only invested time. As for the others, they'd invested no more than a night out at Red Lobster. In any battle, we had far less at stake.

With that in mind, we needed to sort out their new advantage. When someone is on a winning streak, it will be announced in the game's Newsfeed. It's also announced when someone ends that streak. In this case, the person who ended it was me. After we all calmed down from the loss, we started talking about why I was able to kill him when no one else could. Trust me, it isn't because I'm the best player in this game. In the rankings, I'm usually sitting at about #10. My guild sits at #1 though, and that is more important.

The thing is, I had a skill activated that no one else did. Most of them HAD the skill, but they didn't have it turned on. The skill causes sustained bleeding after each round up to three rounds. The thing is, it kicks in AFTER the round starts, so even if he stood back up after being killed, the bleed would kill him again and there was nothing he could do about it.

We had a way around him.

When reset kicked in, everyone used their scrolls to boost their Bleed skill. Even one level higher would help us. That night, as we waited for the battle to start, I reminded everyone to activate the skill. It's so silly because yes this is a game, but I couldn't help but smile as I typed.

"Let's make them bleed tonight."

And did this work? Did we win? Of course we did. It helped that their debuff was really high by now, but even with that, our ability to suss out a way around their advantages made all the difference. This city was ours again.

Blood and Fire

As a rule, I've avoided video games where I had to interact with other humans. I do better with games when I can just be my own self and not deal with people at all. And yet, I now find myself not only involved in a game with people but also leading the Guild. It isn't something I expected to do or even asked to do, but here we are. And you know what? I actually enjoy it.

A lot of that has to do with how narratives play out in my head. Our Guild has an enemy guild that we fight every day for control of the city (which equals a buff on experience and funding gains, starting at 10% and increasing every day that you keep power). As much as I thought I would hate this part of the game, it's actually my favorite part. It's what keeps the game the most interesting because it forces a gameplay evolution.

For a while, things between the rival guild leader and me stayed pretty even. He had the stronger position (he was the first person on the server and got massive bonuses for it to where almost everyone in my guild started a week or so later), but I had the stronger guild. My people were older, more seasoned game players. We know how to pace ourselves and how to work together. He had more money involved. Some people in my guild have forked over some cash, but usually, no more than one would pay for a pizza. He has some people who could have bought a decent used car for the amount of money they've poured into the game. Again, this gives him an advantage because more actual money means better resources. Even still, we were tossing power back and forth almost every night.

When we merged with two other servers, my side did not get even ONE of the advantaged First Players. Not one. I did, however, get some very good players who are sane and easy to deal with. A lot of them joined our guild. Some haven't and sort of float in their own little guilds off to the side. No one is really sure what to make of them. The enemy guild now had a band of high power players who were willing to fork over a lot of money to win. A lot of them are also annoying jerks. They make it easy to enjoy fighting them every day.

Even still, we held our own. The win for Guild Battle was usually going back and forth. However, over the last week or so, they've spent more and more. Winning was getting harder. For the last three days, we lost. I mean, it's a Facebook game, but it was still vexing me. The worst part was the biggest, most annoying of them all now had an ability that was almost impossible to beat. Everyone kept dying in the battle against him.

And why was that happening and what did I do? I'll talk about that tomorrow, including some fangirling over Julius Caesar. To be continued.

Lack of Holiday Spoons

Today was long and very tiring. I'm pretty spent from the day and would love to just have an easy rest of the week into the weekend. It's Christmas though, so that won't happen.

I've had some nausea off and on today. I wish that would settle itself down because I really don't need to deal with nausea plus holidays. I know I was just in a festive mood a couple of days ago, but spoons are being spent quickly right now and the sense of the festive is draining. At the moment, I'm just looking forward to next Tuesday. By then, all the obligations of doing stuff I don't want to do will be over.

Dark of the Year

My roommate has been posting some various little cartoons about the holidays. I watched a few of them and you know what? I honestly, actually feel better about things now. I needed that.

