There are many things that prevent communication. A major preventative is angering the people with which you intend to communicate. Granted, if you really don't give a damn about any actual communication or exchange of ideas, I guess this is fine. However, if you do care about actual communication, pissing people off is a mistake.
Consider how many times you have wanted to explain an idea to someone and started out with a statement or action that put them on the defensive. Sometimes this works the way you intend. More often though, you will find people go into either offensive, defensive, or avoidance mode with you. Whatever you goal with is suddenly unattainable.
Do you quite often find yourself frustrated because people won't listen to you? If so, accept the fact that the only person you can change in this situation is you. If they don't listen to what you are saying the way you are saying it, try another way. Consider presenting your argument in a way that appeals to them but still accomplishes your goals.
There was a good example of how not to do this on Survivor season 22, episode 6 entitled "Their Redheaded Stepchild." Crazyman Phillip was tired of two of the girls on his team never working and decided to call them out on it.* They don't take him seriously, so all of his anger and bossiness only served to annoy them. As long as he was going about his communication in this manner, he was never going to get anywhere with them.
Boston Rob actually supplied, in private interview, the approach Phillip should have taken. He could have gone to the girls and said, "Look, you don't really have a lot going for you here. You do about the same in challenges, you're not great with plotting, and you both lack in a lot of personality. So if you help around camp, it is a point in your favor if you make it to the end and people are voting on you."
I don't think in a million years Phillip would have come up with this, but if he had, he might have gotten more help with the fire. Even if he didn't believe it for a minute, he was still getting no where with his current approach. A new angle certainly couldn't have hurt him. Phillip doesn't know how to play a good social game though. He's too literal, linear, and crazy. Which is an odd cocktail of personality, really.
Anyway, if you find yourself in a situation where you want someone to do something and want it badly, don't be lazy about this. If you've approached this idea from one angle and just end up angering the person/people , think about them and what they want. Consider their goals and needs. Instead of coming at them with "I need" or "I want," start with a statement about something related to one of their own goals/desires. Show how what you want can work into that. Smile, stay calm, and show how much benefit both of you can find in this arrangement.
Who knows? You might just get what you want after all.
No comments:
Post a Comment