Damages

This was not my best Halloween. We didn't do anything, which was fine. Neither of us really felt all that festive. Really, I just kind of wanted a quiet day where nothing happened. For the most part,  that's what I got.

At least, that's what I got until I fell. I have these houseshoes that are too big for my feet. When I'm not thinking about it, I shuffle around in them. There is a bit of the flooring in the hallway that is bunched up. I tripped over it and fell into a bookcase. I tried to catch myself but didn't. My butt hit the floor pretty hard and my shoulder took a nasty slam into the shelving.

The pain isn't too bad right now, but I'm not looking forward to waking up tomorrow morning. I'm sure the pain will be in its full glory by then. So just....great.

Guild Geekery

Funny story about the new game I'm playing. Everyone in there is one of the clones, of course, so you don't know anything about the people behind those clones. We got into a discussion tonight after Guild Battle (which we won, hallah!) and one of the guys mentioned he was old. Now, this guy . . . I honestly assumed he was like 17 or something. Nope. He's in his 60s. This opened up a whole discussion about our various ages. The youngest person in our group is 27, most of us are in our 40s/50s.

To me, this adds a whole other dynamic to how we play the game, especially the Guild Battle. Guild Battle is actually my favorite time of the day for the game. When I first started, I just randomly joined a guild (not the one I'm in now) and stumbled along to the various events. One night I was the only person in my guild who went to guild battle. It was there that a guy I'd talked to on occasion noticed what I was doing and invited me to join a more competitive guild.

I like the battle event because it's the one thing about the game that can't be predicted. Where everything else is based on how well you're building your characters (with some minor changes thrown in there for critical hits and stuff like that), Guild Battle relies on the humans behind the players. How many people show up? Who can get in fast hits? What kind of plans do you have?

There used to be quite a few guilds involved in the battles, but the two strongest ones are my current guild (that I happen to somehow be in charge of now) and our rivals. For a long time, we couldn't beat them. Then we started beating them every other day. But one of the smaller guilds decided to disband and join theirs. Well, actually, they wanted to join our guild, but we're on different alignment sides so they couldn't. Anyway, they joined that guild and suddenly they had the numbers. When we lost two days in a row, a lot of people were discouraged.

I really wasn't. It thrilled me because suddenly our typical back and forth wasn't a given. I thought about why they won and realized it had to be due to how they situated their attacks. We talked about this and one of the guys in the guild came up with a battle plan for us. We tried it and it worked quite well. So now we have an evolving rivalry, and that's just awesome.

I can't wait to see what they come up with next.

I Get So Emotional, Baby

Uhh. Today was not good. I was very stupidly emotional all day, on the verge of crying, and just in a total funk. There was no reason for it.  It wasn't real. I mean, it was real, but it wasn't based on anything. It was just the chemical mishmash. It means nothing, but it does keep me weepy about the idea of a cute picture of my second cousin, looking at a cat, the idea of the spider in the bathroom being harmed, etc.

Anyway, I have no idea where all of that came from. It was there, I managed to deal without letting it break me down, and now it's somewhat subsiding. Hopefully, I'll be out of this funk soon and I can just be creative and maybe write better posts.

Clone Wars

So I'm playing a new game called Guns and Magic. I started it because KK:H was doing a promo where you could get Kstars if you played it for a while. I figured I could endure it for 40 levels and then leave. The thing is, I started liking the game. Now I like it a lot. I'm not sure what the plot of it is actually. The plot doesn't make a lot of sense. I have my own ideas about the plot just based on the various activities we do every day and the repeating graphics.

See, everyone has a choice between a male or female hero character. Unless you stupid a stupid amount of actual money, everyone's characters look the same. You either have a blonde man with no shirt or a white-haired woman with lots of cleavage. He has a massive sword (no pun intended) and she has a massive gun. They travel with three support characters who change over time, but still always look alike.  You fight enemies who look both like your support characters and some various other (though limited) character types.