Things are hard in December. It's cold. There are a lot of obligations and expectations. Because it's the end of the year, a lot of changes start to hit, things that can often feel overwhelming. Maybe that's why we bring in colors and ribbons and shimmer and songs. It helps and distracts. It brings us comfort. A lot of the stories connected with this time of year are about hope, wonder, and taking care of each other. We need that during the dark of the year. It's what helps us move forward.

Six Days

I'm kind of glad very few people read this blog because it's been so emo and difficult lately. I wish that could be different but barring a birthday/Christmas miracle, it won't be. I used to ask my mom what she wanted for Christmas and she would say shit like 'a better job' or 'to be rich.' Bitch, I can't get you that stuff! Tell me what kind of candy you want!

I get it though. The things I most want right now aren't things someone could give me. If someone asked though, I wouldn't tell them that. I still have a list of actual, buyable stuff that I want. I'll also take the candy.

7 Days

In honor of it being seven days until my birthday, I am going to post about seven things that get on my nerves. I'm not going to suggest anyone should have to stop these things, but just to state facts about how much they annoy me.

1. I hate it when people are gone from social media for months, but when they show back up, all they do is post about political crap. No "Hi, I'm fine." No "Hey, hope you guys have had a good few months." Nothing personal or friendly or warm. Just bullshit about politics.

2. I hate it when people on social media make a big production about how they're going to leave social media. They write these massive posts about it. They hover around their post to see who responds. They respond to everyone by restating all the crap they just said in the op about why they are leaving. Oh, kicker? Nine times out of ten, they never really leave.

3. I hate it when people know others are trying to get stuff done, but keep distracting the situation with their inane babble. Six nights a week, people on the game I play try to accomplish a task.  It takes time, effort, and organization to do this task. Also six nights a week, several assholes show up to destroy the whole process and call attention to themselves. We hate them.

4. I hate it when you tell someone you don't want to talk about a subject and they keep bringing it up. I met someone a few months back who is very politically active. I told him I did not want to waste my time discussing politics. In the most refreshing turn of events, he respected that and we never do. It's nice.

5. I hate it when people try to turn things romantic. I think as a people, we'd do well to err on the side of 'no one finds me attractive' and then learn to be super peaceful about that fact.

6. I hate it when people try to shame others about food. What other people decide to eat is their business. Keep your opinions to yourself. If you don't want to eat it, fine. That's you. What they want to do is THEM.

7. I hate it when people complain about stuff that other people do but then turn around and do that exact same thing. With this in mind, I will try my best not to do all the stuff I just listed above.

With the Best Intentions

I planned to do a countdown to my birthday, but that didn't work out. Night before last a lot of stuff was happening before I needed sleep and then last night the internet died. Again. Yes, again. So I'm doing this now just in case the internet is messed up again.

Anyway, we're nine days out until my birthday. I'm having to start doing busy things sooner than I anticipated. I'm not happy about it, but there we are. I have chill blains on my toes that are cracking and causing me pain. I'm in that place where I hate December.

That's about it.

11 Days

My skin is very dry right now. I'm trying my best to tend to it but it isn't easy. The humidity is down insanely low. Normally humidity is a problem for me because it's too high. That is not the case right now. I feel like I'm drying up to nothing.

Other than that, the day was pretty good. No nausea and no weird feeling of being drunk. I deboned a couple of chickens and we put the meat in the freezer for later meals. So I feel all awesome about that.

Here's hoping the rest of the week goes well.

12 Days

Today I slept in the car while my roommate was shopping. I slept well because it was the warmest it's been in days. The car was downright snuggly warm and I loved it.

This is my first winter in a long time with no cat who wants to sit with me. We have Tinkerbell, but as you know, she isn't that fond of me. My roommate has a little warming area going on for her on the couch and she mostly stays there. At her age, I'm sure the weather is hard on her.

I know I comment on Tink not liking me often, but I want you to understand that when it comes down to it, I'm okay with this. I love that cat fiercely and I love her personality. Yes, she's standoffish to me, but I don't think a cat has to show someone affection before it can be adored. In this case, that is certainly true.

