Friday, December 28, 2018

2018 Highlights

Hey, I'm not depressed today! The chemicals are working right! With that in mind, I felt I could write a Best of 2018 list!

Here we go!

  • Camilla. After losing my beloved Rhiannon and Rowan, I just really felt a lot of grief. That didn't end when Millie ran into the house to become our kitty, but it certainly brought a new level of joy to my life. I am so thankful she is here and I love her.
  • Tinkerbell. Tink has been with us for several years now, but this is the first year she decided we could be friends. One random day this summer, she hopped up on my lap and let me pet her. Since then, we have grown closer. She'll never be a clingy kitty with me, but at least she doesn't hiss when she sees me anymore.
  • I advocated for my comfort. I got a wheelchair so I could handle distances better. It isn't a perfect situation and I'm not getting to access it as much as I would like, but it's still helped in certain situations. I'm glad I did it.
  • I delivered a damn fine eulogy. The best part about this is that I kept basically the only promise my grandfather ever asked of me. I usually fail at that kind of thing, so keeping the promise and doing the eulogy well means a lot. 
  • I learned a new technique in knitting. I was curious about something, researched it, and learned how to do it (reasonably well). It's given me confidence t really finish some stuff and deal with this massive stash of yarn I have.
  • I got a new chair. Which, okay, this happened because my old chair broke and that was really humiliating. It shouldn't be. The chair was from the '80s. Anyway, getting the new chair has been so good for me. I did not realize the level of discomfort I was in before until that discomfort was gone. 
  • I experienced a few weeks of feeling emotionally and mentally great. During Spring, I had this time when I was mellow. My thoughts were even. My chemicals were even. It was SO good. It was honestly the best I've felt in decades. I long to find that again.
  • I survived. This year was A LOT. I lost my last grandparent. I had a Rubicon argument with someone. I fell and damaged a lot of things on my body. I screwed up my foot and almost couldn't walk on it for about a month. I got a horrible stomach virus that is still causing me issues. This year brought me to almost the pain levels of post-surgery days, but with no high-level pain meds to take the edge off. I also experienced some intense depression. Oh, and I lost my therapist. Despite all of that, I survived. I kept going, even when I didn't want to, even in the moments when only hate and spite were pushing me forward. I'm glad I did too because I found some neat stuff afterward and moved out of the hate and spite, back into my usual mode of whatever this is. Grateful snarkiness or something. 

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