Balance

It seems that lately my roommate and I are having the same conversation. The weather is going to be uncomfortable for a few days, but if we can just endure that, things will get better. It will be cooler. We'll have cold nights where we can sleep peacefully. There is an implied hope in this conversation. We're banking on the idea that the weather WILL get better and that we'll not be so exhausted by the time it gets here that we can't enjoy it. If we just endure A, then B will make it better. This hope got us through the summer. It's a hope that gets us through a lot of things.

The problem is, and this is where people start falling apart, there seems to be more of the A to endure and less of the B that makes it okay. There is a lack of balance in the weather that is causing both of us (and I would assume a lot of people) to just get iller and more depressed as these warmer days stretch into Fall.

October is usually my favorite month. In theory, it's cooled down, but not horribly cold. It's before the stress and difficulty of the holiday season. It's certainly before all the first of the year bad luck I tend to have. This is usually the month where I feel safe, where I feel the most content, and when I feel the happiest.

However, for the last couple of years, October has just been one more shitty month. Last year, our gas pipe problems were in October. Our fridge went out in October. October was the start of a series of illnesses for both of us that climaxed with my roommate in the hospital. Months and months of illness.

I don't feel happy right now. I don't feel content. I certainly don't feel safe. I'm sick and covered in a light beading of sweat because the humidity is insanely high and it's hot. This month is half-way over and I just feel awful and exhausted, out of spoons, and drained. Something needs to give here.