13 Days

We're 13 days from my birthday. I didn't experience any nausea today and I'm happy about that. Perhaps my body is adjusting to the meds after all. That would certainly be helpful as, again, I wasn't in as much pain as I usually am. I still had some pain, but nothing like the typical levels.

The roommate and I finalized our holiday meal plans today. It will be pretty simple, but honestly, we've found that works best for us. Too much food lurking around after a holiday tends to feel like more of a burden than a treat.

Going to do my best to take this week slowly as it's the last one before the hustle of the holiday. Maybe the meds will continue to make things better.

The Unexpected Issue

I was ready to give up on the new med, but then yesterday I noticed my pain levels were less. I think the new drug is helping me to sleep better, which, of course, is making it easier to wander around and be in less pain. That was pretty unexpected, but it's very, very nice. Needless to say, I'm going to stick with the new med for a while longer.

Today I didn't have any of the nausea issues. I was also able to hold it together through quite a few intense moments and be objective about what people were saying. Maybe this will actually help me to even out.

Side Effects

I scratched off what I thought was a bit of dry skin and it's been bleeding ever since. I have no idea what I did to anger this small part of my body, but it's doing some serious protesting. I put bag balm over it to stop the bleeding but that isn't even working. Hopefully, it will stop on its own soon.

I had some more nausea today. It didn't last as long but it still wasn't fun. If this continues, I will not continue with this medicine. I'm fairly certain it was the reason behind the sickness today and probably yesterday as well. I certainly don't need that during December. Things are hard enough this month as it is.

Anyway, I think I'll try to get some sleep. I'm worn out and I have a lot of things I have to deal with for the rest of the month. Sigh.

Documentation

For a while, I may use the blog to document any side effects/results I'm seeing from the new happy meds. Today I had some nausea, but that might have been due to the light I was trying to focus on so I could read something. So I'm not sure which it was.

Anyway, aside from that, I had a pretty good day. I'd decided last week not to go to therapy and I'm glad I did. I needed the rest and I needed the low-key day.

I Want a New . . .

I started my new meds today. I didn't really expect to see any changes and I didn't. It will probably be closer to the end of the month before I notice anything. I hope this works out well. It's always scary when you start any kind of medication that may affect your brain chemistry functions. I'll do my best to note any changes as I continue to blog.

Tulsa Appointment

When they told me I had a new doctor a few appointments back, I was super nervous about it. I felt relieved when I saw his nurse the first time and relieved when I saw a sub doctor the second time. I'd built up this whole image of some really unpleasant dude in my head. It was seriously wrong.

My new doctor is great. He's funny and personable. He was quite compassionate and listened to me. He seemed proud of my progress in the various areas where I've tried to make progress. It was meant a lot to me.

Anyway, needless to say, the appointment as well as it could, given what I have to endure. My best friend was a great help in not only driving me up there but keeping me distracted and sane. My roommate was great because I know I live in a calm, peaceful home and could come home to that. I'm a lucky woman.

Inklings

Tomorrow is the preparation day for going to the Cancer Doctor. I'm doing my best not to be nervous about it. Honestly, I'm doing my best to just pretend like it isn't happening to me. I'll just go through the motions until it's over with. That's how I've done all of this ordeal with cancer stuff. Just remove me from the situation and let it happen.

I also put off starting the new Happy Meds until after this trip. I don't see the point in rolling the dice about side effects when I'm nowhere near home to even deal with them. Beyond that and showing up on time, there isn't much I can do.

December

The last month of the year has arrived again. Soon it will be my birthday again. Before that, I have to deal with a doctor's appointment and various social engagements. I'm going to try to make the best of it.

As for my household, our major holiday activity has already started. My roommate and I have a tradition of watching holiday cartoons together. It's something we both dearly love. If we don't see the ones we want, perhaps we can find them online and watch them over the Roku.

The holiday specials mean a lot to us. It reminds us of being kids, but comforts us to know the chaos of childhood has passed. I mean, the chaos of adulthood is here, but that's a whole other story.

Anyway, hello December. Please be kind to everyone.