For my Grandfather

I spent today writing my grandfather's eulogy. I thought I would put it here.

I'm often quiet at family gatherings. This is unusual because most of the time when I'm around lots of people, I'm the one keeping things lively. With family, however, I find that listening to the people around you is far more important than talking. You learn a lot about people by the conversations they have with others. As this family, you also learn a lot about yourself.

I've always loved listening to my grandfather talk. Jimmie Gus Dunn could hold a conversation with anyone. He was lively, charming, and had a way of inviting the other person to be part of the topic. He often talked to people about things that I didn't really have an interest in, but that was fine with me. In fact, one of the best things you can do is listen to people talk about stuff you're not into. That way, you focus on the people and not the topic. You gain a deeper understanding of who they are.

And who was my grandfather? He appreciated craftsmanship. When he would talk to my dad or my brother about a gun or a knife, he would know everything about it. He would know the history of the maker, be able to assess the quality of the make. Most of the time, he also had a couple of funny stories related to it. If he didn't know much about a subject, he was strong enough to ask questions of someone who did. He saw people's value and let them know he did.

These qualities are why he was successful in the arenas of business, hunting, and community. He knew how to engage others. He knew how to inspire others to assist him in getting things accomplished. He knew how to work toward goals. When my grandfather would talk to other people, I always understood exactly why he'd realized his objectives in life.

This isn't to say we didn't have our own conversations.  In fact, interestingly enough, we often talked about love. My grandfather was never shy about his emotions. He wasn't shy about his regrets. He told me about lost loves, mistakes he had made, the things he wished he had done differently. I think often people aren't sure about the realities of things like love, but my grandfather knew. Love is real.

He talked to me about his mother's mother, and how he would watch her knead bread when he was little. She would speak to him in Italian and he would answer back in English. Both understood the other's language but felt most comfortable in the one they were taught as children. When he talked about her, I could see this was someone who adored him completely and he carried that love with him always.

He talked to me about my grandmother, though that topic tended to be more difficult. She died before I was born and all I have of her are the stories given to me by other people. He mostly told me about her expectations of him. She was clear about the man she wanted him to be, the father she wanted him to be, and the human she wanted him to be. Even though she has been gone for a long time, I always had the impression that he still weighed her opinions in the decisions he made.

My grandfather is gone and the people who knew him will now honor his memory. While you do that, as you do that, listen to the people around you. Really listen to them and learn who they are by what they say, how they say it. Learn who they loved. Learn who loved them the most when they were children. Learn what they value. Learn who they hold in high regard. These are the things I will carry with me as memories of my grandfather and I am a richer person for it.