Very Frank Post

I think I got enlightened to something tonight that has needed to be told to me my whole life, or at the very least since I became sexually aware. This article is very long and probably not something most people would be interested in reading, but if you are a woman who has always found penetration painful (or if you know a woman who has), it's certainly worth the read.

This has always been the case for me. Sometimes I would cry or panic when someone else was doing it. Sometimes I would just deal with it. It always hurt though, and not just a little bit. There was always a lot of pain and it would last for days. Tampons were never comfortable and could be painful going in, which made my life hellish while I was a bleeder. At least they were small. Penises, dildos, anything like that could cause a lot of pain. Even when I tried to do things on my own, this was the case. To be honest, eventually, I just gave up on it. Clits are more fun anyhow.

Turns out, a lot of women suffer from vestibulodynia and/or vulvodynia, possibly as much as 16% of the population. That's about 14 million women. This is the pain in the full vulva or specifically in the vestibule area of the labia.  There is very little research being done about this, very little treatment, and often women aren't taken seriously about it anyway (or told it's just in their heads). The researchers doing the work won't even agree on what causes it or what to do about it.

Some believe that it is hormonal, probably due to birth control pills. Their usual treatment is taking women off of the pill and giving them a low dose testosterone. For some patients, this seems to work, but not for everyone.  In other cases, they believe the issue is due to issues with the vestibule area of the woman's body. Often, the way they handle this is by removing the vestibule tissue completely. Women who have had this done WELL often do report they have comfortable and even pleasurable sex afterward. However, there are only a few doctors who do this kind of surgery and it's often not covered by insurance. The price is usually around $12,000.

One of the indicators for the problem being with your vestibule is to push your finger into your belly button. If this causes pain in your vagina, it means you have a vestibule issue. I don't have a naval anymore, but when I was a kid, I would sometimes poke my finger into my belly and I did feel that pain. It makes sense that this would be the case for me. I have whacky hormones, but testosterone was never an issue.

I have to say though, this is a lot of validation for me. I'm seriously in tears even writing about this because I honestly thought this aspect of life was just hellish. I assumed it was this horrible for all women and had no idea how they could stand it happening so often. How I felt during that act isn't normal and it isn't something I should be expected to do.

Here's the thing though, while it's nice to know WHY penetration was always awful for me, I don't see a point in doing anything about it at this moment. It's illogical for me to travel that far and spend more money than some people make in a year to get something fixed when the problem can just be avoided. It's easy for me to live without penetration. If I somehow stumble into a relationship, they'll be told that act isn't on the table and have the option of walking away if they choose.