The eclipse came and went. We got a little weirdly dark but nothing compared to what some people experienced. It's cooling down and we're expecting rain. It didn't feel like Fall today, but it kind of feels like Fall tonight. As you know, this is the only season I really enjoy. Hopefully, I can enjoy it this year.
I still think about my cats every day. I still miss them every day. I feel wounded about this in ways I haven't felt about anything. I have a lot of irrational thoughts about it. Some dark part of my mind whispers that Rowan's sudden death was my punishment for putting Rhiannon down. I mean, I did not want to put Rhi down. I had to. She was past the point where living was comfortable or easy for her. As a pet owner, you have to make that hard choice. I know this but it's still a choice that messes with me.
Ever since they died, I feel like I've been in a very dark corner of my mind. It's this little grief pit that won't go away or heal or close. The grief pit isn't just about the cats. It contains all the regrets and guilt and shame connected with every other person who has ever died in my life. Most of the time I try to ignore it, but it isn't always easy.
Perhaps Fall will lift my spirits.
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