A new study came out and announced that more women are becoming the breadwinners in their households. This has always been the case in homes of single mothers, but now it's starting to trend even in homes with both parents. This is a huge step for women. It means we are finally starting to truly achieve some level of economic security for ourselves.
Of course, any time women achieve anything, the unwashed masses run out and whinge about what this means for men and what it means for children, as if any time women take a step forward, men and children clearly take a step back. This is kind of a horrible way to think, because at its foundation, it implies that women much suffer so that everyone else can have better lives. I'm rolling my eyes so hard right now it almost hurts.
However, if we must talk about men, let's do so. I'm going to make a case here for one of the flipsides of women being the breadwinners. I'm going to talk about the benefits of the stay-at-home-dad. What is that alien creature, you ask? Why, this is a man who, by his own choosing, opts to take on the role of being the primary caretaker of the children and the household. You know, the job all the conservatives think women should be doing.
First of all, I want to make clear that I'm not being sarcastic here. I honestly do think that stay-at-home-dads are a great thing. And no, I'm not talking about some dude who sits on his butt all day and does nothing except play video games while he waits for his wife to come home so she can clean the house and cook him something to eat. I am talking about fully engaged, actively involved, competent men who are taking care of their homes and children.
Now there was a time, in fact, probably throughout most of our history, when women were probably better educated in the ways of housecleaning and childraising. It used to be that from a young age, girls were taught the proper methods of cleaning things and how to tend to babies. They were taught to cook, given tips on how to clean stains, and given hands on experience with children because people were forever making then watch younger siblings or the children of older siblings. Women were prepared for this role because it was the ONLY role that anyone thought was important for them. They didn't have a lot of educational options, even though in most cases, many of them still worked (cleaning other people's homes, raising other people's children, picking other people's crops, etc).
That has changed though. These days, women are no more likely to have the first clue about cleaning a house or taking care of a child than a man would. Most of us aren't taught jackcrap about cleaning the house. In fact, my roommate (who is a man) has a far better understanding of this than I do and he is the primary cook. I have only occasionally held a baby. I've fed a couple of them over the years and maybe changed like two diapers. If I got pregnant, I would have to attend classes on how to even keep the kid alive. And if I'm going to have to take classes as an adult to do that, a man could do it just as easily. So really, the presumption of women having a better knowledge base of how to raise children just isn't the case anymore.
Our society holds on to a lot of misogynistic views and practices. To me, this is actually the main advantage that can be had when one has a stay-at-home-dad. Most criminals, especially of the opportunistic nature, are less likely to attack a man than they are a woman. They believe women are easier prey and easier to restrain. So if your husband is at home with your kids or in the parking lot with your kids, he is less likely to get attacked than you would be.
There is also a lot of misogynistic issues that one has to face when dealing with various services. There have been quite a few times when doctors have dismissed me but talked with respect to my roommate, even though the doctor was there to tend to an issue that concerned me. This kind of thing is a common problem for a lot of women, especially when they're trying to find out if something is wrong with their kid. A husband taking the children to the same dismissive doctor, is more likely to get a straight answer and prompt results.
And yes, I know that it sucks that this is the way it is. It sucks that if you're one gender, you will get treated better at the mechanic or treated with more respect by the plumber. However, as we can't just automatically change everyone's behavior, doesn't it make more sense to have the person of the gender who DOES get the respect from these service groups being the one who deals with them? It would mean far less frustration for everyone involved.
For most of my life, I've found I'm more productive when I stop raging against the machine and figure out ways to make the machine work for me. I believe stay-at-home-dads are a great way to do that. The dads get to form a very close bond to their children. They get to organize a lot of what happens in the home. They get to feel like they are a vital and central core of what is happening. The mother gets to go to work knowing her kids are protected and that things will be taken care of while she's out securing funds. At the end of the day, everyone is tired, but everyone knows they've contributed. It spins the traditional gender roles on their heads, but also expands them in mutually beneficial ways. It could be a very good thing, if people will just accept it.
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