The backgrounds are beautiful, but they're also all broken. You travel over broken bridges or strange areas where ships are filled in with dirt like an ocean disappeared and all the ships that were sunk at the ocean floor just filled in as winds blew dirt into them. The two cities, Liberty Port and the city of the elves, are both located high in the sky and surrounded by airships.

So this is my theory. This is what remains of a broken world. Someone found a program for making clones and while this program could make an unlimited number of clones, the variety of said clones was quite small. Over time, these clones forgot they'd been cloned and believed themselves to be various races. Now they all fight with each other. The blonde and white-haired humans who live in Liberty Port have a shaky alliance with the elves, but only as long as they are fighting the pirates (who attack every day) or the robots (no one knows why they attack). However, there are some humans and elves who have been corrupted and work for the side of evil, that's why sometimes you will face an enemy who looks exactly like one of the people in your party.

I'm sure that's not the case at all, but it's my headcanon and I'm sticking to it.

Nice and Cold

Yes, I mean it is nice and cold as opposed to it being cruel and cold. We'll probably get there, but it will take a while. For now, there is just enough chill in the air to make things nice. YAY!

Perspective

Getting older is hard. Your mind settles down on a lot of issues, but while sometimes I think that's wisdom, other times I wonder if it's not just because you're in a lot of pain and your mind is being wonky. I think when women leave the stage of menopause, there should be a custom to give them a party to celebrate the fact that they made it through this transition without killing too many people. That's actually harder than it sounds.

Anyway, I had a good day today. We ran errands and they went well. Now we can just coast into the weekend and hopefully, that will go well too. See, as you get older, it really is the little things that make all the difference. No drama. Peaceful days. What more could one want?

Editing

I've been quiet on Facebook for a while now and I think I'll stay that way. I'm playing some games and making some comments, but for the most part, I think it's best I just back away. It seems like everyone is so deeply mired in the negative right now. It's sad. It's like we can't let go of the darkness. We need to, we need to move on and live our lives, but it seems so very difficult for people. I was like that for a long time, but I'm letting go now. I can't change politics and I certainly can't change the political climate. All I can do is live through it as best I can. If I'm going to have the strength to do that, I can't let my mind dwell in the darkness.

On an unrelated note, I started putting away my summer clothes today. I also culled some undershirts that were well beyond any hope of holding together. I tend to keep those things around until they're so full of holes I have to tie knots in them just to keep some level of modesty. It's senseless to do that because I have other t-shirts.

I think we all need to really be careful about what we allow in our lives. Someone told me tonight that a few years ago she opted for a less effective surgery because it was outpatient and she didn't want her husband spending the night with his mistress. I think in a situation like that, we should teach people to take care of themselves and anyone who would jeopardize that should be edited out of their lives. It's for the best.

Good Spooky Wind

I think for really the first time all month, I'm feeling the Halloween vibe. It all has to do with the wind. There is nothing quite as atmospheric as dark nights where the wind is blowing the trees. I love the haunting sound of Autumn wind. I love the way it can chill you to the bone. I love the how it makes nights like this feel even colder than they are. And really, that's fine because it's the kind of cold that can be easily handled with a nice, warm blanket.

When I got home, my roommate had set out our little festive holiday decorations, all four of them. The wind and the decorations all made me just giddy for the first time all month long. I'm counting this as a very good day.

Of Course

Last night it stormed and I honestly thought I was going to lose power. I didn't, but it was just a slowburn to losing power this evening. We had a transformer blow down the street. It sucked to be without power AGAIN, but at least it's cool today and not like 90. That always sucks.

Fortunately, as you can tell, the power was restored! I can write this brief, complainy post about how annoying and predictable my electric company is.

Amazingly, we didn't lose internet service.

May the Best All Star Win

This is a 20-minute promo video of all the queens who will be on Drag Race All Stars Season 3. I am so excited for this, for the most part. Hee! I am so excited.

Also, it's storming, so this is a short post. Watch the video!

October Box Surprises

This box was a delight for the eyes. There were so many cute little packages and so many great colors. One of them was purple and I had no idea what it would do. When I found out, I was quite delighted. This happened to be the BECCA First Light Filter Face Primer. An oz of this will cost you 38$.

