Relationship Rules

I heard several stories this weekend that really upset me. It seems that people will tolerate things in romantic relationships that they really should not tolerate. There are certain rules that should apply to any romantic relationship, no matter what the gender (or lack thereof) of the people involved.

1. You are respected. You are treated with kindness and spoken to in a respectful manner. There is no constant criticism. There is no namecalling. Even when this person is angry at you, if you are intimate with them, they should treat you respectfully.

2. You do not allow anyone to hit you. Violence is not a part of a healthy relationship. Lashing out isn't the sign of a healthy person. They are not violent to you, any children you may have, or any pets. Violence is not a sign of strength, it is a sign of a weak person who cannot control their emotions. Remove yourself from this person as soon as possible.

3. The relationship is equal. Problems are solved together. Decisions are made together. There is a balance of responsibilities in terms of who does what. No one should be my mother who would work a full-time job, then come home and clean while her husband sat on his ass and contributed no money or help at all. You might say that this isn't always the case because one person may be too unhealthy to do a lot of chores. You might even point out that this person is me. My comment back to that is that I'm not in a romantic relationship with anyone, nor should I be until I am a healthy person.

4. All of this should be communicated before the relationship ever starts. If you find yourself at the potential beginning of a relationship, a conversation needs to be held about everyone's needs and expectations.

I will respect you and you will respect me.

There will be no violence on the part of either of us.

Rights and responsibilities will be shared equally. 

If the other person isn't interested in this, then do not be in a relationship with them. You can't change their minds. You won't make them better. If they can't treat you well, then they are not worth being with. It will only cost you time and effort with no payout.