The Album: The Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack
The Story: My grandfather had emphysema. When I started high school, he was as strong as he'd ever been, but by the time it was over, he was using an oxygen machine and getting around, well, as best he could.
At one point during those years, he needed surgery. My uncle came down with two of my Colorado Murphy cousins. We three girls stayed at the house while the adults handled the hospital stuff. To cope and console each other, we rented moves. One of the ones they picked out was The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Small town girl had heard about this, of course, but she'd never seen the movie. As I watched it, I fell for it completely. I loved the movie, I loved the way it both mocked and adored the subject matter of old science fiction films.
Mostly, I loved Frank N Furter. Genderbending, charming, menacing, unapologetic, selfish . . . I adored this character, even if he was the antagonist. That grin, the way he would deliver his lines.
Grandpa being sick was scary for all of us. Finding ways to distract ourselves while we processed this kept us going.
He passed away the second semester of my Freshman year of college. It wasn't a sudden thing, but that by no means made it any easier. He'd been a fascinating man. Funny, hardworking, full of hobbies and skills. The days around and after the funeral are a blur. Even now it's hard to think about.
I still had to move forward. Gail had opted out of going to school that semester. I moved back home and commuted to Tahlequah three days a week. For a while, I had someone riding with me, but he flaked out. After that, it was just me in my little Cavalier, with only music to keep me company.
I bought a copy of the RHPS soundtrack because it reminded me of my cousins and I needed a family connection to keep me going. My first classes were early in the morning and I'd have to leave before sunrise. I'd pop that soundtrack into my player and listen to it, singing the parts, skipping the songs I didn't like as much (and one that wasn't in the movie that later I learned to love due to my current roommate).
That semester wasn't easy. Like I said, I was in a daze during most of it. I don't even remember what classes I took. I do remember this soundtrack comforting me, keeping me going, and helping me to stay awake when I would drive home.
Anything that Frank sings is a favorite, except for the song about Janet because eh. I probably came close to wrecking the car while I car-danced to "Time Warp." My favorite will always be "Science Fiction-Double Feature." I'm sure by now you've noticed I love the way people begin and end albums. Albums should never just be a collection of songs. Some of them are, of course, but the best albums have a flow to them. They take you on a journey. Granted, I guess that's easier when we're talking about a soundtrack, but you get the idea.
The thing is, while this made me feel closer to my cousins, I realize now I could have just called them. I could have written letters or emailed or something. It seems rather simple now, though, I guess one of the things I'm realizing about this whole process is how distant I kept myself from others. I just didn't want to bother them. I didn't want to burden them with my stuff. Mom's scarring ran deep.
Thank you to: Colorado Murphies. I have no idea what our connection is with Tim Curry, but clearly, it's a very real thing. I want you to know that those long trips to Tahlequah were made possible because you brought this music to me. You guys are the reason I didn't fail out of college my first year. I love you.
The Lesson Learned: Death is horrible. We don't know how to process it. We don't know how to grieve. Because of that, often how we grieve takes strange forms. I personally believe that unless grief is leading you to something harmful to yourself or others, you should just accept it the form it will take and let your soul do whatever it needs to do to help you move forward.
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