One of the unique features of this primer is the fact that the violet tint allows it to work with any skin tone. It goes on purplish but as it bonds with your skin, it becomes sheer. My roommate said he could still see it on my skin. Perhaps it takes a bit longer? Anyway, what I liked about it was its ability to color correct the brownness that happens around my eyes. The ginger and citrus in it give it a very fresh scent and I enjoyed that quite a lot.

Would I buy it? As just a primer, no. But as a color corrector, I think I would.

The biggest surprise in the box was the perfume sample. When I pulled it out, I didn't have high hopes. After all, CHANEL GABRIELLE CHANEL Eau de Parfum just didn't seem like something that would work on me. I'm just not the 105$ for 1.7 oz kind of person. I don't want to smell like some rich lady. especially not Coco Chanel.

I was so wrong. This perfume is wonderful. It's light and delicate, which actually works well with my body chemistry. It also lasts a very long time. I find it delightful. It has notes of jasmine, orange blossom, grasse tuberose, and ylang-ylang. Ylang-ylang is very fun to say, by the way. All of it works together to create this very smooth, flowing, clean, inviting scent that I absolutely love. It doesn't make you smell like some old rich lady. It makes you smell like her garden. And who wouldn't want that?

Even still, that is a lot of money to pay for a scent. However, in this case, it would probably be worth it.

So that ends my October box. It is bringing me a lot of happiness.

Sidestep

I have one more post to do about my October box and I will do it tomorrow. Yesterday was difficult because of the massive update and because I found out I may not have my therapist for much longer. It's just getting too difficult for her to make money in her field and she may have to leave. My state is trying really hard to get rid of counseling services. In the end, unless someone else gets voted in, they'll probably succeed.

Today I had to be up at five and I didn't get home until almost 8. My mind is just wired and wonky right now. My fingers are stumbling over the keys. In other words, I'm just not in the best headspace to talk about my Sephora stuff. I will talk about it though because this box made me very happy.

October Box Foundations

I think one of the reasons I've been so excited and happy about this month's box has to do with all the new types of products that arrived. I've not really gotten any foundation from my boxes. Lots of lipsticks and lotions, but no foundations or powder. This has been a little surprising and I have to say, I was really happy to get them.

The foundation I received was MAKE UP FOR EVER Ultra HD Invisible Cover Foundation in Ivory. This is six shades from their lightest shade, Alabaster. Was I going to get more of this, I would probably opt for that. Then again, maybe not because this did match my skin tone really well. It's 43$ for 1.01 oz.

This is another one of those products developed for people who will be seen in high definition conditions. Because of that, it's formulated to be really light. I'm actually shocked at how light this is. I have some BB cream that I use most of the time and this is even lighter than that is. It doesn't look like you have makeup on. Rather, you just look like you have really great, even skin. Needless to say, this is a glorious product.

LAURA MERCIER Translucent Loose Setting Powder is the powder in the box and you can buy this for 38$ for 1 oz. I have a lot of issues with powder because it's one of the things that set off my sinuses. I have to be careful about using it near my eyes.  I also have an issue with it making me look darker than I want to, even if it's supposed to be the lightest shade. Because of that, I most often have to mix it with baby powder, which is actually worse on my sinuses.

With that in mind, I was marginally hopeful this expensive fancy powder would be better. It is. It's great! I didn't sneeze or eye water or anything with it. Given that I'm still recovering from being sick, that's kind of amazing. The powder is matte, and as much as I don't like that with lip coverage, it is something I want with my powders.

If I were in a position to where I needed to look professionally made up for long hours at a time, these would be two products I would certainly purchase. One of the problems I've always had with foundation is that it felt thick on my skin. This would cause me to start scratching at it and that isn't a cute look for makeup. Something as light as the Makeup Forever product doesn't cause me that problem. I could wear it all day and not even really notice it was on me. The powder is so easy to handle and doesn't cake up. I love that. I'm quite happy with these two samples.

October Box: Droppers

Even though I wasn't that pleased with last month's box and too depressed/sick to even really talk about it, all of that has changed with this month's box. I got it a day early and love absolutely everything in it. All of it was for the face this month and, as my roommate commented, a lot of it came in neat packages. I also got some things in forms I've not really dealt with where makeup is concerned. For instance, I have two products that came with droppers. I'll be talking about those tonight.

The first product is COVER FX Custom Enhancer Drops and it's 42$ for 0.5 oz. I have to confess, I wasn't even sure what this was at first. It was this cute little shimmery bottle with a dropper. I opened it up and there was shimmery liquid inside. Come to find out, this is an intense highlighter. Now mind you, that is only because the shade I was sent was one of the highlights. My shade was Moonlight, which gives you a kind of silvery glow.

This stuff is amazing, potent, and addictive.  For one thing, it isn't like any other makeup I've ever used. My other highlighters were sticks and I just didn't find them all that exciting. THIS product is exciting. It really is much more like a paint. You have to be very careful with it because just the smallest drop can make a massive difference. That's also the problem. As much as I wanted to be prudent with it, I also did not want to. Highlighting with this stuff is fun and SO effective. It made me look like I had the BEST eyelids and gave me that little perfect spot on the tip of my nose. And what it did to my lower lip is almost sinful. I love this stuff so much and I will be so sad when it's gone. Maybe while it lasts, I can learn to use it without ending up looking like the Tin Man.

My next sample with a dropper was the MAKE UP FOR EVER Ultra HD Skin Booster. If you want to purchase this, 0.4 oz will cost you 41$. Now if I'm not mistaken, this is the first serum I've been sent. Now backs ins my days, serums weren't (as I remember) really a thing. This is a newer concept in makeup, this idea of putting something on your skin that is as light and as thin as water. As our cameras have gotten better, and as more and more things are shown in HD, thick makeup has become an issue. We need to be able to layer things in people's faces without making it look bulky.

Actually, this product was specifically designed with HD (and higher) images in mind. Makeup artists (and regular folk) want to be able to have a lot of impact from their skin without tons of stuff on it. It certainly does that. It goes on like water and once you rub it in, it begins to plump your skin up and give it more life. I noticed the biggest difference around my eyes and the folds of my nose. These are challenging spots for many people and something like this can really make a difference.

Now in both cases, this is expensive stuff. You're paying over 40 dollars for less than an ounce in both cases. Is it worth it? I would honestly say yes, in both cases, but with this caveat: if you buy these products, you have to use restraint with them. This isn't old school makeup where you slather it on until you look better. They come with droppers for a reason. They should be applied one drop at a time and then consideration should be given before another drop is added.

That kind of consideration isn't something I'm used to where makeup is concerned, and I have to admit I kind of like the idea. For me, this is a new approach. It isn't just about doing the usual stuff and then only giving thought to how leaky my eyes may be. Thinking about makeup in terms of one drop at a time adds a new element to it. I'm looking forward to seeing how much I screw this up how well I can learn.

The Good Kind of Rejection

Okay, so this is a weird thing. One of the neighbors told us today that almost every car in the neighborhood had been broken into. They asked about ours and we knew they were fine. After he left, we discussed how odd it was that we were passed over (hah!) and no one else was. We came up with several theories for this.

1. We just honestly look too poor to rob. This is a possibility, but lots of people in our area look poor. Our stuff isn't any more or less trashy than everyone else's place. I doubt it's this.

2. We look scarier than everyone else in the neighborhood. My roommate is an adult male under retirement age and I look like I'd kill you if I fell on you. This could certainly make people think twice about robbing us. I also have a large scar on my arm that they might assume I got in prison. This is certainly the reason I WISH were true.

3. Fire Ants. We fight an almost constant battle with fire ants. It's possible the would-be thief walked into our yard and found himself stung by tons of evil little ants. He could have also gotten sprayed by the local skunk or frightened by the local giant possum. Again, I would like for this one to be true, but the fact is, if an ant pile was this close to either of the vehicles, my roommate would have seen it by now.

4. We stay up really late. This is probably the most likely reason. We have lights on well past one on most nights. This is probably the most likely reason we weren't hit. Any robber who thinks you're still awake is going to opt for the easier target. In this case, our night owlism is working to our advantage.

In any case, we're making sure to keep the doors locked. 

Balance

It seems that lately my roommate and I are having the same conversation. The weather is going to be uncomfortable for a few days, but if we can just endure that, things will get better. It will be cooler. We'll have cold nights where we can sleep peacefully. There is an implied hope in this conversation. We're banking on the idea that the weather WILL get better and that we'll not be so exhausted by the time it gets here that we can't enjoy it. If we just endure A, then B will make it better. This hope got us through the summer. It's a hope that gets us through a lot of things.

The problem is, and this is where people start falling apart, there seems to be more of the A to endure and less of the B that makes it okay. There is a lack of balance in the weather that is causing both of us (and I would assume a lot of people) to just get iller and more depressed as these warmer days stretch into Fall.

October is usually my favorite month. In theory, it's cooled down, but not horribly cold. It's before the stress and difficulty of the holiday season. It's certainly before all the first of the year bad luck I tend to have. This is usually the month where I feel safe, where I feel the most content, and when I feel the happiest.

However, for the last couple of years, October has just been one more shitty month. Last year, our gas pipe problems were in October. Our fridge went out in October. October was the start of a series of illnesses for both of us that climaxed with my roommate in the hospital. Months and months of illness.

I don't feel happy right now. I don't feel content. I certainly don't feel safe. I'm sick and covered in a light beading of sweat because the humidity is insanely high and it's hot. This month is half-way over and I just feel awful and exhausted, out of spoons, and drained. Something needs to give here.

Smoke

My neighbors insisted on burning leaves today, which did not do my sinus infection one damned bit of good. I'm still coughing things up, though I feel better than I have in a while. Hopefully, by the end of the weekend, I'll be back to my usual self. I'd like that. I think we'd all like that.

I didn't sleep well last night. Well, I did, but it was hurtful. I had a dream about a childhood friend who killed himself several years ago. In the dream, he was trying to get me to help him with something and I kept not getting it right or maybe I just wasn't understanding what he wanted. When I woke up, I felt sad. I still miss him.

Reflection

I'm seriously tired. Instead of a post, you're getting a verse.

Aging is the worst.
You still have zits
But now also, saggy tits
It's like you've been cursed.

Meh

I've not been able to eat well today. The only thing that really worked for me was an ice cream sandwich. Other than that, I've only eaten about half of anything else. Nothing really tastes right. All the sinus stuff is distorting my senses and I'm so tired that if something doesn't taste right, I just can't be bothered to eat it.

The internet has stayed on today, though my Facebook wasn't working for hours. No idea what was up with that, but, again, too tired to really care. I'm not as sick as I was, but the lingering weakness isn't much fun.

A Day of Sleeping

I slept a lot today. I needed it. The sickness has made me so very tired. I had trouble just even holding my stupid noodle bowl this morning. It's made of paper. Anyway, so I slept and slept. It helped, I think. I don't feel great, but I certainly feel less like death than I have for the past few days.

The internet and cable were both out for hours today. The company was their usual self about it. I think I could handle this company's shit service if I also didn't have to deal with their shit attitude. But why should they try? They're the only game in town. Bah!

And Still

I woke up feeling dizzy and broken. I couldn't speak so much as just squeak and even that hurt. I had to cancel some plans, then I went back to sleep. It was hot so that didn't help much. It's supposed to be in the 50s tonight, but either the weather isn't letting that happen or I have a fever again. Either could be true.

I had a lot of weird fever dreams.

Still Sick

Today was rough. I was sick all day and it's exhausting me. For a while, I couldn't even talk without my voice causing me pain. My roommate made me hot tea and that helped so much. Now I'm just kind of snotting all over everything. The cat isn't happy about it.

Speaking of things the cat isn't happy about, I've started using pain cream. It smells like old people. The cat hates it. However, it has helped me a lot and I am glad to have it. Even if I do smell like old people.

It Begins

Uggh, I'm starting to get sick. My nose is a mess. My throat is a mess. My eyes won't stop watering. This really sucks. What sucks the most is that on Monday it's going to be hot again. So I'll be sick AND miserable. Yay.

Liquid Alterations

I honestly can't remember if I've mentioned in the blog that I've cut down on my caffeine intake. This wasn't a philosophical decision or something I did out of guilt. The level of caffeine I was consuming was making me jittery and unable to sleep. This was a HAVE TO thing, which, let's be honest, is pretty much the only time I can ever really alter a habit.

There are people who start removing caffeine from their lives and talk about how much better they feel. I'm not one of those people. This hasn't been HORRIBLE, but it also hasn't been pleasant. I've been experiencing a lot of annoying things since then that I can trace back to the caffeine reduction. I'm in more pain. I'm more irritable. I'm more tired. Do I get to sleep easier? No, not really. I'm having hot flashes on the regular (something I've not had to deal with in a while) and it's making my sleep kind of worse.

On the other hand, I'm not as jittery anymore. That's a good thing.

I'm guessing that in a few months, I'll be used to the caffeine reduction and start functioning like a normal me again, such as that is. For now, it's kind of awful. So if you decide you want to reduce your caffeine levels and it's kind of hellish, don't feel like you're the only one. Sure, some people are just GREAT after it, but that isn't all of us. You'll be okay.

Grief

One of my friends posted about how his cat died in the night. She had been with him for ten years, though she was older than that. He'd gotten her when she was a grown stray. He said he knew she was going to pass because her health had gotten so bad. He held her and she died in her sleep. He talked about how it hurts because she's been his running buddy for years now. I understood. I know how much this hurts.

Some people are really shitty when someone else is grieving the loss of a pet. They believe that the pet's death should somehow mean less to you than losing a human.  I don't get that. In some cases, our relationships with our pets are more honest, longer, and less hurtful than relationships we have with other humans. Pets provide us comfort and loyalty without asking much in return. Pets can have amazing personalities.

We can't tell someone else how to grieve. We can't tell them what is allowed where grief is concerned. Grief is one of those uniquely individual things where each of us has no idea how we'll react. In some ways, that's scary. In other ways, it's how we know we're here, real, and alive.

Rain

It rained for the first time in weeks. It didn't rain much, but it was enough to perk things up. Well, outside things. Not me. I know I've been a Debbie Downer lately, but it's been a Debbie Downer kind of year. In the last couple of years, I've lost so many people and things that create the roots of the tree of me. It's been hard and I don't see any end in sight.

I watched a panel from New York Drag Con about club kids. The panelists were all club kids back in the day, well, and honestly, some of them still are. It was neat, but it was also really sad because so many of the people connected to that scene fell through the cracks, died, or just normalized out. Now you have this Old Gaurd and soon even they will be gone.

Oh well. At least we got rain.

Vegas

I think the most disturbing thing about the shooting in Las Vegas was how slow it was for people to speak on the topic. Social media seemed busy with other concerns, Tom Petty, hurricanes, the usual political hate machine. Finally one of my FB friends who lives in Vegas assured everyone he was okay and that's how I found out.

All mass killings are senseless, but this one even more so. Just some discontent dude who decided he needed to kill people. This has become too common and I'm not even sure what we're supposed to do about it anymore. This man was in his 60s, rich, white, living what seemed like a fun life. And yet, he still had to harm others. It's sick.

Nice Weekend

My weekend went pretty well. We're both sick with sinus yick, but other than that, things were fine. It was lowkey and uneventful. That's always good. I was supposed to fold towels and I didn't. I'll do that tomorrow.

I think the most interesting thing I saw this weekend were these scary Halloween masks that people have been making with yarn. They'd be hot to wear, but they're still pretty great. I may look into that over the week if I feel like it and it doesn't get hot again.